polyamory Message Board

  • View author's info Author posted on Jul 29, 2005 07:54

    Are you 'polyamorous'?
  • 16Comments

  • View author's info posted on Aug 08, 2005 23:07

    Well, Cub, if you can talk her into getting us three more wives, maybe. You have been hogging too much of her time, and you know how much attention a old country boy needs. lol.
  • View author's info posted on Aug 08, 2005 14:43

    OH cr*ap, I forgot about Cub. I withdraw my offer. She is probably too sweet for me anyway, and would make me give up my junk food.

  • View author's info posted on Aug 08, 2005 09:59

    Minerva415 write:

    sharp1 write:

    wwwww123 write:
    Maayan "
    So do I Minny. If only he sticks to one woman. Sigh ... What a girl to do? Sit back or as the saying goes; If you can't beat them join them."


    Darn Maayan, I was sure you were going to pick out a couple more wives when we get married.

    Now, I am really disappointed.
    Well, maybe just relieved. I was kinda afraid I would have 4 bossy women to put up with.


    Maayan...did you read that? 5w's just proposed to you! OMG! Congratulations may be in order! OMG! 5w's have you a date in mind? lol

    Cool!! Our first polyandry example on the forum!! Maayan with two husbands:
    Cubby and wwww!!
    When's the party??

    Whhhhoooo another reason for a party!!! Weddings :)
  • View author's info posted on Aug 07, 2005 15:10

    Maayan "
    So do I Minny. If only he sticks to one woman. Sigh ... What a girl to do? Sit back or as the saying goes; If you can't beat them join them."


    Darn Maayan, I was sure you were going to pick out a couple more wives when we get married.

    Now, I am really disappointed.
    Well, maybe just relieved. I was kinda afraid I would have 4 bossy women to put up with.

  • View author's info posted on Aug 07, 2005 05:58

    Speaking of polygamy, an anecdote... I witnessed in a muslim country..A polygamist, 8 wifes, (4 legal, 4 the factory/or/the cleaining ladies),23 kids; he had a factory so he was quite rich; circumstances were that I was litteraly throuwn (during ramdan) with his wifes for a couple of days: they were living almonst on the floor with their kids, eating the rests of men supper; we went into 1 room, all of them and some of his young university daughters came around me for a meeting ( I was a teen) and were laughing and gigling, as I was preaching a bit of feminism notions (some were translating to the others who spoke only arabic); then 1 of them, got up very serious all of a sudden, ( it was around 2 am- some young kids were not sleeping and running and playing around)...went in the bathroom (doors open)...she made herself so beautiful like a Godess...in a red kaftan...a big gold belt...the eyes black with khol...oriental perfume...etc...then she went in his room and closed the door...Still, everybody was laughing and the kids around...it was like in a kindergarten...the other wifes were looking like cleaning ladies...tired and not too well dressed...
    He came in...got in his bedroom....That Godess came out after 5 minutes...straight to the bathroom and put her little superbly well smelling little A*s on the "bidet"...while she was washing it...while, yes, while the kids were around...like if nothing happened....I was in a shock...asked to be freed from there for a few minutes...got downstairs in another bathroom to compose myself...( I was crying and v*omi*ing)...
    Years after, 1 of his young wifes, was different: did not want kids, and 1 day she ran away...He found her...brought her back...
    He had to provide for every wife equal gifts...and, each wife had her night to spend with him...After a few years of this "regime"...I heard he died of a heart attack....
    I think that, so young, I had a big chance to know his wifes...and to know their little secrets...of seduction, hard work and bearing children...I also did confront him all the time I had the occasion about this...He always laughed at me as I was a little entertainment for him...a teen who was picking on him...So..I thought that I was rude...but when he died...I could not believe that my intuition was right...
    Since then, when I see some married men...or any type of relationships like that...that some finish tragically...well...I think at this story...exotic...isn't it?
  • View author's info posted on Aug 06, 2005 16:28

    I got lucky. No one bothered to jump down my throat about how stupid religion is when I used a religious reference to the polyamory.

    (...Looks both ways and whispers...)

    But you put it in the limelight again dear. Thanks.

