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🚨 Send Help 🚑🚩🚩🚩🚩

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Using self victimization tactics does not impress men or women!

Sure this manipulative tactic works for a time. That is until your savior realizes they can’t save you and there goes their sense of gratification!
They’ll find another victim... to save🤦🏽‍♀️

Just because a woman or man is kind doesn’t mean they are interested in you.
If a woman gives you advice or feedback, she’s not interested, giving advice is not flirting.

As a matter of fact RUN if it becomes flirting because the relationship is going to be all about “fixing” you! AKA forcing you to be the man she wants you to be.
The savior complex turns into saving you from yourself!

This type of relationship is also known as the empath narcissist relationship.

Neither person is in their authenticity, as they are stuck in the savior/victim modes.
Which lacks the meaningful connection required for successful relationships.
Granted if you are not looking for meaningful relationships you can play that game 😆

Here’s the thing, when one is relying on manipulation tactics to attract someone, they are operating from a space of:
🔸Not feeling like they are enough
🔸Low self esteem
🔸A lack of confidence

The type they attract are operating from a space of:
🔸Fear of abandonment
🔸Low self esteem
🔸No sense of self outside of aiding someone
🔸A lack of self worth
🔸Desperate to be loved and accepted

To be entirely honest I’ve been there done that, it’s not fun or healthy, it ends up being being a damaging cycle to both sides.
It ends up creating emotional and psychological abusive situations.

Now that you have an idea of the problems this causes, and if you’ve been in this situation or are employing manipulative tactics, what steps are you going to take in healing yourself?

Can you imagine a healthy relationship, where you are loved and accepted for for who you really are?
How about one where there’s no need to perform the savior / victim act, where you are enough and worthy of love, trust, clear communication, and confidence?

Comment with your thoughts below👇🏽
(Yes I’m a life (empowerment) coach)
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replying to Author
October 19 Total posts: 1
I agree
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replying to Author
October 19 Total posts: 29
Ha, great question, in all honesty, it comes down to what qualifications you want in a coach.
There are a variety of Life Coach certification programs.
Some are licensed therapists (therapy and coaching are different yet can overlap)
Others have a natural knack for it and find their own way into coaching.
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replying to Author
October 19 Total posts: 22
I'm just curious as to the qualifications one needs to be an empowerment coach?
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replying to Author
October 19 Total posts: 29
Sounds like having a coach is not your thing by how that statement specifically offended you. That, In addition to the false judgements in the rest of your post.
I’m an Empowerment Coach that does not mean I somehow could not ever possibly be single🤦🏽‍♀️
That’s a unrealistic expectation that coaches somehow have to have perfect lives. Coaches are human and understand life isn’t perfect but we get to make it the best life we could possibly live. By overcoming the challenges life throws our way and helping others to do so as well.
Celebrities don’t have perfect lives either!

It took me years to heal from what my post is about and the trauma the divorce caused.
Needless to say I’ve just jumped back into dating.💁🏽‍♀️ I know what I’m looking for and repeating my past ain’t it.

I’m going to speak up & give men feedback when they are missing the mark that badly,that’s uncomfortable
It’s up to them to do what they want want with it and feel how they feel about it.
Same as you have provided your feedback.
I’m providing a response with clarification rather than deleting your response.
Your opinion is valid🤷🏽‍♀️

As you asked why would I tell the guy to get a coach....I'm clearly not interested in the guy as stated.
If you look at the picture attached to this post you can zoom in and review the dialogue and get a better idea of things.
Trying to pursue and intentionally manipulate a woman who’s not interested in you is going to lead to pain and being susceptible to scammers/con artists. If I could spot the insecurities he’s unaware of then so can they.

So yes the guy needs help as implied in the title. As a matter of fact it would help many men and women.
Dating up until the 20th Century was taught to alleviate the problems many now experience with dating.
WWI and WWII with the numbers of men dying or coming back with PTSD etc shifted things into confusion and worse.
You can track divorce rates and there are articles you can look up on it.
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Why would you tell someone to get a relationship coach, even if you have one? That's a bit rude in my opinion. I have a real issue taking relationship advice from self proclaimed relationship coaches or even professionals who love to dish out advice when they themselves are single. Obviously someone hasn't read their own notes...
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replying to Author
October 17 Total posts: 29
actually your response shows a lot of insight and self respect right there!

Thank you for openly speaking up🙏🏽

I agree we all have baggage, and it's our decision to either let go of the baggage or keep unpacking it in different places.

It's the question of, does it own you or do you own it?

I was literally the "savior" in the description above and ran myself ragged. Once I came to understand what I was doing wasn't working I hired a coach, and literally it's been the best decision of my life.

Clearly seeing my baggage, spotting the baggage of others, and saying no thanks to both.

If you see the image the guy asked permission to see my hidden pics and I denied it. Then he tried again I gave him the opportunity to become self aware.

I could have just ignored again, or attacked 😬 but I chose to give feedback.

You bring up a really strong point and a good reminder for women to be more kind as men have to deal with a lot of blunt rejection!
Being kind, polite, or giving feedback can be helpful.

Although I’m American my personality has an old school Southern Italian influence from my Great Grandmother.😉
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OK Brettney … that certainly took my breath away.
I get where you are coming from here, but I would suggest that all (well, perhaps a good portion of us) have built up baggage over time. It’s called life, living. Taking the risk of allowing someone into your heart and having it ripped from you.
It’s not always easy to cope with life’s locked doors … sometimes we just can’t find the key, or there is no one there to turn the knob for us. Some of us pull on the strength inside us to keep searching for that open door; I so feel for those that the search is a constant pain. Many of us become sensitive and, yup, suffer from low self-esteem.
In my limited – and very personal experience – is that to point out to someone that they may have ‘esteem issues’ based on a brief encounter is be inappropriate? It may well be correct but, surely, a polite ‘no thanks’, rather than an analysis of potential issues would be better.
None of us know how someone remotely may react to what we consider a deserved response. I have been personally insulted here – but that’s OK. I know of others that have also been on the sharp end of another’s tongue, and whilst the deliverer probably thought it harmless, it was taken quite personally.
OK. Yes, I am British … and proud of that fact. We are (perhaps) a touch more tactful and respectful of others than our lovely US cousins … I appreciate that the US culture is to express oneself openly. It’s just, sometimes, I am a little uncomfortable with it.
OK … shoot me now!!!