Why are so many men and women divorced? I have never been married but I have a pretty good idea why the divorce rate is 50% (with probably another 25% of the married people stuck in unhappy marriages)...leaving only about 25% of the total population "getting it right"...an inquiring mind wants to know.
Well, you can be friends and still not know how to communicate properly. Communication, acceptance of each other, willingness to work things out and a desire to keep peace between each other is key. You can love each other, have peace in your home and still agree to disagree on a matter.
I think that if we as people learn better interpersonal communication skills there would be less divorces.
Yadda, yadda, yadda......the problem is that people seldom really know who they are in a relationship with. They think they know but they really do not. Most people wear a "mask" most of their lives and when "push comes to shove", the truth finally comes out......this is oen of the things we see in the movies I have mentioned. When you "hold the other person's "feet to the fire" at the very begining of a relationship and cut through all the BS by talking "Up front" and "frankly" about any and all subjects, the one's who are false will "fall away" and the ones that really want to "stay"......will "stick". It is really as simple as that.
The way I see it, It is the attitude of people in society today, going into any relationship,that if things do not work out the way we want them to or when times get rough, "we can always get a divorce", "I can always dump em", etc... Instead of sitting down and talking about the problems that are creating a strain on the relationship.
Another thing that also causes problems in relationships is the interference from friends and family. Sometimes this interference is good intended and other times it is not.
Like someone else had said, the marriage vows are not taken as seriously as they once were. Now they are only just words people recite and have no meaning. They nead to have meaning for both people.
Another area where a relationship fails is not looking for advice and counsel. Then not following the advice and counsel given. There is one place that should be look to for advice on lifes issues that would help, but many peolpe do not because of its religious background. And that is The Bible. Yes, The Bible has lots of advice and counsel on everyday issues that would help, but people do not read it because of its religious background. The following are a couple of examples.
Colossians 3:19-21 19) You husbands, keep on loving [your] wives and do not be bitterly angry with them. 20) You children, be obedient to [your] parents in everything for this is well-pleasing in [the] Lord. 21) You fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 16) All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness, 17) that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work.
It is easier to dissolve the "partnership" than to do the "work" in order to nurture and keep the marriage alive. It is easy to become complacent and stale...boredom can often sit in and one, or both, partners think the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence. Taking each other for granted and not sharing the load of every day tasks, etc., is often a problem it seems.
The vows taken are only empty words to some. Other times I believe people marry for the wrong reasons, i.e., fear of being alone, money, etc.
Lastly, but certainly not least...Lack of communication between the two partners.
Someone once said: 'Man marry the woman hoping she will not change and woman marry the man hoping he will change.' Therein lies the great disparity between expectations of the sexes.
It could be the main cause of broken marriages. The twain shall never meet. The 25% who recognise their shortcomings are the ones who are lucky to hold on to their marriages.
Marriage is a symbiotic relationship, that catalyses each to achieve the optimum ,that which could never be done alone. Marriage nourishes and nurtures real growth. It means taking risk and we reap what we sow. There is nothing more rewarding than to enjoy that harvest with the one who loves and inspires you.
It completes your metamorphosis in life.
juliet2011 write: There's only one answer to that question. They weren't friends first!!
That's true. Even though you might lust for a person it is meaningless unless you can be friends first and show a little self control and respect. After you become friends....love can grow almost instantly once you get to know every little detail about a person.....that depends on how observant a person is and how honest they are with themselves about what they see in another person. Most people start off "listening to the words" and they delude themselves. They are more interested in the "denotation" than the "connotation" of what is being said. Most people cannot make up their minds, especially where love is concerned....they believe what they want to believe....and in so doing "equivocate" on their "core values". To some extent (great or small) people can live together but remain strangers all their life. What a pity.
whisperinocean write: Argo, people get married for the wrong reasons.
In random order 1. Lust Once the action in the bedroom stops and the two can no longer talk to one another, they go elsewhere 2. The person you think you married as opposed to the person you really married. The nice guy turns into an abuser of note. 3. Peer/family pressure 4. Work pressure Having the trophy wife/husband to impress the board yadda yadda 5. Getting out of the house 6. Lack of communication 7. No pre-marital counselling 8. Finances Ms Golddigger realises a golden cage wasn't what she really wanted. 9. He-cannot-keep me-in-the-manner-I'm used-to
I'm sure others can add to the list.
My reason (thankfully he left) is #2. I thought I met a wonderful guy and the minute the ring was on my finger, the abuse started. There were warning signs, but you just don't seem to notice.
How many people do you know have been married for over 10 years?
Everything you say is true. Most people wear masks but you cannot wear a mask behind closed doors. Most people are selfish in life and in love. I think Lust comes first.....lets face it men and women do not get together to talk about the weather. Love, comes when you understand a person and IF you are smart you recognize all the "little signs". Then you have to take a "cold, hard. objective look at the whole situation. If Lust & Love exist together in each person, it is dynamite.....why would anyone look elsewhere.....what do they hope to find? Everyone's looks fad over time....that's a reality of life but if you are in Love & Lust (noticed I switched it here) with a person, you don't notice the changes. Infact, every line and wrinkle becomes more dear. Most people are just selfish lovers. When you love someone, you put their needs above your own and the other person reciprocates when and if they can. Essentially, two people become one and no law or event can hold them together or pry them apart.