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Is flirting more important than looks?

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Article from the net, written by Mary Jo Rapini.. You can search for the complete article.


Getting a date may have more to do with your ability to flirt than your looks.

Flirting is often thought of as superficial, cute, and not important. Nothing could be further from the truth. A study in the October-December issue of the Journal of Communication Quarterly identifies five types of flirting behavior based on responses from more than 5,000 adults from the ages of 19 with an average age of 39 years of age. These people were all single at the time. The five types described in the Journal are listed below:

•Physical: People who scored high on this type often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional and sexual connection to their partners.

•Traditional: These believe men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Both men and women with this style tend to be introverted.

•Polite: The focus is on proper manners and nonsexual communication.

•Sincere: The style most often cited in the study. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful; they are based on creating emotional connections.

•Playful: People favoring the playful style often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance, but they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships and this is the type that is most uncommon.

The most popular (for securing dates) of all of these was the sincere; the least popular as expected was the playful.

Dr. David B. Givens Ph.D. has studied human courtship rituals by attending single scenes, camping out in dimly lit bars, restaurants, and cocktail lounges. His effort was to decode the verbal and nonverbal signals men and women send each other. Dr. Givens, along with a community of college professors, studied simple things such as women going to the bathroom as a form of flirting. These trips were decoded as a way for women to flaunt their attractiveness. It sounds bizarre, but when you think more about it, consider that in that walk to the bathroom the woman may swing her hips, glance in a flirty way at her date across the table, lick her lips, twirl her hair or move in a seductive way. Of course she may really have to go to the bathroom too, as her date may make her nervous. What does the man do as she leaves the table? He sits back, puffs up his chest by putting his arm around the back of the chair. These are all signs of him trying to show his date what a virile, big guy he is.

Dr. Monica Moore, an associate professor at Webster University in St. Louis, has identified more than fifty flirtatious behaviors that are aimed at attracting and keeping the attention of a potential mate. Dr. Moore has found that physical attraction is not the best predictor for finding a mate. A much better predictor is a woman’s ability to flirt, especially how well she can send the appropriate non-verbal signal that she is receptive to a man’s approach. So how do women do that? Below is a list of the top ten non-verbal ways to flirt that resulted in a man approaching a woman:

1. Prolong your eye contact at a potential mate.
2. Arch your eyebrows.
3. Winking

4. Stroke or mess with your hair.
5. Touch your lips or teeth with your tongue.
6. Thrust your chest out.
7. Cross or open your legs.
8. Lean forward.
9. Mirror or copy your potential date’s body behavior.
10. Smile, look like you like yourself.

So many of us criticize ourselves for the way we look. We say to ourselves: we are too chubby, our hair is too thin, or we don’t wear the right clothes. It is refreshing to know that men may not be judging the same things we are. They may be looking to see if you are going to be friendly or rejecting. Trying these behaviors may give him the courage to approach. –Mary Jo Rapini
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FLYMETOTHEMOON8, are you talking about my flasher coat? What would I wear, my Superman cape?
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Most enlightening. But Inquiring Minds need to know: Is the list of things to do be a successful flirt for being a Sincere type or one of the other types? LOL

What's more, we need another list for sure because absolutely none of these little tricks work here on the Web!

Unless, of course, you can, by means of some almost impossibly difficult engineering feat, see me winking.

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Hello novice Polymath,
Have a suggestion for you. Nothing to do with flirting although that is fun and one should indulge with glee. My suggestion is meant well and hope you take it in the sincere spirit it is given.
Please change your photo to one without that black sinister looking coat and I am sure you will fare even better in your dating adventures.
Kind regards,
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This is different from your "entrapment" approach, although that one was alot of fun.  Wish you would put it back up.  We need law enforcement around to be hip to our tricks.  You rock, Dude!