  • View author's info posted on Aug 06, 2005 08:30

    Sharp..I think its called...Testosterone fueled Homicide

    I worked on big ships when I was younger and some of the older guys literally had "a girl in every port", Mostly 3rd world countries and they would drop off money for the kids and sail off to the next one. Of course, With their job obligations for many of them this was as close as they got to a Marriage.

    Keep a minimum of a 1000 miles between wives was the key. LOL

    Manslut is such an ugly word..I prefer Poly-amorous
  • View author's info posted on Aug 06, 2005 07:45

    Hi all thoughtfull people here...I learned a word today...but, the definition, sounds to me a bit common...It makes me think (I'll give a radical example) is that, on one side, we say we are an individualistic society, in the sens mostly alone..on the other side, we accumulate realtionships...The fact that is not a swingers stuff...(really, we know that when drives are so overstimulated, they can have no limits)..but only a talking matter...(well, what about the talking cure?)....sometimes, as the swingers with no emotional bounds...the talking relationships...can eliminate sex too...Are these hurt people or commitment phobic?...I don't know them...And I don't believe that swingers is also the right thing either..So, here we are, with another thing to identify...but only to separate parts of us again (swingers separate from emotions (actually the kinky practice does the same; multitallking partners separate from sex)...It seems to me we just go from an extreme to another...
    Makes me think also of teenagers who are constantly hyper about talking to somebody, doing things, being with somebody, as they can not be alone, or one on one with another person (not multiple ones)....Being with one person allows to get deeper in a relationship...
    Consequently...like addiction, it can be another hyper stimulus...and desensitize on other levels...if exagerated...hm!...I hope my english is not too bad here...
  • View author's info posted on Aug 01, 2005 19:49

    sharp1 write:

    wwwww123 write:
    I think a harem would be much better. I am too insecure for all of that competition.


    What's it called when a women has more than one husband? I doubt it has ever been done, I mean in comparison to a Harem. What a concept! lol

    Sharp, check out the polynesian queens before the evil white man bible thumpers came. I think some had many husbands. Unfortunately the queens might weight 400 pounds, which was suppose to be high status, but poor guys, duty calls. lol

    Do a search on matriarchial, and no, we are not going to ever do something like that here. lol

  • View author's info posted on Aug 01, 2005 13:11

    Actually Sharp, thoughout history there has been a number of matrilineal societies where the women were allowed to have as many as 20 "visiting husbands" that would come spend the night and then leave the next morning. The brother of a woman was more of a father figure to the children then the actual biological father.

    Just posted it so you would know. I neither condone nor condemn. Speaking strictly of myself I would not like that arrangement. Once every 20 days just is not nearly adequate...talking about my emotional needs of course...hehe.
  • View author's info posted on Aug 01, 2005 09:21

    I know that Polyamory has been around since before man started keeping records.

    (I shudder as I say this next part for fear of the trashing that happened in a different forum on this site but the info is pertinent.)
    I also know that many cultures and religions allow for it. Even biblical principle allows for it(yes, even in the new testament),although it is clearly expressed that the preferred plan was just one spouse. If you wanted to be a church leader then being "the husband of but one wife" was mandatory(I can feel the heat of the flamers already).

    Even though so much of our world's cultural history has seen and allowed for the practice, I must say I dont find it appealing at all.

    I like to think I have a decent memory, but the idea of trying to keep the knowledge straight about two different and unique women is beyond daunting.
    Two birthdays, two favorite colors, two favorite desserts....do you see my point?

    Can you imagine how girl#1 would feel if you bought her something that only girl#2 would like?

    Perhaps the shoe on the other foot.

    What if you are guy#1 and while being intimate with the lady, she does something that guy#2 is wild about, and then goes "Oops, that is what Johnny likes, sorry". How will that effect the whole issue of size matters?

    (About to give the flamers one more chance here..hehe)I personally think the whole polyamory thing is like Communism. It sounds fine, looks good on paper, but when you put it into practice somebody is gonna get hurt.

    Okay all joking aside:

    Like all humans I have a need to feel unique. Part of satisfying that is knowing my mate could love only me, as there is no other like me. I dont believe it is accurate to say "I love all my partners the same". I just dont believe it.
  • View author's info posted on Aug 01, 2005 05:08

    Hmm funny upon reading this article the thought of STD never crossed my mind as I was fascinated by the very thought of the lifestyle of being polyamorous. However after a re-read of the article although I find the thought intriguing I can see the many inheritant faults of following such a practice. Sounds like a lifestyle that some cults follow.

