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Do our past positive role models affect whom we choose?
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Posted on Thu, May 25, 2006 16:53

It came to me one day that the men I seem to be attracted to remind me of some the positive role models I had when I was growing up. For instance: my dad, Dick VanDyke, and Johnny Carson. They are tall, slim, and had a great sense of humor. Neither had facial hair (Which I noticed upon reflection I had never selected to wink at a person with facial hair.) I didn't even think about it at the time, but when I evaluated my selections to see if there was a common denominator...it showed up. My dad, Dick, and Johnny each had a narrow long face shape. I tend to be attracted to this type. Could it be an imprint of these positive role models has affected what I think "chemistry" is? Chemistry has to have an origin somewhere? Right? Tell me what you think.



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 22:33

Wow, when you think about it, we are all a bunch of really good catches! LOL A whole mess of women who were raised by terrific fathers! I hope the MM men are taking note!

My tolerance for men who are not absolutely perfect, that may have a larger forehead than they started out with, wear glasses, stand around 6', possess a bit of a spare tire but are strong and caring, no doubt comes from my upbringing and positive role models as well.

Isn't it wonderful having a dad who didn't take off when you were little, who took you fishing and put the worm on the hook, who showed you what makes the car work, who took the family camping because he was reall just a big boy scout at heart and who held you in his arms during the Wizard of Ox scary monkey scene?

I found my "ideal" man once, who reminded me a lot of my dad, but he was married (he told me he was seperated) and went back to his wife after breaking my heart. That's always the risk; even if they say it's over. But that was a learning experience and I'm ready to take another kick at the can.

So any men who remind me of Ed Asner, Carroll O'Connor or ... my Dad, (bless his cuddly soul) slightly balding, bespeckled, tall, strong but slightly paunchy guys out there.... you don't have to be Mr. Universe to steal my heart.

  


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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 17:20

So you tell me, why do I keep ending up, with this guy?

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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 17:10

My son has #1 role model position now, in this paternal family of all women, (with the exception of him). My son was the only male born in 54 years, after my dad. He has taken over Hero position also, as he is a true gentleman, and a scholar. An inspiration, and positive role model to his peers. An amazing lyricist, who will do great things with his music!

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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 16:56

My Dad. He was my hero. Taught me true compassion, and freedom of expression. A soft spoken wiseman, and a scholar, who mended many broken hearts, and set them free. I try not to expect tooooo much from men, how could anyone compare to this?!

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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 13:30

It's so true!!!! After my father, who is tall and dark and gentle, my first early crush was for a tow-headed boy in my kindergarten class. He was brilliant AND athletic AND funny AND kind all through our school years; I lived across the street from him.

Sigh!

My next crush was on my third grade teacher, and then my cat's veterinarian. Both of them were very tall and dark and kind, with eyes that crinkled and enormous, gentle hands . . .

Sigh . . .

Needless to say, I fall for two types of men. I married one type, of the tall, gentle and dark. In two weeks I'm meeting someone who looks just like my kindergarten crush!

We imprint like ducks, don't we?



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 12:51

READY502 write:
What a great topic!

I believe our past role models affect our relationship skills whether it was positive or negative.
If you were fortunate enough to see a healthy relationship which displayed respect, courtesy, appreciation, friendship, displays of affection, etc. this is what imprints into your subconscious and kicks into gear when finding a mate. When you look back at all the male (in my case)role models in your life your father, brothers, uncles, friends of your parents, etc. and see what was shown, this is what you'll seek for yourself most often.


I believe this to be so true. I have been on the fortunate side, and my ex is very successful. He exhibits many traits that I admire in him, and subconsciously look for in others. Few men who are not successful have the traits. Albeit my ex is apathetic, and that is the red flag that would never allow me to get involved with someone like that again.

Because of the qualities I look for, the number of men that would be suitable for me is decreased immensely. Oh well! lol



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 11:11

seattlesunshine write:
Hmmm, I do like to sit on laps. Must be yet another influence!

LMAO!
Exactly, forgot about that one!



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 11:09

SweetAimee write:
Ahhhh... thats why I'm always attracted to big-bellied, grey haired, long bearded men with a deep base HO-HO-HO-like laugh who bring me great presents!


Hmmm, I do like to sit on laps. Must be yet another influence!



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 09:54

Ahhhh... thats why I'm always attracted to big-bellied, grey haired, long bearded men with a deep base HO-HO-HO-like laugh who bring me great presents!



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 04:50

What a great topic!

I believe our past role models affect our relationship skills whether it was positive or negative.

I watched a program once and they claimed all of our relationship and attraction skills are learned by age 5!!! Quite shocking really!

If you were fortunate enough to see a healthy relationship which displayed respect, courtesy, appreciation, friendship, displays of affection, etc. this is what imprints into your subconscious and kicks into gear when finding a mate. When you look back at all the male (in my case)role models in your life your father, brothers, uncles, friends of your parents, etc. and see what was shown, this is what you'll seek for yourself most often.

However, if you were not fortunate enough to have seen a healthy relationship, this too imprints and becomes apparent unconsciously when selecting a partner.

You can reprogram yourself if you take the time to dissect your past, but it takes a considerable awareness as well as the desire to make change before you yourself will select something other than what you've been attracting to unknowingly.



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Posted on Fri, May 26, 2006 01:58

Hi Iamone. Think that early modeling; parents, family members help form our visual ideal of what is attractive. That positively affects chemistry.

Your theory holds true for me. I love dark haired men with a strong jaw line and taller than six feet. When I look at a blonde man, while he may be attractive, feel that something is visually missing.

When I was young, I had a crush on Dean Martin as he had a similar appearance to my Dad. I do feel the same today!

That said, if he doesn't have a big brain or a sense of humor, he will no longer be attractive, even though he fits the visual ideal. So think that chemistry is rooted in the visual, but ultimately the other senses have to be satisfied as well.

Great topic!



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