I saw a LMAO thing today ... Message Board Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Jun 17, 2006 at 10:31 PM

    Every day I see, do or hear something that makes me snort like Sandra Bullock or full force laugh out loud! Seeing the humour in life around me makes me look much younger than I am ... it's better than Oil of Olay!

    It's usually something bizarre or outrageous or simply downright stupid funny that has happened to me or to people I work with or see on the subway or on the street or in a store.

    So I thought I'd tell you one of the dumb things I saw yesterday and then, if I can manage it, I'm gonna share a funny story with y'all every time one comes up!

    Here's one that happened yesterday:

    I was standing on Yonge and Bloor waiting for the light. Some "homey" street punks were standing on my corner. Two were on bikes and three were just standing around wearing the traditional 3X Large T-shirts, giant pants with the crotch hanging to the knees, and clean, white runners big enough for two of their feet to fit in the one shoe.

    When the light changed, one of the guys on a bike told the others he was going somewhere and took off slowly across street on his bike. One of the loitering homies yelled out, "Hey man! Wait up!" and then asked the other kid on the bike to lend him his "wheels." The bike kid passed his bike over and the homie took the handlebars and flung his leg over the bar and shoved off. But the crotch of his pants only let him get his leg halfway over the bar and he struggled, straddled on the bike on his stomach practically, like a turtle on a small rock. He coasted in a wild wobble out into the middle of the street and then fell over.

    Everybody on foot crossing with the light tried to ignore him, but the screeching laughter of his buddies back on the corner made it really darn difficult to keep a straight face.... me especially. He was madder than spit for looking so dorky.

    I wish you all similar dumbass things to witness and share. Tomorrow is another goofball day.

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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 11, 2006 at 08:34 AM

    I'm never going to forget this village Montelroni d'Arbia...everytime I drove thru it I got lost! The worst was when I was following this road slightly downhill, it took about 150 degree turn going thru an underpass, and straight up a steep hill that was only about 30 feet in length. At the crest of this hill were two hunched over old men slooowly crossing the road. I had to stop 3/4's of the way up this hill. I'm driving a STANDARD!!! A young man pulls right up on my tail. After the old men cross, I put it in first, and slowly release the clutch. I start to roll back, which scares me that I'll hit the guy behind. I over react and stall! The guy behind me backs up 5 ft! I try again, roll back & stall. The guy behind me backs up 6 more ft! The guy in an oncoming vehicle backs up 10 ft and gets out to watch me! The road tapers, so oncoming traffic have to wait for me to get by. The try a 3rd time, roll back & stall. I'm a little embarrassed and flustered now. The car behind the guy behind me backs up, & the car behind me backs up another 6 ft! lol The 4th & 5th time I put the emergency brake on, didn't roll back, but stalled. Sixth time, took the emergency off, rolled back & stalled. Now I put the emergency brake on, get out of the vehicle and with my arms and hands indicate to the man ahead of me that I can't do this, I need him to get in my vehicle & drive it up to the flat part of the road. He graciously did this. I was so embarrassed. Then I came to a traffic circle ahead directed by a police officer...another hill, & the car in front of me nearly stopping. NO WAY! Not twice! That policeman will take my licence away! Whew! Just after I got over the crest of the hill the car in front stopped. I tucked in like 6 inches from his bumper.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 06, 2006 at 11:18 PM

    Sharon, I loved your dumb dog story. There's a dog named Murphy that lives next door to me and everywhere he runs he leaves a path of destruction behind him; chairs knocked over, coffees spilt, fabric ripped and anything edible ... consumed.

    I'm happy you're feeling better.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 04, 2006 at 03:18 PM

    Hey . Watcha call a Blonde with brains, hang on hang on, im taking cover b4 i tell y'll..............................
    ........................yep thats right a Golden Retriever
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 04, 2006 at 06:16 AM

    OMG, laying in bed last night I remember this incident in Italy. I was driving thru some village, rather lost, but the streets were so narrow there was nowhere to pull off, so I had no choice but to keep driving along in hopes of seeing a sign to let me know I'm heading in the right direction.
    Some driver pulls up behind me fast, tail gating, and stays there forever it felt. The roads are really winding, so first reasonably long straight stretch I come to I slow down and wave him past. He speeds by up to the next car in front and is waving a red flag at that car. I'm thinking he's in a hurry because there is an accident ahead? I continue driving along, a few minutes later a motorcyclist pulls up beside me waving his right hand at me, telling me to go faster...I'm sure I'm going the speed limit. He's yelling at me in Italian...I'm kind of laughing at him, cause I haven't a clue what he's saying to me...I'm thinking "road rage"! lol He gets ahead of me, and a moment later I spot the first and only gravel pull off I've seen in Italy. I turn off so I can finally check my map. 30 seconds later, I look over my left shoulder and there are 70 racing cyclists speeding past, with official cars following behind them! Later, having reached my destination in Assissi, I was having lunch in a restaurant. The TV was on. Everyone was watching this race...cyclists! LMAO...I realized this was a major race in Italy this Saturday morning. It ran between several villages. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't pulled off the road when I did. I envisioned 70 cyclists ... cycling at high speed incredibly close together applying their breaks and crashing into one another. Someone upstairs was smiling down on me, and THEM!!! LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 03, 2006 at 01:10 PM

