I saw a LMAO thing today ... Message Board

  • View author's info Author posted on Jun 17, 2006 22:31


    Every day I see, do or hear something that makes me snort like Sandra Bullock or full force laugh out loud! Seeing the humour in life around me makes me look much younger than I am ... it's better than Oil of Olay!

    It's usually something bizarre or outrageous or simply downright stupid funny that has happened to me or to people I work with or see on the subway or on the street or in a store.

    So I thought I'd tell you one of the dumb things I saw yesterday and then, if I can manage it, I'm gonna share a funny story with y'all every time one comes up!

    Here's one that happened yesterday:

    I was standing on Yonge and Bloor waiting for the light. Some "homey" street punks were standing on my corner. Two were on bikes and three were just standing around wearing the traditional 3X Large T-shirts, giant pants with the crotch hanging to the knees, and clean, white runners big enough for two of their feet to fit in the one shoe.

    When the light changed, one of the guys on a bike told the others he was going somewhere and took off slowly across street on his bike. One of the loitering homies yelled out, "Hey man! Wait up!" and then asked the other kid on the bike to lend him his "wheels." The bike kid passed his bike over and the homie took the handlebars and flung his leg over the bar and shoved off. But the crotch of his pants only let him get his leg halfway over the bar and he struggled, straddled on the bike on his stomach practically, like a turtle on a small rock. He coasted in a wild wobble out into the middle of the street and then fell over.

    Everybody on foot crossing with the light tried to ignore him, but the screeching laughter of his buddies back on the corner made it really darn difficult to keep a straight face.... me especially. He was madder than spit for looking so dorky.

    I wish you all similar dumbass things to witness and share. Tomorrow is another goofball day.

    (snort)
  • 20Comments

  • View author's info posted on Oct 06, 2006 23:18


    Sharon, I loved your dumb dog story. There's a dog named Murphy that lives next door to me and everywhere he runs he leaves a path of destruction behind him; chairs knocked over, coffees spilt, fabric ripped and anything edible ... consumed.

    I'm happy you're feeling better.
  • View author's info posted on Oct 01, 2006 04:18


    Hey! LookATime! LOL How's it going?
  • View author's info posted on Oct 01, 2006 00:23


    rajuncajun1 write:
    katie keep it quiet i am friends with the sheriff he knows me he don't like me he is scared katie i want to fight with him katie

    Re:




    Keith, you're starting to sound like an un-sub on "Criminal Minds." Why don't you go around and make friends with everybody in town and get better known and then win the job out from under the big ol' bad sheriff? Then, when he's working at McD's you can pull your gun on him and take him in for not washing his hands before making the Big Macs. LOL
  • View author's info posted on Sep 30, 2006 23:05


    Just thought I'd stop by and see that special education bus is still stopping by....right Cajun Boy?
  • View author's info posted on Sep 30, 2006 19:04


    katie keep it quiet i am friends with the sheriff he knows me he don't like me he is scared katie i want to fight with him katie
  • View author's info posted on Sep 29, 2006 15:45


    This happened today too.

    My neighbours came home from vacation in Vegas on Monday. They have the cute little Golden Retriever, Ginger I've talked about before.

    But to back track a bit, last week I bought 4 little gourds to decorate my front door exterior. But the morning after I arranged them on the edge of my garden, one gourd was missing. Next morning, same thing! There were only 2 gourds left.

    I knew what was taking them. There are 2 little raccoon twins that visit everybody's garbage each night. Those little rotters stole my gourds. And sure enough, the third gourd disappeared the morning after.

    Then Marjorie and Bill, my neighbours came home and Ginger was too excited to see me when they came back from walking her. They call me "Ginger's Auntie Kate." The first thing she wanted to do was "retrieve," her tennis ball, her dirty, muddy rope and a tree branch; ANYTHING that was not tied down in the back yard. LOL (I love dogs).

    Well, I went out to check my mail this morning and Bill came to the door to let Ginger run in the back yard again. I waved hi and asked him if he was caught up in his sleep yet. He said,

    "Yeah, I'm all caught up and everything but Ginger jumped up on the bed and woke us up this morning and I rolled over and caught this friggin' hard thing in my back and when I reached around to grab it ... it was an effing gourd!"

    He was dumbfounded how a gourd, of all things, could have gotten in his bed. Ginger and I kept the secret. LOL
  • View author's info posted on Sep 27, 2006 23:44


    You must have those days, once in a while, where something happens and you stand there mystified and if there was a TV camera on you, you'd stare blankly into it because there's no explaining what just happened. That happened to me today.

    I went shopping. GUESS what I was shopping for! SHOES!!! Right! LOL I was walking through this trendy shoe store checking out the new styles. I tried a few pairs on. Finally, I picked up this cute little silver flat and turned it over to check the size on the bottom. But when I did, wet stuff poured out of it onto the floor. I flipped it back up fast ... I don't know why. I guess because I didn't want to wreck the floor, and then, more curious than I've been all day, I looked in the shoe!

