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What would YOU do in this situation?
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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 08:00

I received a very nice email the other day from a guy on another site. It was articulate, intelligent, and very well written. I checked out his profile, and it was also pretty good, so I emailed him back and asked for a photo. To my surprise, the photo was of an "OK" looking black man. This guy had not put his ethnicity on his profile. When I asked him why he had left it blank, he said he wasn't looking for a black woman or a white woman, but for A woman!!

Would you consider this lying or just deception on his part???
I received a very nice email the other day from a guy on another site. It was articulate, intelligent, and very well written. I checked out his profile, and it was also pretty good, so I emailed him back and asked for a photo. To my surprise, the photo was of an "OK" looking black man. This guy had not put his ethnicity on his profile. When I asked him why he had left it blank, he said he wasn't looking for a black woman or a white woman, but for A woman!!

Would you consider this lying or just deception on his part???



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Posted on Sat, Dec 31, 2005 10:02

libitofafrica write:
I cringe at my rudness, my mom would kill me if she was aware.

I have to admit, without this thread I would not have seen that in closing myself off from bad things that exist, I've also closed myself off from good things that try to get in.

Thanks again!

L.

There are so many bad things in the world these days, but there are many many more good things, so let's keep those good things and good people in our hearts in 2006.

Tomi



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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 15:49

Gem,

I thought about this tread on my jog yesterday and I passed a kid who looked at me like i was from mars, but I kept telling myself that I can't let others reaction to me change me. If I do, then they've won.

I was about to pass an older lady, and was amaze to see that she smiled and actually talked to me. I smiled back and we talked about our dogs and it felt good to connect to the world.

I'm hoping to proceed through life with an open heart, and it is good to go into the new year without a heavy heart over these discussions.

tx. again

L.

  


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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 15:43

I cringe at my rudness, my mom would kill me if she was aware.

I have to admit, without this thread I would not have seen that in closing myself off from bad things that exist, I've also closed myself off from good things that try to get in.

Thanks again!

L.

  


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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 14:07

GeminiDi write:

TallBlonde50 write:
Gem....you are a wise woman and I'm so glad you put this thread into prospective. Thank you and Happy New Year to you and yours!! Tomi



Tomi, I don't know about "wise." Keep in mind that I'm a woman who has lost her cell phone which contains all my important phone numbers!!! LOL Thanks. Happy New Year to you and everyone who participated in this thread.

Gem

Yes, you are wise......and you lose things!!! LOL
Hope you find that phone!



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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 11:13

Hi Tall Blonde,

Oops, my bad! Ok, with that said and behind us now, I understand the jist of your comment. However, as for me, I have friend's (Females & Males) from all ethnical backgrounds that I hang out with, and we have so much fun in doing so. I guess I tend to look at the persons inner self for friendships and disgard the outer looks as the normal for me. Sorry if I offended you! BTW- I have an African American friend here in Los Angeles who married a very light skined blonde lady, and their son and daughter are so beautiful looking as a result of the outcome. Maayan and Bonnie also pointed out to me that Asian and Caucasian couples produce very beautiful children also. I have seen this here in Los Angeles and found that statement to be very true, there are some very nice looking Asian/Caucasian looking males and females here in Los Angeles also. I wish you the best and hope you find what you are seeking in life, good luck.

And have a Happy New Year too! ttyl



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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 03:58

Gem....you are a wise woman and I'm so glad you put this thread into prospective. Thank you and Happy New Year to you and yours!! Tomi



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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 03:55

libitofafrica write:
TallBlonde50


Please forgive me if i've offended you in anyway. I should have showed you more understanding and compassion than try to force my viewpoint down your throat. Sorry, I didn't realize the extent of my hostility until you pointed it out. I have a lot to work on in 2006!

I wish you and all others on this forum a Happy and Successful New Years.

I also apologize, libit. This thread wasn't meant to hurt anyone, and I'm sorry it turned in that direction. I do see where you're coming from and I'm appalled that you are treated that way. I have never turned my back on anyone, and have always treated others the way I want to be treated. I think we have all learned from this thread and I wish you and your son the Happiest New Year possible. God Bless..........Tomi



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Posted on Fri, Dec 30, 2005 03:49

BlondeLightning write:
Hi Everyone!

Well Miss Tall Blonde,

Here is my two cents worth for what it is worth. I have to also agree with Maayan Bill, and others here.

