, New York,, United States, Feb 19, 2013
I joined MM in spring 2012. I am a 54-year-old professional woman with an advanced degree and a global technical/marketing position at a major corporation. I also live in a very remote, small town and I have three teenagers. I work from home via internet, or I travel internationally. I am NOT a cougar...I am an alpha female who was seeking a super-alpha male. But with my children and my remote location (not to mention my age) it wasn't going to be easy. I was very, very uncomfortable with the idea of using an online service. I felt awkward writing the profile. I felt even more awkward when I began to get replies and I felt like I'd placed myself on display at a meat market. I remained very wary when making the first tentative phone calls or meetings.
From June through August, I had a gold membership. I never "wink" at anyone. If I am interested, I write an e-mail. I write easily and well, and that was how I began all interaction. If I received a wink or e-mail from someone who was interested in a "cougar lady", I always responded with a kind "not interested" reply if I wasn't interested...I didn't ignore them. I was disappointed in the number of contacts from 20-30 year old young men who were interested in finding a cougar. I thought the site specified that members should have a minimum income or asset level (which often indicates a professional career base). I didn't expect so many contacts from men half my age.
In most cases, potential matches and I corresponded by e-mail frequently...often daily...to get to know a little more about each other. I only liked to correspond to one individual at a time. I was always very nervous about offering my phone number. It was usually after about a month of e-mail contact.
Next, we would speak by telephone. In one case, I picked up a potential problem when a gentleman couldn't remember anything from the conversations the day before. We never met. I made one serious mistake: I'd met a gentleman from several states away. The first one that I really "clicked" with. The first that I met in person. A respected professional who could be verified with recognition in Wikipedia. We corresponded by e-mail and talked every night for 3 months. We got along extremely well. Then I stopped over to meet him on a coast-to-coast flight. He lived in a remote summer resort town, and he had a B & B. He invited me to stay at the B & B because the area hotels were all fully booked for summer. I agreed. I'd talked to him for 3 months. Despite my up-front declaration that this was to MEET, and not to be physical, he became somewhat aggressive. Not felony-aggressive, but he made me very uncomfortable. I was confused because he pressed me hard after I said "no". I left in a very upset state: this was not what I expected from a man that I'd communicated with so well for so long. The meeting ended the courtship. He told me that it was the only way to discover if we had "chemistry". I told him that I preferred chivalry.
I was lucky. I'd put myself into a very dangerous position, thinking that 3 months of communication and a wiki check were sufficient. I was wrong. From that point forward, I was very, very careful. (As it was, before I went to the B & B, I'd left lots of contact information with friends and checked in frequently). I met another man after that who has become a hiking friend, but was not a match. He showed me that chivalry was really the norm. The other experience was as abnormal as it had felt to me.
I was disappointed in the remaining contacts. I was getting a lot of winks from guys who were seeking cougars, and the men that I contacted were not interested in dealing with a woman with teens.
I was about to cancel my membership. I was at the end of the 6-month period. I was prepared to look at a different route, like Kelleher International matchmaking service.
But I looked one last time at new profiles. There was a highly-educated professional man who seemed to be looking for someone like me. I took a chance and renewed the gold membership for another 6 months, just to send an e-mail. He replied. He'd been on Match for a while, but just joined MM looking to increase the education and professional level of the people on the site.
This time, we only e-mailed for a couple of weeks before speaking by phone. And we met within a week after that for lunch. We were both working around travel schedules, and that put some restriction on our meeting...now or much later. We chose to meet right away.
It has been 4 months. We live at the edge of our search distance (4 hours apart). We have advanced from lunches to dinners to my visits to his town, or his visits here on weekends (he stays at a hotel) to meet and interact with my children. The relationship is growing with proper slow and methodical growth. He is the super-alpha individual that I sought. He wants a partner, and so do I. He is clearly working to build a relationship, not to hook up. We talk daily...and sometimes multiple times during the day. We are getting to know one another and each day we grow a bit more. He is normal. No addictions, no mental health issues. They do exist.
I am not looking any longer, for I have found a true match. There is no guarantee that we will be a forever-couple. But we are growing, and that's all that I can ask. I would like to remove my profile from MM and I would like to thank you for providing this opportunity. We couldn't have met without it.
with my best regards,