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1 year ago

Michelle's birthday is coming up next week, how will we celebrate if for her? Asked Bridget'. Micheal replied, 'Oh well, let's take her out, I usually do so, maybe the beach?' 'No Honey, let's do something different, that will linger in her memory. Let's organise a party for her, balloons, decors, barbecue, invite her friends to the beach party', said Bridget. They went back and forth, and finally, Micheal insisted that they will have the usual play at the beach with nothing an elaborate. Reluctantly Bridget agreed. After all, it was his daughter. 


Michael, divorced with two children five and seven respectively who are in his custody. While Bridget is a single woman, who is committed to a longterm relationship that will lead to marriage. Both have been dating for 11 months and are living together. 


'We need to plan, longterm goals, a good life with vacations in exotic places. I want us to live at the epic, Bridget suggested. 'I don't understand what you want Bridget; I am a simple man with a modest life. Why would I waste money in indulging in luxury?' Micheal replied. 'Do you love me for who I am rather than the image you have?' 'I love you, Micheal, Bridget reiterated. But I want us to have a good life. I am ready for us to have a joint account where we can remit 30% of our savings each for longterm goals.'

'Ok, suit yourself', replied Micheal.

To further avoid conflicts both agreed to have an extra account to meet Bridget's plan.


I witnessed this couple differences with mixed feelings. I realised that what keeps a relationship bonded is the shared values shared. Having sexual chemistry or beliefs is not enough to keep an affinity for the long-term. What matters most is the similarity of their values. In this context, both have different values. Mike believes in modesty while Bridget thinks that life is a magical experience worth living. Bridget wants an active man who is adventurous to explore the world, provide the best for his children and enjoy it. That means his values are generosity, empathy, compassion. But Mike does not share these values with her because he wants a low keyed life, end of month paycheck and limited costs. At each point, Bridget was ready to compromise because she didn't want to lose him.

Most women are willing to do what Bridget did but at the cost of internal repression of rage.


It is always advisable to accept who you are, your values and vision. Because there are men out there, who are searching for women like Bridget. So why compromise? Every one of us is unique and peculiar, and there are men out there who share your values and love you for who you are. They do not want you to be something else but yourself. In being yourself, you will be able to express your unique qualities that will build a loving relationship that allows each to express themselves without judgement or criticism.

It is vital to embrace your truths, values and identity and seek those who accept you for who are. Only then can Love blossom.

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1 year ago

Thank you Henry04 and Kasiagrand for your contributions to these thoughts. I totally agree with you on a shared vision and mutual respect.

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Marriage quickly deteriorates into a boring, cold, and lonely existence for one or both mates when the couple loses emotional intimacy in the marriage. Emotional connection of couples has diminished so greatly today, husbands and/or wives become unhappy in the marriage. Then, the marriage can grow silent, angry, or resentful. This is where extramarital affairs can begin or when divorces occur. When emotional connection also known as emotional intimacy, deteriorates the consequences are detrimental on the marriage.


Generally, couples lacking healthy emotional intimacy do not understand the problem, but they do realize something is wrong in their marriage. Incidentally, their love seems to be breaking down. In addition, it is apparent the marriage has lost its spark and desires. Often times, it is one spouse that is lacking emotional intimacy while the other spouse is happy with their marital relationship and communication the way it is, all this balls down to the fact that intimacy is core in any relationship that intends to stand the test of time. 




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So true, what keeps a couple together for the rest of their lives is mutual respect and working to get their vision in alignment. It is so important that a couple figure out how to work together. Great thoughts.