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When is it appropriate to mention sex? Hope, Goodlife, Sharp, Katie, Tall, Tasha? Anyone?
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Posted on Wed, Mar 08, 2006 21:36

I have just read yet another comment that all men want is sex or cybersex. So discounting those intentions when is it appropriate to mention sex? How many emails, IM's, telephone calls should a man & woman on MM have before SEX is mentioned?



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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 21:23

dee5 write:
Ben,
Okay, I will try to explain this one more time. In my original post I THOUGHT that Devoted was asking advice on when to bring up the subject of sex when trying to start a RELATIONSHIP with a women on an internet dating site. I gave him some advice after talking it over with a number of women. It was my "opinion" that if you are unsure, you should wait until a face-to-face meeting to discuss it because then you could see their reactions and act accordingly. And if you still needed a clue, well then if she didn't let you kiss her on the first date then it probably wasn't right to talk about sex with her. Devo then posted that he was just asking for a discussion on the subject in general. I apologized for misinterpreting his original post. You posted quoting my post, and said that it was artificial and wrong not to talk about sex. I thought you were speaking to me only because you quoted my post in yours. So my next post to you was trying to explain why I said what I said. The only time I actually hinted that you might be mistaken in your comments was with the comment about "female peer pressure. The stigma attached to saying that among this crowd and the inevitable scorn that would be heaped on you by those who believe otherwise are probably making it not worth it." If you actually read my previous posts you will see that I never said that e-mailing and/or talking about sex on the phone was wrong. ( I don't do it with people I don't know because I only find it enjoyable with someone I have definite feelings for.) cont'd


Dee, if I may?

First rule is that you should not take much if not most of what I say too seriously. I try to ask people probing questions, be funny in a not outright "ha ha" kind of way and if you look at the total "ouvre" of my posts you might get a sense of that.

That does not mean I don't say what I think or that I intentionally bait people but the basic point is that nobody should feel insulted or frustrated by what I say, and if they do it is my mistake since that was not my intent.

When I try to insult somebody, there will be no doubt about what my intent was and hopefully that never happens either.

So please, post away and I'll try to signal a bit better when I am not entirely serious (such as my comment about being intimidated by the lovely ladies here - trust me, it takes a heck of a lot more to intimidate me..)



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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 11:37

robtest write:

TallBlonde50 write:
Wendy, LOL...you horndog you!!! Hey, to each his/her own. If you wanna do that phone/IM sex thing, go right ahead. It's not that I'm condemning anyone for doing it. I will be honest and say that I did try it.....once. Didn't do a thing for me. As I said before, I much prefer the real thing.
As Katie said.....flirting and just having fun and skirting around the sexual issue is more fun to me than sitting here getting down to the nitty-gritty, so to speak.



Much like in face to face interface, cybersex is dependant on the skills of the partners involved! Being that there is no real "physicality", imagination/creativity and I guess being ambidextrious would be of real value...

ROFLMAO

Being that it was St. Patty's day, my guess would be that Don roadtripped to Savannah perhaps?

Heck Rob...my EARS aren't even ambidextrous, so I'd have to just use the right ear, as using the left ear makes it sound like the party on the other end is in a tunnel with a gag over their mouth!! Thankfully, there is no creativity, but I would think there has to be SOME imagination involved, otherwise phone sex wouldn't be much fun to anyone....I guess!!



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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 08:51

dee5 write:
cont'd from previous
My comments were directed to the imaginary advice I thought Devo was asking for. I never stated that you should not discuss sex before you kiss her. I stated that "most" women do not NEED to talk about sex. "Need" was the key word in that statement. I suppose I could have made it more obvious but I did not. Finally, why are you so angry with me??? I was giving my opinion. I suppose I misinterpreted the word "discussion". I didn't realize that to some it means "to argue and belittle". And to say that I would in any way try to intimidate ANYONE is highly laughable. You don't know me, Ben. If you knew me at all, you would be feeling pretty crappy right about now. You are not wrong in your opinion and if you got that from my post, well it was not my intention. But neither am I wrong in my opinion. Good luck in all of your endeavours. See ya. I'm not cut out for this.

