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Member's Blog > Lolaberry's blogs > How Men Think: Part Deux

How Men Think: Part Deux

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Hey y'all!! I'm not southern. Just trying it on. So, this is pretty interesting... Reactions to my previous post perfectly illustrates the point I was trying to make in said post. In said post, I shared some commentary that had been expressed to me in response to my compassion toward the victims of the Epstein scandal. To summarize, I said that we, as a society tend to blame the victim. And one person responded in a manner that flawlessly demonstrated the subtle way in which victim blaming is done. She said something to the effect of 'What kind of people are you hanging around with?' Now, it's possible that she was just genuinely surprised at the notion that anyone would make such a preposterous judgement against those girls. But it felt like her judgement was directed against me personally for the type of people in my social circle. As if to say 'what poor choice of friends do you associate with?' As if I'm somehow in control of other people's opinions. As if I share those opinions. As if I'm guilty by association. And that's how it's done, folks. That simple. If you don't like what you heard, shoot the messenger. That will surely solve the problem. For you, at any rate. Yet, for the victims, the problem still looms, like a dark cloud promising perpetual storms.
The second tier of feedback was from decent folks, who wanted it to be known that they did not wish to be lumped into the same category as the type of people who blame victims. And to them, my response was this: If the shoe does not fit, well, then I'm not talking about you. But I do appreciate the dialogue from people who can formulate complete sentences, with punctuation and everything!
And my favorite reply came from someone who stated that I clearly do not know how men think. Which I found particularly amusing since my whole entire point was exactly that. Which illustrates another point about the ego and how, when the ego is driving the bus, one is incapable of comprehending that a general statement about society doesn't necessarily have anything to do with that one ego-driven individual. Unless the shoe fits...in which case it does. The reaction reveals so much about the individual reacting. And it's intriguing to see how reactive people are...in general. I mean, I don't know you, Anonymous Reader. I'm sitting home alone exposing the inner workings of my mind with whatever strangers out there feel so inclined to spend the time to consider my thoughts. How anyone reading these words can be personally offended by them is fascinating to me. As if the ego is so certain that I am thinking about you, talking about you, as if I know you. As if I have dedicated a significant portion of my day to write a blog directed solely at you.
I'm only talking about the things we should all be talking about but are too afraid to express for fear of being judged or exposed. The things we should be working together to fix so our children can go to the mall without risk of predators among their own species. And it starts with the way we think, who we blame, how we talk, and who we hold accountable, no matter how dangerous, disruptive, scary, time consuming or confusing.
And last but definitely not least...To the ONE man who took the time to defend me and women in general...THAT, my friends, is what a REAL man looks like. To those of you out there who would like to applaud honorable men who defend rather than exploit, please can we have a round of applause. Comment with an 👏🏽
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replying to Author
October 16 Total posts: 194
Yes thats likely for so called 'strong and independent' women.But I don't think all woman want to strive to be 'strong and independent'. They've been forced to adopt that direction since 2nd and 3rd wave feminism by a very vocal minority of wild red headed feminazis. I think there is a large number of women who aren't comfortable with that narrative but are shamed if they say they'd prefer to be traditional and conservative.
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October 15 Total posts: 22
A "Strong and independent" woman will choose a soul mate to build a family and trust in good and bad.
If "strong and independent" women cannot find such soul mates, such women typically choose to be happy alone than put up with the bullet list, because they can, because they are "strong and independent."
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October 15 Total posts: 194
Ironically, when women truly become 'strong and independent' they themselves will insist on the list.
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October 14 Total posts: 22
I know no such women you describe.

I can hardly think of a woman persona type who would subscribe to this bullet list (except for the last one).
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replying to Author
October 13 Total posts: 194
Given where things currently stand, that is to say, given we still don't know where women really want to position themselves, its not possible to give an absolute view on what men should seek from women.
But regardless of all thats still in flux, men should do the following -
  • maintain their frame
  • remain focused on themselves
  • don't marry
  • avoid long relationships
  • don't cohabit
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replying to Author
October 13 Total posts: 22
What kind of "a social contract" are you looking for here, given you know "the true nature of women" and have seemingly "reprogrammed" your expectations?

Or to make it less personal, and given you tend to generalize anyway, please elighten us here what kind of "a social contract" "a real man" should expect, assuming same conditions - knowledge of "the true nature of women" and "reprogrammed" expectations.

