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WHEN DO I BEGIN TO TRUST?

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1 year ago

'Work like you don't need the money. Love like you have never been hurt,

dance like nobody's watching'. -Satchel Paige

 

Jonathan and I met in a professional program in California. He was very curious about me, I guess he had his reservation about people from my country. Providence paired us in the same group and he became my focus partner. He held me accountable to my goals, comparing notes and supporting me intellectually.  Coming from a developed country, he had superior knowledge that I fed on to maximise my productivity.  Using Skype, we continued on this arrangement when I came back to my country.

 

Eight months later, as I was preparing to attend the yearly professional convention in the United States, my phone rang.'CB, I can no longer continue to be your focus partner, I beg to leave on principle', he said. 'Why Jonathan', I asked. 'I have fallen in love with you and it is not ethical professionally', he explained. I convinced him that we should continue with our project pending on when we meet again to discuss this latest development. He agreed.

When we eventually met, he asked me to give him a chance to make me happy. I asked him, 'Jonathan, you are American, white, Jewish, living in civilisation. I am African, black, christian, living in a developing country with a culture so alien to yours'. 'How are we going to bridge these gaps? The distance is miles apart, eighteen hours flight to the United States. You have never been to Africa so you don't understand its culture', I reiterated. He reassured me that what matters most is our mutual commitment to make each other happy. 'CB, 'we are human beings, with same emotions devoid of race, religion, and nationality', he advised. Since we had a mentor/protege relationship, I trusted his ability in working things out for the greater good so I agreed.

Our clarity was 'happiness in a union of compassion and forgiveness'.

 

It was a phenomenal experience on both sides because we have never dated outside our race nor religion. We struggled initially but as time went on we fell deeper in love. In our diversity, we complimented each other. His family was most kind. I drank love's portion believing I am the luckiest woman in the world. 

Every good thing has its complimentary opposite, the dark sides began to rear its ugly. Jonathan became possessive, insecure with my innocent gestures to his family and friends. In my culture we do not relate only to our beloved but also the family. We marry family. The virus in our relationship was the aftermath of his bitter divorce. Unfortunately, he still related with his ex-wife because of their only child so he bore his frustrations on me.

 

I wasted time, energy convincing my profound loyalty and love to Jonathan rather than enjoying the time we shared. All kinds of imaginations formed in Jonathan's head including infidelity. It was a huge strain, things began to fall apart. The centre could no longer hold.

I left a fairy tale union emotionally injured. Will I love again? Will I trust again? Will I be vulnerable again? Will I stereotype every white, Jewish man I meet?

These are usually the conversation in our heads when we try again. I realised that we sabotage the very love we are looking for by bringing our past wounds into the relationship.

 

WHEN DO WE BEGIN TO TRUST?

 

'You attract who you are rather than what you want'.- Louise Hay

We must begin to trust immediately we meet our desire. The issue is not the other person but us. Are we trustworthy? 

We are in MM with a commonality of finding love. This objective must be constantly emphasised in our minds, best written. Trust requires us to be open, vulnerable and willing to take risk. It is an act of courage to grant a stranger that makes our heart flutter access to our inner thoughts. If our clarity is sharing our lives with another, then we should be open to sharing our thoughts literally for a better understanding.

Communication is the key to creating trust. Both verbal and non-verbal communication is a tool for understanding the other at a deeper level.  There are no perfect relationships. Every relationship requires hard work, commitment, vulnerability, communication and a belief system that transcends beyond the physical realm

 

Will there be conflicts? Absolutely! There would be issues that will question the validity of the trust. It could be untruths hidden under the guise of innocence or outright deception. It is not about who is right or wrong but, 'do I want to win this argument or do I want to be happy?' We can then act accordingly.

 

We must trash the past in the bin. A new heart, akin to a garden without weeds. The past is gone and cannot be re-enacted back. There's no point referring to what went wrong. We should embrace the present moment, here our happiness lies. The 'now' is all we have. Let's enjoy the romance, savouring the process in the present moment, forgiving as if it is the last time we will meet. Most often, we become pre-occupied with the future. 'What would be the outcome of this relationship? Where is it leading us? How will we handle our finances? What about our children?' The future will always take care of itself. We have no control over the future because anything can happen. 

 

Let's stop being suspicious of the other. Let's stop sabotaging the very love we seek. 

Let's rewind back to childhood, the true essence of the Soul and rediscover our lost identity. Let's replace the ego with love where trust abide.

The silent prayer in each encounter is, 'may the trust in me find the trust in you'.

At the deepest core of the Spirit, we are same.

