THE QUEST FOR LOVE Self Development

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 11, 2018 at 05:02 AM


    We are all seeking for someone who thinks we are the best thing that has happened in their lives regardless of our flaws. It is commonly said that 'love is blind'.


    Claire found this amazing person, Ike who accepted, validated her beauty and supported her. When he asked her to marry him, she readily accepted and took him home to introduce him to her family. At home, her father was sceptical of her choice. 'Why do you want to marry my daughter? he asked'. Ike responded. 'She is beautiful, smart, will make a good mother for my children and a supportive wife. She's very caring and that is why I love her'. Claire's father stared at him with no expression, he asked him, 'What do you do  for a living?' Ike paused, 'well, I have left my paid cheque job to pursue entrepreneurship. But with a supportive wife like Claire, we will be able to conquer the world together. 'What about your parents?' asked Claire's father. Ike replied that his parents died when he was growing and now he is blessed to have inlaws that will fill in the role. 

    When her father asked Claire why she wanted to marry Ike, she replied, 'I love him, daddy, he makes me laugh, he helps me with the chores and he is supportive of my career'.


    Claire's father wasn't comfortable with his daughter's choice but went ahead to give her out for marriage hoping for the best. He felt that Ike had no role model having lost his parents, didn't seem to have the male energy to solving problems. The marriage struggled and finally ended in ten years with both parties gorged.



    This is the story of love, the quest for something we yearn, thinking another person will complete us. We come out of it burnt, bittered and if not controlled, the cycle repeats itself again and again. 


    DEFINING LOVE: To understand love in an intimate relationship, you must understand what is Love. Love is a deep connection to envision the best in another person. It is literally seeing the best or the maximum potentials in another person with no judgements. Without judgements, we live up to the expectations of the other hence becoming a better version. So Love being Spirit illuminates our strengths. To find that one person who sees our best with no judgements is the gift of love. Love is not governed by the senses but it is a spiritual connection between two mentally balanced individuals who are focused on helping each other to grow towards their destinies in an environment of compassion and forgiveness. 



    You do not seek love but attract it by showing acts of love. Love is a verb rather than a noun. It is an action word that signifies that art of giving. Love includes kindness, empathy, deep compassion, anything rather than self to make the other person happy. The self-centred person cannot find love. If each individual within the masculine/feminine union is driven to make the other person happy, easily ready to forgive the differences, then only can love be experienced and destinies fulfilled. But most of the time, you hear about the self- 'me'. 'She is not nice, not fulfilling my needs, doesn't care about me'......endless self-seeking.

    This way we keep running in cycles in the search for love until we discover that our fulfilment lies in purpose rather than the position. Hence we must love ourselves, be emotionally balanced before we can be able to share from our pool of love to others. 



    'Who am I?' 'What am I here for?'

    Discovering your identity and accepting who you are is your pathway to love. How can you understand another person when you do not understand yourself? How can you share yourself when you don't even know what you have or where you are going. Most critical in an intimate relationship is self-discovery. Most people are so confused in a relationship that they become needy of the other person thereby creating a burden that cannot be fulfilled. But when you are comfortable in your own skin, the other person can sense that energy of 'knowing' and be drawn to it without all the forceful dramas in the attention cycle. When couples divorce, it is vital to rediscover self, by being alone for some time before embarking in another intimate relationship.



    Among the search for love is to understand the role of the masculine and feminine energies regardless of gender. These roles cannot be altered. They are natural roles that no amount of sophistication can change. It doesn't matter whether you are a female or male. The feminine energy can either be in a man or woman while the masculine energy can be in a woman or man. But both of these energies come into play in an intimate relationship and its violation causes so much grief. 

    The masculine energy is, active, aggressive, takes control, solution orientes and giving. The feminine energy is passive, soft, receiving, supportive, subtle, collaborative. When both are masculine, the relationship. becomes competitive, uncooperative and unfulfilling. It never works. When both are feminine, it becomes boring, problems are not solved, indulging, with no direction hence unfulfilling. But when the relationship is balanced with both parties giving and receiving, purpose-driven, open lines of communication for collaboration, the relationship is in harmony allowing each to reach their maximum potential with security. 

    Understanding what kind of energy you have allows you to make a better choice in your quest for cupid




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