How to tell if he's MARRIED Dating Wealthy Men / Women

  • View author's info posted on Nov 09, 2006 13:36


    TripleS,

    thank you at looking at it from my side and for understanding why I did what I did. I'm very 'all or nothing'. If I'm your friend, then I will be there for you and have your back. I can get a little too deep for some people's comfort, so I tend to connect with others, that are also open to thinking and looking at themselves beyond the outside. When I do trust someone then I'm an open book and don't have any boundaries on what I'm willing to talk about. That person will get to know the bottom of my soul. But if I feel that someone betrayed that trust by lying, as in this case, or something else, and if I then have to filter their words through 'is this the truth or another lie ?' Then there's something irretrievably lost. At that point my walls go up and I don't really care to keep that person in my life and jusdt shift them down to an 'acquaintance level'. As you suggested yourself, I don't keep those people in my life.

    I may not be the easiest person to deal with, but I walk to the beat of my own drum and life's better that way.

    Michaela
  • 41Comments

  • View author's info posted on Nov 07, 2006 09:09


    Triple S,

    TZrust and honesty are the most important criteria for me to allow myself to get close to people, whether it's in a relationship or a platonic friendship (as this one was).

    What's wrong with using intelius to find out who else lives together with him, after finding his own description of being married on his own website? It's not as if I did a background check. I could have checked him way before this or had done a more in-depth search, but I didn't, because I choose to trust him and felt that he was an honest person. And I treated him as such until.....

    I differenciate between acquaintences, casual friends and friends. And I thought that he was a friend and I trusted him with private thoughts. He did as well, but later of course I had to wonder how many other things weren't honest from his side. I thought we were emotionally close and I was obviously wrong. So, yes, it was my fault too, as I obviously made a very bad judgement call by trusting someone that I only knew from the internet.

    As to unresolved feelings that you throw out: There was never anything romantic between us from either of us. It was very clear from the beginning. I can't be more specific without giving more details about him, which I'm not planning to do. I have not burned him with anyone by spreading his name. This was between both of us. But, yes, there were feelings there on my part for someone that I trusted as a friend and those feelings were hurt, when I found out that he'd been pulling along htis lie to me. Why not saying upfront, that he's married but seperated? It wouldn't have been a big deal as there was never anything romantic between us. But since I found out later that he's been lying to me all along, that made everything he ever told me suspect of being a lie.

    So, you may have a different criteria for people that you let into your lkife, in whatever capacity, and that is your choice. But to me honesty and trust are essentials. And that's my choice.

    Michaela
  • View author's info posted on Nov 06, 2006 13:39


    Owwwwwwwkay-
    Sooooo, you were just cyberfriends but you decided to get in stalkermode and try out all kinds of nicks at some site he told you about. All of a sudden (after what- 368 trial&errors) you found it- my my, it's a small web after all- and you notice his status is married. You dont quit there but you are lifelong member of some bigbrother privacyviolating site and you do the check check double check where you see your virtual buddy doesnt live with the woman but she still has the nerve to use his name.
    All trust is gone and cyberfriendship is out.
    Am SO happy for you that you've found out what you did- wouldnt you just go crazy if that truth would come up later on in your 'just friendship'?

    I think people should simply stop being so paranoia AND being so naive.
    Just take a look at the time you've spend on this 'quest'. Then think about what you couldve been doing in that time.

    He's an if he's married and lying about it- you're stupid for spending so much time on some cybercontact. (Not a statement, merely my opinion.)
  • View author's info posted on Nov 05, 2006 12:46


    Ok, here's another one:]

    see, if he/she has a myspace account. Granted, they can say all kind sof stuff on that. But it just so happened that a few weeks ago, someone I had been corresponding with as just a friend, mentione din passing, that he had an account at myspace and the only friends he had on that were his daughters'. Just for fun I tried to find it. I had to do a bunch of cross referencing and I bet he never expect4ed anyone to find it, but finding it I did. And it was connected to his grown children and it said his status: married. H also had a story in there about him and his wife and a pic of he and his wife, which in his story to me had been his longtime ex-girlfriend. After that I did some more searching at intelius, where I have an unlimited account, because i have to do a lot of research, and found that this so-called ex-GF in fact does have his last name. And even though she now also has another address, she's still using his last name, even though he insists, that she has a different last name. She never shows up under a different last name anywhere. I broke off all contact then. Even though were were only friends and not datemates, my trust was gone.