Dee



Dee,

Don't take it personally. IMHO, I like your postings and wish you would post more! I find them opinionated but reasonably well informed. I guess that is all that one can hope for from an opinion. :o)

Benefactor is a staunch defender of cybersex. It seems a passtime for him. I think some of his frustration comes from looking for that and finding many of the scammers that also frequent the site.

I think he would be well qualified to provide statistical information on his adventures and how many he has "tried it with" and found success or failure, but I don't recall seeing that number. Perhaps a three or four part ratio, which includes scammers in there too. They might be giving him what he wants in hopes of getting what they want.



Benefactor123 writes (back in the early pages of the thread):

Somebody finally needs to stand up for "cyber sex" which is being given a bad name here. I bet many who are "against" it or aghast at the thought of it are that way out of prudishness or have never tried it. Being closed minded about sex is as wrong about cyber sex as it is in the bedroom. The biggest enemy of hot, mind-blowing sex is inhibition and inhibition comes in only one flavor.



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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 08:24

cont'd from previous
My comments were directed to the imaginary advice I thought Devo was asking for. I never stated that you should not discuss sex before you kiss her. I stated that "most" women do not NEED to talk about sex. "Need" was the key word in that statement. I suppose I could have made it more obvious but I did not. Finally, why are you so angry with me??? I was giving my opinion. I suppose I misinterpreted the word "discussion". I didn't realize that to some it means "to argue and belittle". And to say that I would in any way try to intimidate ANYONE is highly laughable. You don't know me, Ben. If you knew me at all, you would be feeling pretty crappy right about now. You are not wrong in your opinion and if you got that from my post, well it was not my intention. But neither am I wrong in my opinion. Good luck in all of your endeavours. See ya. I'm not cut out for this.

Dee

  


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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 08:24

Ben,
Okay, I will try to explain this one more time. In my original post I THOUGHT that Devoted was asking advice on when to bring up the subject of sex when trying to start a RELATIONSHIP with a women on an internet dating site. I gave him some advice after talking it over with a number of women. It was my "opinion" that if you are unsure, you should wait until a face-to-face meeting to discuss it because then you could see their reactions and act accordingly. And if you still needed a clue, well then if she didn't let you kiss her on the first date then it probably wasn't right to talk about sex with her. Devo then posted that he was just asking for a discussion on the subject in general. I apologized for misinterpreting his original post. You posted quoting my post, and said that it was artificial and wrong not to talk about sex. I thought you were speaking to me only because you quoted my post in yours. So my next post to you was trying to explain why I said what I said. The only time I actually hinted that you might be mistaken in your comments was with the comment about "female peer pressure. The stigma attached to saying that among this crowd and the inevitable scorn that would be heaped on you by those who believe otherwise are probably making it not worth it." If you actually read my previous posts you will see that I never said that e-mailing and/or talking about sex on the phone was wrong. ( I don't do it with people I don't know because I only find it enjoyable with someone I have definite feelings for.) cont'd



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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 07:29

TallBlonde50 write:
Wendy, LOL...you horndog you!!! Hey, to each his/her own. If you wanna do that phone/IM sex thing, go right ahead. It's not that I'm condemning anyone for doing it. I will be honest and say that I did try it.....once. Didn't do a thing for me. As I said before, I much prefer the real thing.
As Katie said.....flirting and just having fun and skirting around the sexual issue is more fun to me than sitting here getting down to the nitty-gritty, so to speak.


Much like in face to face interface, cybersex is dependant on the skills of the partners involved! Being that there is no real "physicality", imagination/creativity and I guess being ambidextrious would be of real value...

ROFLMAO

Being that it was St. Patty's day, my guess would be that Don roadtripped to Savannah perhaps?



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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 07:22

Devoted2FindingU write:
TallBlonde50 write:
Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me at least, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!


