Member's Blog > A few honest questions for the women please.

A few honest questions for the women please.

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1 year ago
I'll try to be short, but bear with me.

I'm 33, single, not much of a "ladies man" and frustrated at the lack of relationships I have. I find myself wondering if there is something wrong with who I am, what I bring to the "courting" situation, or something else. I was raised to be a sensitive person with a huge heart, open emotions, and respect for all, especially women. When my mother died of cancer in 1996, it hit me hard and since then, I've worked to honor what she instilled in me over my youthful years.

Now, I'm getting older and starting to truly want to settle down and meet that one, special woman for me. For my sanity's sake, please be honest about these questions:

1. Does money really matter? I'm one who finds women who post about how genuine and great they are yet demand their partner make a huge income to be complete hypocrites. Money doesn't make a relationship solid so I guess I'm at a loss as to why so many seemingly wonderful women want a rich man. To me, it just seems quite superficial and not the type of person I want to be with (suppose I answered my own question). However, I know that finances are an important part to a stable relationship but I would think that two like minded people could work together coupled with mentalities that seek to earn more by hard work, tenacity, and goal setting. Am I wrong on this? Where are all these "genuine" and "great" women that don't care what their mate makes?

2. Why is vulnerability and openness such a turn off for women? My personality being extroverted and wearing my heart on my sleeve, I am very open about my emotions, morals, desires, etc. Why does this scare away 99% of the women I meet? My last girlfriend admitted she was scared at first because of this but had the maturity to hang in there and truly get to know me. Well, we developed quite strongly and I'm glad to have had that experience. Flash forward to two years later, I'm still looking . . . sigh.

3. Finally, is it possible for the nice, romantic guy to not finish last? It certainly feels that way a times and I'm hoping someone could shed some light on why women say they want guys like me but date the jerks.

Thanks for putting up with my wordiness and thanks for the input.

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Any woman that tells you money doesn't matter is lying to you and themselves. I see that some females don't want to work. They want a man to "take care" of them. So, money does matter. Other woman such as myself make a decent living and are just looking for a man to bring the same to the table, if not more. I have dated men that don't have a pot to pea in or a window to throw it out of. I was the one who paid for dinners, etc. I was the one that they ended up living with. So, money does matter to me. Do you have to be a millionaire? Absolutely not! Would I like to be wined and dined, yes. Have you ever seen the movie "Something's Gotta Give"? Jack Nickelson's character went back to all of the woman that he dated to get a perspective on how they viewed him as a partner. That may be something for you to do. It would give you insight. Why did your softer side scare your last girlfriend? You look adorable!Especially with your Goatee. Wow, you should grow it back. Here's my wink to you! Are you actively dating on MM? How are those dates going for you. You can't just wink, you have to take the girls out. Have fun and good luck.
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1 year ago
hi.The two most important areas for a relationship are money and finances....I monitor both with an eagle eye.

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Thought i would sit back and answer your questions...

1- Money it matters yes...mostly due to security. For me when I look at a man at my age, who is obvioulsy not a child out there playing anymore...he should have his life on track, that means finanicially too. I mean at my age if I am going day to day in life,then I did something wrong along the way! Yes two like-minded people can work together to have a better life, but on what terms are you speaking...that you need to be with another person to have the life you intended and have two inncomes? For example,if you take having a family into the equation...what happens when the woman stays home for a period to care for those chidren, even if for only the 1st few years...what life changes now cause there is only "one not so" secure income able to provide the best for the two of u and the best for the child you now care for? Bottom line at our age, we should be secure as people and know where we are at...and sadly a man's stability says alot about his character!

2 & 3- Sadly as we get older the nice guys dont finish last anymore. Its more as woman our needs change and wants...we want men who are strong and yet senstive. I know for myself, I "need" to be with a man who likes to color outside of the box and a man who can do that is someone who is able to be strong in character without care for ridicule along the way.

Being open is always great...but there is the concept of being at the finish line before anything has even started. I dont know how you are approaching the begingings when you meet a woman, but think like a man does, we are not sooo different. Just as much as you may not want to be suffocated so quickly at times, women do not either...especially women who have grown to be independant and confident in themeselves. I am just assuming sorry!

Good luck and remember sometimes the idea of finding the right person for us is to just be patient and take our time before thinking each one is the ONE right away cause of a few commonalities. We all want love...I know i do...but patience is what leads us to the right one...even online!

