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Eight key factors I seek in finding a life partner Sort by:
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Posted on Oct 03, 2018 at 11:52 AM

I've been engaged in a serious quest to find a life partner for a while now, and on the whole it has been a pretty good experience. My objective is to find a partner for a lifetime of adventures, learning, and snuggles. 

 

I'm finding that there are eight key factors that come into play in finding a life partner with the potential for a long term relationship. I'm not looking for perfection, but I'm also not just seeking a warm body. These factors seem to be ones I need for basic compatibility.

 

 1. Intellectual attraction. I am strongly sapioromantic... intelligence, and an ability to make intelligent decisions, is important to me. She doesn't have to be a rocket scientist like me, but she does need to have a good head on her shoulders, be curious, and value learning. I want and need more than arm candy. 

 

2. Physical attraction. I need passion, and I need desire. Finding true love with another person takes time, but a strong physical infatuation is a nice place to start. I want to be with someone who I crave, and who craves me as well. At the appropriate time in the relationship, she should want to please me intimately every bit as much as I will want to please her. A true lady (gentleman) takes off her (his) dignity when she (he) takes off her (his) clothes.

 

3. Moral attraction. I need someone whose moral compass points in at least a largely similar direction. Someone who strives to be good and do good in the world, and leave it a better place after they are gone. Someone who values rationalism more than an ideological or theological perspective. I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative, with a fair bit of libertarian thrown in for good measure. Someone who thinks homosexuality is a sin, that creationism should be taught in the science classroom, that children should not be vaccinated, that evolution and global warming are myths, and that our society would be safer if more people walked around carrying guns is not going to be compatible with me. I want to be with someone who I am proud to have stand at my side, and in my arms, and who feels the same about me. 

 

4. Chemistry. There are some people who I find that I am nearly best friends with after trading just a few messages. We are instantly flirting and teasing and learning about each other. Other people keep their distance and are slower to warm up... but if they keep their walls up for too long, I know it isn't going to work.

 

5. Practicality. I'm willing to date long distance at first, as long as the other person is willing to put the effort into creating opportunities to spend time with me in person. But I don't see spending years in a long distance relationship with someone. I love living on the California beach, but would consider relocating elsewhere... yet there are also places in the world I have no desire to live. I need to see how we will eventually combine our lives. Either she is going to have to move to live where I live, I am going to have to move to her, or we are going to have to find another location to both relocate that is mutually acceptable. Or perhaps my house will become our beach house, and we will split our time between homes in multiple locations.

 

6. Initiative. If I find someone of interest, I make getting to know her a priority. I'll want to learn everything I can about her, spend time talking to her, and soon want to visit with her in person. I'll expect to see the same from her. Her actions will quickly tell me if she is willing to make exploring a relationship with me a priority. While I enjoy being generous in terms of the way I treat a potential partner, it is an important indicator of long term potential if the person I'm interacting with is willing to make at least some investment of time and resources in the process... I should not be the only one doing so.  

 

I'm a pretty public person... I'm all over the Internet, I write a public blog and have been covered in hundreds of news stories over the years. Someone who is really interested in me is going to do their research, ask me questions, and hopefully be excited about sharing their life with the person who they find. 

 

If a person repeatedly misses scheduled phone calls or cancels planned dates, that is a strong sign that they are not willing to make me a priority in their life. I'm finding that nearly 50% of planned dates never come to fruition because the other person flakes out, and that is frustrating, especially when non-refundable tickets or reservations have been made. If I am talking to someone long distance and we seem to be connecting quite well, I might suggest we get together for an adventurous weekend. If she tells me she has other commitments, then I'll ask her to tell me when would be a better time. If I don't get an answer, I'll know she either isn't really interested in me or is just interacting with me for entertainment. 

 

See comments below for #7 and #8.


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Posted on Oct 04, 2018 at 10:31 AM

7. Stability. I'm not here to rescue anyone. I'm here to share an incredible future with someone who has their act together. I have no issue with someone who seeks a partner who is financially stable... I seek someone who is stable as well. But I have no interest in someone who wants to be paid for her attention, or who is more interested in my bank account than she is interested in me.  If someone's life is in a state of crisis, they are going to have to focus on resolving their issues before they are able to focus on finding love.

 

 

8. Lifestyle attraction. I want learning between myself and my partner to be a two-way street. There are some people whose lives I find to be fascinating. They may have had life experiences very different than mine, travel to places I don't routinely travel, or engage in business or leisure activities that I find interesting.  I want to enrich the life of my partner, and for them to enrich mine. And I want someone who enjoys the good life, but can also handle getting dirty on a day out hiking. 

 


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