Tall, IM me after 3pm today I should be home from high school by then. LOL.

Even better, Tall let's add Cutie, Katie & Dee and make it an IM Cyber Conference call. What would you call that? I would not be intimidated!


-D.

Devoted, I tried to IM you, but you must not have been home yet!! DAMMIT!

  


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Posted on Sat, Mar 18, 2006 07:20

cutiepie01 write:

Tomi, I think not knowing someone is the best way to rile up your sexual energy! its easier to get out all the sexual fantasies youve been holding in, and save the really sweet inuendos for someone you think you may really be interested in. Im such a horndog tho, its a topic that usually stays on my mind. I guess i must have alot male hormones or something. hehehe. of course there is only one guy in the forum that i would try to cybersex, but he wont give me the satisfaction. he knows who he is. hehehe

Wendy, LOL...you horndog you!!! Hey, to each his/her own. If you wanna do that phone/IM sex thing, go right ahead. It's not that I'm condemning anyone for doing it. I will be honest and say that I did try it.....once. Didn't do a thing for me. As I said before, I much prefer the real thing.
As Katie said.....flirting and just having fun and skirting around the sexual issue is more fun to me than sitting here getting down to the nitty-gritty, so to speak.



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 20:24

beautynbrains SAID:

So there you go Ben, you got me talking about sex...ROLMAO!!

END QUOTE

Yep, sure did...

Was it as good for you as it was for me?



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 20:10

dee5 write:
Benefactor,

(This is why I don't usually comment on the forums. Always telling you that your opinion is "artificial and wrong".) Most women, I say most, don't need to talk about sex. And most aren't on this site for sex. If we want sex, we can get it - anytime we want it, there is someone willing to participate. But I don't think that this was just about sex. I interpreted the original post as when is it appropriate to talk about sex if you want a "relationship" with a woman from MM. My reply was in response to that interpretation. I also said that waiting for a face-to-face date rather than IM-ing and phone conversations was best. You can chat for ages, but until you meet a person you don't know if that "chemistry" is there. I am so not "artificial" in any way. And I have been known to make younger men blush, and that was from indirect conversations about sex. As Devoted said, testing the waters with subtle humour is one very good way to bring up the subject. But I will never, ever do this through initial e-mail or phone conversations. That is my OPINION. And I also don't find it a waste of time to have a couple of dates with someone before finding out that they are not my cup of tea. At least I had some good conversation and good company for a bit, and maybe we will remain friends. I never consider making new friends a waste of time.

Finally, to say that any of the women on this site would be intimidated into not expressing their honest opinion on this topic shows that you really don't read the forums enough. I really doubt that Tomi, Wee, Sharp, Katie, Cutie, Redhead (sorry if I'm missing anyone) would be intimidated by much on here.

My opinion.

Dee


This is too good - you start by saying you never post because people will immediately tell you how you are wrong and then you proceed to tell me how wrong I am ...

Does that not strike you as a wee bit hypocritical?

And I object to your use of characterisations such as "most" women. You are a woman, I grant you that but who are you to assume that you know what most women, on this site or in any other respect want or don't want? What statistical sample did you use in your study at the end of which you concluded it is most women?

Did you poll all the female members of MM? Or you just "know"?

Just because 1 or 7 other ladies will say "amen" to your preachings on the forum is still not a sufficient proof that most women would agree with you. If you said "many", I would have not said a thing but it is very telling that you'd chose to "put me in my place" because, naturally, you know what most women are like.

As to the point that some of the women who do not share your view would be intimidated by the likes of you - your quoting names of 3 or 4 of the more intimidating members of the forums is hardly bolstering your argument. There are "lurkers" on these forums who never post and in part it's because of the general tendency towards harshness.

I am scared of those ladies and I am a big boy and I can see how many would not be so brave as to lay themselves bare in front of them ...

Oh, yes, and thanks for clarifying that face-to-face is better than IM or phone. Why did I not think of that? See my teleportation reference in another thread ...



