A simple yet vital question Dating Tips and Advices Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Feb 10, 2019 at 08:03 AM


    Hello everyone, 

    I'm really new to the site and already started facing some of the issues people were talking about here.

    Fake people, scammers etc but there's one thing that caught my attention.

    Now, as a disclaimer, I'm gonna say I have full respect for men's personal tastes here and what they find attractive in a woman. It's all subjective. The first thing you do when meeting someone is setting your eyes on them, and it is what exactly triggers attraction. So I'd never judge anyone who is attracted to blonde girls, thin girls, curvy girls, heavier set women,tall women,short women,women of different races or anything like that. Just putting it out there before people start coming at me for critisizing people's personal preferences. :P

    However, I've noticed that a lot of men here claim they're looking for love, but when they see a woman who's a little bit out of their league or personal preferences, they don't give her a chance at all. They don't even bother getting to know her as a person.

    How does someone expect to find love if they're only focussing on pounds and physical traits?

    And most of these men find themselves wondering, why they still haven't found the one, after being completely superficial about it and meeting only super attractive women, that have no interest in them but their money, which is really sad, but it happens. 

    If you're only looking for people you're attracted to, and it still hasn't worked out for you, shouldn't you be more flexible and open-minded?

    The girl you're talking to might not be as wealthy as you expect her to be or as fit as you expect her to be, but she might be amazing inside and out in ways that you never imagined.

    Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with looking for someone you're attracted to, I do the same, we all do, but I think we shouldn't get caught up in beauty when we're looking for a connection.

    If we're looking for a casual relationship though, it's a different case.

    But if you're looking for the one, you need to focus on other things too, like their character, how they carry themselves around you, their values,their outlook on life, their heart. Cause you can't have love only based of physical attraction. We don't fall in love with someone's body, or hair, or abs, we fall in love with the person.

    To those who will wonder why I'm writing this down, yes, it's because I had some personal experiences with these types of people. I'm not writing this thread cause I want everyone to like me, or cause I want to be accepted by everyone or cause I have low self-worth, cause I know there's always gonna be someone out there for each one of us.

    My question is, do you guys agree/disagree? Any opinions would be much appreciated :)

     

    Follow - email me when people comment
  • 1Comment

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 11, 2019 at 09:27 AM


    Quoting author:

    Hello everyone, 

    I'm really new to the site and already started facing some of the issues people were talking about here.

    Fake people, scammers etc but there's one thing that caught my attention.

    Now, as a disclaimer, I'm gonna say I have full respect for men's personal tastes here and what they find attractive in a woman. It's all subjective. The first thing you do when meeting someone is setting your eyes on them, and it is what exactly triggers attraction. So I'd never judge anyone who is attracted to blonde girls, thin girls, curvy girls, heavier set women,tall women,short women,women of different races or anything like that. Just putting it out there before people start coming at me for critisizing people's personal preferences. :P

    However, I've noticed that a lot of men here claim they're looking for love, but when they see a woman who's a little bit out of their league or personal preferences, they don't give her a chance at all. They don't even bother getting to know her as a person.

    How does someone expect to find love if they're only focussing on pounds and physical traits?

    And most of these men find themselves wondering, why they still haven't found the one, after being completely superficial about it and meeting only super attractive women, that have no interest in them but their money, which is really sad, but it happens. 

    If you're only looking for people you're attracted to, and it still hasn't worked out for you, shouldn't you be more flexible and open-minded?

    The girl you're talking to might not be as wealthy as you expect her to be or as fit as you expect her to be, but she might be amazing inside and out in ways that you never imagined.

    Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with looking for someone you're attracted to, I do the same, we all do, but I think we shouldn't get caught up in beauty when we're looking for a connection.

    If we're looking for a casual relationship though, it's a different case.

    But if you're looking for the one, you need to focus on other things too, like their character, how they carry themselves around you, their values,their outlook on life, their heart. Cause you can't have love only based of physical attraction. We don't fall in love with someone's body, or hair, or abs, we fall in love with the person.

    To those who will wonder why I'm writing this down, yes, it's because I had some personal experiences with these types of people. I'm not writing this thread cause I want everyone to like me, or cause I want to be accepted by everyone or cause I have low self-worth, cause I know there's always gonna be someone out there for each one of us.

    My question is, do you guys agree/disagree? Any opinions would be much appreciated :)

     

    Christylaa,

     

    I do agree with many of the points you mentioned with the introduction. As you mentioned physical attraction is incredibly important, though not the only factor that should be considered when choosing a potentially lifelong partner. We all have different ways we filter potential matches. I am looking for assertive women who take the time to think about their partner so for this reason I choose to ignore all profiles, no matter how attractive, who do not send a personalize message with at least a sentence or two about what they like. I made this very clear on my headline as well as in the beginning of my bio. In my eyes a woman that doesn't take 10 minutes to read what I spent 3 hours to write, is not the type of woman I am looking for.

     

    When I first opened this profile I was a paid member, now I have allowed my membership to lapse. I find women have the type of personality I am searching for are usually older, were very career driven in their early years, and have no problem searching me out.

     

    I do my best to respond to all profiles who have sent me a personalized message, regardless if I find them attractive or not. About a year ago I chatted with a lovely pain specialist who resided in New York, although she is much farther from me than I would like, and I was not physically attracted to her, she took the time to send a message with a detail or two of what I wrote about in my bio, introduced herself as a physician specializing in pain therapy and proceeded to ask what my opinion on medical marijuana was. I responded, and we had an amazing conversation on side affects, the use of treatment for people addicted to opioids, the changes ongoing in the medical industry at the time as well as her experiences in medical school and how her expectations before practicing medicine were different from how she had experienced it so far.

     

    If you are serious about finding a man on this site who is "A driven person, who's in a stable place in his life and who's really interested in getting to know [you]. Someone who will excite [you] and make [you] get out of [your] comfort zone." then I would recommend changing a few things about your profile. some of them may seem cruel, but I only say them for your benefit.

     

    1) Get professional pictures - yes we know you're a student and it costs money, but that is the nature of this website, it's just in the name. Research shows people are horrible at judging the quality of their own pictures and the pictures they take of others. Your level of attraction is being judged on your picture rather than what you actually look like, and for many people they are not the same, so don't sell yourself short.

     

    2) Write a bit more about what excites you - I know you want to be written in mystery as you put it, trouble is your profile doesn't look mysterious... it looks generic. Let me be clear that I am not calling you generic, just your profile appears generic. Besides stating that you enjoy singing and translating, you may as well have copied and pasted the same bio as every other girl on just about any dating website. Though if you did that then you would also have something about long walks on the beach and 5-star hotels.

     

    3) define straight forward and mysterious - although I am making an assumption on my own views, I believe most men would see a woman calling herself mysterious and translate that in "man language" as emotionally needy, unstable, and unreliable. I would be straightforward about what you are straightforward about, what you expect from a man, and how you think a man and a woman should interact. 

     

    Again, I know some of these items do seem rather harsh, but I do believe with a measure a certainty, that making some of these changes will improve your chances of finding a man that is serious about finding a woman.

     

    Yes, there are some profiles here that are essentially just men virtually catcalling women, without the showing they have the courage to approach a woman in a sensible manner. I have seen on the profiles of many beautiful woman that these men literally put the exact same message word by word from comment section to comment section. I don't believe making the changes I described above will make any less of these type of profiles from wasting your time, but I do think it will attract more men who are serious about approaching a woman with more than just a virtual catcall.

Follow - email me when people comment