    So, even though I tend to trust someone until I have a reason not to trust them and I wouldn't believe in hiring a private detective to check up on them, you never know what you may find, unfortunately, even when you think you really got a good picture of the other person.

    And while you're searching, if the kids are old enough, see if they have a myspace profile,if you know their name(s). They may be talking about their parents in a way that would let you know something.
  • View author's info Recommended posted on Oct 18, 2006 10:21


    Scientist, as you can see I haven't been back on this site for a while. I do hope that you weren't reveling in the false hope that you "told me off". That is certainly not the case.

    Even with your additional 10 years of experience in life, it's apparent that you do not know that life is full of irony.

    May I ask, what does my educational background have to do with the subject? Who is the bigger fool with his money? A person that gets their BA/BS; is indebted to a loan agency for $50k+; and is not doing anything associated with their degree; or, a person who realizes this well ahead of time, stops their education before getting further into debt, and is making more money than the man with a degree?

    But let's veer away from this useless name-calling and get back to the basis of my statements. How can I make these claims? Let's see, a family member works for the Statistics Department of the Philadelphia Police Department, I have 3 friends in the FBI, and I used to work for a car dealership in my youth (in reference to my comparison to new car invoices).

    Though something may not seem very scientific, it is not indicative of falsehood. It is very obvious that even with your supposed high intellect, you lack any common sense.

    On the contrary, my statements weren't designed to be "attention getting devices" as you call them. This is a forum for which people are invited to share their thoughts on specified topics. Or have you forgotten that? Also, if you're only saying things on this forum, including talking down to me, to win the favor of a woman...then I would ask that please heed your own comment regarding the "attention getting devices".

    In conclusion, Scientist, I, and others who haven't finished their college education, would appreciate if you would not insult our intelligence based solely on the fact that we haven't finished our college degrees. A degree does not make a person.

    My apologies to everyone for having to see this discord.
  • View author's info posted on Aug 18, 2006 10:51


    NancyMarie write:
    I may be young but let me tell you... I bartend in a nightclub on the weekends where these men come to find women and have affairs. I have made the mistake of dating customers before and have made a list of basic red flags for commited men:
    1. his phone never rings (its on silent for a reason..dont listen to the 'i dont want to be bothered while we're together excuse)
    2. he has to leave to make calls.. yeah im sure they're all 'business calls'
    3. he tends to call or see you at the same time everday (times when he can hide without being questioned)
    4. he doesnt have photos on these dating sites (he doesnt know who might stumble accross them)
    5. he wont charge things.. only cash. This way there are never receipts or statements for charges that may seem questionable to a significant other

    you are sssooooo right, you maybe young, but your are a smart cookie like my daughter, thanks for the good feed back sister...
  • View author's info posted on Aug 16, 2006 14:05


    thegoodlife421 write:
    OK, the subject keeps coming up, and women on this site keep getting burned. So let's talk about it, OK?

    Frankly, if a woman hasn't thoroughly checked out a man's vitals (and I don't mean the ones in his pants) by the time she starts sleeping with him . . . well, perhaps she's getting what she deserves, but I'll be charitable and conclude she's just foolish. My two cents.

    Ladies, you don't even MEET this guy until you get

    1) HIS REAL NAME, and
    2) where he WORKS

    A ten second internet search is all it takes to verify who this man is, or isn't.

    And you verify his home address BEFORE you sleep with him. What, you want to end up some unidentified corpse on some prime-time Great Crimes TV show? Any time I meet a new man I tell my sister EXACTLY where I'm going, so she can tell the cops, just in case I disappear.