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 18:32

bobsthename write:
robtest, what survey says between the 2nd and 4th dates? My personal survey says that if you don't get laid on your first date she isn't worth a second...and if you get laid on your first date she isn't worth a second date. OMG, that's my problem! Heads I win, Tails you lose...



Bob, you have it wrong. You are suppose to take them to bed first, then decide if they are worth taking out.

lol

OK, gals, just kidding.


I actually think unless you like having a lot of notches in your bedpost its better to wait until you know, like, and are friends with a person. If the person doesn't have a chance of becoming a long term relationship, why bother -- why waste your time.

Those bedpost can become toothpicks if you jump on every opportunity to get laid.



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 14:39

Devoted2FindingU write:

TallBlonde50 write:
Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me at least, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!



Tall, IM me after 3pm today I should be home from high school by then. LOL.

Even better, Tall let's add Cutie, Katie & Dee and make it an IM Cyber Conference call. What would you call that? I would not be intimidated!


-D.

a cyber menage e quad? im afraid i may embarrass my friends.



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 13:43

TallBlonde50 write:
Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me at least, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!


Tall, IM me after 3pm today I should be home from high school by then. LOL.

Even better, Tall let's add Cutie, Katie & Dee and make it an IM Cyber Conference call. What would you call that? I would not be intimidated!


-D.



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 12:52

TallBlonde50 write:

dee5 write:
Benefactor,

(This is why I don't usually comment on the forums. Always telling you that your opinion is "artificial and wrong".) Most women, I say most, don't need to talk about sex. And most aren't on this site for sex. If we want sex, we can get it - anytime we want it, there is someone willing to participate. But I don't think that this was just about sex. I interpreted the original post as when is it appropriate to talk about sex if you want a "relationship" with a woman from MM. My reply was in response to that interpretation. I also said that waiting for a face-to-face date rather than IM-ing and phone conversations was best. You can chat for ages, but until you meet a person you don't know if that "chemistry" is there. I am so not "artificial" in any way. And I have been known to make younger men blush, and that was from indirect conversations about sex. As Devoted said, testing the waters with subtle humour is one very good way to bring up the subject. But I will never, ever do this through initial e-mail or phone conversations. That is my OPINION. And I also don't find it a waste of time to have a couple of dates with someone before finding out that they are not my cup of tea. At least I had some good conversation and good company for a bit, and maybe we will remain friends. I never consider making new friends a waste of time.

Finally, to say that any of the women on this site would be intimidated into not expressing their honest opinion on this topic shows that you really don't read the forums enough. I really doubt that Tomi, Wee, Sharp, Katie, Cutie, Redhead (sorry if I'm missing anyone) would be intimidated by much on here.

My opinion.

Dee


Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me atleast, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!

Tomi, I think not knowing someone is the best way to rile up your sexual energy! its easier to get out all the sexual fantasies youve been holding in, and save the really sweet inuendos for someone you think you may really be interested in. Im such a horndog tho, its a topic that usually stays on my mind. I guess i must have alot male hormones or something. hehehe. of course there is only one guy in the forum that i would try to cybersex, but he wont give me the satisfaction. he knows who he is. hehehe



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 12:39

Devoted2FindingU write:
I have just read yet another comment that all men want is sex or cybersex. So discounting those intentions when is it appropriate to mention sex? How many emails, IM's, telephone calls should a man & woman on MM have before SEX is mentioned?

Get to know the heart, be a good friend first, meet as friends if the sparks are there you will both know it and then lay the sex questions on them sweety....



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 10:55

Devoted2FindingU write:

TallBlonde50 write:
Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me atleast, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!



Tall, IM me after 3pm today I should be home from high school by then. LOL.

-D.


Oh, you settle down, you randy teen. LOL And if you say you're holding an American apple pie instead of doing your homework ...... gasp!

lol



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 10:45

TallBlonde50 write:

Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me atleast, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!