It would be a natural closure to your lecture on the "women-led" modern "Darwinism" in brokering their "deals" and lessons learned by "disillusioned" but "reprogrammed" men to adjust their historical "conditioning" so they can level off their negotiations positions under these new brave world "norms"
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October 13 Total posts: 194
There's no going back. The genie is not going back in the bottle. In my opinion we're in a no mans land and we're likely to remain here for at least the rest of my life until the current system and female equality is fully realized. Currently woman only want the spoils of equality but non of the downside costs. Thats why you continually see woman expressing their strength and independence but immediately revert to traditionalism when it comes to who pays the bill, female welfare and the lopsided family law courts. So until we see true equality men would be well advised to avoid long term relationships.
Women are hypergamous and perennially looking for the next higher stronger branch to swing to. This has been dramatically accentuated since the arrival of smart phones and social media. The smart phone is probably the key reason why dating for the 'average' bloke is now dead.
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October 12 Total posts: 50
word
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October 12 Total posts: 50
❤️
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October 10 Total posts: 194
You never 'have' a woman, its just your turn.
Eventually every man reaches a point in life - some earlier some later - and learns the true nature of women.
That enlightenment destroys some men because they're forced to accept they've been fooled their entire lives and can't resolve it. While others use the knowledge to both protect and reprogram themselves and their involvement with women.
Men - especially older generations - were (but to a far lesser degree today) raised to believe a certain set of principles. These principles basically told them they are expendable. Namely that they should sacrifice themselves for women and children, that they should put themselves in harms way for the sake of honor and chivalry.
While there was some merit to this in past generations, the unwritten understanding was that men who adhered to these principles would be rewarded with a wife, family and property. This is no longer the case. Many men nowadays will never have a family, children or afford a home. Over the last 40yrs women have been fed a steady diet of "you're worth more" "don't settle for less" and today we're at the point where the majority of women simply will not date average men. They're at the point where they would prefer to share a high status man with abundant resources than date a truck driver etc.
The result is many disillusioned men who have come to realise the traditional social contract no longer applies. That following the traditional male principles will no longer yield him a wife, family and a home.
In summing up, 'the deal is off'. Its off because the 'deal' no longer exists.
So when I see a man 'white knighting' or 'simping' its likely because he is old school and hasn't recognized the societal shift or pandering to women to garner recognition like an obedient puppy.
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October 9 Total posts: 50
Ok Baby, you got Mama's attention. You're up next.
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October 9 Total posts: 50
Well stated Sir.
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October 9 Total posts: 22
Hi Lola,

Thank you so much for being so great! I so much appreciate your graciousness and I want to offer my apology as well. I could have responded differently too. Social media or indirect communication often brews perceptions even for people who know each other for a long time. Totally understandable. You are spot on on both things - communication breakdown and ability to move beyond a disagreement. We have cleared the first piece and let's do the second step. Looking forward to enjoying interacting via your blog - reading more of your stories, thoughts from you and others, and share mine.
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replying to Author
October 9 Total posts: 22
Hi @myuniqueness, you may well be right but, of course, I would argue that it all depends on one’s definition of what a ‘real man’ actually is. Let’s just discuss that for a moment, shall we?
What is the role of a man (and of woman, in a bit) in most societies. It is, essentially, to provide food and shelter for his ‘pride’, to procreate and have strong offspring, to guide those children safely through to adulthood. A woman? To be fertile, to look after the home, children and her man. So, how have we done. Pretty well, business is good, my children are level headed young adults on good paths so I would suggest that me and my late wife are / were real men / real women.
However, I suspect your definition of a ‘real man’ is much, much narrower than that. And I get that, that’s OK. Let’s return to what a ‘real woman’ is for example.
For some, a real woman has a great chest, long black hair and a figure of a catwalk model. Yes, a very sensual image but … a real woman – in my view? No thanks, there needs to be a lot more – I mean A LOT. And looks are, by their very definition, subjective so cannot define what a real woman is. Some would say that a real woman is a loud, extrovert party girl who can drink most men under the table – I have friends like that and, boy, they are fun but … not my kinda ‘woman’.
Fortunately, thank goodness I do not fall within what I guess is your definition of a ‘real man’ @myuniqueness (simp is such an awful misogynistic term btw) because – as your handle suggests, you are unique. And that’s the point.
I don’t want to be a real man as defined by 99% of the population – male or female. Just a real man for one very very special real woman.
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Hi Malinka, I apologize for misinterpreting your comment/question. And thank you for taking the time to respond and clarify. It's hard to tell, sometimes, if a question is an actual question or a rhetorical question. And I totally agree with you that communication is key. In my life personally, I believe that every single disagreement I have had has been a breakdown in communication. One person assumes this from their limited vantage point, and one person infers that based on a lack of punctuation and boom...argument. And then if they can manage to communicate well enough to identify the discrepancy, the next challenge is to both be able to move beyond the rightness or wrongness and work toward the solution. But, as usual, I digress. Anyway, much love to you.
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real men don't do that hey from Glenview IL
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October 8
Can u send me your WhatsApp
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October 8 Total posts: 194
No he was just a beta male simp who white knighted for a woman. He is precisely what a man is not.
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Exactly. to the ONE man that defended you, I thought the same thing, there is a real man. But he is across the pond. Perhaps we can buy him a plane ticket :)