Member's Blog > Alana55's blogs > Finding your very best true friend

Finding your very best true friend

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There is something that I found some people forget when thinking about dating. The dating is not only about chemistry and first dates that can go great or not.

Dating is really a journey. A journey of finding someone special. Some people get tired in waiting and searching to find that someone and at some point may settle for less. Some go the other direction and start searching more and more hoping that at some point there will be someone to fit all their checklist. But all these people may have forgot one thing.

You don't need to find a perfect person. None of us is perfect and will never be. Finding your soulmate or your partner for life (call him/her as you want and as many names as you want) is really finding your true best friend. The friend that will be there when you are going through hard times, the friend that will not feel bad to give you a shoulder to cry - even in public - when you have a bad day, the friend that will not care if you put few extra pounds in times when you worked hard and didn't have time to exercise. You need that friend that will make you see that tomorrow is a much brighter day and you just need to finish today in order to get to tomorrow.

Money may bring good days and they may last for long times. But especially the recession times we went through are an example that money can go away very easy and fast. If you worked hard for them you will find a way to get them back. But how about the person that you thought was your partner - are you sure that he/she will stand by you through all these times. Will they give up on their preferred sports or special cosmetics just to be there for you, until you recover?

I didn't go through such a situation (just in case you may wonder). But I saw this a lot around me.

So my question is - and I will really like to see your comments - are you feeling that through all this dating process you may have forget about finding your true best friend or you were able to always keep that in mind?

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MICHAEL.. I WANT YOU TO LISTEN UP!! My friend SANDI is correct here...




I am glad to hear you may one day have a "bigger gate" one day than Florida!!


SANDI!! So GREAT to see you and you are correct again,, DON'T SIT AROUND BEING STAGNENT.. If a guy wants to spend time with you... He WILL make the time...


When men are truly interested.. they will jump through hoops and move mountains for you!!


You go girl! I see much growth already!! And yes.. a woman's friendship is always different than a man's!!



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I have to say, that after 3 years and lots of kissing frogs, i have met two very good men. one is my favorite, but he is too busy and doesn't have time for me or anything right now. i will not leave, but i will not stay stagnent.

now i have to try to keep them interested in me, without getting sexually involved. that is a problem with men in their 60's or any age. i do not bed any man until i feel that it is the right one and that there will be friendship and caring. 

i had been married a long time and have little to no experience with dating, but i am learning.

I have been a very lucky women, blessed with a great personality and good looks. i had to cultivate the rest.

i do heavy praying and also write down who i want in my life. A friend is so important, but you have to be accessable to become a friend. i have many women friends, who are my support system. a man's freindship is different.

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Quoting author:

Love without friendship is ...Lust? Who told you that?
Who told you that either? With a real human being missing from your previous list of true best friends ......

I tend to agree with stuckincornfield.

And stuckincornfield and Conyersguy, thank you for your comments. Quite a deep insight on the subject.

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Quoting author:

His dog. His cat. Horse. Tractor. The 911T in the garage. The pick up truck. The shotgun. The golf clubs. The skiis. The boat. The Sentient Jet card...all these are my closest friends. On most days, my ONLY friends. Is that a bad thing? It doesn't feel bad.
If all that you listed are your very best true friends, I am wondering - what is a human being for you?
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Much to ponder... I think this has gotten a little deep even for my little blonde brain.. but Imma gonna go for it!

First off ALANA... GREAT topic!

Do I think we are all searching for our best friend? In essence.. YES... As you stated.. a couple is to accept and love and stick together though it all.. good and bad...

HOWEVER... I feel when we place too much pressure on ourselves or others during our "quest" for love.. I feel we risk derailment very rapidly...

LOVE between a couple, at least in my eyes, is something that should come naturally and the friendship shared is only a portion of it... For me.. FRIENDSHIP without serious CHEMISTRY.. is only friendship.. even if you choose to explore a physical bond at some point. If the chemistry is not there.. only the friendship remains.. and actually in many cases, the friendship dissolves because they crossed the boundary trying to make something there that wasn't due to having such a great friendship...

So although I DO relate to what you are stating.. YES.. I seek my MALE BFF for a LIFETIME COMMITMENT.. (Yes ppl.. I DO believe in and seek marriage!! LOL)

BUT.. If I don't have the SPARKS FLYING initially in a PHYSICAL manner.. he can be the best BFF I've ever had.. but at the end of the day.. He's just another male that would love to get physical... and I will remain uninterested..

I feel the KEY ELEMENT in anything in life is BALANCE.. and that is what I seek in a man... I want a "BALANCE" of physical attraction, emotional understanding, mental stimulation and complete acceptance and knowledge of who we are as individuals so we may "complement" one another as a couple... THOSE elements I feel... ONCE WE FIND HIM!! LOLOL.. are what create a bond of TRUE AND PERMANENT BEST FRIENDSHIP... and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND BONDING...

Just my take! Again! Great thoughts! Thanks for sharing ALANA... I love being all stupid and funny.. but love it when my mind is stimulated as well... Wakes my little blonde brain up when I have to think a little! :)
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I haven't thought about it that thoroughly, I was just hoping to meet a nice guy and if we find each other interesting, go from there. Brand new to the dating scene, so perhaps I have no idea what I'm talking about.
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This is great stuff. Keep it up. I was once contacted by a guy who had a checklist that spelt perfection! Not that I do not like or strive for perfection daily, but the truth is, no one is perfect. Suffices to say, our e-mailing/phone calls were but for a very short period - period of elimination. The guy was looking for an angel out of this world - in my own opinion, no one could ever measure up. Thus he has been on the website for a very very long time. I wish it was that simple. My question is are there true best friends here? I would be delighted to find mine, surely.