BLAME IN A RELATIONSHIP,,,,, Long Term Relationship

  • View author's info Author posted on Jul 30, 2012 at 15:12

    When reflecting on my last 3 year relationship I feel saddened by a situation I felt was not workable. But is it? I know what it is like to blame and why I did. When I used to be cut off emotionally, I truly thought it was because everyone else,  that I faced challenges. When I stepped out of ignorance and opened my eyes I realized (and was shown by life coach) that I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. If I didn't like how people were toward me, knowing it is a reflection of myself, then I needed to look toward myself.
    In my last 3 yr relationship, the shoe was on the other foot. I have learned the hard way how important it is to be accountable in a relationship so as not to allow things to get convoluted and enmeshed not to mention create anger when blamed. My ex blamed me for all our difficulties and really did not see himself as any part of our challenges--he just didn't connect himself to his own hurtful attitudes, etc. He would shut me out completely if a problem arose and just hang up on me and not answer the phone etc. Very immature. Yet, is this situation truly not workable? Or is there a way to work on it to maybe show him somehow why it is necessary to be accountable and how hurtful it is to blame? Or is it a waste of time? Just curious for my own growth. What are your thoughts on this?
  • 13Comments

  • View author's info posted on Oct 11, 2012 at 15:54

    Just saw this bluefinch... emailing it to you now...
  • View author's info posted on Oct 06, 2012 at 06:02

    Referring to easyman to love...I would like to know in what publication you read this article?
  • View author's info posted on Sep 30, 2012 at 15:50

    There is no love in either blame or lying are both tools of cowards.

    I read a great article the other day that said that blame is one of the hallmark signs of a Passive/Agressive personality and that PAs are essentially incapable of love.
  • View author's info posted on Aug 25, 2012 at 18:01

    hey lady Just saw this response..
    I think we would ge along very well too. And Yes, my humor has become my own form of entertainment! ;) 
    Been trying to catch up on here.. But forget where I post! Esp here in forum.. I am more in blogs..
    Hope you are doing well! I enjoy strong women who say it like it is.. so looking fwd to reading more from you! ;)
  • View author's info posted on Aug 19, 2012 at 09:50

    When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm better. Mae West

  • View author's info posted on Aug 19, 2012 at 09:49

    Love is the answer, but while you wait, sex raises some pretty interesting vaprosi.Udi Allen
  • View author's info posted on Aug 19, 2012 at 03:08

    "We all want to fall in love Why Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. When every sense is heightened every emotion increases our everyday reality is shattered and flying in the sky. It may last only a moment, time, afternoon. But this does not diminish its value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives. "

    "When love is not madness is not love"

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  • View author's info posted on Aug 19, 2012 at 02:41

    "In the confusion we stay with each other, happy to be together, to speak without saying a word." (Walt Whitman)

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  • View author's info posted on Aug 18, 2012 at 10:52

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart." (Helen Keller
  • View author's info Recommended posted on Aug 18, 2012 at 10:34

    "All men and women have an equal need for love. When these needs are not fulfilled it is easy to have our feelings hurt, for which we blame our partner."  --John Gray
  • View author's info posted on Aug 16, 2012 at 09:41

    I love your style!! I think you and I would get along great. Both of us are straight-forward, no bullcrap women!! I look forward to what you have to say because you crack me up and you are helpful with your wisdom.
  • View author's info posted on Aug 11, 2012 at 23:24

    PS.. LOVE is NEVER about BLAME...
    LOVE is regarding ACCEPTANCE.. in the same manner Christians feel "JESUS.. "ACCEPTS ALL... regardless of failures...etc.."
    Hence..... GOD for Christians..... is LOVE...
    The fact you are so willing to "accept" others behaviors reflects a "Loving Spirit".. yet in your quest, you may as well be accepting of "abuse"... 
    DRAW THE LINE..... 
    "Emotional neglect" is a form of abuse... 
    Carry that with you in all relationships... 
    From my heart sweetie.... cuz that's how a Princess rolls...
  • View author's info posted on Aug 11, 2012 at 23:17

    Sweetie,... I will tell you, as someone who has worked in life coaching, in the relationship end... and saved and dismantled relationships... 
    I sense you feel a strong amount of guilt for something not working out.. I sense this "guilt" stems from previous matters which are still a bit unresolved.. in your heart...
    Childhood? Marriage? Self-Esteem???? Not sure.. BUT!! 
    I DO sense it is NOT with this particular individual who must step up and take responsibility for his own actions.. (or lack thereof) YOUR issue LIES DEEPER.. 
    Find THAT/THOSE issues... and address them emotionally... 
    What a Life Coach does is simply "guide" one in the area they see the party need to be directed in... The rest is up to YOU... The Seeker.... 
    In the same realm... Your last 3 year relationship... HE must step up .. and he HASN'T.. 
    So it is MUTE...
    Sounds as if he is in denial... and you are still brunting the blame... 
    RELEASE IT... 
    A relationship is only as "healthy" as the two people in it...
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