Hope I was helpful and not to judgemental or too assuming...K hugs
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Relationships consist of committment, sacrifice, compromise and responsibility, among other things. If a woman is going to agree to all of this, it should, at the very least, be an opportunity to make her life better than it currently is. It wouldn't make sense to agree to such a life change, and still have to struggle.
I dated a "millionaire" exclusively. After a few months, I started to consider the possibility of this man being my life partner. I asked myself a very important question.... If he were to lose every dime tomorrow, would I still want to be with him? He was a hypocritical, narcissist, a lazy lover, and inconsiderate. But I wouldn't have to work ever again.... Drive a SL500 if I, shopping sprees... Guess what??? NO DEAL! The answer was, "no". I ended the relationship shortly thereafter.
I have also seriously dated someone who makes less than I do. I thought about how my life would improve if I were to choose him as my life partner. He was a true gentleman. Thoughtful, considerate, selfless...And he adored me. Yet I didn't choose him either.
If I had to choose between these two guys, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I would choose the gentleman.
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Hiya cmgfilms,
I would like to respond but can only give you my point of view.

Money doesn't matter to me, unless its mine. It is very important for myself not to hold a balance on my credit cards, and that I have all my bills paid on time - I create my own security I don't want someone else doing it because that makes me feel like I have nothing of my own. When I was married all bills were shared.

As for having a heart on your sleeve you just haven't found the right woman yet that is a genuine asset to any relationship as long as she can do the same.

Who said you are finishing last? You will find her patience is a virtue. All good things are worth waiting for and aren't you ecstatic that you aren't one of these people that settle for whatever because you are lonely?

Good for you!! Good luck in your search...

Hugs all

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View author's info
1 year ago
Wow! I thought this blog had long died and then I noticed a surge of views on my profile and some new winks! I had no idea this would get so much attention and I'm flattered by all the great emails, comments, and time people took to respond.

Just to explain a bit, I'm perfectly fine in terms of my esteem and out look on life. There are thousands of men who don't meet their special someone for years after 30 and there are thousands who are long married by then. No matter, I know I don't like being single and that's why I'm here.

This blog to was to express some long-built-up frustrations with the rejections I do get based on how I am. I definitely wasn't attempting to cry about things but voice some confusion on why it happens. I know I'm a great person and will make someone very happy . . . until that day, I'll just keep my head up and continue to have hope.

Thanks to all who responded here whether I agree or not, you took the time and it's appreciated!

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Well, I guess many men and women will say bluntly that money matters, period. I guess I would say that it should only matter in so far as it shows the person's financial responsibiity and success, and even that is relative.

It should only be an equal percentage of the whole person one is looking to have a committed relationship with. Morals, values, personality, kindess, warmth, relationship to family, honesty and humour are equally as important, and people who aren't looking at the whole package, are not only foolhardy, but are the ones who end up with jerks (both male and female).

As far as vulnerabilty and openness, and being extroverted, these are all wonderful traits, and you obviously just haven't met the right women. Women who are scared off by those traits are women who are unsure of themselves or who aren't ready for the kind of relationship you are. You should just say's their stuff, not yours.

I can empathize with your feelings about the loss of your mom, I lost mine in '92 from cancer, and I have also tried to be the kind of person she would have wanted me to be. I think if your mom could talk to you right now, she would tell you not to change a hair on your head, because you are great just as you are.

Last, there are tons of wonderful women out there who would love to be in a relationship with a nice romantic guy, so keep looking.

By the way, did I tell you I have this absolutely gorgeous

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For some reason, women tend to go for the bad boy type. I think as we get older, we get wiser. I don't know one woman who hasn't dated one. I may only be 23, but I've dated my fare share of them. I now realize, I wanted the excitement. After all the drama I went through with them, I realize I want a sweet sensitive guy. Don't ever change who you are for another person. Always remember, your Mom is looking down on you. When the right girl comes along, you'll know it. My brother died 4 years ago, and he always gives me signs, but I was too blinded by lust to realize he was warning me. For those of you who haven't lost someone close, just judge me because I believe in the signs my brother gives me. When you loose someone you care about, you hold on to what ever you can. STAY STRONG. The right woman will come along soon enough.
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#1 - To a point money matters. You want to be able to live comfortably without worrying til your next paycheck. Like my self, being in the 30's you do not want someone who is only making $10,000 a year. I know that I want someone who wants to do something with there life. I had meet a guy over the Internet one time that was 35 year old, had 3 partime jobs, was $40,000 in debt and his parents were helping him. To top it off he paid for me to e-mail him. That kind of situation would be a tremendous turn off.