I met a really nice African American lady here on MM. Her name is Knock 3 Times. She is from the Chicago area of the country. She is intelligent, funny, classy, and a few other nice things. She I know she is of the race she is, but I enjoy chatting with her when ever we talk. If I was to omit her because she is not of my ethnic background, wow would I have missed out on a nice friend like she is. Throw out the race card, enjoy friends from all races. I am from Los Angeles the "International City". I can state this, friend's come in all sizes, shapes, races, and other factors. Accept them for who they are, not what they are. You could be missing out on one heck of a nice friendship. Besides, nobody says you have to go out with him, date him, or marry him. He just might be one heck of a nice human being! Take it from there and go figure.

I also know Knock. She is included in "My Friends" on my Ya*hoo 360. What a super lady she is. She and I have corresponded many times and I consider her my friend. You missed the whole jist of this thread, Blonde. I wasn't saying that I exclude all people of color from my life. I simply said that I prefer to date Caucasian men.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 15:11

TallBlonde50


Please forgive me if i've offended you in anyway. I should have showed you more understanding and compassion than try to force my viewpoint down your throat. Sorry, I didn't realize the extent of my hostility until you pointed it out. I have a lot to work on in 2006!

I wish you and all others on this forum a Happy and Successful New Years.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 14:25

Hi Everyone!

Well Miss Tall Blonde,

Here is my two cents worth for what it is worth. I have to also agree with Maayan Bill, and others here.

I met a really nice African American lady here on MM. Her name is Knock 3 Times. She is from the Chicago area of the country. She is intelligent, funny, classy, and a few other nice things. She I know she is of the race she is, but I enjoy chatting with her when ever we talk. If I was to omit her because she is not of my ethnic background, wow would I have missed out on a nice friend like she is. Throw out the race card, enjoy friends from all races. I am from Los Angeles the "International City". I can state this, friend's come in all sizes, shapes, races, and other factors. Accept them for who they are, not what they are. You could be missing out on one heck of a nice friendship. Besides, nobody says you have to go out with him, date him, or marry him. He just might be one heck of a nice human being! Take it from there and go figure.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 14:11

Leaving this information unavailable with no picture when he had the ability to post a picture on the site is deceitful and is lying . Run baby Run!



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 13:41

Thank you Steve. You're a pretty good egg yourself, but exasperating!!! Enjoyed your last post. I guess it's kind of like "walking in the other man's or woman's shoes". I have always lived in a small, blue collar/farm town...predominantly white (90%). I have been married twice and both my X's were EXTREMELY prejudiced and I tried very hard to turn their views around, but to no avail. That's how they were raised and that's how this town is!! I do apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings, but I felt the need to ask that burning question! See where it got me?? :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! May your 2006 be filled with love, happiness, and prosperity!

  


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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 12:36

Looks like the military has rolled in to clean up this mess. ;) Anyways, following almost 2 months of discussion, here are:


A FEW CONCLUSIONS I'VE ARRIVED AT...

One of the things that this discussion shows is that, pun unintended, things are seldom black or white. While the openness to other races seems like a no-brainer to me, it may not be for others depending on their upbringing and where they live.. In my case, I have had the benefit of residing in a cosmopolitan, open minded, multi cultural environment where I never felt any form of peer or community disapproval when I began dating my ex back in the early 80s. On the contrary, if people looked at us, it was with smiles on their faces.

I like to think that I would have followed my heart and the conviction of my beliefs under different circumstances, but who's to say I would have if I had been subjected to daily, repeated disapproval and harassment from those around me, treated like a pariah. In fact, had I been raised in a different environment, my beliefs might well have been tainted as well. I suppose that is a perspective that this discussion has led me to consider.

Other than the dating rule, I believe Tall when she says she treats others equally in her daily life. I have to consider where other people grew up and where they live and the fact that their circumstances may be far less hospitable to inter-racial dating than mine. Given that reality, I probably can't hold them to my own standard, a standard established under far less challenging circumstances.

The important result of this discussion may be that each of us reflects for a moment on how we treat others, regardless of their skin colour, the language they speak, or which God they pray to. Do we reach out and seek to include others or do we act in ways that contribute to the climate of distrust and subtle segregation.

Perhaps we have the makings of a few New Year's resolutions...

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL / BONNE ANN?E A TOUS!

  


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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 12:09

Perhaps I should have entered this forum saying:

Do you know how hurtful it is, as a human being, to have one's race rejected because of skin color.

