Real Talk: Are You Afraid Of Being Alone? Long Term Relationship

  • View author's info Posted on Dec 06, 2005 at 07:19 PM

    I overheard this discussion on the train between two people last week, where two women were discussing being alone, dating, etc.

    One woman said, "Me being a widow, I'm not so much afraid of being alone because I have my children and grandchildren. My husband's love was so deep for me and there was never a doubt in my mind how deep his love was. If his love was a ocean I could sail forever, If his love were money I would be the richest women in the world, If his love was life I would live forever...I am the luckiest person in the world to have been loved so much by one person yet sometimes the saddest person because I can never again tell him how much I love him & thank him for loving me..."
    She went on to say, " ...the love I recieved from my late husband will be enough to carry me on throughout my life! I may seek companionship yes, but probably not another love like the one I once had..."

    I dwelt on that woman's words for the remainder of my train ride. I'd like to know how many of you have experienced a love that will carry you through for the rest of your life and are now looking for companionship?
  • 50Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 07, 2019 at 02:16 PM

    This is something I understand also.  It takes courage to love and trust.    :)  

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 07, 2019 at 08:38 AM

      The older we grow,

      The lonelier we get,

      The deep love we need...

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 10, 2016 at 03:18 PM

    When I was growing up I didn't want to get married and imagine myself fully free and independent.

    Now, I find myself exatcly there and lucky for doing what I love.


    I enjoy spending time with myself but I am also very social.


    However.... I had a major accident (which I am currently recovering) and the first thing that came to mind, was the realization that I was wrong all the way... I spend 6 months with my family taking care of me and I was amazed by my parents love, suppor and care for each other. 


    I want to fully love and be loved, to care and be taken care by.... Honestly, I don't want to be alone any more. 


    I want to build a family and add hapiness to my husband's life as he add hapiness to my life and build a caring and loving family together.


    Everything else can't be compared with the dephs of true love, and that is what I want.


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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 02, 2014 at 07:14 PM

    There is not a fear of being alone, but a reality that life is best enjoyed with a companion. I have incredible family and friends, but they will never be a true companion.  They are there in a very supportive, but different way.


    I would rather be alone, than with the wrong person, but feel so much of life is meant to be done with 2.  Eating out, traveling, movies, concerts, can all be done alone...and I have, even the concerts.  However, finding someone with common interests, is the key to all of this.  If you don't enjoy the same things, it makes it hard to enjoy those times.  I have learned a lot from dating, found new interests from dating, and will not stop looking until I find Mr. Right, for me.


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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 09, 2014 at 10:35 PM

    yes, is a paradox. if you ask a woman, she will say that it is the men, if you ask a man he says that women are to blame. :))

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 08, 2014 at 08:29 AM

    That's a sad story. In all honesty, I'm afraid to be in a relationship for fear of being hurt but then facing loneliness is just as hard.  It's a paradox.

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 07, 2014 at 09:14 AM

    i think that it's easy to be alone, do what you want without beeing questioned, no obligations, live your life.

    this way, no one can brake your heart, do what she need's whit you and than make you suffer.


  • View author's info Posted on Jan 05, 2014 at 09:27 AM

    love like that can last you for the rest of your life if it was from both people.


    I think the biggest problem is in time we take people close to us for granted... as if they are not there. when we learn how to remember that first filling and keep it alive... that is when it will last to the end...I think...


  • View author's info Posted on Jan 05, 2014 at 01:07 AM

    Absolutely no one wants to be alone. It's nature to have someone you mutually love by your side in life.

    It's a great thing. I've had love twice in my life. I regret the first but not the last. I'd do it again in a heart beat. Love is beautiful and secure and makes you feel like you are being hugged by a whole family 24 hours a day.

  • View author's info Posted on Dec 27, 2013 at 07:02 AM

    To be honest i do like to spend time when noone is maoning what to do and how to do but i do love have someone around who would support me:)!!!!


  • View author's info Posted on Aug 27, 2013 at 06:51 PM

    I agree, it is a fortunate  woman who finds the love of her life. I also believe that people who stay married for years are the lucky ones. dedication some hard work to do this, we all know that.

    but to truly have someone who knows you inside and out, accepts you for who and what you are,  knows what you like and to have that safety net for you when you fall. I  had that once, a true dedication, i was this mans one and only true Love . I wish had still had that and had done a few things differently.

    i am ready for that again and will hang on tight if I am fortunate enough to find him again.

    everyone has that long list of what they are looking for, sometimes I think it should be a bit shorter, no ones perfect.


