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Ex's rearing their head
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Posted on Wed, Feb 08, 2006 17:28

Does anyone have an issue with an Ex that they still care about? One that keeps trying every couple months to keep the flame kindled? One that makes you question whether or not youre ready to meet the person that will show you how important you are to them? That one person that makes you pray that you are making the right decision to move on? And then when you do pray about it, this person shows up out of the blue again to confuse you more. I know people say they are an Ex for a reason, but what if the reason is just because of a distance factor, and not because you werent compatible?



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Posted on Thu, Feb 16, 2006 19:22

I almost had to think after this weekend in Memphis, when snow storm came thru, not my wknd to have my teen daughters....and made 5 round trip 100 mile excursions to take care of them at their house and mine....while my ex and new wife were at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel living it up with the Grizzlies junket trip with no notice to me....remember that an ex has a place in time and space...THE PAST. Live for now and work on your future. Some things are better left behind even when you're making an attempt to move forward and find yourself taking small steps backwards. This site, keeping busy with work and friends, helping others, and making yourself a better person....will make u remember why that prior relationship maybe was what could have been...should have been...but wasn't. Something and someone better for compatibility is out there. Don't compromise. As others pointed out, he's moved on. You need to do the same.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 12, 2006 08:34

AAAAAHHHHHH! the moment has passed. Im back to my old self again. Phew! that was a close one



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2006 09:02

I am ready to date, just havent met my prince charming yet. As for the ex, its not like I have these thoughts everyday, its just every so often when things are not going well in my current affairs. I guess its just irony. Its not that big of a deal. When everything is going well in my dating world, then he seems to not be around, but when things go awry, hes there. okay i will chalk it up to irony. Okay this feeling has passed my dear friends, thank you for your input. I was just wondering if anyone else ever had the same thing happen and how they handled at the time. I dont let his attempts to re-enter my life effect my choices and decisions. I still continue with my plans and dont even allow the thought that I may want to change them to accommodate him. I find that after a couple days these questions usually go away, and I am in check.



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2006 04:34

cutiepie01 write:
Mandalay thank you for your comments, i appreciate them very much. but i have allowed myself to date. it just seems that everytime, i tell myself i am going on a date something that he does sets off warning flags that makes me not do it. and then again i decide to sit back and wait for a good sign. i believe that everything happens for a reason, and i wait to find out what the reason is. like i said, ive learned patience but i have a hard time reading the meaning to the lesson im learning. i really want to move on, but every time i think i am, the guy does something that turns me away and the ex 1200 miles away always seems to hit me at that time. when i first came on this site, i was in hopes of meeting a man that made me realize that he was the one that i was meant to meet. or that i may meet someone in my town that would appreciate me and show me that i am important to him. but no matter how many times i make dates, i end up being disappointed before it ever happens. everytime i question this, i hear from him. its not that he was mean or anything like that, its just that i didnt feel important enough for him to stop trying to be something to everyone else except me. im telling you i have made a million attempts to date, and it always comes back to him. i dont even care if i pay $20 a month to be on a dating site, i love the people in this forum and i appreciate everyone of you and i dont care if i meet someone to date or not. I dont even have to pay to be in forum, if im correct, but you all have made a profound influence in my life. and i had a few beers tonite and some white russians with my mom, and im feeling very in love with all of you tonite. hehehe. Tomi help me out here.

Mandalay207 write:
I would just like to say that you can't sit around and wait. Or for a lack of a better term...waste your precious time in the HOPES that he will come to his senses and finally figure out what his priorities are.

I've been there...done that...I made that mistake. Ya know what? Life is to short to be sitting around waiting for someone that you KNOW in your HEART is NOT the person for you, even though you think he/she might be. The mind plays mysterious tricks on all of us! If your gut and your heart are telling you NO...you know what to do. When you add up all the things together....remember....1 + 1 always = 2....ALWAYS!!

