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What think you??
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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 21:31


beautynbrains4u write:

Another question. For those of you with children, How do you feel about potential mates w/o children? And for those of you who have never had children, how do you feel about potential mates with children?


Hey BnB I'm with you that people need heeling time, at least a year.

I don't think it is an issue if someone does not have children. For me the issue is...how does this man interact with kids of all ages, and how do they in turn react or interact with him? That would be the tell tale sign for me. This principal would apply to someone with children. People can have children, and have no concept how to relate to them, and children in turn are not comfortable with that parent. I know, my ex is very much like that. Yet you can have someone who has never had kids who should have had kids, because they are so wonderful with them.
So if this important to someone, it's not the issue of w/ or w/o kids, but witnessing them around kids.



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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 16:26

Ramblings....
So if you (bnb,Rob and Statue say there's not an issue with how long someone's been divorced, then it must be so and it's just my (sometimes hyperactive) imagination...huh! Great! And I will maintain that there is nothing wrong with us, sista!

No sharing of B&J - to each his own!!

A dog is a friend if he's yours, otherwise it's just a dog.

I don't know who has more women wanting them, Bill or BlondeL....but Bill, you certainly show your magnetism - you've got a harem!

Yep, I finally got a new pic. Thanks for the compliment, bnb. Ever notice it's mostly the women who notice & compliment on the new photos? What's with that? Aren't you guys looking at us?! What, like us only for our wit and charm?!

The glow...oh, turning 49 just makes me so darn happy. That or a couple glasses of champagne!

smiles to all!



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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 15:36

I don't think i would put a number on it myself. Some of us and that is many,raised our children and that was our main focus. For me that took 12 yrs out. In that i did have a long term relationship but thankfully he did marry someone else....lucky break...Did a lot of dating in the beginning. After that i think we tend to forget,to a point, how to "date"(you may insert a degree of forgetting here..LOL)Plus we also date on and off in those yeasrs and we learn more of what we want and what we don't which tends to be harder to come by. Another words we become "pickier" also and take our time unlike we did in our 20's. So sometimes "time" can be to our advantage..........LOL



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Posted on Thu, Jun 01, 2006 06:41

Do i get to 'ladle' out the Love Potions. While you tuck into some Pub Grub, at the Slug & Lettuce, we Brits have such appetizing names for our pubs



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 19:22

Oh B&B id love to share your pint of B&J's ice cream, would you like a sip of my Abbots Finger or my fave. tipple Old Thumper. You could take a bit out of my Pastie or do you prefer a mouthful of chip butty? No loaded questions here, just simple culinary delights, just as a good love match should be, Let Rob , the other one, do the complexities, I prefer the KISS principal, or for the upmarket, Keep Inserting Sensuous Stimuli.



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 18:02

RapturousRed write:

I do the same for the same reason. No walking wounded! But let me ask you this: What number of years divorced causes you to see flashing lights, dear Rob?


I am not sure there is an upper limit, but anything much over thirty would begin to make me wonder... :o)



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 16:35

robtest write:

RapturousRed write:
Not so fast, bnb! My first reaction was very similiar to Rob's, then suddenly a vision appeared: being on a date and getting asked (for the ump-teenth time!): "So, how long have you been divorced?" It's true, I've been married, but I've been single for a verrry long time. Most times I can see the yellow lights flash in men's eyes, a little question mark above their head: How can this be? What's really wrong with her? lol.. the first question is usually verbalized, the second not, but there it lingers. I have no other explanation than a) I spent most of my time raising a child and b)I just haven't met the right person at the right time. And both are true. So who's really to say whether someone who has not married by 40's (when getting married older is now the standard), that the "line" of not having met that one person cannot be the simple truth?

You're a very perceptive woman, bnb. Don't let it (the initial qualifier) be the show stopper. Talk, listen and you will know what lies behind the initial response. As always, trust your instincts.



I tend to ask "So, how long have you been divorced?" only to make sure it is not less than a year to allow adequate heal time... Of course, when I had been divorced less than a year, I sought to deny the truth in that, but IMHO, it is probably correct.

I do the same for the same reason. No walking wounded! But let me ask you this: What number of years divorced causes you to see flashing lights, dear Rob?