    Inside was a slimy layer of yellow stuff floating in a puddle of watery looking stuff. I didn't get any on me. I took it to the cash and held it out for the salesgirl. I said,

    "I don't know why but there's fluid inside this shoe I was going to try on!"

    The girl took the shoe from me with two fingers. She said, "Yeah. Sorry about that. There's this woman who comes into the store all the time and she's banned but she still sneaks in sometimes anyway and she picks a shoe and spits in it."

    I'm still shaking my head. LOL
  • View author's info posted on Aug 12, 2006 21:31


    leonicvirgo write:
    I was in wallyworld outside of the D.C, area. Walking down the chip aisle,a couple was talking about a stupid thought the man had. She berated him for about ten seconds...then him....then her
    I said to him,"Well,you can call it a brain toot(fart). Those are not permanent". They both cracked up,and we laughed together. LV1


    I love it when people instantly morph into a stand-up comic on cue. Good one, leonic!
  • View author's info posted on Aug 11, 2006 03:02


    leonicvirgo write:
    I was in wallyworld outside of the D.C, area. Walking down the chip aisle,a couple was talking about a stupid thought the man had. She berated him for about ten seconds...then him....then her
    I said to him,"Well,you can call it a brain toot(fart). Those are not permanent". They both cracked up,and we laughed together. LV1


    Virgo, you may have diverted a divorce! lol
  • View author's info posted on Aug 10, 2006 18:58


    Katie that is funny..I can picture that one.
    katiegrlK2B write:
    I spent the afternoon at the beach today! Lake Ontario is so freaking big that you can't see the opposite shore from the Toronto Beaches.

    The sun was beaming, the beach was teeming with sunbathers, hundreds of volleyball enthusiasts, parachute-surfers, little kiddles everywhere. When I got there it was like bumper to bumper people, but if you just stroll down the miles of long beach, you can find a spot in the soft sand to park, within a 40 feet circumference that you have to yourself.

    I set up my folding chair, cold bottle of Crystal Lite, reading and writing material and splayed myself out for the Sun God.

    A man in an aluminum lawn chair caught my eye. He was stretched out with his head back, soaking up the rays, while all around him were little kids playing in the sand, close to the wind-blown waves. One of the little kids found a sopping wet, plastic grocery bag covered in wet sand on the shore and brought it up to his father.

    He was yelling, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Dad! Hey Dad! Look! Look what I got! Dad? Hey Daddy? Dad!" (You know how little kids will say the same thing over and over and over and over until you want to scream?) Well this was this guys "Father's Day! LOL

    The father oened his eyes a bit and said, "Put that dirty thing down, son! That's trash!"

    The little guy looked at the soggy plastic bag like it had suddenly contracted cooties! He flung the bag away from him but the wind caught it and filled it like a balloon! It flew through the air and wrapped itself like a wet, muddy rag around the man's head. His feet flew up in the air, the chair pitched backward and he landed on his back with a thud!

    He flailed on the beach for a few seconds not sure whether to get the thing off him first or sit himself upright, or what!

    I nearly spit my raspberry orange out! LOL That's the funny thing I witnessed today.

  • View author's info posted on Aug 10, 2006 18:17


    I was in wallyworld outside of the D.C, area. Walking down the chip aisle,a couple was talking about a stupid thought the man had. She berated him for about ten seconds...then him....then her
    I said to him,"Well,you can call it a brain toot(fart). Those are not permanent". They both cracked up,and we laughed together. LV1
  • View author's info posted on Aug 10, 2006 02:28


    rajuncajun1 write:
    well, i think katie found out i have a nice sized thingy down there that's why she is laughing.


    Rajun, aren't you Sheriff yet? Or do you still want to be in a band?

    And rest assured ... I have heard squat about your "thingy." I thought a gator got it! lol
  • View author's info posted on Aug 10, 2006 01:51


    My upstairs neighbour, Marjorie, is my landlord. She's a budding gardener,& in the spring, she put one of her healthy tropical plants out on her front porch. Within a week, the sun had burned the big thing into a blanched, crispy skeleton! LOL
    She moved it to the back yard where my lovely apartment door is. I've been growing begonias, impatiens & portulaca outside my door & it's really pretty out there.
    Marjorie brought a rose bush out to the yard the other day & put the pot beside the tropical skeleton. The rose bush was really just a 14 inch stem with one leaf on the top. I don't know WHAT she did to it but she thought a bit of nuclear UV rays might "perk" it up. (some people never learn!)

    She owns a golden retriever, & a giant black poodle lives next door. Ginger & Murphy are both a year old & have grown up together. I love to play with the 2 because they're just NUTS! They both need Ritalin! Murphy is so hyper that he could kill you with one swing of his giant concrete noggin against your chin!