I say, get out there! Date as many as you want to date. Give them all a chance....someone may just spring out of nowhere to capture your thoughts and then your heart..

Trust me...IT DOES HAPPEN AGAIN! *Big Smile, Big Smile*





Cutie, Clearly you are not ready to date. Your hurt and scared. take time to heal, read some books, hang with your family, etc.. Heal before you date anyone else, its the only fair thing to do. Stop trying to rush the process.

Taking the journey of the healing process is sometimes painful and lonely,
but trust me, its worth it.



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2006 03:15

cutiepie01 write:
Mandalay thank you for your comments, i appreciate them very much. but i have allowed myself to date. it just seems that everytime, i tell myself i am going on a date something that he does sets off warning flags that makes me not do it. and then again i decide to sit back and wait for a good sign. i believe that everything happens for a reason, and i wait to find out what the reason is. like i said, ive learned patience but i have a hard time reading the meaning to the lesson im learning. i really want to move on, but every time i think i am, the guy does something that turns me away and the ex 1200 miles away always seems to hit me at that time. when i first came on this site, i was in hopes of meeting a man that made me realize that he was the one that i was meant to meet. or that i may meet someone in my town that would appreciate me and show me that i am important to him. but no matter how many times i make dates, i end up being disappointed before it ever happens. everytime i question this, i hear from him. its not that he was mean or anything like that, its just that i didnt feel important enough for him to stop trying to be something to everyone else except me. im telling you i have made a million attempts to date, and it always comes back to him. i dont even care if i pay $20 a month to be on a dating site, i love the people in this forum and i appreciate everyone of you and i dont care if i meet someone to date or not. I dont even have to pay to be in forum, if im correct, but you all have made a profound influence in my life. and i had a few beers tonite and some white russians with my mom, and im feeling very in love with all of you tonite. hehehe. Tomi help me out here.

Mandalay207 write:
I would just like to say that you can't sit around and wait. Or for a lack of a better term...waste your precious time in the HOPES that he will come to his senses and finally figure out what his priorities are.

I've been there...done that...I made that mistake. Ya know what? Life is to short to be sitting around waiting for someone that you KNOW in your HEART is NOT the person for you, even though you think he/she might be. The mind plays mysterious tricks on all of us! If your gut and your heart are telling you NO...you know what to do. When you add up all the things together....remember....1 + 1 always = 2....ALWAYS!!

I say, get out there! Date as many as you want to date. Give them all a chance....someone may just spring out of nowhere to capture your thoughts and then your heart..

Trust me...IT DOES HAPPEN AGAIN! *Big Smile, Big Smile*



Cutie, I really do empathize with your situation. Most of us have, at one time or another, been where you are. It's a one step at a time phase out, not a giant leap that gets you over the hill. Go on the dates. And when your head wants to stop you, ignore that voice. It's a process, really. Be in the date, and by that I mean pay attention to him, the moment, try not to compare this one to the best of the ex. When the date is over, it's fair to determine whether or not you liked that person enough to see him again, but base it on that person and not the comparison. And as long as you find yourself comparing, remember to include those qualities about your ex that made him an ex. Balance the scales.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 22:59

cutiepie01 write:
Hmmmmm maybe its me that wants to make the booty call! Its just strange that when I start questioning myself, whether I'm attractive to men or why cant I meet that special person that would be willing to lose his arm out a bus window. When I'm weak and feeling intimidated, That's when he shows himself. I know I dont want to waste time with Lassy's so named "stinky the time waster". I love that. I know I want to give my time to someone that appreciates me, but its at my weakest moments that he seems to contact me. If I have something else going on, then his contacts dont effect me and I dont return the efforts. I suppose its just my selfishness and shows my insecurity of needing to feel that I am attractive to someone. That's sick. LOL Thank you all, for your comments. I never thought of myself as being insecure, or needing someone to show me I'm worth something, and I dint know where this has come from.

