Sheesh ladies... go read "He's just not that into you!"
Just because true love is "right in front of him" doesn't mean it's the true love he wants!
Look it like buying an apple. You go into the grocery store, walk back to the produce section and stand in front of several bins full of apples. The apples are essentially all the same and even knowing that, you still pick through them all until you find just the one you want. Heck you may even hold one or two up, admire them, turn them around in your hand and then for whatever reason decide their just not perfect enough FOR YOU and put them back! It doesn't mean there's a damned thing wrong with the apple(s) you put back... in fact, if stand there and watch, the next person will probably buy that very one you admired and put back!
Guys are no different... we want the one that we want...
The difference is, while we're sorting through the bin, we might try to nibble on one we know we're not gonna buy!
I'm not sure if the ability for one to love another is the big question.
I've met and went out with many who state they are looking for real and true love.
However, once we met, they're ecstatic that I was as real as my pics, the person emailing and from our talks. Told they loved me soon after meeting, and then find them on some dating site looking for casual sex with 18-50 with talks of them giving towards their college fund. . Is it not finding true love or scared of finding true love? More casual pleasures because they fear getting hurt. I never allowed the chance for them to know the reason for me making it hard for them to continue pursuing me. Easier for them to be angry at me and them continue their lives in fantasy world because they had a chance with a real loving woman and lost it. So, they wander in the mist searching for something they proclaim to want but not strong enough to hold it. They're weak and I prefer to give my heart to someone strong.
Love will never be until you're able to be strong enough to handle the possible pain of loss.
One of the problems, I feel, is sure, people want to be loved, yet; when it is right in front of their face, many times it is missed because the person is still wallowing in the past, or has yet to find their core. One misses a lot living in the past. Asking to be loved is a red flag because when someone understands love in a way where they are sure to recieve it, then this person will be willing to love before ever "asking" for it. And besides, everyone has an idea about love....to me, love is first walking through "the dark" within, with courage, with loving acceptance, and venture to our very core, the center of who we are, the fears we face rather than hide, the insecurities we willingly accept rather than project onto the other, the emotional chakra that knows all and is tied in to the inifiniteness we all share-the very fabric of life called the "ether" and then and only then, will we be able to love another human being in the truest sense. Love, true love, has a deep understanding that to love another person means loving their insecure moments, their oops and ohoh's, their mean or disapproving mood on a day, this is when they need love the most. Love only happens when a person looks at another's faults, not as an inconvenience, but, looks at the other's faults with self-knowledge and instead "relates" and does not judge in fear of nonacceptance. This is a clue they have yet to accept that which I talk about which in turn scares being loved away. It is a double edge sword; yet, beautiful, because in the very nucleus of every single issues in our life is where the kernal of hope and positive change resides. It is a gift and not an inconvenience. And finally, willingness. If someone is not "willing" to change, not "willing" to show their faults and be open with their partner, then the situation is not workable no matter how hard you try, no matter what you do, it won't work. This to me is love. One of my favorite quotes sums up all of what I said......
“The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain, to show them that we love them, not when we feel like it, BUT WHEN THEY DO!!!" Well put, and true it is!
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! I don't expect love in return. I just wait for it to grow in your heart but if it doesn't, I am content it grew in my. As much as you give as much you will recive, even more... Good luck to all
LOVE I WISH PERSON MEAN IT WHEN THEY SAY IT. LOVE IS A BIG WORD TO ME WITH ALOT OF MEANING. IF I TELL SOMEONE I LOVE THEM IT IS GENUINE, IT COMES STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART.N0WADAYS YOU HAVE PERSON SAYING THAT THEY LOVE YOU AND THEY DONT. THEY WILL SING ON IT LIKE A SONG. IM A CANCERIAN AND I DONT MESS AROUND WITH PERSON FEELINGS. SO I DONT WANT ANYONE TO MESS AROUND WITH MINE. TRUE LOVE IS HARD TO FIND BUT I HAVE TO BE PATIENT. PLZ DONT LET ME WAIT TOO LONG LOL SERIOULY.
Once a person learns how to love and give in a relationship they become a magnet to attract others who seek the same person. Change your mindset to think about giving and serving your partner instead of measuring your expectations against their qualities. And be sure not to expose your expectations so you don't give yourself a false sense of security when they attempt to mold themselves to such expectations. Men are known to do that.