But saying that would have exposed the hurt I feel when I'm rejected or my son's rejected. What hurts most is that I can't change the color of my skin (and I would never want to), I can only try to change preconceived ideas about my race.

I'm an adult I've learned to deal with race rejection, but what hurts most is when I see my son's hurt. I'm his mother and I'm suppose to protect him and keep him safe both mentally and physically. What do I say when he's the only black kid in his class and he's not included although everyone else has been? But when he's with his white father, invitations open up to him, what do I say?

Constant rejection is extremely hard to swollow as a human.

But hurt doesn't excuse my behavior.

Once again Gem, thanks for "feeling" and understanding my hurt at rejection and consistantly responding with compassion.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 12:02



****Comments by Gem, btw. lol


Many points you've made are absolutely right. I have to admit I exist in a world being completely self sufficient.

So I have developed barriers between the world and my son and I. I'm amazed at what comes out of the wood work if given a chance.

I appologize for some of my less than sensitive remarks. I would like to pretend that nothing hurts me or effects me or gets through to me. But as we can all see from my remarks, everything hurts, gets through to me and effects me. And then my defiance mechanism kicks in and I respond with militancy.

I'm aware that this forum is not the enemy and will stop treating it as such.

Thanks for the reminder that we are all humans and subject to how we treat others.

I don't know you, but i appreciate your compassion and you appear to be genuine in all of your comments.

Thanks again for the wake up call.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 09:44

jamajap write:

hondo1952 write:
jamajap write:
Lee..(Hondo),
I was in the Us Army for six years. I came out as a sergeant. I did a tour in Ansbach Germany, Seoul Korea, and Augusta Georgia, Did basic in Fort Jackson, and AIT in Fort Gordon.
Lee I think you and I had this discussion earlier from another thread. But, I do not mind repeating...
Sharon


That's one of the hazzards of growing old. Sorry about that. You must have been in some type of commo to be at Gordon.


Lee, yes, 72E.comm Specialist, But you know as well as I do, That six years in the army you may at any time become, a 76Y,72G, 96B, or a flag bearer, or a bugler, Drill Team(er) or anything else they think you can do or able to do
JUST DO NOT MISPLACE THAT WEAPON, OR CAUGHT WITHOUT IT
Have you ever stayed in the field for two EXTRA WEEKS, because someone misplaced or LOSt their weapon?
Sheesh, he was lucky he returned to batallion alive!!!!
LOL

Sharon


We are nothing if not versatile. That's one of the things that I liked best. As an 11B we ended up doing anything and everything.

Losing a weapon? No way, I was a Ranger. That would have been the kiss of death. My platoon did have a bore sight stolen for an 81MM morter on the DMZ in Korea. That was not pleasant. As platoon sergeant I took responsibility for it and would have been charged for it had I not had a great company and battalion commander.

Nap time. Talk to you later.



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 08:53

hondo1952 write:
jamajap write:
Lee..(Hondo),
I was in the Us Army for six years. I came out as a sergeant. I did a tour in Ansbach Germany, Seoul Korea, and Augusta Georgia, Did basic in Fort Jackson, and AIT in Fort Gordon.
Lee I think you and I had this discussion earlier from another thread. But, I do not mind repeating...
Sharon


That's one of the hazzards of growing old. Sorry about that. You must have been in some type of commo to be at Gordon.

Lee, yes, 72E.comm Specialist, But you know as well as I do, That six years in the army you may at any time become, a 76Y,72G, 96B, or a flag bearer, or a bugler, Drill Team(er) or anything else they think you can do or able to do
JUST DO NOT MISPLACE THAT WEAPON, OR CAUGHT WITHOUT IT
Have you ever stayed in the field for two EXTRA WEEKS, because someone misplaced or LOSt their weapon?
Sheesh, he was lucky he returned to batallion alive!!!!
LOL

Sharon

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BQ
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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 07:52

TallBlonde50 write:
BQ....
You have a point there....Thank you for bringing it to my attention!!!

Happy Holidays!
Tomi


I'm a bit late in replying on this thread: Happy Holidays you too TallBlonde. It was just the wording which I didn't find specific, don't know if it is because English is my second language but I seem to pick these things up lol..

Just thought I would bring it up to your attention, it was the least I could do for a nice and open lady like you.

BQ



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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 03:02

GeminiDi write:

It still doesn't excuse you from being empathetic yourself.

You are absolutely right. I'll work on it.

  


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