Cutiepie Like every one said what you are feeling is normal and in time it will go, if you move on if you don't move on then you live with the pain so it really is up to you!! When stuff like this happens to people there is no easy choice, because we all make mistakes along the way be it as living life.. so you can listen and learn or you can live with the pain...



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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 21:30

Mandalay207 write:
I would just like to say that you can't sit around and wait. Or for a lack of a better term...waste your precious time in the HOPES that he will come to his senses and finally figure out what his priorities are.

I've been there...done that...I made that mistake. Ya know what? Life is to short to be sitting around waiting for someone that you KNOW in your HEART is NOT the person for you, even though you think he/she might be. The mind plays mysterious tricks on all of us! If your gut and your heart are telling you NO...you know what to do. When you add up all the things together....remember....1 + 1 always = 2....ALWAYS!!

I say, get out there! Date as many as you want to date. Give them all a chance....someone may just spring out of nowhere to capture your thoughts and then your heart..

Trust me...IT DOES HAPPEN AGAIN! *Big Smile, Big Smile*

Mandalay thank you for your comments, i appreciate them very much. but i have allowed myself to date. it just seems that everytime, i tell myself i am going on a date something that he does sets off warning flags that makes me not do it. and then again i decide to sit back and wait for a good sign. i believe that everything happens for a reason, and i wait to find out what the reason is. like i said, ive learned patience but i have a hard time reading the meaning to the lesson im learning. i really want to move on, but every time i think i am, the guy does something that turns me away and the ex 1200 miles away always seems to hit me at that time. when i first came on this site, i was in hopes of meeting a man that made me realize that he was the one that i was meant to meet. or that i may meet someone in my town that would appreciate me and show me that i am important to him. but no matter how many times i make dates, i end up being disappointed before it ever happens. everytime i question this, i hear from him. its not that he was mean or anything like that, its just that i didnt feel important enough for him to stop trying to be something to everyone else except me. im telling you i have made a million attempts to date, and it always comes back to him. i dont even care if i pay $20 a month to be on a dating site, i love the people in this forum and i appreciate everyone of you and i dont care if i meet someone to date or not. I dont even have to pay to be in forum, if im correct, but you all have made a profound influence in my life. and i had a few beers tonite and some white russians with my mom, and im feeling very in love with all of you tonite. hehehe. Tomi help me out here.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 17:43

weelassy1 write:
niceguylooking write:

cutiepie01 write:
Wee! Thats what Im thinking. I just dont want to hurt anyone else in my wake. You know I do have a way of mesmerizing men. Once I have them, I have a hard time getting rid of them. hehe.

weelassy1 write:

GeminiDi write:

weelassy1 write:

cutiepie01 write:
Hmmmmm maybe its me that wants to make the booty call! Its just strange that when I start questioning myself, whether Im attractive to men or why cant I meet that special person that would be willing to lose his arm out a bus window. When Im weak and feeling intimidated, Thats when he shows himself. I know I dont want to waste time with Lassy's so named "stinky the time waster". I love that. I know I want to give my time to someone that appreciates me, but its at my weakest moments that he seems to contact me. If I have something else going on, then his contacts dont effect me and I dont return the efforts. I suppose its just my selfishness and shows my insecurity of needing to feel that I am attractive to someone. Thats sick. LOL Thank you all, for your comments. I never thought of myself as being insecure, or needing someone to show me Im worth something, and I dont know where this has come from.

Hey Pat Benetar look alike...She is a hot Chick just like you.

You want a booty call you go for it Girl. After all we women have needs to...lol

Just Run Like the Wind from that Stinky the time waster...lol Find another you can boink if so desired.



weelassy,

If she continues to have any kind of relationship -- even a sexual one -- with her ex, she's not going to be able to dump him and move on to someone who will appreciate her.

It's difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone with whom you've shared much more! My advice would be to move on ... don't look back. If it had been worth having, you wouldn't have felt the need to leave the relationship.

Just my perspective since I don't really know you...