Also don't let them think it is all about you and what they can do for you. Instead find a partner who is a giver such as yourself, who will let you know what they want to do for you matching your desire to also give to them without any expectation to expect something in return.
Both dating partners want to feel valued, supported, appreciated, encouraged, acknowledged and affirmed. Not judged or criticised in order to attempt to change them or get them to move in your ways.
Nothing wrong with constructive critisism if done toward a partner who embraces and acknowledges it. A sign they want to change themselves for the relationship not just catering to a demanding partner to keep the peace.
If done the right way both can expect a longterm emotional and physical relationship because they want what the other is giving to them and can't find it in others.
To dannyspl---great comment. What you said shed light from a different perspective for me as far as the expectations you explained. Wow! It also brought to my mind how I was with a man for 1 year and grew tired of him comparing me to past girlfriends. It hurt and seemed he wanted me to live up to expectations of every previous person he was with. Tall order not to mention impossible.
it's not easy. i asked jim is he divorced & is he over ex during 2mo. before coming to him. he wad 17 months to forget her but he keeps talking about her. i dont know what to do with him. he doesnt deserve faithful sweet girl like ME...
i coudnt find out at the beginning that he's insane. hoarder. he's not honest
One of my favorite quotes: "The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection,
and not a fountain, to show them that we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do." ~Nan Fairbrother
Pretty much says it in a nutshell. We all want the same thing, love, yet are we willing to risk all of who we are to be loved? Think about this...If being loved is what we seek are we willing to put forth all our vulnerabilities--willing to be accountable for our actions/bad choices openly and honestly and not resort to blame of any sort? Are we readily willing to risk being judged, put down, ridiculed, or mocked, and even dismissed for what we feel? Most importantly, before all this, are we, ourself, willing to do what it takes which is not easy, takes extreme diligence, and patience toward ourself to break patterns of behaviour that has become second nature to us, knee jerk reactions etc. Are we willing to step out of our "comfort zones" and act in ways that are foreign to us, are we willing to communicate in a way that we have not tried before, and are we willing to accept ourself as imperfect beings? Does a person believe they are "lovable"? On the other end of where it needs to begin, are we able to except the imperfections of our partner, are we able to draw boundaries and remain inpendent and not convoluted in the he said, she said vicious circle of immature love, are we willing to meet our partner in the middle and allow for something more than just our own opinion. Are we flexible and honest, do we come to the table of compromise on an issue and instead say: "I see my actions are destructive .....and that I notice when I shut you out when arguing that I am really hurting you and that is not my intention--will you help me as I become more aware as I take growth in steps which is just what it is. (used as example). Instead of coming to the table never intending to even consider the other point of view because we are so sure we are "right". Are we willing to be wrong? Make room for other than our own point of view knowing that our point of view can be limited?
Because without risking being seen for the fragmented beings that we are, imperfections, childish attitudes,etc; unless we present all of who we are despite the risk to be judged etc, then we can only be loved on the surface for all the good things. It is so easy to love positive qualities and ways people are toward us that leave us feeling on top of the world. It is quite different when challenges come up and our loved one's act in ways far from positive toward us. In the big scheme of things, unless we allow another person to be a part of the fragmented, incomplete parts of ourselves that still needs to grow--then love in the truest sense will not exist as a link in the chain of life. One more of my favorite quotes: "Love takes of masks that we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within." ~James Arthur Baldwin
I like your way of thinking Danny........I am a tru believer that positive atrracts positive and negaitve atrracts negative. The book THE SECRET works and more people should read it. There may be many crazy people on this site but I think once you weed them out there are many wonderful people looking for love. I will never give up hope that LOVE really does conquer all. Being in love is the most azamzing feeling in the world.......I hope to find it again one day. Stay positive folks.......he/she is out there waiting for you.
because so many look at the outter shell first and not the inner shell. If you notice most men on here the max age is still years under their own age. WHY is that? Because they want HOT younger woman. They are not going in and looking at the soul of that person, not even giving it a try. They judge by that outter shell first. Its really sad.
Im not saying hook up with a ugly duckling who doesn't take care of herself but give the average a chance you might find true love for life and not until divorce.
I, too, agree... in the end we are all just fragile, ephemeral beings asking to be accepted and loved just the way we are. Yet we try to appear immortal and invincible and build such think walls around ourselves taht in the end we all live alone and unhappy, but nobody is brave enough to take the first step and leave aside the mask exposing himself, faults and all. It's sort of a sick vicious chain we built throughout the centuries.