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When is a woman comfortable? When can you get serious?
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2012 03:45

I really need a woman's perspective. More precisely, I would like to get a sense of when it is the right time to start talking on a serious level. I realize you need to get to know each other first before moving on to "let's meet" or "I will fly to you" ... I think the best timing is when a woman is comfortable with me... but I really wonder how long does it takes a woman to feel comfortable on the internet through email?

 

I think I might move too fast. Maybe because I can sense, feel and project that a woman is a good fit for me. I think I am different than most men... But is this a failing of most men? Do we "get it" faster than women that she is a good fit? Does a woman take these advances as a male's pushing too fast - and he just wants sex or some other motive?

 

My questions, from an internet perspective, are - When is the timing right? When does a woman open up? When does the "trust factor" happen? Does the "trust factor" EVER happen in emails? Should I just be cool in emails no matter how strongly I feel about a woman?  Wait for our in-person meeting? I have to admit, I am a little and a lot confused... please help me.



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Posted on Sun, Apr 06, 2014 18:45

Quoting LTRswm:

I'd like to thank all of you for stepping in and being very helpful. And you responded so quickly. Your insights were very helpful as I am new to the internet dating "dance" (loved the analogy Stellina). I like the camera idea. Hadn't thought of that and it is the least risk for a woman. I have no interest in pushing for a first meet as I wouldn't want to make a woman uncomfortable. It's not fair. Women are and should be concerned with their personal security.

 

You've all given me a new prospective on how to meet. I'm excited about this site. I know there are fake people but, it's ok, they show their hand very quickly. "Next"

 

I have meet some real people. I think what excites me the most is the possibility of meeting a decent woman here. I want a decent friend with good morale fiber. I miss the old days when people were Neighborly and didn't want anything from you (per se). 

 

I'm back on the site and ready to commit substantially more time here. So, wish me luck!  Peter

When you take over a year to get back to your own, original post, it isn't a good sign!  I sure hope u step it up and get crackin with the communication and yes, "PUSH" to meet someone!!  

 

 

As for me, I am not a fan of this site although I have found a friend or two and have had some entertainment in the blogs/forum.  For the first time in the entire two years on here, I have talked to someone I like.  Since it has been a month and he hasn't pushed the idea of meeting (he lives in another state so it would take a plane trip), I have the sad feeling that he will be like all the others.  Too busy of a life and doesn't care to see the possibilities?  I don't know. All I know is the timing for me is perfect to meet and move to wherever I choose.



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Posted on Sun, Apr 06, 2014 04:00

I'd like to thank all of you for stepping in and being very helpful. And you responded so quickly. Your insights were very helpful as I am new to the internet dating "dance" (loved the analogy Stellina). I like the camera idea. Hadn't thought of that and it is the least risk for a woman. I have no interest in pushing for a first meet as I wouldn't want to make a woman uncomfortable. It's not fair. Women are and should be concerned with their personal security.

 

You've all given me a new prospective on how to meet. I'm excited about this site. I know there are fake people but, it's ok, they show their hand very quickly. "Next"

 

I have meet some real people. I think what excites me the most is the possibility of meeting a decent woman here. I want a decent friend with good morale fiber. I miss the old days when people were Neighborly and didn't want anything from you (per se). 

 

I'm back on the site and ready to commit substantially more time here. So, wish me luck!  Peter



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Posted on Thu, Apr 11, 2013 17:46

I agree with both RMac (hi Mac) and Hope (hi princess).

 

As Hope said, all women are different and the reaction you will find may differ from one to the next. Some may be adventurous and be ready to meet right from the beginning. Others may be more reserved and prefer to form a friendship first. In this case you must be ready to make a good friend and nothing else should the relationship not move any further.

 

In the other hand, if you manage to talk, email and/or text a few times and it's comfortable, ask her to meet you for coffee or a drink some place where you can sit or walk and talk face to face. Ask for a first meet and get it over with. RMac said, you run the risk of falling in love with an idea and end up heartbroken if you decide to extend the phone/computer courtship. This is definitely something to think about.

 

I think that once you know that the other person is whom he/she claims to be; there is no reason to spend a lot of time getting to know each other electronically. That is, unless you are a long distance away. There is a lot said by facial expressions that you don’t hear in words.

I hope the site works for you.


-Lulu-



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Posted on Sat, Mar 30, 2013 16:18

I think all the women who have responded to your question so far have given you a lot of insight. And like Hoping said, no two women are exactly like.
I think, too, that the comfort level of a woman on this site has a lot to do with scammers/fakes. I know my experience so far has been scammers...thank god, I had the smarts and knowledge not to take it off site and no money was exchanged. So for me, I think that it takes trust and some patience. Show me I can trust you, get on webcam and prove to me you are who you say you are. I think another gal earlier said it's like dance. We want to be pursued, men like to chase...its how we are wired.
So respect, trust and honesty...actions speak louder than words...show her!



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Posted on Fri, Mar 22, 2013 08:02

Meet as quickly as the lady is willing to meet.  First meetings are just to see if you have a chance to become an “item.”  No chance, move on.   If she says no chance, same deal, move on.  Get this all over with as soon as possible.   

