Lie To Me Friendship

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 29, 2016 at 04:43 AM

    In my humble experience, men and women lie alike. Not that it's important in itself, because relationships ought to be built in a manner that makes lies not necessary. But since most relationships are built, instead, in manners and with preconditions that make lies viable, this topic is meant for those. In this context both men and women lie. But with this kind of difference, let's make a few examples, the difference being fundamentally this: men lie kowing it's a lie, women lie thinking that's a statement.

    A man cheats, and invents a lie to go out, say he invents he's out with friends or for work or so. He knows it's a lie. Period. Nothing else to say. Simpler, shallow maybe?

    A woman cheats. The fact is, she isn't cheating in her mind. She is feeling something, instead. Or she is figuring the relationship is not working and so.... She isn't inventing she is going out with friends, but in her mind this is genuinely not really portrayed as a lie but as a truth: she is in fact going out with one friend. She is all right. Yes, she has a glimpse she is lying, but she puts a lot of "discourse" around it, until it's no longer a lie to her.

    A man goes on a small justified trip, knowing he may have an occasion to be laid. He does that intentionally. He will later cover up, sometimes clumsily, or if more cunning won't even need to hide it because nobody will ever know. At any rate, he knows what he did and there is no real justification, only lies can be dished out, and gets ready to dish those out.

    A woman goes on a small justified trip. She knows she may have an occasion as well. Yet this trip magically becomes something else: a much needed necessity to relax, to find back herself, a glimmer of depression that needed to be addressed soon, there is a "discourse" around it, that soon becomes no more a cover-up but a well believed set of statements, all deemed as fully justified.

    A man goes out with a lady plus friends. He sees another lady he may be slightly acquainted with already and being maybe not much of a gentleman he finds an occasion to talk with her alone without the other lady or friends. He knows what he is actually on, cheating. He may feel slightly guilty, but puts aside the feeling.

    A woman goes out with a man, plus friends. She sees another man she may be slightly acquainted already, and she leaves the group to talk with him. Alas, this was nothing less than indispensable. She really had something very important to talk about. It could not be possibily postponed because since the occasion presented itself why should have not seized it being this thing to talk about so very important? No need at all, then, to feel ashamed: it is all inscribed into a "discourse" that is supposed to explain it all to herself too.

    A man goes out gets drunk and ends in a bed. Once done he prepares the lies.

    A woman goes out and gets drunk. She was just being friendly. Isn't everyone supposed to be allowed to go out and a lil bit crazy sometimes? Nothing of this was meant to happen (who could possibily think that if you go out maybe even scantly clad and you drink a lot and you're with another man this could be conducive to sex? Who would be so malicious to suppose such a thing?) however it happened for a reason. She had a feeling this man was catering something new, something that was amazing, and at any rate didn't she ask her man two days earlier to go out and he said no because he was tired? This was meant to happen, and at the same time it wasn't. No lies here, but again a "discourse".

    You can blame a man, because he knows he can be blamed, but you can't dispute a lady because she doesn't think she can be blamed.

  • 5Comments

  • View author's info Posted on May 03, 2016 at 08:57 AM

    Interesting topic... Pretty clear cut, betrayal is a hard one to stomach no doubt, the best case scenario is be truthful from the get go, there really is no point in hiding something from a partner if you have failed miserably, unless ones conscience is seared with a hot iron, you well eventually be found out of the transgression and just pro-longing the inevitable outcome, if the deed has already been done, then just lay your cards on the table and accept the consequences of those actions, because without trust and honesty you have no foundation and it eventually crumbles around you.


    Walk in each others foot-steps, take a step back from an outside perspective for those brief moments you are about to betray one another or one of you is about too, then ask yourselves is it really worth destroying what you both have, if the love is strong enough between you then neither one of you would go down that road in the first place.  

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 25, 2016 at 12:49 PM

    I'm not wrapping my head around this commentary.  People lie to cover their behinds.  I doubt seriously it has much to do with what sex the person is...and Trump not lying?  I'm not even going the political route here...recall Marla Maples?  You don't think he lies?   I'm pretty sure his affair was lied about at some point and time.  People lie all over the place.  It has nothing to do with appearances. It has to do with who they are as human beings.

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 20, 2016 at 01:10 PM

    My motto:  "Start out like you can Hold Out, and Keep It Real"


    I have never had a problem letting a man know if he doesn't take care of home,  someone else will.  Not only do I let him know.. I also ask him to let me know.  I am old enough to know some romances are only for a season.  Not to force what is not there.    In today's society.. is not conducive to marriage, or even manogany.  Every where we look it's suggesting the opposite.  I guess when there's genuine love, like that "In Love" then you may find manogany.  But it has to be mutual.    If one side is feeling slighted.. then deceit can poke its head in the relationship.   My opinion is to "Keep it Real" from the onlsaught and one can avoid "some" unnecessary drama. 

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 29, 2016 at 05:18 PM've been lied to several times over.  Sometimes, I feel like men take pride in getting one over.  I don't know.  Does it make him feel smarter if he thinks he gets a lie past a woman?  That's what gets me - when a man lies to me I feel like his thought is,, "Wow, I really got one past her."  I think I'm more angry at being played for stupid than anything (hence, the joke SN here where it's pure sarcasm).


     At least I tell my story like it is and don't play around with people...due to having this thing called a heart.  At the same token, I feel wary.  I tell my story the way it is and expect people to be straight with me as well.  It's unfortunate that a person can't say, "This is how it is...this is how I feel...this is who I am...and if you don't like it, then go away."


    I can't say I'm the woman in either one of these depictions of women in these posts, but maybe I'm not keen as to how women behave even though I am one.  I have to have some kind of emotional connection with a man to even have a relationship.  I know not everyone is like that, but that's who I am and so be it.  I'm not defending women or jumping on just is what it is in my own personal experience.  


    Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies..... (please don't)  :)


  • View author's info Posted on Mar 29, 2016 at 02:10 PM

    The real difference between men and women when it comes to lying is far simpler.


    Men don't care all that much whether other people lie,  while women do.


    If you care what women think about you, you don't lie.  If you don't care what women think about you, you lie.


    As a general rule that means most women can tell how likely a man is to lie by considering how attractive he is.   Very attractive (tall, wealthy, powered) men have almost no incentirve not to lie (See Trump).  Short, poor, unemployed men generally have a much harder time getting any dates at all if they get a reputation for lying.


    Women on the other hand lie or don't lie based entirely on how much they care about what other women think of them, they know that men will date them even if the men know they lie.    So attractiveness is irrelevant.


    As for the stuff you put in about emotions vs horniess, that's a movie based cultural trope that has no basis in reality.  Women get horny and cheat just because they want sex too.  And lots of men 'cheat' because they are not getting enough emotional support.