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Unconditional love...looking for answers
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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2006 02:00

I have seen this word on several thread unconditional love...does this means you forgive adultery and resume your marriage life like nothing happened? I know all experienced men and women who have been cheated will always have a little voice in the back of their mind; "Can I trust him or her" Beside the question I share about adultery what is unconditional love? Do you accept them trashing your life,making you lose your self respect, depriving you of simple happiness because they are hell bent? just thought of some examples so any answers anyone?

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Posted on Sun, Mar 05, 2006 08:04

katiegrl write:
I think of unconditional love as non-judgemental love, a love you can feel for a partner, children, relatives and friends, that will forgive minor discretions and differences. But unconditional love is mostly earned, and I believe it can be unearned too.

I, for example, love my daughter unconditionally. I wouldn't care what rotten thing she did; I'd still always be there for her and love her just as much. I tell her, "I love you more than air." She tells me, "I love you more than water." We both know you can't live without either of those two life-sustainers so we kind of set the limit of our love. There is none. lol I love the socks off her, and she knows it!

On the other hand, if I loved a man, I'd do it unconditionally and without judgement, UNLESS he "un-earned" it. He would un-earn it if he hurt me, and that could mean cheating on me, just plain cheating me, or doing something that held total disregard for my feelings or the effect that something had on my life.

I think you can love someone so much sometimes that you'd let them walk all over you, and that's okay as long as YOU are getting something out of hanging onto that love, but sooner or later, if you kept loving somebody who didn't care whether they hurt you or not, and in fact, kept doing it ..... I believe you've gotta have the guts to cut them loose. I think a person like that needs to meet their karma in this same lifetime, if they spit on love.

Maybe they should be stuck a hundred times with those little spikey toothpicks ... or have hot, microwaved popcorn shoved down their pants ... or maybe wrap their naked body in duct tape and then rip it all off them and then dunk them in a vat of gin ......

....I'm having too much fun with this...... lol


Katie,

I just have doing some thinking about this unconditional love, what I see is a spiritual connection of unconditional love to a family member or a best friend, we are willing to forgive or over look past transgressions and we do this on an individual basis.

Though in all of it we also exercise conditional love with our soul, if our child,best firend or parents have offended us greatly it is also with unconditional love I would reprove my child,parent or best friend. Since I have a conditional love for what throws my life off balance I will stand up to correct it. It is both conditional and unconditional love we practise daily.

If you have never stood up to anybody then you must have conditional love because unconditional love will take step up to rectify a balance and harmony with everyone involved. Since unconditional love will reason with you to restore truth and balance We might not agree to all the lecture but there was enough unconditional love to restore harmony in the thinking brain of your lover,child or parents regardless of the price you have to pay against the wrong that was committed against you.

If balance is restored then it shows you love them also by sharing your discontent, your knowledge and wisdom in the proper way if you know any better. All love has conditions, a love that has none goes to ruin.

BQ



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Posted on Sun, Feb 26, 2006 20:19

katiegrl write:
I think of unconditional love as non-judgemental love, a love you can feel for a partner, children, relatives and friends, that will forgive minor discretions and differences. But unconditional love is mostly earned, and I believe it can be unearned too.

I, for example, love my daughter unconditionally. I wouldn't care what rotten thing she did; I'd still always be there for her and love her just as much. I tell her, "I love you more than air." She tells me, "I love you more than water." We both know you can't live without either of those two life-sustainers so we kind of set the limit of our love. There is none. lol I love the socks off her, and she knows it!

On the other hand, if I loved a man, I'd do it unconditionally and without judgement, UNLESS he "un-earned" it. He would un-earn it if he hurt me, and that could mean cheating on me, just plain cheating me, or doing something that held total disregard for my feelings or the effect that something had on my life.

I think you can love someone so much sometimes that you'd let them walk all over you, and that's okay as long as YOU are getting something out of hanging onto that love, but sooner or later, if you kept loving somebody who didn't care whether they hurt you or not, and in fact, kept doing it ..... I believe you've gotta have the guts to cut them loose. I think a person like that needs to meet their karma in this same lifetime, if they spit on love.

Maybe they should be stuck a hundred times with those little spikey toothpicks ... or have hot, microwaved popcorn shoved down their pants ... or maybe wrap their naked body in duct tape and then rip it all off them and then dunk them in a vat of gin ......

....I'm having too much fun with this...... lol

How about some tar and feathers to go with the rest lol



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Posted on Sat, Feb 25, 2006 23:30

I think of unconditional love as non-judgemental love, a love you can feel for a partner, children, relatives and friends, that will forgive minor discretions and differences. But unconditional love is mostly earned, and I believe it can be unearned too.