    Very easy to tell a married man from singles, married men where there di-cks between their ears.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 31, 2006 19:10


    In the interest of fair play, equal time, etc. Don't you women think you should discuss married women also. Particularity the fact that about 30 percent of the children born to a husband and wife are not the husbands. ......talk about something disgusting.....
  • View author's info posted on Jul 25, 2006 03:08


    wwww123456 write:
    Maybe married men are relaxed, not worried about heartbreak, etc. etc. because many have their real emotional security at home and will invest very little emotions in an affair.

    Absolutely, wwww, but it does add to a person's attractiveness.

    I think you're married! (jk) smiles!
  • View author's info posted on Jul 24, 2006 15:03


    Maybe married men are relaxed, not worried about heartbreak, etc. etc. because many have their real emotional security at home and will invest very little emotions in an affair.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 23, 2006 04:43


    How about another perpective on how to tell if he's married?

    Married men seem to be more open, considerate, romantic, demonstrative with affection and in general just more relaxed around women. Most of the married men I've come across will tell you they are married and be forthright with their agenda, whether that be they are just being friendly and having fun or looking for an affair.

    It is easy to see that most single people tend to be watchful for the hidden agenda, overly analytical, often overly critical, worried about a potential future heart break and leery and weery of the game. Married men don't seem to carry all that with them when they meet someone.

    The missing ring (which doesn't always work because more men these days just don't wear one), ability to call at home or unavailibility on weekends or holidays are the obvious signs. It's the above characteristics that can draw us to a married man.

    This of course, does not account for the liars. But then we all know single people lie just as well.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 22, 2006 07:47


    wwww123456 write:
    RapturousRed write:

    wwww123456 write:
    RapturousRed write:
    How interesting to see the men in a catfight (or for men should we call it dog fight?).

    BQ, Most of the time I agree with you, but here's the problem I have with your thoughts on (paraphrasing)'women engineer fights': It really does not matter how the fight starts. It takes two to fight and only one to walk away.


    You need to go on a little road trip with someone I know. It sure would make you shy about taking a road trip ever again.
    lol


    Was that you, 4w who said that, I thought it was BQ - or are you both?! Blonde or pre-senior moment maybe...

    Anyway, got a smile from me in these early hours, which is always a good thing. Although by the sounds of it, the experience was anything but funny.

    Actually, there are only a few people I know that I would spend days with in a car. I love a road trip, but what is it about them that can make some people so cranky? The first things that pop to mind are 1) One (usually) the driver doesn't want to stop as frequently as the other (passenger). 2) One of them really doesn't enjoy a road trip to start with, 3) Agreement on the audio entertainment and last but not least 4) If you have young children in the car. Geez, that's quite a list off the top of my head.....


    I have nightmares about a road trip or a vacation with someone that doesn't know when to shut up, and you have no place to go to get away from them.

    shiversss

    I'm shivering with you..Trapped! Does that fall into agreement on audio entertainment?!
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2006 21:48


    RapturousRed write:

    wwww123456 write:
    RapturousRed write:
    How interesting to see the men in a catfight (or for men should we call it dog fight?).

    BQ, Most of the time I agree with you, but here's the problem I have with your thoughts on (paraphrasing)'women engineer fights': It really does not matter how the fight starts. It takes two to fight and only one to walk away.


    You need to go on a little road trip with someone I know. It sure would make you shy about taking a road trip ever again.
    lol


    Was that you, 4w who said that, I thought it was BQ - or are you both?! Blonde or pre-senior moment maybe...

    Anyway, got a smile from me in these early hours, which is always a good thing. Although by the sounds of it, the experience was anything but funny.

    Actually, there are only a few people I know that I would spend days with in a car. I love a road trip, but what is it about them that can make some people so cranky? The first things that pop to mind are 1) One (usually) the driver doesn't want to stop as frequently as the other (passenger). 2) One of them really doesn't enjoy a road trip to start with, 3) Agreement on the audio entertainment and last but not least 4) If you have young children in the car. Geez, that's quite a list off the top of my head.....


    I have nightmares about a road trip or a vacation with someone that doesn't know when to shut up, and you have no place to go to get away from them.

    shiversss
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2006 02:19


    wwww123456 write:
    RapturousRed write:
    How interesting to see the men in a catfight (or for men should we call it dog fight?).

