Member's Blog > HerRoyalMajesty's blogs > My voice will not be silenced: Part II
My voice will not be silenced: Part II Sort by:
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Posted on Mon, May 15, 2017 01:42 PM

While serving as a happy mom, employee and student, I began to feel okay about not using my voice to deliver messages of hope. Not speaking wan't so bad, after all. Then a reporter came to my job at the university to write a story about the "young mother who had gone from homeless battered mother, to director and counselor at a medical school and Ph.D. candidate." How had they heard? Someone had anonymously nominated me to be covered in a feature article. Wow! I was elated.

Well, that is until the story came out in a state-wide Women's Magazine and I received calls from friends and family who felt I should have kept my mouth closed. Somehow, they thought people would know the name of those who had offended me, including the church. To accuse a church is to offend God. To make "family" look badly was to air out dirty laundry. Black folks don't do that.  

 

Everyone wasn't happy. I tried to take comfort in the many who celebrated my achievements and wrote me letters thanking me for inpiring them, but it seemed as though the voices of the disgruntled were louder. So I decided again to be quiet


I just kept my mouth closed and let church folks and family tell me how bad of a person I was. I took the chastisement and focused my energy on my graduate program and graduated at the top of my class, with my coveted doctoral degree. Yay! 

 

But then my boss, who had less education than I told me I was no longer a good fit for the office and I needed to find other opportunities. How could this have happened when I had superior evaluations??? I became very sad.

By now the children were adults and I had a Ph.D. The second hubby and I had called it quits, probably because I just couldn't pretend like I was happy. We simply were not compatible. He found value in church, I did not. He believed in running a family dictatorially, I believed in democracy, especially with almost grown children. He enjoyed his freedom as a musician; I thought differently as an academician. Neither of us hated one another; we just knew it was over.

Right before the divorce, I became very ill and wound up in a hospital. We divorced soon afterwards. We still loved each other, but we loved ourselves too much to reside under the same roof, in pain.

That was the turning point in my life where I decided that once and for all, I had to deal whole-heartedly with my issues. I enrolled my children in college (they all received academic scholarships) and moved to California. There, I focused on total healing. I left religion, and became spiritual. I defined my own spirituality and I felt AMAZING. I kept all doctor appointments, gave up eating meat, and became whole and healed.  I loved living a life as a vegan.  Having that type of discipline made me feel truly empowered. As a means of self-expression, I grew out my natural hair and let her extend her tentacles towards the sun! Rocking my afro, I felt as sexy as Foxy Brown and men loved it too! I was thriving baby! 

I went on to get credentialed as a certified life coach and certified credit consultant and opened up a business. Once again, I was happy, because I was helping other people. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I didn't charge one penny for services. I just thrived on seeing people purchase cars and homes now that they had good credit. And I was elated by the number of them who enrolled in college, started business or moved up in their perspective industries, all as a result of being a client in my practice. I was truly geeked! I lived on saving, retirement and benefits from when I had worked previously. How did I manage financially? I simply lived below my means and learned to manage money well. I studied Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman. I also repaired my credit, got out of debt and managed to get all of my student loans discharged.

When that first husband of mine (the one that the church had given me when I was 18 years old) became ill, I nursed him to health and helped our adult daughter take care of his other four children he fathered with another woman. Their mother was not able to care for them. Again, I felt happy because I was helping someone in need. People praised me for being selfless and I thanked them, immensely. But it seemed that Mom managed to tell me how stupid I was, because I had elected to take care of my former husband and his children. But I asked myself, "Should I have thrown them away?"

 

He had at this point moved to my city (because he wanted to be closer to our children), suffered a series of strokes and could not walk or talk. At the time, he was raising his four children, because their mom had also fallen ill. How could I live in the same city as my childrens' father, watch him and his children suffer and sit by silently? That just was not in my nature. He and I had long since repaired the breach between us, for the divorce had occured nearly thirty years prior. I'm not one to hold grudges.

 

Seemed like Mom wish I had. She had the best intentions, I suppose. She did not want to see her baby hurt. Nevertheless.....Her words hurt me, deeply, but I bit my tongue.

I'm proud to say that after months of rehabilitation, he is now WALKING and TALKING! And he tells me as often as he can how grateful he is that I nursed him back to health. GOD IS GOOD! And this is why I believe in the power of love!

Now as I approach 50, I've decided to once again open my mouth. I live to inspire people. It truly give me joy!

I've been through a lot in the first half of my life; assault, abuse, homelessness, single-parenthood, illness, bankruptcy and feeling hopless. But with the help of a Divine Power, counseling and people who were committed to seeing me thrive,  I've been able to overcome them all. I am eternally grateful that eventually, I became physically and emotionally healed, became completely debt free; earned four college degrees; put my children through college; published a book and articles and traveled to many intersting places such as Central America, Africa, Mexico and the Carribean. Life had dealt me some pretty hard blows, but she also redeemed me. You bet I have something to say! :) 

As I write these words for your reading pleasure, I find myself saying outloud, "My voice will not be silenced!" And it feels sooooo darn good! I mean, why should I keep my mouth closed when I have been blessed with a message to convey?  Should I let a few people keep me quiet? No, I cannot. I will not. I am resolved.


Thank you for listening



Her Royal Majesty~

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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2017 05:46 AM

What an awesome story and testimony. Inam so very happy that you opened up your mouth and kept it open. Your are a wonderful example to other women but young and older who need encouragement and inspiration to realize they can turn any situation around amd realize their full potential and god given talents. Thank you again for sharing and God bless 😊


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Posted on Thu, May 18, 2017 07:11 AM

You are a wonderful writer HerRoyalMajesty  Absolutely what was right for you at the time is what you need to follow for your own peace of mind, your Mom naturally had your best interests at heart as you shared, though what she wanted you to do did not sit well with your own conscience and thus you followed through with assisting your sick former hubby and Father to your children and you gained a great satisfaction from being able to nurse him back to good health, despite your differences prior, there is an old saying we never forget the harm done to us in life, but if we fail to forgive the wrongs, it only hurts us in the long run, because resentment is a killer emotionally and physically to the body and mind.

 

So good on you for doing what was right for you.



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