    Speaking of Golden Retrievers...I have the most stupid of all GRs! But we love him!
    The city has been moving out my way rapidly the past 1.5 yrs with new housing construction. In June I installed an Invisible Fence around 2 acres of my property for my 2 dogs, because they were running off to join city people walking in the ravene behind my property, then following them home. People were not walking there a yr ago.
    The company trained the dogs who are wearing special collars. My other smart dog gets it. My GR...oh no, he runs thru the electrical fence getting zapped in the neck, which scares him, so he runs off thru the trees toward my neighbors. I follow...calling & calling him...walked thru their property out along the main road back toward my property...can't find him anywhere. I continue calling & whistling. Finally, I'm walking up my long driveway and he comes running toward me from my garage! I run toward him yelling "stay! stay!" Obviously, to get back in my yard he crossed the barrier and got zapped coming back in. I wasn't inside the barrier, I didn't want him to get zapped again.
    A week later, I let him out for 15 min. and he runs across the barrier again! Only this time he remembers that when he came home last time, he got zapped coming home. So he runs away from home! My friend is driving from acreage to acreage, I'm walking the fields calling. After an hour, a car drives up my lane. I run back...the guy has my GR in the back. He has a collar & tag. The man tells me his wife found him running down the centre of the road with traffic driving each direction. She stopped traffic, walked up to him to get him in the car. He rolled over onto his back for her to scratch his stomache in the middle of the road! She had to drag him to get him in her vehicle! Then they drove acreage to acreage looking for his home.
    He's soooo dumb!!! But we love him. And if anything were to happen to him, it would break our hearts & we'd cry our eyes out!

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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 01, 2006 at 04:18 AM

    Hey! LookATime! LOL How's it going?
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 01, 2006 at 04:11 AM

    Yep it came by OK it ran right over his toes, not that he felt much, things arent connected as you would expect in normal people
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 01, 2006 at 12:23 AM

    rajuncajun1 write:
    katie keep it quiet i am friends with the sheriff he knows me he don't like me he is scared katie i want to fight with him katie


    Keith, you're starting to sound like an un-sub on "Criminal Minds." Why don't you go around and make friends with everybody in town and get better known and then win the job out from under the big ol' bad sheriff? Then, when he's working at McD's you can pull your gun on him and take him in for not washing his hands before making the Big Macs. LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 30, 2006 at 11:05 PM

    Just thought I'd stop by and see that special education bus is still stopping by....right Cajun Boy?
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 30, 2006 at 07:04 PM

    katie keep it quiet i am friends with the sheriff he knows me he don't like me he is scared katie i want to fight with him katie
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2006 at 03:45 PM

    This happened today too.

    My neighbours came home from vacation in Vegas on Monday. They have the cute little Golden Retriever, Ginger I've talked about before.

    But to back track a bit, last week I bought 4 little gourds to decorate my front door exterior. But the morning after I arranged them on the edge of my garden, one gourd was missing. Next morning, same thing! There were only 2 gourds left.

    I knew what was taking them. There are 2 little raccoon twins that visit everybody's garbage each night. Those little rotters stole my gourds. And sure enough, the third gourd disappeared the morning after.

    Then Marjorie and Bill, my neighbours came home and Ginger was too excited to see me when they came back from walking her. They call me "Ginger's Auntie Kate." The first thing she wanted to do was "retrieve," her tennis ball, her dirty, muddy rope and a tree branch; ANYTHING that was not tied down in the back yard. LOL (I love dogs).

    Well, I went out to check my mail this morning and Bill came to the door to let Ginger run in the back yard again. I waved hi and asked him if he was caught up in his sleep yet. He said,

    "Yeah, I'm all caught up and everything but Ginger jumped up on the bed and woke us up this morning and I rolled over and caught this friggin' hard thing in my back and when I reached around to grab it ... it was an effing gourd!"

    He was dumbfounded how a gourd, of all things, could have gotten in his bed. Ginger and I kept the secret. LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 29, 2006 at 03:34 AM

    Sounds like the Pamplona bull run you get gourd in the back there
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 27, 2006 at 11:44 PM

    You must have those days, once in a while, where something happens and you stand there mystified and if there was a TV camera on you, you'd stare blankly into it because there's no explaining what just happened. That happened to me today.

    I went shopping. GUESS what I was shopping for! SHOES!!! Right! LOL I was walking through this trendy shoe store checking out the new styles. I tried a few pairs on. Finally, I picked up this cute little silver flat and turned it over to check the size on the bottom. But when I did, wet stuff poured out of it onto the floor. I flipped it back up fast ... I don't know why. I guess because I didn't want to wreck the floor, and then, more curious than I've been all day, I looked in the shoe!

    Inside was a slimy layer of yellow stuff floating in a puddle of watery looking stuff. I didn't get any on me. I took it to the cash and held it out for the salesgirl. I said,

    "I don't know why but there's fluid inside this shoe I was going to try on!"