Gem

I did say run like the wind from Stinky the time waster..lol

I also told her to carry on and find a new LAD whether it was for immediate sexual gratification or potential mate...lol





You can't drive your life forward looking in the rearview mirror.

Sure you can...lol...we women have eyes in the back of our head also..lol



Yes, that and many other redeeming qualities ! LOL



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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 16:17

niceguylooking write:
cutiepie01 write:
Wee! Thats what Im thinking. I just dont want to hurt anyone else in my wake. You know I do have a way of mesmerizing men. Once I have them, I have a hard time getting rid of them. hehe.

weelassy1 write:

GeminiDi write:

weelassy1 write:

cutiepie01 write:
Hmmmmm maybe its me that wants to make the booty call! Its just strange that when I start questioning myself, whether Im attractive to men or why cant I meet that special person that would be willing to lose his arm out a bus window. When Im weak and feeling intimidated, Thats when he shows himself. I know I dont want to waste time with Lassy's so named "stinky the time waster". I love that. I know I want to give my time to someone that appreciates me, but its at my weakest moments that he seems to contact me. If I have something else going on, then his contacts dont effect me and I dont return the efforts. I suppose its just my selfishness and shows my insecurity of needing to feel that I am attractive to someone. Thats sick. LOL Thank you all, for your comments. I never thought of myself as being insecure, or needing someone to show me Im worth something, and I dont know where this has come from.

Hey Pat Benetar look alike...She is a hot Chick just like you.

You want a booty call you go for it Girl. After all we women have needs to...lol

Just Run Like the Wind from that Stinky the time waster...lol Find another you can boink if so desired.



weelassy,

If she continues to have any kind of relationship -- even a sexual one -- with her ex, she's not going to be able to dump him and move on to someone who will appreciate her.

It's difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone with whom you've shared much more! My advice would be to move on ... don't look back. If it had been worth having, you wouldn't have felt the need to leave the relationship.

Just my perspective since I don't really know you...

Gem

I did say run like the wind from Stinky the time waster..lol

I also told her to carry on and find a new LAD whether it was for immediate sexual gratification or potential mate...lol




You can't drive your life forward looking in the rearview mirror.

That is exactly what I learned...Left my husband, but after I realized I was still leaning on him too much, only to have him think it meant I wanted to get back with him. It's just not good for either person. Funny, it's how I ended up back in MI. I realized with such a young child I needed a support system. It just couldn't be my ex.

My theory #202: The only reason to maintain a relationship with an 'ex' is because you share child/children. How does one "be friends" with someone with whom you've been intimate???



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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 15:21

I would just like to say that you can't sit around and wait. Or for a lack of a better term...waste your precious time in the HOPES that he will come to his senses and finally figure out what his priorities are.

I've been there...done that...I made that mistake. Ya know what? Life is to short to be sitting around waiting for someone that you KNOW in your HEART is NOT the person for you, even though you think he/she might be. The mind plays mysterious tricks on all of us! If your gut and your heart are telling you NO...you know what to do. When you add up all the things together....remember....1 + 1 always = 2....ALWAYS!!

I say, get out there! Date as many as you want to date. Give them all a chance....someone may just spring out of nowhere to capture your thoughts and then your heart..

Trust me...IT DOES HAPPEN AGAIN! *Big Smile, Big Smile*



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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 15:10

cutiepie01 write:
Well I have eyes everywhere! okay didnt any of you ever feel like you were destined to be with a certain person because....... you make many attempts to date others, but every darn time something goes awry before you have that date. im not talking once or twice, i mean for 9 months youve made several dates and before it comes, youve found out something that made you not want to go. and then you start questioning who youre really supposed to be with? and every single time, not just once in awhile but every time that ex calls and it gives you the feeling that you are being made to wait for that person at any cost. is this just insanity? or is it denial? it just seems too coincidental to happen every time. it just sets be aback to use all my eyes to see what is going to happen next. it makes you anxious and yet teaches you patience at the same time.