#2 - Myself I like an honest guy. I also like one who can show a little emotion. I don't see a problem with that. If a female has a problem with that, then there is something wrong with her.

#3 - Personally I only date nice guys. Once I find out a guy is a jerk, he is gone. I am looking a romantic guy that will sweep me off my feet. So were is he?
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1 year ago
1) Money does matter when you have none and you are homeless with no food for tomorrow. Once you get some, or better you have an education, career/business, etc, something else should matter: ethics and character. If the person you are with, cares more for your money than for yourself, just quit that person fast, don't waste time and good energies. This is a rule for both women and men. I know men burnt out because of high-maintenance and careless women.

2) Vulnerability - this might be the culprit - you just need the good timing for that. Otherwise, it may turn against you. Also, it's advisable to get to know the person quite well, before becoming open. Being in love means being vulnerable. It's good to wait for that and study well the person before becoming vulnerable.

3) Nice and romantic men are fewer and fewer these days; however, they will always be in great demand. The fact that you have not found the best woman for you within 2 years it's not the end of the world, maybe it's quite the time well spent to self-knowledge helping you to find out exactly what you need for that true romantic relationship.

Best wishes!
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money shouldnt matter,its the feelings from the heart that matter unless of course the other person has a fixation about it
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First off, sorry about your mother.
I just wanted to also answer some of your ??s from my experience & that of my friends. Money matters. I mean who wants to go out with someone that hasn't accomplished some kinda goal in a career at this age? Also cost of living is so high just to exist,it generally takes two pretty good incomes just to buy a home nowadays.I do look for someone who makes at least what i make.I don't want someone i have to support.About your heart on your sleeve thing,it's great that you have normal emotions,but the last thing a woman wants to worry about is if you can protect her in all aspects of the word.This is something that you might be conveying.I don't know how you are expressing your emotions but maybe its in your wording.Women don't like to feel unsafe & maybe this makes them feel that way.Last,but not least...of course it's possible for a nice romantic guy to finish first,never give up.Women date jerks cause they don't know at first that they are jerks! It's not like the wear T-shirts or something.I mean every guy says he's a nice guy.No guy would ever walk up and say things like,"I'm a womanizer,wife beater,cheater,or loser."right??
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To address your first thought. MONEY. Well it matters, but of course being happy and in love must come first. If you know the life style you want to live or are accustom to living money does come in to play. It's desirable to have money and I think there is nothing wrong with wanting that as one of your characteristics you are looking for in a man/woman.