 

 

 

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Thank you for sharing your experience with me.
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What a thoughtful read, brava. 

 

In my experience, trusting others should only come after trusting yourself. Because once you fully trust yourself, there is nothing someone can do to hurt you. The worry about putting faith in them becomes a moot point.

Trust you know who you are, what is best for you, what you need to be happy...

Trust in your competence to spot the people who are not making your life better, who are draining your energy, who are questioning you to fill their ego...

 

I don't universally agree that "like attracts like" simply because there are too many instances of people trying to take advantage of others. Humans are predators. You can exude honor and grace and happiness while trusting yourself to spot individuals looking to take advantage of your light. Wisdom does not automatically turn to bitterness. 

 

Yes, you will love again, Yes, you will trust again, Yes you will be vulnerable again. But you should never let a person remain in your life if they EVER make you question those things.

 

Peace

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replying to Author
1 year ago

Thank you for the advice

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replying to Author
1 year ago

I solemnly agree with you. 

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replying to Author
1 year ago

I am glad you find my write up interesting. Thank you

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It’s a Friday night... I should be out enjoying, dancing the night away. But I’m sitting at home, having a late night dinner, tapas style... and thouroughly enjoyed reading your blog. Thank you for sharing! Hope everyone has a happy Friday/weekend! 💗🙏🏽💗
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Beautifully written.
Ladies and gentlemen. I urge you to present your self honestly, both in dating sites and in life. Men and women conjure rationales as to why it’s okay to “fudge...”
People!! Trust, acceptance, vulnerability....open up and lead with love. Cast aside expectations and see how wonderful like will be!!
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View author's info
1 year ago
ClassicBeauty,

Nice account.

Always Trust...but Always Verify.

If I had verified when I was trusting I would not have waisted 39 years of my life to someone highly skilled at selling we have to be best friends and trust to have a great marriage and relationship. Decades later I’m still faithful but she’s had as many as 5 lovers at the same time to include guys I know. I didn’t know to verify.

Verify - Verify - Verify and Verify again.

Act when you see a trend in wrongful behavior. If you feel in your gut something’s not right then it’s not right. If they can get you to forgive they see it as they got away with it. It will repeat. Any guy or gal that always seems to say you have to trust or we have to be best friends if we’re to have a great relationship start looking for a trend. Verify.
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1 year ago

When all said and done ClassicBeauty40 everybody deserves straight-up honesty, whether it be a platonic encounter or deeply intimate, to be anything less with one-another just complicates matters and leads to mis-trust among others.

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replying to Author
1 year ago

I agree with you, MaryClaire, thank you for your contribution

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1 year ago

 

ClassicBeauty40 ,

 

Im not a friend of long and winding words so I will get to your

question straight ... When do we begin to trust ? The answer is ,

when we are free from suspicion , doubts and conviction towards the other .if you feel you are sure with him go for it .

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replying to Author
1 year ago

Oh Ami.

I am overwhelmed by the intensity of your words, you have said it all. My intention on this blog is to share my thoughts, experiences with others so that they know that they are not alone. We are all experiencing similar emotions. By sharing these emotions be it our pain or joy, we support each other. We are relatively connected to each other on a deeper level. So I am very happy that my article connected to you. 'Am I a relationship expert?' some asked. My qualification is life's experiences on the matters of the heart over over two decades. I have experienced rejection, went through a divorce, lost a loved one and raised my teenage boys single handedly. 

But I have been able to learn, walked through self development courses to be a better person. I am more matured to manage the most self-fulfilling objective in our earthy existence- RELATIONAL MANAGEMENT. Non-living things offer a temporary satisfaction but human beings are the only resource that offers a permanent satisfaction.

To be loved and to love is the greatest joy. To have a positive feedback from you and others makes me so fulfilled and happy. 

Thank you, Ami

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AMAZING.......you are “out of this world !!!”
Your writings are articulate, sincere, heart felt, inspiring, enlightening, courageous, engaging, compelling and beautiful......you warm my heart ♥️.
To be able to open up to us all out here for encouragement, to give us a breath of fresh air, hope and relating to us all with your experiences to question and to make us think of the intricate, complexities of a rewarding relationship that must develop and grow to it’s fruition for us to enjoy.....
To be put into words takes your amazing charisma, personality, undisputed talent and grace...... I admire you and the gentleman who is lucky enough to win your heart is fortunate indeed.
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replying to Author
1 year ago

I am glad you find it interesting, thank you

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replying to Author
1 year ago

Thank you, I am glad you find the article useful.

 

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Wow very beautiful article classicbeauty