Conflict can be the demise of relationships. It is inevitable that couples will have conflict. My aversion to conflict led, in part, to my own divorce. Yes, I know the cliches that it's all about communication. However, what have you found to be the key to conflict resolution? I'd love to learn more about this.
Orlando, I have had the same problem I do not like conflict and it too led to the divorce. Conflict is unnecessary - communication is only resolved if both parties see the illusion at the same level which I have discovered means - a partner should have the same family values, moral, ethical and their conditioning must have a similar thread to yours. It is like having an understanding of one another on a level of experience that flows in the same direction. We instead are attracted to our opposites ying and yang, black and white, etc: Being our opposites will then create the misinterpretation of events that occur during our relationship - relating. dis-similar illusion.
Two people who are viewing the world based on their individual interpretation (illusion)created by long years of conditioning. Each will see events completely different even though you both appear to be living together and experiencing the event together at the same time.. Therefore because we love (which is blind) we assume (individually) that the other see's the world or the event as you do. If you are with an opposite the relationship is doomed. She will interprete a shared event completely different to you but you may assume she has seen it in the same way (she knows me - love) - therefore (miss - understanding) occurs ...this then creates an impossible situation and each fail to communicate to one another what the issue really is, because both cannot comprehend the others view. She and you cannot see beyond your or her understanding - both are convinced of their own view point and nothing can overcome belief. That would be to deny ones sanity. Crazy stuff. could go on but I think you may get it.
Have a willingness to change Appreciate differences Know that your opinion matters Respect the other person Remember that we all have strengths and deficits Take the time to listen, I mean actively listen Give appropriate feedback Take time apart when necessary Be aware of the messages that are sent or perceived via non verbal communication Set ground rules when entering into conversation that may lead to tough topics
Just as you, I try to avoid conflicts, not because I'm afraid of it, but because I find a productive communication between upset people to be impossible.
Sometimes you just have to face the fact that it's no use spending your time and energy to resolve a conflict with your woman if one or both of you are in a state where you are upset and emotional about something. You have to leave until both of you have cooled down. If she cries or yells at you, just say that you love her and that you will leave the room for a while to think it over before discussing it further, then you will both get some time to cool down and hopefully be able to communicate in a productive manner.
You also have to keep to the topic, not the person. If she did something wrong, keep your focus on the facts about the thing she did without defining her as a person. You know, good people do bad things from time to time, and there is no use in putting her down as a woman, a mother or a person in general. And make sure that you expect the same from her, that she will keep to the topic, and that you will leave the room if she starts to define you as a person in a poor manner.
Also, always aknowledge her point of view before you state your own thoughts about the issue. Show her that you understand what she means, and don't say that it's wrong, but that you just see it differently.
The most important thing to do in order to avoid conflicts or to resolve a conflict, is to make sure that you don't supress the other person in any way, and that you will not let the other person supress you.
As an example, my ex tried to create a conflict between me and my children by telling them all kinds of bad things about me and make them angry at me. I responded to my children that I understood their anger over the situation that I had chosen to leave them, and I told them that they were allowed to be angry at me because they didn't know all the facts, and that i would still love them no matter what they chose to say or do. I did not say anything bad about their father, other than telling them that he had been threatening me, which they knew already from him. I chose to not let anything stir up my emotions, but tried to calm everyone down. What my children then started to do, was to compare their father and his uncontrolled emotions and anger, with my unconditional love and compassion, and it all turned out well for all of us. When my ex realized he couldn't create the conflict as he planned to do, they all cooled down, and now even my ex and I are friendly with eachother and I visit them every weekend. So, sometimes you can take control over a conflict just by being calm about it and not stir things up even more.
Don't know if this will teach you anything, but it should work fine to have an aversion to conflicts, just as long as you don't shut down and become introvert. You have to be open minded and share your thoughts with your woman, because if you just stop communicating about issues important to her, she will experience your silence as a way of showing that you don't care about her at all.