Lets talk about what men Really want Message Board Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Oct 11, 2010 at 05:33 AM

    Someone help me out. After all these years and devotion as a wife mother and yes a great lover, he walks out and now is alone and pathetic. What is he thinking, what is so important to a man that he would leave. He wants the younger women and lots of them. He still wants me every chance he could get and we all know why! Sad thing is the young girls dont want him either. All that aside I would really like to know what real men want I can take honesty so give it to me
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  • View author's info Posted on Nov 24, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    I want to be respected. 
    I want affirmation for the good things I do. 
    I want a good communicator.
    I a woman who can motivate me through femininity not nagging.
    I want a positive person who knows how to be feminine.
    I want a woman who doesn't try to be a man.
    I want qualilty time with my woman.
    I want to feel attracted to my woman beyond the first date.
    I want great sex.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 01, 2011 at 03:24 AM

    @dancer001 - Oddly, I've found the same thing. I know I'm no Brad Pitt, but I also know I am a great guy who knows how to treat a woman. Unfortunately, I rarely get the opportunity to prove it. I'd say 99% of my messages and emails go unanswered. It all goes by physical appearance, and I must be uglier than I thought.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 28, 2011 at 11:47 PM

    my dear,there is nothing wrong u did to him,so if he walked away because he wanted a younger lover let him go,because i do wonder what can a young girl want in an old man who is 3 times her age.he is suffering because he trying to buy love,he could have still remained with u and sort things out,so sorry he wasted your precious time,but we have second chances in life live him alone and move on with your life,accepting him back is out of question coz he despised u after you offered him all your time in the world.
    Good luck!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 26, 2011 at 01:30 AM

    Honesty and loyalty!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2011 at 07:15 AM

    All the men on here are so handsome and honestly need a good honest non gold digger which is why this site may not be good for you =( only because I do not want men or women to get taken advantage of. I hate gold diggers. Honestly I signed up for this website one night when I was hanging out with my girls and we did it as a joke. But now that I see people are emailing me and everything I find it very nice and flattering. I am honestly flattered by the emails. So what do men really want? I am a strong confident woman that is physically attractive. I have my MBA in business and I am currently working on a second masters degree in healthcare. I have a great job and make my own money. Why would any guy want a gold digger or do they honestly fall in love with the woman and it dosent matter any more? What do you all think? xxxoo
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 22, 2011 at 09:03 PM


    First of all I'm not all knowing just a guy in the know cause I have been facilitating divorce recovery for 15 years.

    Unfortunately, The empowerment idea of feminists and woman's liberation agendas has made it a bigger challenge to "have it all". The job or career, the family and the ideal relationship.

    Where men and women can do better is stop thinking about what their partner can do for them rather than what they can do for their partner. This me attitude has killed the idea of a longterm possibility.

    Where women can do better is make him feel valued and appreciated. The expectation of serving me has to change. Men want to serve you but they don't want you to expect it. They also don't like to be criticized and judged for simply being a man. Women who practice emasculating men to gain empowerment usually find themselves alone in their later years and then wonder why.

    For the next relationship try obtaining a serving mindset and don't criticize or judge or emasculate him. Change your list of expectations to that of growing the relationship instead of serving yourself. If he is smart he will see it right and the relationship will grow. If he doesn't you may have just picked the wrong guy who doesn't get it either. The magic happens when you both get it and serve eachother unconditionally.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 18, 2011 at 02:29 PM

    I have been dating for awhile (this site and others) and am finding it very challenging.  Men say that they want a partner, a fulfilling relationship with someone fun, intelligent, etc.   However, my experience has told me that most men in their 40s have very unrealistic expections - they all want the beautiful, young, supermodel wife/girlfriend that they can show off.   I know that I do not have supermodel beauty and because of that, I get passed over and am never even given a chance.   What they don't realize is that if they take the opportunity to get to know me, they would find that I am a fun person with a lot to offer, a variety of interests, but more importantly, be there through thick and thin. 

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 13, 2011 at 04:13 PM

    Danny, what you said is soo true about how when a marriage dies, they have stopped serving one another.

    Now my big question for you , Oh Wise one, please explain how we touch a man emotionally. In the beginning years, sure we all did it, he was listening and open. 8-10 years into the relationship and he has become emotionally distant. What changed, that we didn't catch?

    If women knew that...divorce would go down. j

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  • View author's info Posted on Aug 13, 2011 at 10:57 AM

    What real men want is a woman like me. And im available to only one man im the devotd and faithfull kind and can be only in love withe man that will mary me and whos children iwill bear. Iwill provide this man with all themotiol support he needs to have a happy life iwill treat him with kindnes and understanding and help sort out his problems and give him everything he wants to be happy. I would be hes best friend lover councelor consultant and

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  • View author's info Posted on Aug 04, 2011 at 08:48 AM

    Devo Sometime during your relationship Attitudes changed, Perspectives got mixed up. Feelings got hurt. Resentment may have set in. You both stopped serving eachother.

