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Finding Love Again..
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Posted on Wed, Nov 09, 2005 16:28

Here are some pointers I came across for overcoming barriers to love and intimacy and finding love again.

1. Be willing to change your values. You may have been choosing people on the basis of attraction, status or other false values stemming all the way back to junior high school. Consider finding new attributes attractive: a person's ability to be emotionally open, to admit to their vulnerabilities, to be fully present.

2. Choose people who are seeking relationships rather than romances. The difference is subtle. Determine if they are able to be emotionally constant or if they are just looking for emotional highs. Avoid those who base their attachment to you on infatuation rather than commitment, those who pull away when the infatuation subsides. Find those who are safe to attach to.

3. Be suspicious of you. If you find that you only want someone who is a "challenge," this may be your own way of avoiding relationships.

4. Don't resist commitment. If you feel engulfed and want to run when someone is willing to commit to you, consider that it may just be your own fear of abandonment. The key is to hang in long enough to work through your feelings of resistance.

5. Avoid getting into emotional entrapments. Don't become involved with someone who is not available or dangles you on an emotional string. These negative attractions are often more compelling than positive ones -- and often harder to break. If you're in one, it will take all of your willpower and lots of outside support to get out.

6. Stay away from emotional candy. Instead, seek people who offer emotional sustenance rather than the "right chemistry." Chose those you can trust, respect and revere -- people with integrity who are able to commit.

7. Seek mutuality rather than the game of "emotional pursuit." If you start to become critical of your partner and second-guess your choice, consider that some ambivalence is normal. Your perfectionism and unrealistic expectations might be blocking you from achieving intimacy. Perhaps you're having a problem adjusting to the healthy dynamics of a mutual relationship.

8. Be open to love. Love is sometimes not what you might expect. It is often invisible -- the guy next to you at work, the woman you let get away last time because you felt no "chemistry." Don't be ruled by attraction alone. Love is all around you, but it's up to you to recognize it.

9. Be vulnerable. Your vulnerabilities are worth sharing and may be the very reason significant others are able to connect and feel comfortable with you.

10. Turn love into an action verb. Don't expect love to be something that you just fall into. Love is an action not a feeling. A mature relationship happens when two people commit to active caring, sharing and showing one another love.



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Posted on Mon, Mar 08, 2010 13:12

There is some great wisdom in what you wrote...Thank YOU!

Love is something that has always been hard to explain.

When we are falling in love, we are not rational and are prone to do things that we wouldn't normally do...wouldn't you agree?

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Posted on Mon, Feb 15, 2010 14:16

I guess i maybe have given up!



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Posted on Fri, Feb 12, 2010 00:22

Wow... very impressive! I have never quite herd the true meaning of love or correct definition of what love really is or how to find it. Great definition of finding TRUE love and keeping it.
Greetings from San Diego,



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Posted on Sun, Dec 27, 2009 07:55

Very well said!



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Posted on Sun, Aug 02, 2009 15:38

The first love is always very difficult to replace. But, I'm trying...lol.

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Posted on Thu, Jul 16, 2009 13:28

And it's no sacrifice Just a simple word It's two hearts living In two separate worlds

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Posted on Sun, May 17, 2009 09:56

all these are good ideas, but dont you have to be true to yourself?



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Posted on Tue, Jan 31, 2006 14:42

mahoganyangel write:
TrueAngel write:
mahoganyangel write:
Awwww, thanks blond! Actually, I look for things to post that will give us all a lil' insight (and humor) on our quest to finding love...

Just wonder! why you remove your pics?


I tried to remove my profile but to no avail...I really don't visit the site anymore, but do browse the forums once in a while...I still love you all!

See, we do notic!

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 30, 2006 09:23

TrueAngel write:
mahoganyangel write:
Awwww, thanks blond! Actually, I look for things to post that will give us all a lil' insight (and humor) on our quest to finding love...

Just wonder! why you remove your pics?


I tried to remove my profile but to no avail...I really don't visit the site anymore, but do browse the forums once in a while...I still love you all!



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Posted on Sat, Jan 28, 2006 17:18

VERY TRUE!! Thanks for posting. :)



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Posted on Sat, Jan 28, 2006 17:14

mahoganyangel write:
Awwww, thanks blond! Actually, I look for things to post that will give us all a lil' insight (and humor) on our quest to finding love...

Just wonder! why you remove your pics?



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Posted on Tue, Dec 20, 2005 20:26

mahoganyangel write:
2. Choose people who are seeking relationships rather than romances. The difference is subtle. Determine if they are able to be emotionally constant or if they are just looking for emotional highs. Avoid those who base their attachment to you on infatuation rather than commitment, those who pull away when the infatuation subsides. Find those who are safe to attach to.


While the whole list is very good, I found this one in particular helpful! Would have been helpful on the last two LTRs. Looking at their profiles, it really doesn't say "Looking for a Relationship"...



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Posted on Wed, Dec 14, 2005 16:57

Awwww, thanks blond! Actually, I look for things to post that will give us all a lil' insight (and humor) on our quest to finding love...



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Posted on Mon, Dec 12, 2005 17:18

Words of wisdom!



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Posted on Sun, Nov 20, 2005 12:15

mahoganyangel write:
Here are some pointers I came across for overcoming barriers to love and intimacy and finding love again.

1. Be willing to change your values. You may have been choosing people on the basis of attraction, status or other false values stemming all the way back to junior high school. Consider finding new attributes attractive: a person's ability to be emotionally open, to admit to their vulnerabilities, to be fully present.

2. Choose people who are seeking relationships rather than romances. The difference is subtle. Determine if they are able to be emotionally constant or if they are just looking for emotional highs. Avoid those who base their attachment to you on infatuation rather than commitment, those who pull away when the infatuation subsides. Find those who are safe to attach to.

3. Be suspicious of you. If you find that you only want someone who is a "challenge," this may be your own way of avoiding relationships.

4. Don't resist commitment. If you feel engulfed and want to run when someone is willing to commit to you, consider that it may just be your own fear of abandonment. The key is to hang in long enough to work through your feelings of resistance.

5. Avoid getting into emotional entrapments. Don't become involved with someone who is not available or dangles you on an emotional string. These negative attractions are often more compelling than positive ones -- and often harder to break. If you're in one, it will take all of your willpower and lots of outside support to get out.

6. Stay away from emotional candy. Instead, seek people who offer emotional sustenance rather than the "right chemistry." Chose those you can trust, respect and revere -- people with integrity who are able to commit.

7. Seek mutuality rather than the game of "emotional pursuit." If you start to become critical of your partner and second-guess your choice, consider that some ambivalence is normal. Your perfectionism and unrealistic expectations might be blocking you from achieving intimacy. Perhaps you're having a problem adjusting to the healthy dynamics of a mutual relationship.

8. Be open to love. Love is sometimes not what you might expect. It is often invisible -- the guy next to you at work, the woman you let get away last time because you felt no "chemistry." Don't be ruled by attraction alone. Love is all around you, but it's up to you to recognize it.

9. Be vulnerable. Your vulnerabilities are worth sharing and may be the very reason significant others are able to connect and feel comfortable with you.

10. Turn love into an action verb. Don't expect love to be something that you just fall into. Love is an action not a feeling. A mature relationship happens when two people commit to active caring, sharing and showing one another love.

wow, sister, your deep, thats so kewl, whoever gets you, better bite and pray for lock jaw, great insite and you are a strong sister that gives us girls alot of great advise, are you a doctor in this line of business?if not, you should think about changing careers, you and romanticlass....



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Posted on Fri, Nov 18, 2005 12:22

Well Done !



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