Here, here!!! Grrrrrrrrr. LOL



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 09:23

Benefactor123 write:
dee5 write:
Devoted, I hope you don't mind me adding my two cents worth. I agree with those on here who have said that it depends on the individual. But a good rule to follow is this: If she hasn't let you kiss her yet, it's too early to talk about sex. Obviously, this rules out e-mail and/or phone conversations. Once you get to the stage that you feel she might be very interested in you, then bring it up in very subtle ways during a romantic dinner. If she changes the subject or looks totally shocked and disgusted, then drop it. Some women just don't like to talk about it, unless they are really involved in the relationship. Doesn't mean they are prudes or that they will be boring in bed, it just means they want to keep some things a mystery until the appropriate time. That is just my view on things, and that of the women I have discussed this with (I did some research for you.) I hope this helps.

Dee


OK, so I am waiting for the women to post who *do* like to talk about sex on IM, on the phone and before they have kissed anyone.

You know you are there because I have talked to you, so feel free to speak up.

But you probably won't because of female peer pressure. The stigma attached to saying that among this crowd and the inevitable scorn that would be heaped on you by those who believe otherwise are probably making it not worth it.

I think not discussing sex is "artificial" and wrong. If we will talk about our favorite foods, books or political figures, leaving sex out of the conversation almost implies it is less important than all of those other things. Does anyone feel it is?

Plus it may be very usefull to find out things sooner rather than later. You don't want to waste 3 dinner dates only to find out when the time is right that he likes to wear heels and a garter belt in bed (true story told to me by somebody the other day). (That he *he* likes to wear it, and not him asking you to wear those - I know, I did a double take too...)


AMEN! Well said Dee...including another of your posts which Tallblonde quoted you.
Benny...there is a time and place for everything...if you are intuitive at all, you will know when to test the waters in a flirtatious manner, and read her return signals to see if you should go further.
It also depends on the kind of women/men a man/woman is looking for...one who sleeps around ALOT? or one who is selective? The former being considered a 'sl*ut'.
Hey ladies...a man could be a slut too, right? lmao!

Dee is sooo right ... just because a woman/man does not talk about sex, does not mean she is a dud in bed!



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Posted on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 03:40

dee5 write:
Benefactor,

(This is why I don't usually comment on the forums. Always telling you that your opinion is "artificial and wrong".) Most women, I say most, don't need to talk about sex. And most aren't on this site for sex. If we want sex, we can get it - anytime we want it, there is someone willing to participate. But I don't think that this was just about sex. I interpreted the original post as when is it appropriate to talk about sex if you want a "relationship" with a woman from MM. My reply was in response to that interpretation. I also said that waiting for a face-to-face date rather than IM-ing and phone conversations was best. You can chat for ages, but until you meet a person you don't know if that "chemistry" is there. I am so not "artificial" in any way. And I have been known to make younger men blush, and that was from indirect conversations about sex. As Devoted said, testing the waters with subtle humour is one very good way to bring up the subject. But I will never, ever do this through initial e-mail or phone conversations. That is my OPINION. And I also don't find it a waste of time to have a couple of dates with someone before finding out that they are not my cup of tea. At least I had some good conversation and good company for a bit, and maybe we will remain friends. I never consider making new friends a waste of time.

Finally, to say that any of the women on this site would be intimidated into not expressing their honest opinion on this topic shows that you really don't read the forums enough. I really doubt that Tomi, Wee, Sharp, Katie, Cutie, Redhead (sorry if I'm missing anyone) would be intimidated by much on here.

My opinion.

Dee

Great post, Dee, and I couldn't have said it better myself. Discussing sex with someone you have met and have a "connection" with is easy....face to face. Talking about sex over the phone or on IM, to me atleast, is just sleazy when you don't have a clue with whom you're speaking. You just never know who that person on the other end of the IM is. Could be some little teenager getting fresh!! LOL
I have come to know quite a few of the women here, and we are all very strong females. I don't think "intimidation" is in our vocabulary!!!



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