    You really want to know what men want. Surprisingly it is not sex. They want to be emotionally stimulated. A years salary to bet if a man ever actually tells you that. You know why? Cause it makes him vulnerable to you and the relationship. And it goes against most things he was taught in family and the social media on how men act.

    Men who just want sex are not men. They are boys still discovering themselves. They are men when they can say the key to a woman's heart is not through his fly.

    Men want to be valued, supported, encouraged, acknowledged and affirmed. When they have a woman who understands this they will never want to leave her for another woman who doesn't.

    I have met more women who think criticizing, judging, sharing details about them to their friends and family is more important to themselves than wanting to stimulate him emotionally.

    Finding a woman who doesn't think it is all about her and what I can do for her is a priority for me. When she makes me valued to her and endorses my role in her life she will be comforted to know Im there for her through think and thin.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 28, 2011 at 02:16 AM

    real men shoulder the responsibility of marriage and nurture the relationship. this includes the children if any. next is the the physical well being of both. don't pack on the weight. my wife or hubby the blimp does not get accolades what so ever. seen this happen. stay current on events in the news and other things of common interest. do not transgress. period.( that caused my wife to become my ex. so she blamed me) its the road to disaster. also, drinking that gets out of hand. nobody likes a drunk. alot depends on the core values of both parties.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 27, 2011 at 06:14 PM


    YOU may have been the "ONE" to make the MOST mistakes in certain relationships previously.. but I find it difficult to believe ANY WOMAN is 100% right all the time. (even though I would side with a woman just cuz she's a woman... NOT!!)

    Don't beat yourself up... TRUST ME.. at the end of the day.. NONE of us is right all the time.. I've no doubt SHE was no saint.. You just may have been so "buried in all your guilt" you can't see it yet!!

    One must dig out of the mire before we can see the light at the top of the hole we've dug! :)


  • View author's info Posted on Jul 24, 2011 at 03:51 PM


    You made a lot of sense. No one is "perfect" and on self reflection we will often see the errors of choices made. Hindsight being 20/20, in most cases.

    I must admit it is difficult to imagine the failure of a relationship where only one party is solely responsible. However, while not ruling out the possibility it does seem to be a bit of a stretch to say "many" times this is the case.

    I would also agree with CallMeOrlando "men want a fulfilling relationship".

    Having said that it remains to be seen if our divorce rates will continue to grow as fewer and fewer people seem willing to work on their marriage.

    I think there are times when we are so much harder on ourselves then we need to be. Perhaps, because I know better than anyone what my issues are and where I can improve. I am a work in progress.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 23, 2011 at 02:17 PM

    OMG! CG!! I do not think I have EVER disagreed with you on these boards before.. HOWEVER... (heehee)

    I humbly and respectfully ... DISAGREE.. and have to say.. KUDOS to ORLANDO... (Whew.. this is quite a switch guys!)


    CG.. We are ALL "imperfect!" Therefore it is IMPOSSIBLE for only ONE PARTY to ever be the only one at fault.... Now in stating this.. I by no means claim it can't be 70/30, 80/20 or even 95/5!! But one party is NEVER the only one to blame.. It isn't realistic (or emotionally healthy) to think this way... Every person simply must take responsibility for their portion of a failed relationship... even if it is only 5%...WE DON'T LEAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A REPORT CARD.... WE ARE TO LEAVE IT WITH KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT WE NEED TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME TO MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL... If we leave with more of "what the OTHER person should have done better.." we simply have missed OUR part of the learning process!

    It seems in society we have a bunch of people going around passing blame for things that have gone wrong in their relationship... ( he cheated/ she cheated.. he gambled, he wasn't at home, etc.. )

    IE: I had a friend many moons ago who was married.. My "married friend" was constantly out in the bars and would not come strolliing in until 6 or 7 am...  HOWEVER.. His wife "allowed" him to do this... He suffered no consequence for his behavior (she wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days.. big deal) so ultimately, she tolerated it.. He ended up almost losing his life in a bike accident many years ago, had affairs, (at least one I know of) and finally.. after 26 years of marriage.. they were headed for divorce... He died a couple of months ago in a drunk driving accident.. I can't help but wonder how different his life might have been had he married a woman with a BACKBONE who wasn't afraid to say... "I AM WORTH MORE.. YOU WILL NOT TREAT ME THIS WAY. DO IT AGAIN.. I AM GONE!" When we see our best friend about to jump off a cliff, we are to pull them back in.. not shove them off or just watch the train wreck!

    Now I am in NO WAY claiming she is responsible for his death, or the failed relationship.. but we need to remember that ultimately.. at the end of the day... PEOPLE TREAT US HOW WE ALLOW THEM TO TREAT US... Therefore if we are getting "dumped on" and we TOLERATE it.. we become ENABLERS of the behavior and are often very responsible for the outcome..

