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Member's Blog > Rmac22's blogs > The trouble with online dating.

The trouble with online dating.

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HAD TO DO A DRIVE BY ON YOUR BLOG RMAC!!!! ;) 

 

I would never consider a date with a man I had not conversed previously with..... 

 

That guy's so-called study is ridiculous and absurd, at best!! 

 

WHAT WOMAN IN HER RIGHT BRAIN WOULD MEET SOMEONE NOT KNOWING ANYTHING OF HIM?

Sounds like this guy is one of those that claims women "use him" for a "meal ticket!"

 

Well, if you don't let her get to kow a bit about you first, then you take her to dinner..

NOT HER FAULT YOU ARE A DORK OR POOR COMPANY AND SHE DOESN'T WISH TO SEE YOU A SECOND TIME! 

 

I utilize "on site" meetings in the same manner I utilize emails and chat.. 

 

ONLINE I like to see if the guy is articulate by reading his profile, seeing if he is an idiot putting 18 YO for dating when he is mid 40's and 50's; I check to see if his photos appear "outdated" and I see if he appears genuine in our emails, etc..

 

IN PERSON? I already know what he looks like for certain, so now ALL THAT OTHER STUFF IS EVEN MORE VITAL TO KNOW ABOUT, due to the fact I instantly know if I am attracted to a man!

 

Sounds to me that so-called "researcher" is a pitiful wanna be author with a taste of disdain in his mouth for the women who DON'T care to know him.

 

JMHO...

 

Crawling back under my rock now!! ;)  

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Quoting 3345roc:

Nice duds Fishman,, you're way ahead of your time.  I actually saw Ralph Lauren wearing the exact same outfit last Christmas.

  I once had a lady ask me how long had I been single.

 

   35 years I've been divorced I said, How did you know?

 

       No wife would let you walk out the door dressed like that she said.

 

 

  The new clothes stay home, the older ones go to the boat for fishing season. When their done for they clean the bilge.  [No, I haven't cleaned the bilge yet  :-]


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Quoting InfinityColumn:

Yes, of course, it's better to meet. Yet, considering that too many are serial daters, if applicable here, meeting right away, in the reality, that takes another meeting; i think I would prefer to make sure, that the person is serious about a relationship, and then meet, in order to see that the reality will match with the rest. If it doesn't work out in the reality, well at least we made good friends.

As a woman, i try to avoid anything related to "fast food" so to speak. If the within is beautiful, is especially consistent, nothing is lost. Quick connections in my opinion may not help to develop a relationship....and the breakups happen as quick as the initial bond took place....so one should use their own judgement...In the end, if it should happen, it will happen...But again, it depends, what one is searching for....

I can even argue with myself.  One has to use their own judgment.  I figure most women are serious.  Thanks
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Quoting fishyme:

  I can't even get a dog to hang with me!

 

Dogs just aren’t good at online virtual relationships. : - )

 

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  I can't even get a dog to hang with me!


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ps ops, typo: "that takes another meaning" not "meeting ".

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Quoting rmac22:

It has to get to “the reality,” before it is a reality.  The longer it is virtual, the more likely it is to fail for superficial reasons. 

 

Now one could argue that the reason it stayed virtual for so long is one or the other was uncomfortable about something.  Better, I think, to meet and decide sooner rather than later, or right away decide to not meet.     

 

Yes, of course, it's better to meet. Yet, considering that too many are serial daters, if applicable here, meeting right away, in the reality, that takes another meeting; i think I would prefer to make sure, that the person is serious about a relationship, and then meet, in order to see that the reality will match with the rest. If it doesn't work out in the reality, well at least we made good friends.

As a woman, i try to avoid anything related to "fast food" so to speak. If the within is beautiful, is especially consistent, nothing is lost. Quick connections in my opinion may not help to develop a relationship....and the breakups happen as quick as the initial bond took place....so one should use their own judgement...In the end, if it should happen, it will happen...But again, it depends, what one is searching for....

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Quoting InfinityColumn:

Someone else, he's an European author who wrote extensively among other things for the parents, about the effects of the virtual world on the kids and was a consultant for the country in the field of education in the matter.  

 

But he advises exactly like you: the reality is better than the virtual. 

It has to get to “the reality,” before it is a reality.  The longer it is virtual, the more likely it is to fail for superficial reasons. 

 

Now one could argue that the reason it stayed virtual for so long is one or the other was uncomfortable about something.  Better, I think, to meet and decide sooner rather than later, or right away decide to not meet.     

 

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Quoting rmac22:


an author?  Do you mean me or someone else? 

 

Anyhow, I have not so much done a study and certainly not of “kids,” but my experience of when the internet has worked for me has been when we met right away.  Those were also within reasonable driving range. 

 

Thanks

 

Someone else, he's an European author who wrote extensively among other things for the parents, about the effects of the virtual world on the kids and was a consultant for the country in the field of education in the matter.  

 

But he advises exactly like you: the reality is better than the virtual. 

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Quoting InfinityColumn:

I agree, this thread reminds me an author who studies the new technologies (mostly regarding the usage kids make of them) and who says basically in the case of online "dating" that's ok, but the relationship begins,  IS, only when meeting face to face. 

 

 

an author?  Do you mean me or someone else? 

 

Anyhow, I have not so much done a study and certainly not of “kids,” but my experience of when the internet has worked for me has been when we met right away.  Those were also within reasonable driving range. 

 

Thanks

 

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Quoting rmac22:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using the internet to find someone you would like to meet. 



Then after briefly corresponding via email, chatting, and phone calls, actually meeting. 



I think the word is epistolary where a nice epistolary relationship would mean something like a letter writing relationship.   