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 12:32

RapturousRed write:
Not so fast, bnb! My first reaction was very similiar to Rob's, then suddenly a vision appeared: being on a date and getting asked (for the ump-teenth time!): "So, how long have you been divorced?" It's true, I've been married, but I've been single for a verrry long time. Most times I can see the yellow lights flash in men's eyes, a little question mark above their head: How can this be? What's really wrong with her? lol.. the first question is usually verbalized, the second not, but there it lingers. I have no other explanation than a) I spent most of my time raising a child and b)I just haven't met the right person at the right time. And both are true. So who's really to say whether someone who has not married by 40's (when getting married older is now the standard), that the "line" of not having met that one person cannot be the simple truth?

You're a very perceptive woman, bnb. Don't let it (the initial qualifier) be the show stopper. Talk, listen and you will know what lies behind the initial response. As always, trust your instincts.


I tend to ask "So, how long have you been divorced?" only to make sure it is not less than a year to allow adequate heal time... Of course, when I had been divorced less than a year, I sought to deny the truth in that, but IMHO, it is probably correct.



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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 08:55

Maayan write:
Great debate here guys. Reminds me of the good old days. Rob and Ntombi, excellent contribution to the topic. It is amazing how we get to know more about someone from the way he presents his view points that the actual opinion itself. Admire the way you did it Ntombi. Have not seen such good thought put together since the days of Bonnie and Mr ... I?m discovering other side of you ... that I?d missed even when meeting you in person. Isn?t that not incredible? Kudos to Beautynbrains, great topic!


Good to see you safe and sound and posting again, Mayan. What other side of me? lol.

  
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Posted on Wed, May 31, 2006 00:14

Great debate here guys. Reminds me of the good old days. Rob and Ntombi, excellent contribution to the topic. It is amazing how we get to know more about someone from the way he presents his view points that the actual opinion itself. Admire the way you did it Ntombi. Have not seen such good thought put together since the days of Bonnie and Mr ... I?m discovering other side of you ... that I?d missed even when meeting you in person. Isn?t that not incredible? Kudos to Beautynbrains, great topic!



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 23:15

robtest write:
The animals are not blinded by their humanity! They know without thinking. They are very taoist... Things are not good nor bad, they simply are what they are.

We had a family lab named Prince. A little lost spirit of a lab pup that wandered up while we were in the park with our older lab Rapunsel ( a story for another time). Prince was incredible, it was almost as if he could read your mind. Perhaps he just read body language and facial express too well. When he was 12, my brother took him for a visit with him in Nashville, where he was living, some 250+ miles from our hometown in eastTN. They were walking to the park when a car crash happened very close. They got seperated in the confusion. Dave was heartbroken as he couldn't find the dog. He searched for days, putting up posters and asking neighbors. No Luck... A couple days later, my father got a call from a man 50 miles east of Knoxville. The damn dog was bee lining for the house when they found him. He had traveled over 200 miles and was fairly close to home. :o)

I guess we should keep this close to original topic. I think we were discussing potential mates, and perception. I once met a woman and we had gone to my house. We were looking at my ferrets and pulled them out of the cage. The ferret pee'd on her. It had never done that before and never again. My coondog mix was skidish around her. Later she shared with me the story of her alcoholism and recent attempted suicide. That sure wasn't in her profile... Damn, I miss those friends! It is a shame they live such short lives. LOL


Stick to the original topic?
Didn't you call that a can of worms? lol. Have a good evening Rob.



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 23:05

The animals are not blinded by their humanity! They know without thinking. They are very taoist... Things are not good nor bad, they simply are what they are.

We had a family lab named Prince. A little lost spirit of a lab pup that wandered up while we were in the park with our older lab Rapunsel ( a story for another time). Prince was incredible, it was almost as if he could read your mind. Perhaps he just read body language and facial express too well. When he was 12, my brother took him for a visit with him in Nashville, where he was living, some 250+ miles from our hometown in eastTN. They were walking to the park when a car crash happened very close. They got seperated in the confusion. Dave was heartbroken as he couldn't find the dog. He searched for days, putting up posters and asking neighbors. No Luck... A couple days later, my father got a call from a man 50 miles east of Knoxville. The damn dog was bee lining for the house when they found him. He had traveled over 200 miles and was fairly close to home. :o)