  • View author's info Posted on Aug 08, 2013 at 03:06 PM

    I was in a marriage for 22 years and I was so alone. He never gave me any money, did anything special for me for my birthday, anniversary, Christmas. I would have been happy to have had a handwritten note from him. We have three daughters 19, 21 and 24 and sadly my oldest daughter is going through the same thing too. You can be surrounded by people you love but when you don't feel the love or receive it back that deeply hurts.
    I am alone and it hurts. I divorced him after 22 years and have been alone now for 4 years. It has been good for me to heal and be alone. I have found myself and who I am and what I love to do. I am ready now to feel a man's love and affection. I will not settle for anything less. I know I have a lot of love and love is not meant to be kept to yourself but to be shared. I do have my children and grandchildren and that is a different kind of love. I want real true honest love. I don't want to go through life and never think I felt real love from  man.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 06, 2013 at 02:23 PM

    No I am not afraid of being alone at all.  Infact I do enjoy a bit to much.  However, I miss the affection, love and having someone to share my life with.  For me, I am looking for love more than money,  but I do like to be pampered and would love to stag home and take care of raising the kids and taking care of the family.  I don't believe a woman should have a job and raise a family at the same time.  I am very old school in that manner.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 23, 2012 at 03:20 PM

    I Think You have to learn how to enjoy to be happy by yourself then you can started looking for the other half.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 22, 2012 at 06:58 PM

    I have been alone now for a year.  My husband died last year and I am now starting to feel it would be pleasant to share life with another wonderful, loving man.  Am I fearful...I have been, only because of all the opportunities my husband's death has brought me.  If it worked when he was alive... it no longer does!!  I have become quite profficient at many things now.  Tools, equipment, and hard labor no longer make me cry like a little girl :-)   I try to be Zenna, Warrior Princess when I have obstacles to overcome. :-)  33 years of marriage to a man who adored me is going to be a hard thing to replace.  I am now okay with being on my own, and now and even thinking that I had better find someone soon, or I may just like being on my own too much!  It's nice doing what you want, when you want to.  
    I will not try to replace what I lost.  I am looking for a new, and somewhat different scenario/relationship.  I do like being adored though.
    I am sorry for those of you who have missed out on a long term relationship.  They are the best!! 

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  • View author's info Posted on Jun 12, 2012 at 08:37 PM

    I am a recent widow of only 2 years this June 15th. I am strong and I have my 10 year old son to keep me busy and although my husband loved me so much and gave me everything I needed to feel loved with his touch, kisses, tears and emotional support I do hope I can find someone to at least tell me I'm pretty, touch me with loving hands etc.. So, they question is do I feel lonely and alone no but at the same time yes I miss love between a man and a women other then the love of my children and family.  The problem is that it is very hard to find someone because you all say you want to meet a love match but can't seem to make a commitment on even hooking up for lunch.  Also, a message to the men...when a women shows interest in you please don't start up with the sex talk it's a turn off.
  • View author's info Posted on May 31, 2012 at 04:56 AM

    Quoting author:

    You can be with someone and feel alone, and be alone and feel fulfilled…

    Sad is when I hear friends telling me that, they are unhappy in their marriage and will have a child to love and fill-in their loneliness….

    Yes! That was my case for 16 years ... what a waste of time. Very sad.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 29, 2012 at 05:29 PM

    Being alone is so much better than being with the wrong person.....Take it from someone who knows.YOu get to know and appreciate yourself.
    It would be nice to find that special person but it certainly wouldn't be because i'm afraid to be alone.
    There is so much in life to experience......sssso much:-)
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 22, 2012 at 09:05 AM

    I am not afraid of being alone, not because I have experienced that kind of love, but I am happy with myself. I think the only time you are truly afraid of being alone is if you are not happy with some aspect of your life and you are compensating. I do believe in the kind of love that the woman on the train was speaking of, but I do not think you can experience that kind of love without loving yourself first.