The Genie Humor

  • View author's info Posted on May 01, 2012 at 02:53 AM

    A female peace activist was exploring some caves by the beach when she stumbled upon a very old antique looking lamp bottle. The woman picked up the bottle and proceeded to rub some of the sand off of it. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a genie appeared from the bottle!

    The genie just stared at the woman, and vice versa, until the shocked woman excitedly spoke:

    "Are you a genie?" she asked.

    "Yes." came the response.

    "Does this mean I get three wishes?"

    "Three wishes is only a fable," said the genie in return. "You only get one wish."

    "Only one?"

    "Yes. So what do you wish for?"

    There was no hesitation from the woman who had dedicated her life to the quest for peace.

    "I want peace in the Middle East," she said. " I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and vice-versa. I want it to be the start of world peace and harmony."

    The genie thought for a moment...

    "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not that good! I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it can't be done. Please make another wish and please be reasonable."

    The woman thought for a minute.

    "Well, I've never been able to find the right man for my life," she said. "You know, a man that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, loves kids and is great in bed, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, cares about the environment, and is faithful. That is what I wish for, Genie... a good man."

    The genie thought for a moment, let out a deep sigh and said, "Let me see about that peace in the Middle East."
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  • View author's info Posted on Nov 01, 2012 at 08:45 AM

    Once upon a time ... (from the '08 election cycle)
     A little muslim boy, dressed poorly but, neatly, and carrying his Koran, was walking on a tropical beach, contemplating the glory of Allah, when suddenly he stubbed his foot on something half buried in the sand.

    Lo and behold, he reached down and found an old lamp... He started to rub off some of the tarnish to see if it might be worth selling at the recycling center but, then smoke started to pour from its spout -- T'was a magic lamp with a Genie in residence!

    The Genie said that he'd grant the boy three wishes.

    The boy stated, "I want to be a Harvard lawyer so that I can lord over the commoners."

    The Genie whispered the magic words "Affirmative Action" and directed the boy to: "Go forth lazily and you will have your desire." And as a parting comment as he dissolved back into the lamp, the Genie advised, "ditch the Koran, it won't fit with your chosen life path."

    In the coming years as the boy grew to adulthood, sowed his wild oats, sold drugs to his contemporaries, and generally goofed off he found doors magically opened to him as he attended college, then Harvard Law and graduated with honors.

    Still, he was not satisfied. Being a lawyer was too much like working and so once again he summoned the Genie of the lamp.

    "I want to be a Senator", he ordered.

    The Genie, spoke the magic words, "William Ayres", and it came to pass that he was elected a State Senator.

    Again, he found it boring to have to read all those papers and make decisions but, voting "present" got him by.

    And still, he was not satisfied so, for the third time, he summoned the Genie.

    "Not that I'm thinking that you pulled a 'Twilight Zone' on me with that last wish though as a Harvard educated lawyer, I should have really been more specific and detailed that I really wanted to be a US Senator with a bag of a billion earmarks."

    "That's easy", the Genie conjured and he sent Alan Keyes to put a lock on the wish.

    In the interim, the boy had married a woman, a lawyer like himself, who worshipped at the Church of God Damn America. And one day in response to his wife's naggings he sought an audience with the Genie.

    "Oh magic Genie, I know that I've already received the three wishes that you proffered but, I now come to you with wishes on behalf of my wife as her attorney, a Harvard attorney as you yourself made it so and thus you cannot deny my entreaty."

    The Genie acknowledged his rights as her agent and granted his boon.

    "My wife wants a domicile more fitting our position in the community."

    The Genie, invoked the magic words "Tony Rezco" and then replied, "It is done, and I have given her some bonus yard space -- the deed is in already in her family trust."

    A short time passed, when again his wife grew unsatisfied and he knew that he had to consult the Genie once more.

    "My wife is still not proud of me, or her country, and she wants to be First Lady."

    The Genie replied, "Well... It would be a stretch of even my vast powers to convince George Bush to marry her even if I legalized polygamy or alternatively disposed of Laura ... ". "Better you should just run for President and I can fix the election." Twiddling votes is easy for a Genie.

    So the boy ran, and ran, for President and he magically defeated all the more qualified aspirants of his party to the surprise of the pundits, the pollsters, the majority of the voters, and even the Wicked Witch of Chappaqua had to admit that he was charmed.

    But, the campaign trail proved to be full of travails. And he called upon the Genie for his wife's third wish.

    "My wife is tired of being called fat, stupid, and disrespected in general in this election process and she wants to be Queen of the Universe, so that the mortals will no longer trouble her."

    Suddenly, the sky became very dark, the boy was enveloped in a dark fog and then the Genie intoned, "Go back to your wife, she is proud now."

    And when the fog dissipated the boy was on a far off tropical beach, his wife adjacent dressed topless, in a simple sarong, cracking sand crabs on on a rock.

    They lived happily ever after... and so did we.

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 10, 2012 at 07:07 AM

    That's good. Haha!!