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Posted on Sep 12, 2017 at 06:28 AM

I am caught in the middle of my teen son and his Dad's relationship.  You all know how mums are with sons but I also recognise that I need to get out of the middle to enable them to bond and for father to instill some manly tips into my son.  How do I grin and bear his tears and send my son back to his Dad in situations where he refuses to ask Dad for money or things he needs becuase of some percieved ideas in his teen head.  I accept I am biased because he is my son.  

 

Tips please



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Posted on Oct 28, 2017 at 04:00 PM

Good evening!  I have daughters but enjoy the discussion.

 

Dolce


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Posted on Sep 14, 2017 at 04:24 AM

Quoting funtimes0007:

My point was you are not on talking terms with your ex. Why? That will stop him to mingle with his dad or take his advice.

 

How old is your son? If he is passed 17+ he is going to learn things his way. Was the father involved in his life day 1? If not no way he will,listen to him.

 

Not knowing all the facts it's hard to suggest anything and you don't need to reveal any personal details here.



A summary of my blog:

Teen father and son not communicating as i believe it should be.  I used the asking for things as an example as it is my hope that will encourage and improve on their relationship. 

 

I had my fair share of mother/daughter challenges with my daughter.  I guess i am a terrible spectator to the father/son teen challenges especially as his relationship with me is clearly different. 

 

Some of your responses seem like you projecting your issues on to me?  Just an observation. 

 

 



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Posted on Sep 13, 2017 at 03:34 PM

Quoting funtimes0007:

@Gentlebreeze2016 - if you ever accidentally said anything bad about his dad to him or to your daughters, he will never ever let go those comments from his mind and heart because he loves you. This is is how boys operate when it comes to fathers.

So first you need to undo what you ever said if you ever did. A number of women who come out of divorce consciously or subconsciously sabotage the father boy/girl relationship. The worst thing one can do to his own child. Adult matters should stay between adults. Kids need the love of both parents. PERIOD

Also, reach out to his father encourage him to offer financial and moral support to his son on his own, not kid asking him. he will be embarrassed to ask him no matter what. It will take a long time for him to feel comfortable asking him directly.

Bottom line, people who get a divorced who have kids together think the relationship stopped, however, the relationship is actually 2 times more difficult going forward. You only stopped having sex :)



Hmmm @funtimes I am not sure where you are going with your comments but I will try to respond as best as I can. 

 

I think it is more my son trying to take his stance as an independent man even though he fails to realise that there is still a lot to learn as a man.   I support/direct/guide him but what I sense is a developing man throwing his weights about not recognising it takes more to be a man and though I encourage and direct him as best as I can there are things only father can teach/ train hence my wanting to encourage more communication between father and son.

 

 



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Posted on Sep 13, 2017 at 10:45 AM

Quoting CRLegirl:

How is your relationship with his dad? Could you do something like suggest that he have fun and teach your son how to properly shave? Go camping? At the same time, teaching your son how to advocate for his own needs can be difficult, but will do him a world of good. But, to be honest, the mother-son relationship will usually be stronger than the father-son relationship. Just keep praising and thanking God ahead of time for your son growing into a fine young man. As for your son asking his father for money, why not give your son the choice to either work for his money or ask Dad. If he's not old enough by state law for a job, teach him to instead ask his dad if there are any extra chores he could do to earn money. A reasonable man will ask his son why he needs money. And, if it's for something the dad should be providing (braces, replacing worn out shoes, college app fees, etc...), the reasonable man will recognize the opportunity to talk to his son about just asking him anytime he has a need


@CRLegirl thanks for the elaborate response and tips.  

 

"Just keep praising and thanking God ahead of time for your son growing into a fine young man."- Thanks for the reminder.  I will do more of that now instead of the worrying



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Posted on Sep 13, 2017 at 06:57 AM

How is your relationship with his dad? Could you do something like suggest that he have fun and teach your son how to properly shave? Go camping? At the same time, teaching your son how to advocate for his own needs can be difficult, but will do him a world of good. But, to be honest, the mother-son relationship will usually be stronger than the father-son relationship. Just keep praising and thanking God ahead of time for your son growing into a fine young man. As for your son asking his father for money, why not give your son the choice to either work for his money or ask Dad. If he's not old enough by state law for a job, teach him to instead ask his dad if there are any extra chores he could do to earn money. A reasonable man will ask his son why he needs money. And, if it's for something the dad should be providing (braces, replacing worn out shoes, college app fees, etc...), the reasonable man will recognize the opportunity to talk to his son about just asking him anytime he has a need

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Posted on Sep 13, 2017 at 06:35 AM

Quoting funtimes0007:

"How do I grin and bear his tears and send my son back to his Dad in situations where he refuses to ask Dad for money or things he needs because of some perceived ideas in his teen head. "

 

I am having difficulty understanding your question. Are you saying he doesn't want to see his dad? And why?



@ funtimes he sees him but will not ask him for anything or really talk to him.   Big Sis has been doing most of the talking and she is off to Uni soon. I want encourage communication between Father and son more. 



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Posted on Sep 13, 2017 at 06:24 AM

Quoting rmac22:

I went through much of that as a son, but learned more than my dad was teaching just by association and his example.  

 

We may not have been buddies but I did not need him to be.  I had those and as examples they weren't.  

 

He and my mom are still my heroes.  

 

 



@ rmacc thanks for your advise



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Posted on Sep 12, 2017 at 07:31 PM

I went through much of that as a son, but learned more than my dad was teaching just by association and his example.  

 

We may not have been buddies but I did not need him to be.  I had those and as examples they weren't.  

 

He and my mom are still my heroes.  

 

 


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