Looking For Interracial Relationship, Dating Japanese in Tokyo
Whether you’re a foreigner living or working in Japan, or seeing a Japanese-American in the U.S, there can be some differences in a dating culture that are hard to adapt to.
Arguably the most important thing, and the most different, is the thing called Kokuhaku. This means “confession”, and it’s when someone actively confesses their feelings to another person. This is a specific part of Japanese dating that can’t be looked over, though.
Simply “dating” someone you’re interested in, isn’t enough to make a relationship exclusive in Japanese dating. The act of openly confessing your feelings is the equivalent of asking someone you’re interested in to start dating exclusively. This can seem a little forward, but it really takes a lot of the guesswork out of typical American standards of dating.
Kokuhaku goes both ways, too. It’s very common for either a man or a woman to initiate a confession to whomever it is that they’re interested in, and formally confess their feelings. This equality translates to the dating scene as well. The gender roles of dating in Japan are very equal. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to confess first in Kokuhaku, or make the first move, or even pay the bill on the first date. Although, especially amongst the younger generations in Japan, splitting the bill every time is the most common decision. The explanation for it is that splitting the bill puts the couple on a more equal footing, rather than someone paying the whole bill and introducing the feeling of “owing” the other for the next date.
Dates in Japan are also usually more involved. For those elite singles who are looking for more on their days off, dating in Japan is the way to go! A date in Japan will last the entire day, usually with more rigorous or involved activity, like going to the amusement park, or anything else that would take up the entire day. In comparison to the American dating scene, where a couple may only spend a few hours together, when dating a Japanese person, or dating in a place like Tokyo, there’s a lot more to it!
Speaking of dates, for most people visiting or working in Japan, Tokyo is the place to be. And there’s a reason for that: there’s so much to do! Tokyo is filled with amazing different places for dates where you and your partner can spend the entire day and never feel bored. Places like the Tokyo Skytree, with fantastic views from two observatory decks as well as an aquarium inside, or visit Odaiba Palette Town with its huge mall with over 190 shops, and ride the Odaiba Palette Town ferris wheel! And that isn’t even scratching the surface of things Tokyo has to offer, let alone the other numerous cities in Japan if you don’t happen to be based in Tokyo.
Holidays in Japan are also very important for couples- but not the holidays you’d expect. Christmas is a big one! While in many other cultures, Christmas is a time for families, in Japan, Christmas is a time for couples. Christmas Eve especially is the day where couples from everywhere spend the day and night together in Japan. The nights during Christmas time in Japan are filled with lights because of the celebration, so it’s a great time to sightsee with the person you’re dating.
Valentine’s Day is another very important holiday. While Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the West as well, the importance and traditions are different. During Valentine’s Day in Japan, and in Japanese dating, women usually prepare chocolates for the people that they like. This is often a very common time for women to Kokuhaku- confess their feelings- to the person that they like! In more recent times, chocolates are being given out more commonly, so coworkers and friends could receive them too. You can usually tell which are friend chocolates and which are more-than-friends-chocolates by the quality of the chocolate!
After Valentine’s Day, exactly a month later is White Day. White isn’t something that’s celebrated in many other countries, but it’s a very important holiday for couples. White Day is the day that the chocolates which were given out on Valentine’s Day are reciprocated, so it’s a time for the men who received chocolates from girls to reciprocate or give other gifts.
There are a few things to avoid in Japanese dating as well, and the biggest one is PDA. In the West, particularly the U.S, PDA is apparent. But, with a Japanese person, or when dating in Japan, PDA is a big no. Holding hands may be common with those who are an established couple, but anything more than that would be considered too much, so it's best to avoid it. Japanese people simply value their privacy, so things like affection are kept to where the couple is alone, behind closed doors.
Another very large thing to keep in mind when dating a Japanese person is that marriage is a huge topic. It’s taken much more seriously than in other countries, and most people date very seriously, looking for long-term relationships because marriage is the ultimate goal.
Related to this, meeting the parents of the person you’re dating in Japan is a very serious event, much more significant than in Western dating culture, and it only happens when a relationship is serious enough for the couple to be considering marriage. Because of this, a Japanese person might not even tell their family that they’re seeing someone until the relationship is serious enough that marriage is being considered. It’s important not to be offended if you’re dating someone who’s Japanese and does this; it’s simply part of the culture!
Luckily, all of these cultural things can be amended by using dating apps and websites. Websites like MillionaireMatch are excellent to connect elite singles with a shared culture or interest to nurture a serious, long term relationship. Many times successful singles are in a situation where they’re in a different country or are facing a difference in culture, and the MillionaireMatch can ameliorate these difficulties.
Dating can be difficult to navigate, especially while being immersed in a culture that isn’t your own, but even with Japanese dating and utilizing helpful dating websites like MillionaireMatch, plenty of elite singles can find their match and avoid any faux pas along the way!