I do not agree with anything you just said...Sorry you are in denial. Hun he is not that into you...Move on.

  


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Posted on Fri, Feb 10, 2006 14:44

Well I have eyes everywhere! okay didnt any of you ever feel like you were destined to be with a certain person because....... you make many attempts to date others, but every darn time something goes awry before you have that date. im not talking once or twice, i mean for 9 months youve made several dates and before it comes, youve found out something that made you not want to go. and then you start questioning who youre really supposed to be with? and every single time, not just once in awhile but every time that ex calls and it gives you the feeling that you are being made to wait for that person at any cost. is this just insanity? or is it denial? it just seems too coincidental to happen every time. it just sets be aback to use all my eyes to see what is going to happen next. it makes you anxious and yet teaches you patience at the same time.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 22:07

robtest write:

weelassy1 write:

niceguylooking write:

You can't drive your life forward looking in the rearview mirror.

Sure you can...lol...we women have eyes in the back of our head also..lol



Wouldn't that just give you two sets of eyes looking backward, and still none looking forward ??? ROFLMAO

Key word my Lad is I said ALSO..Indicator that plural exist.. I have four eyeballs...two infront and two at the back...Oh for Christ Sake I will admit it finally I am from outer space and have eyeballs also at the side of this wee head...BOOO....LMFAO

  


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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 21:16

weelassy1 write:

niceguylooking write:

You can't drive your life forward looking in the rearview mirror.

Sure you can...lol...we women have eyes in the back of our head also..lol


Wouldn't that just give you two sets of eyes looking backward, and still none looking forward ??? ROFLMAO



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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 21:12

GeminiDi write:
LOL weelassy!!!

Well it's true...lol

Don't you recall it didn't matter what your mother was doing or what you were trying to hide...she always caught us...Damn Mum's

Jeezs she me Mum just called again and said ARE YOU ON THAT COMPUTER...LOL...In her thick Scottish accent...For Christ sake she scares the shite out of me.

Gotta love her...Her nick name is Scotty

She is feistier then I...Wonder where the heck I develop such a trait

  


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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 19:08

niceguylooking write:

cutiepie01 write:
Wee! Thats what Im thinking. I just dont want to hurt anyone else in my wake. You know I do have a way of mesmerizing men. Once I have them, I have a hard time getting rid of them. hehe.

weelassy1 write:

GeminiDi write:

weelassy1 write:

cutiepie01 write:
Hmmmmm maybe its me that wants to make the booty call! Its just strange that when I start questioning myself, whether Im attractive to men or why cant I meet that special person that would be willing to lose his arm out a bus window. When Im weak and feeling intimidated, Thats when he shows himself. I know I dont want to waste time with Lassy's so named "stinky the time waster". I love that. I know I want to give my time to someone that appreciates me, but its at my weakest moments that he seems to contact me. If I have something else going on, then his contacts dont effect me and I dont return the efforts. I suppose its just my selfishness and shows my insecurity of needing to feel that I am attractive to someone. Thats sick. LOL Thank you all, for your comments. I never thought of myself as being insecure, or needing someone to show me Im worth something, and I dont know where this has come from.

Hey Pat Benetar look alike...She is a hot Chick just like you.

You want a booty call you go for it Girl. After all we women have needs to...lol

Just Run Like the Wind from that Stinky the time waster...lol Find another you can boink if so desired.



weelassy,

If she continues to have any kind of relationship -- even a sexual one -- with her ex, she's not going to be able to dump him and move on to someone who will appreciate her.

It's difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone with whom you've shared much more! My advice would be to move on ... don't look back. If it had been worth having, you wouldn't have felt the need to leave the relationship.

Just my perspective since I don't really know you...

Gem

I did say run like the wind from Stinky the time waster..lol

I also told her to carry on and find a new LAD whether it was for immediate sexual gratification or potential mate...lol





You can't drive your life forward looking in the rearview mirror.