    I LEARNED through my failed marriage what I MUST do to make it work... I learned what true committment is... through thick and thin.. I learned you don't feel "in love" every day in marriage.. that's where commitment comes to play, I learned cheating is more about "betrayal of a friendship" than a sexual act.. and creates such devastation and wreckage! I learned I must find a man who is "emotionally responsive" to my needs, and I learned that at the end of the day.. I was not happy with MYSELF.. and that one must feel a certain fulfillment in their own self -worth and value or no relationship will ever stand the test of time..(I learned much more.. but you get the point?)

    I also learned that brow beating myself is of little to no value.... to pick myself up and start all over again.. and not concern myself so much with my exes actions or lack thereof.. except when choosing another spouse.. I know I must find a man who will support me emotionally w/ some unresolved issues from childhood... and that he must make me feel loved and secure.. I need a lot of reinforcement.

    I can not change who I am at the end of the day.. All I can do is work on becoming "more healthy." Now 12 years later I am far more equipped to handle the situation than I was in the past... People who have relationships fail and think they've done NOTHING wrong.. well.. I think they have yet to see the light.. Perhaps their largest problem in the relationship was always thinking they were right..?? But that's another topic.. AND HE'S KNOWN AS MY EX HUSBAND!! Bwahahahahaha!!

    Hope I made some sense??

    And yes MACHEVILLI..... DESTINY7 made some valid points I feel as well! :)

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 21, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Quoting 7Destiny:

    What goes into a great lasting relationship?  I have seen these relationships and the major requirement seems to be two people who are true partners and look out for each other in every way.  Both are always thinking about the other person's well-being first.

    Relationships fail quickly when people begin to act selfishly or put most of their focus on things outside the relationship.  Both people have to be in it all the way or not at all.

    Of course, I know this from looking at my parents relationship.  Both had been married before but the second time around they seem to have figured these things out.  I am hoping to follow their example but its really hard to find younger men who are ready for a serious relationship.


    I think these comments contain a great deal of insight and wisdom. While there is no way to predict to a certainty what the future may hold.

    However, as the above quote suggest true partners look out for each other, are truly committed to the relationship. Sometimes we learn best from our failures.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 20, 2011 at 03:32 PM

    What goes into a great lasting relationship?  I have seen these relationships and the major requirement seems to be two people who are true partners and look out for each other in every way.  Both are always thinking about the other person's well-being first.

    Relationships fail quickly when people begin to act selfishly or put most of their focus on things outside the relationship.  Both people have to be in it all the way or not at all.

    Of course, I know this from looking at my parents relationship.  Both had been married before but the second time around they seem to have figured these things out.  I am hoping to follow their example but its really hard to find younger men who are ready for a serious relationship.


  • View author's info Posted on Jul 19, 2011 at 01:55 PM

    I am stil trying to figure that one out myself! I've met gorgeous
    men who you just wanna ( Umph!))
    I've met not so hot men and I have met some real fugly men .
    Seems they all dont know what they want but they know they
    like ot spend time with someone meeting for a drink.
    Are they looking for a vamp? Tramp? what do men want?

    In Chicago seems they all run after young chickadees but
    in realit they want a mature woman to come home to .
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 05, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    The question on the table is what do men want?   In the case of Devo her husband left and others men have said their wife left. 

    Divorce sucks.  As Margaret Atwood once said, "A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you."   The stats show that 90% of women leave the marriage.  Why?  Usually, they tried everything to salvage it but men are oblivious to all that.  Sadly, we really are clueless of a woman's needs.  I'm not talking about sex.  I'm talking about love, romance, friendship, courting your wife, and meeting some of her needs.  

    I failed to do that.  I thought I was a good husband but I failed in some ways and succeed in others.  Still, it takes two to tango.  No marriage can fail alone.  Marriage is the culmination of two souls who mean well by marrying, but have poor execution skills.  It's work.  I learned that too late... but so did my ex. 

    So, finally what do men want?  We want the same as a woman.  A fullfilling relationship.  Consider the word "relationship."  What does that mean?  Relationships involve love, trust, listening, communication, empathy, etc., etc.  It is the soft skills.  We all want relationships!  We were born relational and brought up that way.  Then we marry and relationships go out the window in favor of personal wants and needs.  We seek "I" before "We" I'm sad to say. 

  • View author's info Posted on Jul 01, 2011 at 04:35 AM

    Speaking as another who's wife was having an affair when I was away working. What do I want?
    I want somebody that wants me. If both people have that desire then there should be no cause to stray. I admit my job sucks when it comes to relationships. I'm home for sometimes no more than two or three days. Then back to work for four days. And my job keeps me away for all of those four days. I missed kids plays, games, even a graduation. But I also missed my ex's birthday, anniversary... So she found someone that could be there for her.
    Now we are divorced she's split up with him and I understand she's on a web site or two looking for love.

    But I digress! I certainly dont want a younger woman. Yes they look great, but come on... theres alot more to a relationship than sex. Someone that can take care of my needs, and me hers, Someone that looks forward to seeing me, and while I'm away will not stray.
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