I know I'm going to make a lot of people angry here, specially women, but after a few comments on my blog, I would like to start a discussion about infidelity.
Personally I wouldn't mind too much if the man I loved became more happy and fulfilled in life if he were allowed to see other women once in a while. I am not the jealous type, because I find jealousy to be the result of egoism and insecurity. Also, if I can't allow my man to be happy, do I really love him? I'm talking about loving unconditionally....
On the other hand, would I be unfaithful myself? Nope....not because I'm against it or put restraints on myself, but because I don't find it any interesting to sleep with someone if I'm not emotionally involved in him, and I am only able to have feelings for one man at the time. That's just the way I am created. But of course, if my loved one decided that he finds it okay to be unfaithful, he would not be allowed to be jealous over me either....double-moral is disrespectful.
I would really like to get the opinion of others about this, but please stick to the issue and explain why you think it's okay or not.
NO what are you thinking ? I
m not saying this to be cruel but 99.99% of the time it will cause problems. I won
t even have sex out of marriage. I have been celabate over 7 years now because it is so personal and I beleive God would want it that way for me.
There are so many negative effects to cheating on the spouse, kids, and family--anger, depression, distrust, disconnection, and more. I see little value in cheating. I also view it as selfish and self-gratifying. It shows a lack of respect to the person they committed to.
I found out my guy was cheating by getting an STD from him...Never a good thing!!! My biggest fear of cheating or having someone cheat on me is getting s dreadful disease. I was lucky because it was something that was treatable but think of the ones that arent.....HIV....Cancer cells, etc. I was young and naive. Always enjoy reading your posts, Hope. You have had major life experiences and learned from them. You have a wonderful outlook on life......keep it up. hugs
So we meet again CHERRYPOPS! I just posted on your other blog! ;)
FIRST,,,,,, If one has permission to be with another, (as you have described) it isn't cheating... What you refer is more an "open" relationship. I have known couples like this and have only seen it work ONCE... Of course this has only been MY observation of others experiences. I myself, have not been in an "open relationship" in that manner.
However, as one who has cheated on my ex, (wrote a blog about that life changing event) and as one who has cheated with many married men in my past since my teenage years, I have learned A LOT about myself and men during my indiscretions. I had years of therapy and came to the realization long ago I have chosen relationships in my past that were "doomed" from the start due to several issues within myself ranging from not feeling worthy of love due to childhood issues and to being afraid of committment, as I have had abandonment issues.
There are MANY reasons men and women cheat. And not all do so for the same reasons. But let me say this and everyone can take it to the bank for either parties. (I HAVE HAD THIS MUCH EXPERIENCE IN THIS ARENA UNFORTUNATELY.) And I also have "interviewed" over 100 cheating males for a book I am embarking on.
A man, or a woman, SPENDING TIME, ESPECIALLY "INTIMATE TIMES," with a party who is NOT their spouse, will rarely, if ever, lead to the original couple being "closer." While women are more likely to leave a husband B/C they become close to the one they cheat with, men also establish bonds with "the mistress" and that bond is destructive to his marriage, regardless of his status in leaving.
See, in the same way you say YOU must have an emotional connection to be with a man, well, guess what?
Even though most women tend to think men are just "being horn dogs" when they cheat, and don't care about the "other woman," the majority of men I have met desire an emotional connection with a woman as well. They DESIRE a woman to KNOW THEM and this comes from communication and and becoming friends. ALL men want that "spark," just as women do, and that is not accompished by a one-night stand. I have known men who have professed their love to their mistress and men who have even contemplated leaving their wife for her and known men who have left their wife for her.
So if you are passing out a "pink slip" to a partner to have a free ride, don't become upset when his "freedom" you have granted, leaves him to go elsewhere to stay...
Most men do NOT want a wife who "grants" permission to them.
1) B/C it takes the "forbidden fruit" away. The "THRILL" of being bad dissipates if they have permission.
2) Most men do NOT want their wife to give them "permission." I've known several men who have "pink slips" as long as they do not embarrass their wives, and guess what? Not one of them is "over joyed" about it. It makes them feel "less desirable" B/C their wife is "willing to share" and not "that interested" in him anymore to give them the intimacy he craves.
3) Most men do NOT want their wife to be with another man, and what's good for the goose... Well,,,,
WELCOME TO THE FORUMS! :) My VOTE is... NOT THE BEST IDEA FOR A WOMAN TO SHARE HER MAN---- GIVE HIM AN INCH, HE'LL TAKE A MILE-- AND SOON YOU WILL BE LEFT HOME ALONE WITH ROVER, WHILE HE IS WINING AND DINING AND ROMANCING ANOTHER! ;)