I guess we should keep this close to original topic. I think we were discussing potential mates, and perception. I once met a woman and we had gone to my house. We were looking at my ferrets and pulled them out of the cage. The ferret pee'd on her. It had never done that before and never again. My coondog mix was skidish around her. Later she shared with me the story of her alcoholism and recent attempted suicide. That sure wasn't in her profile... Damn, I miss those friends! It is a shame they live such short lives. LOL



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 22:30

robtest write:

billzeke write:
Perspective and perception are interesting concepts. They are what people react to. In the end it is REALITY that counts. Too bad that many people including some of the worlds leaders don't see that. Normally I would install an emoticon. Much too serious a subject for that. JMHO.

For example: Is Izabel my friend or just a dog? What is your perspective?



Raven said you might very well question that with a cat, but with a canine, it should be a no brainer !!! She is my friend as we share many of the same perspectives, but many times she is much more perceptive than me! :o)


OK, Rob. As I posted I
thought I made it too simple but I let it stand anyway. I know Raven is your friend as Izabel is mine but we both know people that just own dogs that just live in their backyards
for
their chidrens entertainment or whatever and are totally
undiscipined and unruly. Most of the time Izabel follows me. When hiking over rough terrain I follow her. I trust Izabels instincts as I am sure you trust Ravens. The people that run the Iditerod trust their dogs intincts even more. The people that have dogs just living in thier backyards would have a different perspective. It's all in the eye of the beholder. Beauty, trust,loyalty and everything else. What we perceive is real to each of us but it may not be reality. If our perceptions were always
right we would never be disappointed. Even the coolist
and richest and most sucessful
and best looking of us cannot say they have never been disappointed. Hopefully the smartest
of us learned something from our disapointments and also from our successes. Izabel never seems to get bummed out. I doubt Raven does either. I bet you and I do sometimes. Animals deal in reality. They don't think in terms of perspective and perception. That's why they don't die photographing a tsunami. People have insticts. We just don't listen to them. We are too intelligent for that. We stick with our perceptions regardless of how wrong they may be. We photograph tsunamis.



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 20:29

Perspective and perception are interesting concepts. They are what people react to. In the end it is REALITY that counts. Too bad that many people including some of the worlds leaders don't see that. Normally I would install an emoticon. Much too serious a subject for that. JMHO.

For example: Is Izabel my friend or just a dog? What is your perspective?

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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 15:29

beautynbrains4u write:
Thank you all for your feedback. Who doesn't have preferences? They don't have to be wrong or right and aren't necessarily based upon past experiences. I don't, or try not to, judge people for having preferences. Best be honest and upfront from the beginning at least then you can make an informed decision.

Preciouz, I think proceeding with caution is good advice. As long as the car keeps arolling.


Aimee, nothing wrong with being a bit of a nutbag..lol!! I don't think there is anything wrong with not having the desire to marry, as long as the individual is honest about it. Spares the other person heartache if they desire marriage.

Seattle...proceeding with guarded optimism ...is what I've done on shark feeding dives. It's less frightening than online dating lol!!

Billzeke...funny. Reminds me of a jingle:
" in matters controversial,
My perceptions rather fine,
I always see
both points of view,
the one thats wrong,
and mine!!"

Ntombi, thank you for your feedback and welcome to the forums!

Rob, I'm with you on this one! This calls for my super deluxe,super charged, lightening quick running shoes...run cindy run...lOL. At least it's my first reaction...but who knows what lies ahead.

Not so fast, bnb! My first reaction was very similiar to Rob's, then suddenly a vision appeared: being on a date and getting asked (for the ump-teenth time!): "So, how long have you been divorced?" It's true, I've been married, but I've been single for a verrry long time. Most times I can see the yellow lights flash in men's eyes, a little question mark above their head: How can this be? What's really wrong with her? lol.. the first question is usually verbalized, the second not, but there it lingers. I have no other explanation than a) I spent most of my time raising a child and b)I just haven't met the right person at the right time. And both are true. So who's really to say whether someone who has not married by 40's (when getting married older is now the standard), that the "line" of not having met that one person cannot be the simple truth?

You're a very perceptive woman, bnb. Don't let it (the initial qualifier) be the show stopper. Talk, listen and you will know what lies behind the initial response. As always, trust your instincts.