    BQ, Most of the time I agree with you, but here's the problem I have with your thoughts on (paraphrasing)'women engineer fights': It really does not matter how the fight starts. It takes two to fight and only one to walk away.


    You need to go on a little road trip with someone I know. It sure would make you shy about taking a road trip ever again.
    lol

    Was that you, 4w who said that, I thought it was BQ - or are you both?! Blonde or pre-senior moment maybe...

    Anyway, got a smile from me in these early hours, which is always a good thing. Although by the sounds of it, the experience was anything but funny.

    Actually, there are only a few people I know that I would spend days with in a car. I love a road trip, but what is it about them that can make some people so cranky? The first things that pop to mind are 1) One (usually) the driver doesn't want to stop as frequently as the other (passenger). 2) One of them really doesn't enjoy a road trip to start with, 3) Agreement on the audio entertainment and last but not least 4) If you have young children in the car. Geez, that's quite a list off the top of my head.....
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2006 23:14


    RapturousRed write:
    How interesting to see the men in a catfight (or for men should we call it dog fight?).

    BQ, Most of the time I agree with you, but here's the problem I have with your thoughts on (paraphrasing)'women engineer fights': It really does not matter how the fight starts. It takes two to fight and only one to walk away.


    You need to go on a little road trip with someone I know. It sure would make you shy about taking a road trip ever again.
    lol
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2006 16:07


    How interesting to see the men in a catfight (or for men should we call it dog fight?).

    BQ, Most of the time I agree with you, but here's the problem I have with your thoughts on (paraphrasing)'women engineer fights': It really does not matter how the fight starts. It takes two to fight and only one to walk away.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 19, 2006 11:40


    BQ write:
    Another thing the attorney said was women play games which men have no understanding of it at all, she also wrote women plan revenge and will engineer fights and things like that..it was quite an interesting research she had done.

    BQ


    Yes, women definitely engineer fights, including fights with physical violence.. I know one who even admited to engineering an affair between her husband and her girlfriend so he would be to blame for the divorce she wanted. All is not what it appears to be, and that is something everyone needs to learn.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 18, 2006 16:37


    How to tell if hes married?
    Ask him for his home phone number..LOL
    I was talking to a very nice man for months online and on the phone. Hed always call on his way home and said he didnt have a home phone..Ok I can beleive that I dont either, but I could never get him on his cell evenings or weekends. LOL Big red flag.
  • View author's info posted on Dec 03, 2005 13:41


    I only read a couple of your guys post becuase you guys type too much lol. Anyways, I wouldn't want a insecure lady snooping around my business. Becuase, if that happens then our relationship would no longer be. Doesn't matter if we're married or have kids or whatever the situation might be at that time.

    Just my two cents
  • View author's info posted on Dec 03, 2005 05:01


    LittleBlondeTexas write:
    Hello All,

    Not to offend, but since I teach Family Violence, Interpersonal Communication and Law. The actual statistic is 95% of violence is male on female. No one wants to be abused.

    Maybe the author is confusing the women who have to poke and poke before a man will communicate. No one wants to be hit, no sane person wants that at all.

    In the same vein, if women learned to wait, men will communicate when they have sorted out their feelings and thoughts. Women talk to sort out their thoughts and feelings, men talk after they have done so. (That is why women call a girlfriend when they have a problem and they talk and talk and hash it out. Men grunt, grab a beer, watch TV and say, "Ugh", and think about it all to themselves.)

    Hope that helps a bit.


    You see BlondeTexan, what I actually said, the attorney came to a point she said about 60 % of the fights were started by women, but I never said it was them ending it in abusion..you are an attorney so you should have known what I meant by start and being mum on ending. Its the lawyers job to patch holes in a case to present a proper picture.

    I never implied it was 60% of them ending the fights in abusive way. It is what the people thought I said.

    So your statistic figures I figure are pretty high on one side of the coin.

    Then again it is a U.S. figure.

    One final note, I think the whole fault of this is the school system. They should teach basic law in school as to help the poor child stay out of trouble,they would at least have a basic definition of the major laws on the book..but then again it would not be received well by the law society when they would figure down the road it would effect their pocket book.

    BQ
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