    The girl took the shoe from me with two fingers. She said, "Yeah. Sorry about that. There's this woman who comes into the store all the time and she's banned but she still sneaks in sometimes anyway and she picks a shoe and spits in it."

    I'm still shaking my head. LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 12, 2006 at 09:31 PM

    leonicvirgo write:
    I was in wallyworld outside of the D.C, area. Walking down the chip aisle,a couple was talking about a stupid thought the man had. She berated him for about ten seconds...then him....then her
    I said to him,"Well,you can call it a brain toot(fart). Those are not permanent". They both cracked up,and we laughed together. LV1

    I love it when people instantly morph into a stand-up comic on cue. Good one, leonic!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 11, 2006 at 03:02 AM

    leonicvirgo write:
    I was in wallyworld outside of the D.C, area. Walking down the chip aisle,a couple was talking about a stupid thought the man had. She berated him for about ten seconds...then him....then her
    I said to him,"Well,you can call it a brain toot(fart). Those are not permanent". They both cracked up,and we laughed together. LV1

    Virgo, you may have diverted a divorce! lol
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 10, 2006 at 06:58 PM

    Katie that is funny..I can picture that one.
    katiegrlK2B write:
    I spent the afternoon at the beach today! Lake Ontario is so freaking big that you can't see the opposite shore from the Toronto Beaches.

    The sun was beaming, the beach was teeming with sunbathers, hundreds of volleyball enthusiasts, parachute-surfers, little kiddles everywhere. When I got there it was like bumper to bumper people, but if you just stroll down the miles of long beach, you can find a spot in the soft sand to park, within a 40 feet circumference that you have to yourself.

    I set up my folding chair, cold bottle of Crystal Lite, reading and writing material and splayed myself out for the Sun God.

    A man in an aluminum lawn chair caught my eye. He was stretched out with his head back, soaking up the rays, while all around him were little kids playing in the sand, close to the wind-blown waves. One of the little kids found a sopping wet, plastic grocery bag covered in wet sand on the shore and brought it up to his father.

    He was yelling, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Dad! Hey Dad! Look! Look what I got! Dad? Hey Daddy? Dad!" (You know how little kids will say the same thing over and over and over and over until you want to scream?) Well this was this guys "Father's Day! LOL

    The father oened his eyes a bit and said, "Put that dirty thing down, son! That's trash!"

    The little guy looked at the soggy plastic bag like it had suddenly contracted cooties! He flung the bag away from him but the wind caught it and filled it like a balloon! It flew through the air and wrapped itself like a wet, muddy rag around the man's head. His feet flew up in the air, the chair pitched backward and he landed on his back with a thud!

    He flailed on the beach for a few seconds not sure whether to get the thing off him first or sit himself upright, or what!

    I nearly spit my raspberry orange out! LOL That's the funny thing I witnessed today.

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 10, 2006 at 06:17 PM

    I was in wallyworld outside of the D.C, area. Walking down the chip aisle,a couple was talking about a stupid thought the man had. She berated him for about ten seconds...then him....then her
    I said to him,"Well,you can call it a brain toot(fart). Those are not permanent". They both cracked up,and we laughed together. LV1
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 10, 2006 at 02:28 AM

    rajuncajun1 write:
    well, i think katie found out i have a nice sized thingy down there that's why she is laughing.

    Rajun, aren't you Sheriff yet? Or do you still want to be in a band?

    And rest assured ... I have heard squat about your "thingy." I thought a gator got it! lol
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 10, 2006 at 01:51 AM

    My upstairs neighbour, Marjorie, is my landlord. She's a budding gardener,& in the spring, she put one of her healthy tropical plants out on her front porch. Within a week, the sun had burned the big thing into a blanched, crispy skeleton! LOL
    She moved it to the back yard where my lovely apartment door is. I've been growing begonias, impatiens & portulaca outside my door & it's really pretty out there.
    Marjorie brought a rose bush out to the yard the other day & put the pot beside the tropical skeleton. The rose bush was really just a 14 inch stem with one leaf on the top. I don't know WHAT she did to it but she thought a bit of nuclear UV rays might "perk" it up. (some people never learn!)

    She owns a golden retriever, & a giant black poodle lives next door. Ginger & Murphy are both a year old & have grown up together. I love to play with the 2 because they're just NUTS! They both need Ritalin! Murphy is so hyper that he could kill you with one swing of his giant concrete noggin against your chin!

    So I went out yesterday cuz they were both outside. Ginger brought me this puny little stick & dropped it in front of me. I threw it & the 2 dogs ran for it. Ginger caught it & brought it back. I threw it again. They ran after it & Murph got it first. Ginger tried to pull it from him but he teases her! He stretches his neck tall so she can't reach and get it back.

    While he was doing this yesterday, he chewed away on it until there was nothing left but mulch! Then the 2 of them came to me with nothing. I asked, "Where's your stick? What did you do with it?" But he just chewed & gawked at me. I said, "Go get your stick, goofy!"

    So Murph goes right over to the rose bush & rips it right out of the pot by the roots with his teeth & brings that to me! Before I could get it away from him, it was mulch too!

    When Marjorie saw the empty pot and asked ... I told her it was raccoons.

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