You seem like a great guy. Sorry your last girlfriend did not work out. Life happens like that. I'd rather be alone than to be with the wrong person. So, I am still alone but hoping Mr. Right ..............forever finds me someday soon.
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1 year ago
Good luck! Finding your match.
Keep being open and honest, most women really like that.
I'm looking for honesty,a strong sense of self, interesting point of view, funny,etc.....
The more life experiences the better...
I've dated a struggling musician because he had those qualities...I like guys in their 50's
because of shared life experiences.
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1 year ago
Thanks again to all of you that took the time to add input. It's appreciated and I've read all of them. Just wanted to make sure that someone of you know I have not decided to pay for this site just yet. I'm taking my time in feeling out this place so if you double check my profile, you'll see I have a note on top there. If you correspond with me, I can't write back through this site so please don't think me rude if I don't reply.
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You sound like a very nice man. I am sure you will find the right person you are meant to be with. I am sorry to hear about you losing your Mother, I know how hard that can be. If you are everything you say you are - your type is very hard to find and any woman who grabs you up should consider herself lucky. However I am not sure if you can get an honest heart to heart relationship out of this site. I came here after reading about it in a magazine and just wanted to check it out to see what it's all about BUT from what I have read so far it sounds like alot of these people on this site - men and women are just gold digging. I think that is really really sad.
Your question number one: "does money matter" it shouldn't and it is sad to see that for so many people it does. No woman or man wants a lazy person moping around the house and not pulling in their own however I don't think it should matter how much one makes, I think it just matters if someone lives within their means and they are able to pay the bills sort of speak.
Number Two: "Why is vulnerability and openness such a turn off for women?"
I don't think for the right woman you meet that will be a problem. Women always complain about men not being sensitive enough...I think when most women are younger they are looking for that bad boy type - someone who is will and reckless but they say they are looking for the good hearted type of person blah blah blah...I don't think women trully mean it until they are mature enough to deal with and manage a positive relationship. So give it time - most women are just starting to mature. :)
Your third question runs into the second question basically. It is sooo possible for nice guys to finish first I promise. For some reason in todays world it seems women have to date and even marry jerks so they can better appreciate the sweet guys of the world. So if you are looking for a good honest women my suggestions to you would be to get off of this site and to just give it time. You seem like a nice guy who really shouldn't have a problem meeting and holding onto a woman but here I am thinking you are only going to meet the wrong types of women. Keep an open mind, don't be scared off by women who have been married or who have kids because these are probably going to be the ones that will appreciate you more than anyone else. Good Luck and keep on keepin on you'll be fine!
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Hi~I'm a 43 yr old single MOM and I was delighted to read your blog! I'm sorry about your Mom; sounds like she was one special lady and that she passed those qualities on to you. Don't beat yourself up - you sound like a woman's dream come true (could be mine, actually). My experience is I just don't meet honest guys. They want one thing or just want a sounding board for how great things are for them. I want someone sweet and special who honestly wants to share thoughts and inerests with someone and get to know them.
Money is a factor of life, like it or not. Working hard and enjoying life with a partner is the best scenario I can imagine. If the money can support what we have and want in our lives, then it's enough. Love before Money for me. Rare, yes, but honest.
As for honesty and feelings - I love that in a man, tho it's rare to find. I'm holding out for a man like you - you are a rare treasure who deserves a special woman. I would LOVE to correspond more with you, privately if you'd like. Check out my profile and see what I have to say. Couldn't hurt - you're very attractive-hope we're a match!! I'm not gold, so wink me or something. Or email me. Take care, Sue
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Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I am sure you have heard this before but it will take possibly a lot of dating before you meet someone you are truly compatible with. As for my experience, I have dated men who are very wealthy and so inconsiderate. Then again I have dated men who work paycheck to paycheck and have made less money than I, but have been very generous. I think there are women who are lucky enough to get all their needs met by simply winking at a man. But then there are us realists who know we have to really create our own destiny. At some point you find someone whom you feel you can create something with and assist each other. There is a huge lack of reciprocation nowadays. My last boyfriend of two years that I was madly inlove with, no hot shot, kinda dorky, endotostist, left me pregnant and decided he had better options. So ti really doesn't matter I guess. I manage my own business and have been taking care of myself since I can remember. I have never once expected a man to take care of me. Always have been considerate in all aspects of dating. Perhaps women who don't take and give more are not as appreciated. Dating is difficult, I just can't wait to meet hopefully genuinely nice guys:) wish me luck! and good luck to you too.
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The romantic in me would love to believe that money doesn't matter but in the "real" world it does. We live in a capitalistic society, which means that money means more then just currency, it equates to power as well as choices. For instance, a person with money can quit their job go to school and go into another career if they choose to but a person without money well they're kinda stuck... Now someone with money has a step up on the competition because they can afford to get that Armani suit or the $60 hair cut(and yes woman can tell when men go to Supercuts to get their hair cut).

I think when it comes down to it everyone is looking for someone who can afford a similar standard of living. For instance I do not cook, clean or do my own laundry not because I think it's beneath me but because I'm horrible at it and I end up spending more money fixing up the mess then I would just paying someone else to do it. Now I don't expect my partner to pay for these added expenses since I'm perfectly capable of paying for my own standard of living. Now someone without money will have difficulty with this quirk of mine wherein someone with money will not care.

Now I'm lucky to make enough money to support myself in the lifestyle that I'm accustomed to and have no intention of giving up but I do not make enough money to subsidize someone else as well as myself in the same standard of living. So when I look at potential partners I do keep an eye on their economic status to avoid any problems or arguments in the future.

Now keep in mind that I'm not attracted to men who very wealthy but spend most of their time worshiping at the alter of the all mighty dollar. But it's easier to convince a wealth man to work less and make less money then it is to get a poor man to make more money...

Besides why should I have to give up my lifestyle or feel bad because I spend a lot of money going out to nice restaurants? It would be a poor start to a relationship.

As for being sensitive and being open with your emotions I guess it would depend on timing and how "open" you really are. For some reason men like to open up to me and I'm ok with it but sometimes there are things you do not share right away or even at all. Men who talk about their fetishes on the first or second date... total turn off. Saying that you want 5 kids to someone may scare them off...

I'm sure that there are a lot of woman out there that is looking for a guy like you but you may not want them or consider them in your "great" woman category.

I guess that's my two cents....