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 13:11

Hi B&B, there's always a few who slip thro' the net, either by chance or down right cunning, only problem i see is people start to have established a 'routine' the flexibility to allow a partner into ones life diminishes, but there are so many other pro's and con's , has one kids and the other none, more than likely, but , hey,there's always that person who walks round the corner and cupids lance strikes home like a kebab skewer, but then life is full of chances, its picking the winners rather than the whiners thats the difficult bit



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Posted on Tue, May 30, 2006 05:08

While we may be lost in semantics of word choice, when did preferences become limits??? They are simply where I "start", when given the choice. I would think that Chicago metro is much like Atlanta metro. There are tons and tons of choices and you have to start somewhere... I start with where I found the most favorable results in the past. Now certainly, I do not limit myself only to them. That would be just plain silly! Or was that your point?

ROFLMAO, I would have been surprised if you could have answered the question as it was mostly rhetorical, but you were a bit "cheeky" with your word choices of "distorted perception" and "over extended expectations". Does that come from your "past experiences of pain and hurt"? BTW, you haven't been around but 4.5% longer I have. ;o)

But I am very open minded. I am even conversing with a 25 year old woman from TX visiting her sick mother in nigeria. She has a beautiful picture and some lovely thoughts. But that is a subject for another thread. LOL

Good Luck in Your Search!



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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 09:13

robtest write:
Each person is approached as an individual, but if I am looking to find someone new to date, I have preferences. Don't you?

And how many women in their 40's who have never been married have you dated that you might even offer such opinions? Exactly what are you basing your assumptions on??? :o)


Thanks for the welcome Robtest,

Yes each person's approach is going to be different. No doubt about it. However, like I mentioned all of that is based on individual perceptions. These are sometimes based past experiences that usually have and should not really have any relevance to what a new experience may be with a new person. In other words we project our bias on the unknown and therefore cut our chances more.

As for me I have preferences but I will not limit myself to divorced men only if there are men who have never been married who are interested. That makes no sense to me. Until I DISCOVER through getting to KNOW the person and WHY he has never been married I am not going to make judgment about his character and who he is until I determined that the reason is something that I then perfer not to involve myself with. I think that we sometimes make quick judgments and miss out on pairing opportunities. What I am saying is try not to let your past cloud your judgement...you may miss out on that sure thing.

"And how many women in their 40's who have never been married have you dated that you might even offer such opinions? Exactly what are you basing your assumptions on??? :o)"

Robtest...sorry but I can not answer your question (in the way that you preference it). Does my picture look like I am a man? I assure you that I am a woman...LOL I can overlook your poor eyesite...it happens sometimes...LOL. However, I can tell you that I am basing my point of view on 47 years on this beautiful planet, life's experiences, and observations of human behavior. What about yourself is it just pain and hurt or is there more you can share...LOL

One Love



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Posted on Sun, May 28, 2006 22:24

Ntombi write:
To me robtest has a distorted perception or over extended expectations of his potential mate. By his response it appears as though he would disgard any beautiful, intelligent, and interesting women who may have never married and end up with one who has been married and who was probably the reason why she is married no more! LOL I think that statement was a bit over the top...LOL!!


Welcome to the Forums BTW !!!

ROFL... Certainly, each new person has to be approached with a clean slate in mind! But my preferences are based on my previous dating experiences. We are allowed to live and learn from our own pasts aren't we??? I have dated a several women that were past 40 NBM, I have dated several women divorced several times, and I have dated women that were divorced but once.

Each person is approached as an individual, but if I am looking to find someone new to date, I have preferences. Don't you?

And how many women in their 40's who have never been married have you dated that you might even offer such opinions? Exactly what are you basing your assumptions on??? :o)



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Posted on Sun, May 28, 2006 15:17

My response would be the same as if the mate had been married once or twice. I would concern myself more with who this person is now. Not what he had, he has or what he is going to get.

There comes a point when you have to allow yourself to learn a person and not their past.

To me robtest has a distorted perception or over extended expectations of his potential mate. By his response it appears as though he would disgard any beautiful, intelligent, and interesting women who may have never married and end up with one who has been married and who was probably the reason why she is married no more! LOL I think that statement was a bit over the top...LOL!!

Billzeke...loved the humor! It is all about perception!!



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