Do male friends really exist for women? Friendship

  • View author's info Recommended Photo Verified Certified Millionaire in 2013 Author posted on Nov 22, 2011 17:01


    I have this theory that straight men rarely are a "friend" as  women think.  They are just a boyfriend in waiting.  I have asked dozens of women that if they went to their "friend" and asked him to sleep with her what would be the response.  So far I'm batting 100 percent.  Women said the guy would probably sleep with them.  I think that makes the case that men are not really a woman's "friend", but a boyfriend in waiting. What do you think? 
  • 61Comments

  • View author's info posted on Feb 07, 2016 17:52


    Yes we exist. 

  • View author's info posted on Jan 19, 2015 15:03


    My best friend is male, and he would not want to sleep with me, nor I with him. Men can be friends without the benefits.

  • View author's info Recommended Photo Verified posted on Mar 26, 2014 18:05


    I do believe there are some men that can be true friends. I am fortunate enough to have had a male friend for over 25yrs. He is my best friend and we have been through a lot together. We do everything together...except have sex.

  • View author's info posted on Mar 10, 2014 18:40


    I really like having male friends as men see through a different lens then females.  Most are very easy to talk to and aren't ultra sensitive also.  However, I must admit that most of my male friends have admitted to being attracted to me beyond friendship, and have blatantly stated if I wasn't married to so and so I'd be trying to marry you.  (Blushing) It's sweet but I'm sure there's a reason they've made it to the "friend" zone. Hmmm, did I answer the question.

      

  • View author's info posted on Mar 10, 2014 14:37


    I also believe that men can be friends with Females, as well I believe that women can be friends wit males..! Not everyone in life that we meet we have to have a sexual connection just because it's the opposite sex. My personal opition only.

  • View author's info posted on Jan 04, 2014 10:36


     "In life, you need rules and boundaries to preserve RESPECT to others around you no matter what the situation is or the feelings you might have."

  • View author's info posted on Dec 13, 2013 17:48


    I personally think that men and women can be only friends, depending on each parties feelings towards one another. I know for me, I have a few men that are my friends and that's all that they are: friends. It's possible, but it's just depending on both parties to set where the line is drawn from not being "just friends."
  • View author's info posted on Nov 24, 2013 17:48


    I do agree to a point. i have had many guy friends who have fell under this theory. But I also have 2 guy friends who are just that, friends! It's hard because even if they are not physically attracted to you, emotions often get into the way. It's hard to find a great guy who just wants to be your friend. But I feel it is possible. 

  • View author's info posted on Sep 27, 2013 01:48


     

    It’s always a gray area.. I would many time prefer a guy friend over a girlfriend, but I know to my heart that it’s not really possible. And it’s not just annoying to taking  care of " the boundaries", but it’s due to the fact that a good guy-friend ends up being married to a girl who would probably band the kind of relations, or after his new endeavor, he finds the relation is over. Then you would think, “were he a friend anyway’ or just on the wait list?

    Best friend is hard to find! 

  • View author's info posted on Aug 30, 2013 02:35


    I have to say I find this quite ridiculus, you are basically saying that guys only have/want female friends who they are attracted to... rubbish. I have a number of very good female friends, some of whom I am not physically attracted to and would never sleep with, but they are still friends! Btw I wouldn't sleep with the others either! It's all about respect, something that some here seem to lack big time!

  • View author's info Photo Verified posted on Aug 28, 2013 11:17


    @MDB I couldn't agree more.

  • View author's info posted on Aug 28, 2013 06:49


    I have a male friend we have been friends for over 10 years, i have no doubt there is mutual respect and we are not attracted to each other its a great friendship and very unique i feel very lucky and fortunate :) ..however a little strange when he suggests friends for me to date! I would love to see him happy and I know he wants the best for me to, hes like a brother and yes he is sraight however he likes very very tiny girls, tanned and blonde and girl next door look, and I myself am more curvy brunette exotic looking and have a milky complection.

  • View author's info Photo Verified posted on Aug 23, 2013 16:20


    Females can have male friends.  The only difference is that men have testosterone so of course they'd bang their female friend. LOL!  I have guy friends that I am sure would never sleep with me and I have some that I am sure would.  Guys see sex so differently than women.  It's usually the woman who has to put up the boundaries.  My guy friends' know very well I would not sleep with them.  But I am a woman who can set and maintain boundaries.  