I, for example, love my daughter unconditionally. I wouldn't care what rotten thing she did; I'd still always be there for her and love her just as much. I tell her, "I love you more than air." She tells me, "I love you more than water." We both know you can't live without either of those two life-sustainers so we kind of set the limit of our love. There is none. lol I love the socks off her, and she knows it!

On the other hand, if I loved a man, I'd do it unconditionally and without judgement, UNLESS he "un-earned" it. He would un-earn it if he hurt me, and that could mean cheating on me, just plain cheating me, or doing something that held total disregard for my feelings or the effect that something had on my life.

I think you can love someone so much sometimes that you'd let them walk all over you, and that's okay as long as YOU are getting something out of hanging onto that love, but sooner or later, if you kept loving somebody who didn't care whether they hurt you or not, and in fact, kept doing it ..... I believe you've gotta have the guts to cut them loose. I think a person like that needs to meet their karma in this same lifetime, if they spit on love.

Maybe they should be stuck a hundred times with those little spikey toothpicks ... or have hot, microwaved popcorn shoved down their pants ... or maybe wrap their naked body in duct tape and then rip it all off them and then dunk them in a vat of gin ......

....I'm having too much fun with this...... lol



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Posted on Fri, Feb 24, 2006 18:01

bobsthename write:
love is unconditional. there aren't two types. there are different intensities of the love feeling for someone. there is also lust and sex which are not love at all and those are felt at different intensities too. There is also a very fine line between love and hate. I think of love as the level of attachment we have for someone...sometimes I think that the love feeling is just so primitive. I often think of the imprinting a chick being born makes on the first thing it sees might just be the most primitive expression of love.



If we could only find that "reset switch" for older chicks!!! :o)


I agree on the intensities/scales theory. For me it is going from liking someone to loving them. I am not sure I really understand if "In Love" is just the upper end of that scale or if it is an entirely different measurement in itself...



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Posted on Fri, Feb 24, 2006 00:36

bobsthename write:
True love is unconditional. You guys made the distinction between adult and parental love. However, just because a spouse is unfaithful, doesn't mean you love them any less. You simply set your boundaries of acceptable behavior, and once breached, you walk away if you are strong. Just like a parent sometimes has to do with a drug abusing child. I've had girlfriends in my life who weren't faithful to me, or vice versa (when I was younger), and I will always love those women till the day I die just like family or my child.

Bob what the hell happen to you???? Come on this is too real lol but I do hear you I guess that is why I stay single... Hey its nice to see another side of you !! You still make me laugh...Always Unsnaggedeagle



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Posted on Thu, Feb 23, 2006 16:28

love is unconditional. there aren't two types. there are different intensities of the love feeling for someone. there is also lust and sex which are not love at all and those are felt at different intensities too. There is also a very fine line between love and hate. I think of love as the level of attachment we have for someone...sometimes I think that the love feeling is just so primitive. I often think of the imprinting a chick being born makes on the first thing it sees might just be the most primitive expression of love.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 23, 2006 06:11

statuesque4u write:
Bob i will say that on what you said i will agree. But let us look at this distinction. True love is unconditipnal. When we meet fall in love we except each other will any faults that come with us. We can have bad hair cuts and you will love us in spite of. We can bite our nails and you will love us in spite of. It is true we start off giving umconditional love to our spouse. If thru our lifetime that holds true and there is no out of bound opportunities going on then you will always have that unconditionally love for your spouse. If she/he goes outside those boundaries:ie adultery, habitual gambling,drinking then the unconditionally love become weaker. Many will work very hard to help their loved one break those habits ie: rehab therapist. If it works then they are back on good footing. If it doesn't it becomes to much of a burden resulting in wasted money,backrupcy,ruin, disillusionment and that unconditional bond will break because we as individuals/humans do not want to be brought down to a low point with the one we are trying to help/save. At some point we give up and we realize we each have our own path to follow. My ex and i divorced for adultry. I was angry, very angry at first. But he was the father of my children. Plus if you take that out of the equation he is a very good man with many great qualities. I lost the passionate, IN LOVE quality we had but the one thing i always did was I loved him. We became best friends,confidantes,and good parents together. He is still my best friend, married now to a wonderful lady and i am extremely happy for him. This still NOT unconditional Love and you can never have that with a spouse,BF,Lover but you CAN always love them as a person(only if you want/can)
Unlike you children,Parents- whom can do ANYTHING to you, against you,because of you. You will always have that "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" FOR THEM. They can become addicts,murderers,rapist whatever and you will ALWAYS love them but i assure you that you won't like them at all. They might discuss you but you will "love" them.
So Bob to a point you are right but then you are changing the status of love. LOVE is one thing-UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is another.......