    It would be interesting if we were able to collect the various traits that we admire in others and assemble them into that perfect person. On second thought how would we feel if the creation has no interest in the creator..

    Hmm I don't know if I could keep up to a harem or even if I want to try....lol
  • View author's info posted on Jul 31, 2005 15:08

    I think a harem would be much better. I am too insecure for all of that competition.

  • View author's info posted on Jul 31, 2005 08:21

    In this day of STD's ,that isn't a very bright approach to solving your romance problem. What do they say, You are sleeping with everyone thay have slept with in the last 3 years.

    How about nurturing and cultivating your other one to fulfill those expectations? Or learning to live with what you've got, and build from there.
    Promiscuity is not cool in the 2000's.

    Tip: If a situation upsets you...change the way you think of the situation....you see? now you can be happy too!
  • View author's info posted on Jul 30, 2005 20:07

    We all love different people for different values and characteristics..hence polyamory also leads to polygamy in several cultures..tho mainly the domain of the males..the female breed given half the chance will be inclined too..
    hence I am more forgiving of men and women who philander.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 30, 2005 12:35

    Hmm Okay at the same time? This is the jest of the article that recently appeared on M*N which I personally found interesting as I too didn't know poly existed. Boy where have I been all my life? Enjoy...

    Along came poly

    Find it hard to commit to one lover? Try five.

    By Dorothy Bartoszewsi

    Out of curiosity, I looked up polyamory online and quickly found that if Jean-Baptiste was out to lunch, he wasn't wating alone. Polyamorists -- or "polys," as they're called -- are everywhere. There are polyamory magazines (like Loving More), websites, societies and even a mascot, the poly parrot. Exact numbers are hard to find, but the movement has grown rapidly since the first how-to books began hitting the shelves in the '80s (most notably Loving More: The Polyfidelity Primerby Ryam Nearing and Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits by Dr. Deborah Anapol). In Vancouver alone, there are bimonthly support groups and postings to the local newspapers.
    It occurred to me that perhaps all of these people knew something I didn't. It's true, after all, that I've never encountered a single person who has met all of my criteria. A guy will be funny, but not smart. Or he'll be successful, but not kind. Maybe the answer lies in divvying up the task, in getting your laughs from one person and your smarts from another, until you've pieced together your ideal mate?
    Historically, though, my brain has been set to "mono." Still, I wanted to find out if there was something in polyamory for me. I decided to check out a local support group meeting, held on a small upper level of a sushi restaurant in downtown Vancouver. It was a Friday night. Twenty-five of us sat around tables organized into a large horseshoe, doing a decent job of representing the breadth of Vancouver society (among us were social workers, stay-at-home moms, business men and students).

    "*Seth and Clara, a friendly, flirtatious thirtysomething couple, acted as moderators. ("We talk first, the orgy comes later," said Clara, an art therapist, with a wink.) Experienced polyamorists sat with their partners or in groups referred to as "clusters," whose members are bonded by carrying degrees of intimacy. Clusters, which can exist in any size and combination of genders, can become almost infinitely complex, often involving "primary", "secondary" and "tertiary" partners.

    "I've never been monogamous," said one vivacious brunette. "When I found out about polyamory, I was like, 'Oh my God, that's me!" Like many poly's, she feels she was born this way, just as some people say they were born gay.

    As the conversation continued, I quickly learned that, with the promise of greater fulfillment, comes some hefty responsibility. First, there are practical issues, like making time for everyone. ("With multiple partners, you end up being booked to the nanosecond," said Clara. "And if everyone's not synced up..." she shook her head in mock horror.")

    Then you have to deal with everyone's feelings. For example, the polys at the meeting told me -- much to my relief -- that Jean-Baptiste's behaviour on our first date was downright rude. "Polyamory is 95 percent talking and five percent sex," said Bob, a soft-spoken man at the centre of a cluster of five women. "If you aren't into communication -- lots of communication -- forget poly."

    In the end, I decided that polyamory is an adventure, but one that was way too adventurous for me. I was definitely done with Jean-Baptiste, which left me with the cute guy at the office and the hot bike courier. For the time being, I'll take them one at a time.
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