     

    Think about your own group of friends...are they all female or all male? Likely not, I'm sure everyone has both.  Question answered :) 

  • View author's info posted on Aug 19, 2013 18:11


    I have many male friends who are just friends.  Most of them I've known since middle school or high school.  Where I encounter problems, however, is from their wives and/or girlfriends because apparently they believe as you do - that men and women can't be just friends.  Because I don't want to cause any trouble for my friends and I don't want to be the source of drama in anyone's life, I rarely see those friends anymore.  I think it's sad and foolish of those women (because let's face it, I've known those guys for such a long time that if something was going to happen it would have already) but I can understand (sort of) so I keep my distance unless the wives/girlfriends are going to be there too. 

  • View author's info posted on Aug 18, 2013 12:13


    Not ;)
  • View author's info Photo Verified posted on Aug 18, 2013 10:41


    Quoting Orlando__:

    Quoting 4EverLoyal:

    Orlando, some of us really have great male friends. I don't think every male friend is a
    "boyfriend" in waiting. Since you love research and statistics, poll a sample size and do a study.

    There is research on this already.  Bleske-Rechek, et. al took 88 pairs of "friends" and had each fill out a confidential survey on attraction.  These "friendships" averaged about 2 years in length. The authors consistently found that "men reported more attraction to their female friends than women did to their male friends." The study even looked at men and women who were in a relationship with another person.  Again, men were still attracted to their female "friend" and repeatedly the female "friend" was unaware of the attraction. As the authors point out men had an, "attraction to (and desire to date) their friend regardless of their own current romantic involvement or their friend’s current romantic involvement." In essence, women were fooling themselves that their male "friend" really just wanted to be "friends."

    Source: Bleske-Rechek, A., Somers, E., Micke, C., Erickson, L., Matteson, L., Stocco, C., ... & Ritchie, L. (2012). Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 29 (5), 569-596.

     

    First off, I LOVE that you cited a reference source.  Thank you for that. 

     

    I'll have to go look at the journal itself, but my first thoughts were, what age groups were these individuals selected from?  How many participants?  Friendships of 2 years in length, aren't necessarily solid friendships, as most people will hide their true intentions/qualities for about 18 months (while in a relationship), so if there is that underlying theme of attraction, you can bet that the person who is attracted will be on their best behaviour in hopes of snagging the apple of their eye for want of a better cliche.

     

    Perhaps, once that two year threshold has been passed, and individuals truly begin to know one another (i.e. first time the lady in the friendship pairing discloses something that that male in the pairing finds absolutely horrifying...whatever that may be and he accepts her anyhow, vice versa).

     

    Relationships are complex enough, and often times I think we have these preconceived notions of who people are, so the man or the woman in the friendship may have these thoughts about how closely the individual matches their 'dream partner' and this may lead to attraction that wouldn't necessarily be there years down the road, after discovering their 'ideal' is less than such.  

     

    So to answer the initial question, with all the considerations above, in the first two years of a friendship - I don't think there's any such thing as 'friends' it is a 'I hope she realizes what a dork she's with, and picks me'.  After the two years though, I think there is a more realistic sense of friendship evolving.  I will admit though, that there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule, as I have seen 'friendships' blossom into relationships several years after an initial meeting.  

     

    Great topic!

  • View author's info posted on Jul 16, 2013 09:22


    Just remember that friendship is also what you self make it to and think about also what you send for signals, i have woman friendship for more than 20 years be on weekends sleep next to and in same house as their husband/boyfriends and never did anything beacuse if sex come into it the friendship is set to go down and when you then not can live together then you have spoiled an very good friendship
    Live and love life its an gift dont point because even if you not are rich you can also have an very nice and happy life, dont point at people every time you point then 3 orther fingeres are pointing back
    money dosent matter nice to have but real love and friendship can not be bought for money.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 15, 2013 13:58


    I think it is defenately possible. I have a female friend and she is perfect to talk about feelings or things where guys don’t talk about that easy together. She is like a sister for me and that's also how i see her. However it needs to be clear that the friendship is just a friendship. Partners can be jalous. As long you prefer the other persons luck above yours or eventual desires it is possible. Dont claim time for example if she has a relationship or dont be a threat for her boyfriend. 

  • View author's info posted on Jul 01, 2013 02:34


    I disagree. I have had straight men over that I had known, and they have laid on my bed with me and we had no intimacy. Ultimately the decision to be intimate should always be up to the lady. They were all quite respectful and no intimacy ever occurred with them there nor in the future. We were just good friends. And yes I am straight as well.
    - manitaju
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