I used to engage in those, but always with a young lady that I was already smitten with and she was likewise smitten with me.  Those worked. 

 

My experience here, where we don't initially know each other, is that a long series of emails pretty much means the relationship is currently going nowhere and won't be going anywhere in the future

I agree, this thread reminds me an author who studies the new technologies (mostly regarding the usage kids make of them) and who says basically in the case of online "dating" that's ok, but the relationship begins,  IS, only when meeting face to face. 

 

 

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Quoting BBDoll56:

Having online conversations does not automatically give a woman a reason to rule a man out or visa-versa.  A meeting can be a deal breaker though, if an outdated or otherwise misleading photo(s) is present in the profile data. Often, despite every barrier to the real truth, there will be a spark. This spark can lead to a friendship, it can fizzle, or it can lead to FWB.  Rarely, does it lead to love unless both are careful to be totally transparent and real in the data they present in their profiles.  It is not even a good idea to forget to update your photos.  It is not a good idea to put your best photo as your profile picture.  And it is not a good idea to wait a long time to connect because you both are strangers until you meet no matter how you feel when chatting online.  If their is distance, use a cam and keep your clothes on or do yourself a favor and find someone close by.

 

 

Of course it is not automatic.  Sometimes people really do pair off via the internet.  Thanks for your comments.    

 

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Having online conversations does not automatically give a woman a reason to rule a man out or visa-versa.  A meeting can be a deal breaker though, if an outdated or otherwise misleading photo(s) is present in the profile data. Often, despite every barrier to the real truth, there will be a spark. This spark can lead to a friendship, it can fizzle, or it can lead to FWB.  Rarely, does it lead to love unless both are careful to be totally transparent and real in the data they present in their profiles.  It is not even a good idea to forget to update your photos.  It is not a good idea to put your best photo as your profile picture.  And it is not a good idea to wait a long time to connect because you both are strangers until you meet no matter how you feel when chatting online.  If their is distance, use a cam and keep your clothes on or do yourself a favor and find someone close by.

 

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Quoting sndray:

Hmm, I like the grocery store scene. However, in the past couple of years, it has not happened that often. Maybe I'm getting old. Besides most of the men who approach me right now are of creepy types. I used to easily get men who are around 9 or 10 on my scale. Now, I get excited if I get complements from a men at 5 or 6. Online dating gives me more choices. I can be picky. It saves my time. All I need is a nice photo or two. I don't need to dress up and do the cat walk. Don't get me wrong. I still want to go out and pick up hot guys but it's not easy anymore Mr. R.

cheers. 

As I have said, nothing wrong witjh using the internet to find someone you would like to meet. 



Then try to arrange a meeting.  Nothing happens until you actually face to face meet. 



This is not to say that you should not keep yourself safe. 



You know the drill.



Meet only in public places.  Drive yourself to those meeting places.  Have friends in those same public places.  He does not need to know this. 



Behave this way until you trust him.   

 

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Quoting InfinityColumn:

yes indeed it's an interesting topic....In my case, maybe i'm isolated right now and not in a big city where it's easier to meet people or socialize, im in a frame of mind of being nostalgic of a nice epistolar (correct in engoish?) relationship..or contact...like in The Piano....well, sort of....

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using the internet to find someone you would like to meet. 



Then after briefly corresponding via email, chatting, and phone calls, actually meeting. 



I think the word is epistolary where a nice epistolary relationship would mean something like a letter writing relationship.   



I used to engage in those, but always with a young lady that I was already smitten with and she was likewise smitten with me.  Those worked. 

 

My experience here, where we don't initially know each other, is that a long series of emails pretty much means the relationship is currently going nowhere and won't be going anywhere in the future

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Hmm, I like the grocery store scene. However, in the past couple of years, it has not happened that often. Maybe I'm getting old. Besides most of the men who approach me right now are of creepy types. I used to easily get men who are around 9 or 10 on my scale. Now, I get excited if I get complements from a men at 5 or 6. Online dating gives me more choices. I can be picky. It saves my time. All I need is a nice photo or two. I don't need to dress up and do the cat walk. Don't get me wrong. I still want to go out and pick up hot guys but it's not easy anymore Mr. R.

cheers. 

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Quoting rmac22:

I think it was definitely an offensive tactic on the part of the original source.  Not on my part however.  I just think it is an interesting blog topic. 



The ultimate outcome?  I suppose a few more first meeting rejections, but a lower probability of missing someone who comes off lots better in person.

 

yes indeed it's an interesting topic....In my case, maybe i'm isolated right now and not in a big city where it's easier to meet people or socialize, im in a frame of mind of being nostalgic of a nice epistolar (correct in engoish?) relationship..or contact...like in The Piano....well, sort of....
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Quoting Dakota35:

Well, I know you are correct, as I've experienced it first hand.  It's better to just let her find out about you a little at a time...women love a mystery.  Just think of the TV shows women like the most.

That must be my mistake, I assume they want to know who I am so I try to tell them. 
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Quoting InfinityColumn:

Hm...the first thing that comes to mind is: is this a defensive or an offensive tactic? and ultimately, what's the outcome?

I think it was definitely an offensive tactic on the part of the original source.  Not on my part however.  I just think it is an interesting blog topic. 



The ultimate outcome?  I suppose a few more first meeting rejections, but a lower probability of missing someone who comes off lots better in person.

 

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Quoting Alyona07:

Online you can preliminary screen and have an idea who you are talking to before you meet in person. But it shouldn't take long time. It's different that you meet somebody in a grocery store. In a grocery store you buy a cat in the bag.

Best of both worlds.  Thanks for your comment.