OH I LIKE THIS DISCUSSION!!!!!mwah!


statuesque4u,

Your essay is very very good, I enjoy reading this thread very much as there is much richness in the seasoned experiences we have gone thru and share, many good contribution by the posters. Keep contributing on this as your thoughts are enlightening

BQ



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Posted on Wed, Feb 22, 2006 13:58

Bob i will say that on what you said i will agree. But let us look at this distinction. True love is unconditipnal. When we meet fall in love we except each other will any faults that come with us. We can have bad hair cuts and you will love us in spite of. We can bite our nails and you will love us in spite of. It is true we start off giving umconditional love to our spouse. If thru our lifetime that holds true and there is no out of bound opportunities going on then you will always have that unconditionally love for your spouse. If she/he goes outside those boundaries:ie adultery, habitual gambling,drinking then the unconditionally love become weaker. Many will work very hard to help their loved one break those habits ie: rehab therapist. If it works then they are back on good footing. If it doesn't it becomes to much of a burden resulting in wasted money,backrupcy,ruin, disillusionment and that unconditional bond will break because we as individuals/humans do not want to be brought down to a low point with the one we are trying to help/save. At some point we give up and we realize we each have our own path to follow. My ex and i divorced for adultry. I was angry, very angry at first. But he was the father of my children. Plus if you take that out of the equation he is a very good man with many great qualities. I lost the passionate, IN LOVE quality we had but the one thing i always did was I loved him. We became best friends,confidantes,and good parents together. He is still my best friend, married now to a wonderful lady and i am extremely happy for him. This still NOT unconditional Love and you can never have that with a spouse,BF,Lover but you CAN always love them as a person(only if you want/can)
Unlike you children,Parents- whom can do ANYTHING to you, against you,because of you. You will always have that "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" FOR THEM. They can become addicts,murderers,rapist whatever and you will ALWAYS love them but i assure you that you won't like them at all. They might discuss you but you will "love" them.
So Bob to a point you are right but then you are changing the status of love. LOVE is one thing-UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is another.......

OH I LIKE THIS DISCUSSION!!!!!mwah!



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Posted on Tue, Feb 21, 2006 16:44

Goofy is my son. And I wasn't in Disneyland. That's my home. I was at Universal.

Hmmm passing on the sex offer eh? OK. How about if I wear a paper bag over my head? With just one eye hole so I can watch.



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Posted on Tue, Feb 21, 2006 14:03

bobsthename write:
That's good Gemini. You can have sex with me now. But only once.


I guess unconditional love and unconditional sex are two different things! ROFLMAO...



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Posted on Tue, Feb 21, 2006 11:43

That's good Gemini. You can have sex with me now. But only once.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 12:43

GeminiDi write:
I've told you folks that Bob isn't the "village idiot" that he plays on here. There is a great deal of depth, kindness, and sensitivity to him. He masks it well, though, doesn't he?

Perhaps now, Bob, you will drop the MM persona that people associate with you??? You have a wealth of experience and advice that would enhance the forums.

Gem



That's it Gem,

Put your foot down just like a Southern Belle would do. ha!

BQ



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 11:58

wow Bob, you just blew me away. Now that I think about it, "You simply set your boundaries of acceptable behavior". its true.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 08:30

thegoodlife421 write:
I was going to post exactly what everyone else just said and got distracted by my social life. Here I come back to find yall did the good work for me. Unconditional love is for pets and children, period.


thegoodlife,

Come on now; there must be something you can add, you always do.

BQ



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 07:49

beautynbrains4u write:
We are incapable of loving unconditionally. Period. The human condition doesn't allow it. Although deep down we all want to loved so...that's why we have pets! The vast majority of us don't love ourselves unconditionally...how can we expect to love others thusly? We can only strive to love ourselves and one another as best as possible. Our capacity for selflessness, love, acceptance, forgiveness varies significantly amongst us. It becomes a problem if there is a severe imbalance in the relationship and if one is sacrificing their own self love for that of another. I do believe however, that a genuine love can heal, and can grow each of us into our individual best. As you stated...somewhat like a vacuum feeding the love into one another...the glue, nuts and bolts (and perhaps the occassional dagger...lol). My poem expresses that sentiment and it flows both ways:

Under the magnetism of your
eyes,
I stand before you-
My body disrobed of imaginary flaws.
I am perfection.

Under the spell of your
voice,
I hear distant echoes
of love lost-
Visages of shadow and fragments,
now fading.

Under the weight of your
beating heart,
Lulling me into wholeness
Speaking of beauty, love
I see the world opening
before me.

