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  • View author's info Author Posted on Feb 28, 2006 at 08:11 AM

    First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
    Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
    Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

    First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
    Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
    20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

    First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
    Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
    Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
    5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
    6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

    First Date: You get dynamite hea! d.
    Second Date: You get more great head.
    Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

    First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
    Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner and again nothing happens.
    Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized......nothing is going to happen.

    First date: Meet her parents.
    Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
    Third date: Wedding night.

    First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
    Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
    Third Date: You get to pay her rent. Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

    First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
    Second Date: She's pregnant.
    Third Date: She moves in.
    One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, he r two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

    The point of the story is:

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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 02, 2006 at 09:43 PM

    Wow where'd you come up with this stuff. The only person who can go on and on and on besides me. Are you my my kin? lol :)

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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 01, 2006 at 10:32 PM

    In the 1400's a law was set forth in
    > England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with
    > a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have
    > "the rule of thumb"
    -------------------------------- years ago in Scotland, a new game
    > was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies> Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into> the English language.
    > --------------------------------------
    > The first couple to be shown in bed
    > together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma> Flintstone.
    > Every day more money is printed for
    > Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.
    >> Men can read smaller print than women
    > can; women can hear better.
    > Coca-Cola was originally green.
    ---------------------------------------> It is impossible to lick your elbow.
    > --------------------------------------
    > The State with the highest percentage
    > of people who walk to work: Alaska
    > --------------------------------------> The percentage of Africa that is
    > wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
    > --------------------------------------
    > The percentage of North America that is> wilderness: 38%
    > The cost of raising a medium-size dog to> the age of eleven: $6,400
    > The average number of people airborne
    > over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
    > Intelligent people have more zinc and
    > copper in their hair.
    > The first novel ever written on a
    > typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
    > The San Francisco Cable cars are the
    > only mobile National Monuments.
    > Each king in a deck of playing cards
    > represents a great king from history:
    > Spades - King David
    > Hearts - Charlemagne
    > Clubs -Alexander, the Great
    > Diamonds - Julius Caesar
    > 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =
    > 12,345,678,987,654,321
    > If a statue in the park of a person on
    > a horse has both front legs in the air, the person
    > died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
    > the air the person died as a result of wounds
    > received in battle. If the horse has all four legs
    > on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
    > Only two people signed the Declaration
    > of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and
    > Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August
    > 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years
    > later.
    > Q. Half of all Americans live within
    > 50 miles of what?
    > A. Their birthplace
    > Q. Most boat owners name their boats.
    > What is the most popular boat name requested?
    > A. Obsession
    > Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how
    > far would you have to go until you would find the
    > letter "A"?
    > A. One thousand
    > Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire
    > escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all
    > have in common?
    > A. All were invented by women.
    > Q. What is the only food that doesn't
    > spoil?
    > A. Honey
    > Q. Which day are there more collect
    > calls than any other day of the year?
    > A. Father's Day
    > In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were
    > secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on
    > the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
    > firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase.........
    > "goodnight, sleep tight."
    > It was the accepted practice in Babylon
    > 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding,
    > the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
    > all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer
    > and because their calendar was lunar based, this
    > period was called the honey month, which we know
    > today as the honeymoon.
    > In English pubs, ale is ordered by
    > pints and quarts... So in old England, when
    > customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at
    > them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."
    > It's where we get the phrase "mind your
    > P's and Q's"

    > Many years ago in England, pub
    > frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
    > handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a
    > refill, they used the whistle to get some service.
    > "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this
    > practice.
    > ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > At least 75% of people who read this
    > will try to lick their elbow!

    > Don't delete this just because it
    > looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
    > I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
    > uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
    > phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid
    > Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
    > Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
    > oredr the
    > ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
    > iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
    > in the rghit
    > plae. The rset can be a taotl mses and
    > you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is
    > bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
    > istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 28, 2006 at 08:50 AM

    Good one Dorma! or Jama?

    Very funny, thanks for the laugh!

    I'm of Irish background and white, but don't get blind drunk anymore lol!
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