    So I went out yesterday cuz they were both outside. Ginger brought me this puny little stick & dropped it in front of me. I threw it & the 2 dogs ran for it. Ginger caught it & brought it back. I threw it again. They ran after it & Murph got it first. Ginger tried to pull it from him but he teases her! He stretches his neck tall so she can't reach and get it back.

    While he was doing this yesterday, he chewed away on it until there was nothing left but mulch! Then the 2 of them came to me with nothing. I asked, "Where's your stick? What did you do with it?" But he just chewed & gawked at me. I said, "Go get your stick, goofy!"

    So Murph goes right over to the rose bush & rips it right out of the pot by the roots with his teeth & brings that to me! Before I could get it away from him, it was mulch too!

    When Marjorie saw the empty pot and asked ... I told her it was raccoons.

    :D
  • View author's info posted on Aug 08, 2006 21:49


    rajuncajun1 write:
    well, i think katie found out i have a nice sized thingy down there that's why she is laughing.


    Keith, you're a bad, bad boy. LOL
  • View author's info posted on Jun 23, 2006 03:28


    well, i think katie found out i have a nice sized thingy down there that's why she is laughing.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 20, 2006 20:54


    seattlesunshine write:
    In one of my self-employment incarnations I had this great person who would help out when and where needed. We had a huge blizzard in Seattle and when it snows, no one goes anywhere (rightly so, people don't know how to drive in the snow and there is a lot of ice). So my helper stayed with me. She decided to take a shower and de-stress. I was being suzie spotless and doing laundry, so while she was showering I was picking things up and asked her if she wanted me to wash anything. There was a very long pause and she answered, "no, I think I can manage this shower on my own." Then we just both burst out laughing.

    Sometimes I am such a dork!


    Good one, Sunbeam. LOL It's great when you find someone who has a sense of humour as keen as your own. It's like finding a "humour soul mate." There's so many people who don't click in their comedy stylings that, to find one who does, is special.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 19, 2006 23:32


    OMG Sharon, trust Rob to catch you up on your "humming!" Too excellent!


    FOFLMAO
  • View author's info posted on Jun 19, 2006 03:14


    I spent the afternoon at the beach today! Lake Ontario is so freaking big that you can't see the opposite shore from the Toronto Beaches.

    The sun was beaming, the beach was teeming with sunbathers, hundreds of volleyball enthusiasts, parachute-surfers, little kiddles everywhere. When I got there it was like bumper to bumper people, but if you just stroll down the miles of long beach, you can find a spot in the soft sand to park, within a 40 feet circumference that you have to yourself.

    I set up my folding chair, cold bottle of Crystal Lite, reading and writing material and splayed myself out for the Sun God.

    A man in an aluminum lawn chair caught my eye. He was stretched out with his head back, soaking up the rays, while all around him were little kids playing in the sand, close to the wind-blown waves. One of the little kids found a sopping wet, plastic grocery bag covered in wet sand on the shore and brought it up to his father.

    He was yelling, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Dad! Hey Dad! Look! Look what I got! Dad? Hey Daddy? Dad!" (You know how little kids will say the same thing over and over and over and over until you want to scream?) Well this was this guys "Father's Day! LOL

    The father oened his eyes a bit and said, "Put that dirty thing down, son! That's trash!"

    The little guy looked at the soggy plastic bag like it had suddenly contracted cooties! He flung the bag away from him but the wind caught it and filled it like a balloon! It flew through the air and wrapped itself like a wet, muddy rag around the man's head. His feet flew up in the air, the chair pitched backward and he landed on his back with a thud!

    He flailed on the beach for a few seconds not sure whether to get the thing off him first or sit himself upright, or what!

    I nearly spit my raspberry orange out! LOL That's the funny thing I witnessed today.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 18, 2006 12:51


    sharp1 write:
    I am a compulsive hummer. I still remember when I was 5 yrs playing in the sandbox with 2 boys my age, my friends. I'm happily humming away & building my garage for my Dinky car, and one boy says to the other in a loud voice, "WIll YOU TELL HER TO STOP THAT HUMMING!!!" Like "Hello" I'm right here!!! You don't think I can't hear you???? lol


    There is hope for you yet Sharpie! As men get older, they realize the errors of their youth... By mid-age, pretty much all men would love to find a good hummer! LOL

    I am back in my hometown in eastTN, visiting my father for father's day. My brother and were up talking last night, and recalled the story of the Old Wino Man in downtown. People would walk up to him and offer him a nickle and a dime, and he would take the nickle every time. The people of the town were convinced that he was quite mad...

    My mother loved to talk to people and never met a stranger. One day, she went up and asked the guy straight out why he took the lesser valued coin. His reply "Well, the first time I take the dime, people will stop coming up and offering me money. This has been going on for decades..." :o)
Follow - Email me when people comment