Under the magic of your
love,
I am renewed.
Treasures of my infinite depths
revealed,
Spread out before you...

So as a Christian, do you believe God's love is unconditional? It always amazes(saddens) me, how different religions purports only followers of their beliefs will be "accepted [loved, saved] into the kingdom of God." Again...the human condition limits us.


beautynbrains4u write:

We are incapable of loving unconditionally. Period. The human condition doesn't allow it. Although deep down we all want to loved so...that's why we have pets!

You are right Beauty, we are here discussing the greatest potent force in the world LOVE in our lives and how it effects us in general, we are all here as mutally agreed people so we feel an empathy for each other under a no threatening condition which brings the best of opinions,experiences,ideals and many others.

Supposed it would be under a different setting in a U.N. meeting where we are at war? Would all these loving unconditionally thing be at the table ? I guess not. ha!

I say this because I read books about the American Civil War and how a family in the North was willing to kill their relatives in the South for U.S.A

As statuesque4u wrote:

this is a question associated with spouses etc. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Yes, this was part of the question and she wrote some very thought out answers but it didn't only stop there..this is what I wrote :

Beside the question I share about adultery what is unconditional love?

So I left the sentence open with a question mark meaning it is open to discussion what is unconditional love, meaning let see where it evolves beyond the spousal subject and it is where it is evolving now beyond the family. The family point of views were excellent ansers and YES, I enjoyed Bob's insight also " Grin " I knew he had a soft place inside his heart and the woman who gets it will have a different Bob than he porteays himself in his posts..a number of women have not taken a good look between the line and his posts. Katie also said he was different in person..I knew that since I read his posts.

What Bob brought up is very true, I don't hate my ex though we had differences, we still can come in each other company,laugh,discuss the children and many other things but we are not lovers for bed. Sex and true love and friendship and love are two different forces though it evolves from the same dominating force LOVE: one see it one way and another sees it a different way, it is what we are as human and the variation of thoughts and experinces; the UNIQUENESS of INDIVIDUALITY.

In a friendship based love; with mutual respect we put aside pass differences because it is PAST where it belongs...but there is always questions we enjoy answers too as it calms our conscious and restore the emotional and intellectual balance of our spirit and soul again once we have found some satisfactory answer to the puzzling questions.

Now we are bringing it to the forefront like all discussions so we may see the depht of this force and the intellectual reasoning which enamates through this force.

Love is an evolving force as it continually develop and enlightens us through our conscious experiences. What you knew about love 20 years ago is different than what you think of it now and 20 years future you will have added some new insights about it also.

Beyond the family aspect is love unconditional ?

BQ



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 06:16

JEFF217 write:
Gee Whiz....... would the real Bob please stand up ...Usually I think you are truly an a** , then you have a completely logical and sensible post like this one ..??? I guess that is your game ... "keep 'em guessing".

bobsthename write:
True love is unconditional. You guys made the distinction between adult and parental love. However, just because a spouse is unfaithful, doesn't mean you love them any less. You simply set your boundaries of acceptable behavior, and once breached, you walk away if you are strong. Just like a parent sometimes has to do with a drug abusing child. I've had girlfriends in my life who weren't faithful to me, or vice versa (when I was younger), and I will always love those women till the day I die just like family or my child.




It is kinda scary to agree with Bob isn't it! LOL Very Dr. Philish...

There have been a few women in my life that are still loved unconditionally, even though I no longer seek to be around them.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 22:46

Gee Whiz....... would the real Bob please stand up ...Usually I think you are truly an a** , then you have a completely logical and sensible post like this one ..??? I guess that is your game ... "keep 'em guessing".
bobsthename write:
True love is unconditional. You guys made the distinction between adult and parental love. However, just because a spouse is unfaithful, doesn't mean you love them any less. You simply set your boundaries of acceptable behavior, and once breached, you walk away if you are strong. Just like a parent sometimes has to do with a drug abusing child. I've had girlfriends in my life who weren't faithful to me, or vice versa (when I was younger), and I will always love those women till the day I die just like family or my child.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 20:45

True love is unconditional. You guys made the distinction between adult and parental love. However, just because a spouse is unfaithful, doesn't mean you love them any less. You simply set your boundaries of acceptable behavior, and once breached, you walk away if you are strong. Just like a parent sometimes has to do with a drug abusing child. I've had girlfriends in my life who weren't faithful to me, or vice versa (when I was younger), and I will always love those women till the day I die just like family or my child.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 15:13

I was going to post exactly what everyone else just said and got distracted by my social life. Here I come back to find yall did the good work for me. Unconditional love is for pets and children, period.

  


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