Sure you can...lol...we women have eyes in the back of our head also..lol

  


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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 17:31

I guess Im still in the mode of forcing myself to move forward but not sure if im ready for it. Hopefully if i run into mr. right in the meantime, I will recognize him. thats why i like the forum. ive met alot of very nice and wise people on here. this is the first dating site i ever paid to be on, because i like all of you.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 17:08

cutiepie01 write:
Wee! Thats what Im thinking. I just dont want to hurt anyone else in my wake. You know I do have a way of mesmerizing men. Once I have them, I have a hard time getting rid of them. hehe.

weelassy1 write:

GeminiDi write:

weelassy1 write:

cutiepie01 write:
Hmmmmm maybe its me that wants to make the booty call! Its just strange that when I start questioning myself, whether Im attractive to men or why cant I meet that special person that would be willing to lose his arm out a bus window. When Im weak and feeling intimidated, Thats when he shows himself. I know I dont want to waste time with Lassy's so named "stinky the time waster". I love that. I know I want to give my time to someone that appreciates me, but its at my weakest moments that he seems to contact me. If I have something else going on, then his contacts dont effect me and I dont return the efforts. I suppose its just my selfishness and shows my insecurity of needing to feel that I am attractive to someone. Thats sick. LOL Thank you all, for your comments. I never thought of myself as being insecure, or needing someone to show me Im worth something, and I dont know where this has come from.

Hey Pat Benetar look alike...She is a hot Chick just like you.

You want a booty call you go for it Girl. After all we women have needs to...lol

Just Run Like the Wind from that Stinky the time waster...lol Find another you can boink if so desired.



weelassy,

If she continues to have any kind of relationship -- even a sexual one -- with her ex, she's not going to be able to dump him and move on to someone who will appreciate her.

It's difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone with whom you've shared much more! My advice would be to move on ... don't look back. If it had been worth having, you wouldn't have felt the need to leave the relationship.

Just my perspective since I don't really know you...

Gem

I did say run like the wind from Stinky the time waster..lol

I also told her to carry on and find a new LAD whether it was for immediate sexual gratification or potential mate...lol




You can't drive your life forward looking in the rearview mirror.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 16:56

weelassy1 write:

GeminiDi write:

weelassy1 write:

cutiepie01 write:
Hmmmmm maybe its me that wants to make the booty call! Its just strange that when I start questioning myself, whether Im attractive to men or why cant I meet that special person that would be willing to lose his arm out a bus window. When Im weak and feeling intimidated, Thats when he shows himself. I know I dont want to waste time with Lassy's so named "stinky the time waster". I love that. I know I want to give my time to someone that appreciates me, but its at my weakest moments that he seems to contact me. If I have something else going on, then his contacts dont effect me and I dont return the efforts. I suppose its just my selfishness and shows my insecurity of needing to feel that I am attractive to someone. Thats sick. LOL Thank you all, for your comments. I never thought of myself as being insecure, or needing someone to show me Im worth something, and I dont know where this has come from.

Hey Pat Benetar look alike...She is a hot Chick just like you.

You want a booty call you go for it Girl. After all we women have needs to...lol

Just Run Like the Wind from that Stinky the time waster...lol Find another you can boink if so desired.



weelassy,

If she continues to have any kind of relationship -- even a sexual one -- with her ex, she's not going to be able to dump him and move on to someone who will appreciate her.

It's difficult to sustain a sexual relationship with someone with whom you've shared much more! My advice would be to move on ... don't look back. If it had been worth having, you wouldn't have felt the need to leave the relationship.

Just my perspective since I don't really know you...

Gem

I did say run like the wind from Stinky the time waster..lol

I also told her to carry on and find a new LAD whether it was for immediate sexual gratification or potential mate...lol

Wee! Thats what Im thinking. I just dont want to hurt anyone else in my wake. You know I do have a way of mesmerizing men. Once I have them, I have a hard time getting rid of them. hehe.



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