 

Emails and phone calls are just to set up the first face to face.  Otherwise, you risk falling in love with an idea.   Someone you invented in your mind based on the bits and pieces shared via email and / or phone calls.  You really might like that person you invented, but the real person may never be able to live up to that.  Even when the real person is pretty super.  No one can compete with an idolized image created by an over eager imagination.   

 

RMac



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Posted on Wed, Jan 30, 2013 14:17

I want to meet and greet right away...maybe a few emails or a phone call but no more then 1 or 2. It is a waste of time for the most part because  meeting in person is the tell all...and I don't have time to waste emails and phone calls, then meet in person and realize there is no chemistry or connection...



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Posted on Sat, Jan 05, 2013 23:37

Hello, I looked at your profile, you live in Dearborn. I loved Camp Dearborn but I was a kid and it was a long time ago. Growing up in Michigan and knowing the good people there, I'm surprised you can't find a Michigan girl! 

To get to your reason for posting, I would say it varies with each lady. If I were you, I would want to take advantage of a webcam and that way you get to see if someone is more comfortable,etc. with you. A lot of women have good instincts and know very soon into communicating how they feel.

Sorry I can't give you a better concrete answer. Slow and steady is better I think than something too quick that might freak her out.

Good luck, hope you're better, pnuemonia can be very scary. I had it before, I stay very clear from people with bad germs :)



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Posted on Sun, Dec 23, 2012 09:43

I am ready to meet!!   (just kidding...)
But seriously I am a cancer, let me give my 2 cents as a cancer Asian female.
1. Security is important to me. I'll need to take a chance in meeting a stranger so I'll want to make sure nothing bad is going to happen. So guys, get verified, registered, offer IDs...
2. I will want to be pursued. Not to play hard to get, just to be sure that I am your type.
3. I'd like to feel there is at least 50/50 chance that this could lead somewhere. So I'll like to see if the guy gets my jokes, appreciate who I am, if I like his personality, value, etc.
Finally, the first meeting is just a first meeting. I don't think of it as a real date. Too much would scare me.
I read your profile and it makes me laugh. Your post sounds like a very down to earth guy too. Wish you a very good year to come!!



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Posted on Sat, Dec 22, 2012 14:11

I dont think he comes across as a 'poor man' ;)   I would say, be easy.  Be aasy with yoruself and get your mind out of the dating dance.  It is a Dance not a Game.  You lead, and you allow for her to choose her follow and lead alternating back and forth, as that is naturally the course.  Get to know her.  Ask her questions, study her responses, sighs etc, patience will birth you virtueous outcome. Just stay present respectful, and yourself. Most of all enjoy the ride, and be true.



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Posted on Mon, Dec 10, 2012 16:01

HI there.... 
I happened to stumble on this and sense you are seriously seeking an answer, so I felt I should tell you how I, as a woman, feel. As usual, I read your profile to get a better gauge of who you might be. You appear a romantic for certain. I have found most seriously romantic men to be a little more laid back than "normal" men. (For lack of better word) I noted you also follow astrology, so I looked up the women you feel are best suited for you. I learned Cancer women can be aloof / distant and Capricorns can be difficult to read. Though I am not one to follow astrology stead fast, I can say I have witnessed some undeniable characteristics within the Zodiac, so if you seek out these women, know there are some struggles you may encounter initally due to their personality IF these traits ring true. I am a Taurus, who are known to be very "down to Earth real" which totally epitomises me. You just can't get "more real" than me... However, we are also known to be non risk takers, which is the complete opposite of me, so I recommend you take the astrology guide in a balanced way. In other words, if you had a bad experience with a Leo, I wouldn't allow that to lead the path away from another Leo.. You might miss out on one great purr-er! ;)  
So I think it is essential you recognize no two women are alike. One's level of comfort may differ tremendously. A more gregarious personality will possibly open up much sooner than a more reserved or shy woman. Additionally, a woman who is more a risk taker will possibly open up sooner. In other words, I feel it has more to do with personality types than gender. Is this Zodiac driven? I don't know. You can always find a sliver of truth in anything if you look deep enough. 
Do you attract or are you attracted to women who are more reserved or have a milder personality? I would think these women might be more difficult to read, as they tend to be more conservative and reserved. 
For me, which is certainly not the same as every woman, I WANT to meet a man right away. I am just "that down to Earth and real" (for lack of better term) and I see no sense in wasting time if there will not be a chemistry connection. I do not join date sites to make male friends. In saying this though, I have enjoyed the male friends I have made through blogging. But for me, the friendships are just a bonus for this particular dating site. However, I don't know that many women feel this way. As I said, Taurus are "supposed" to be non riskers... But I am a heavy risk taker and it has actually placed me in dangerous situations many times over. I think most women may say they prefer to see if a "friendship" is developed first, which is smart, but to me not sensible. (I'm supposed to have a high level of practicality and common sense) For me, I do not care to get emotionally attached to a man I don't know if I want to kiss.
So for me, why would I want to know a man "that much" before I meet him?  I will email a man back a few times and then if we haven't discussed meeting by then, why is he wasting my time? 
Now as I stated previously, my GF say I am "not normal" (LOL) with how I view men, but I hope I have helped you somewhat. You seem sincere in your question.
LADIES.. STEP IN AND HELP THIS POOR MAN!
When do you feel it's time to talk "meet and greet?" 
Don't be shy!! I think its wonderfully refreshing to find a man asking how we feel versus telling us what WE do wrong! ;)

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