This is FUNNY!!! Message Board

  • View author's info Author posted on Jul 19, 2005 09:01


    Have any of you ever had a Lesbian Dog?
    My daughter is off on an adventure and Im babysitting Zoey...Now mind you, she isn't quite a year old. Perhaps the Cat I am I don't know much about Dogs...Last night she kept trying to hump my 7 yr olds arm...UGH! Bad Zoey No Zoey...What are you? A Lesbo? LOL Anyhow I do think I remember her saying her BF has some other dogs that are female as well...and they do that to each other...I think I remember her laughing saying her dog was a Lesbo! Is this possible...can animals be gay!?
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  • View author's info posted on Jul 23, 2005 10:04


    Vetiernary Journal says:
    "The same simple distraction into another activity that works for neutered males also works for those who are not neutered. Work with the dog to develop several behaviors the dog will perform on cue."

    I have been consistently distracted and cured from the humping.
    "Goota work early,Bye" "Can you help me find my purse?" "Here's some money, can you get me some pretzels"

    ...Has not allowed the behavior to become reinforced. I did once accidently iron a skirt while slow dancing, But she bought me a drink.
    Please, no spray bottles in Columbus.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 23, 2005 08:09



    WrightWoodPT write:
    They failed to mention the Water Bottle, one of my favorite "Learned Behavior" tricks, or cures. You spray the animal with a jet of water in the face when he does something undesirable.

    Of course some animals can become conditioned to ignore the water torture, As I have personally witnessed drinks being thrown in the face of humpers to no avail.

    The squirt bottle of water was a deterent for my dogs' behavior. WW, it sounds to me like you have humping problems if you are getting drinks thrown at you. I hope the women in Columbus are aware of this humping problem before they meet you. Look out for WW! You little humper you.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 22, 2005 15:16


    They failed to mention the Water Bottle, one of my favorite "Learned Behavior" tricks, or cures. You spray the animal with a jet of water in the face when he does something undesirable.

    Of course some animals can become conditioned to ignore the water torture, As I have personally witnessed drinks being thrown in the face of humpers to no avail.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 22, 2005 09:57


    WW Dogs humping humans may amuse other humans, but rarely the human who's being humped.

    At first I thought the word amuse was arouse...wow, interesting stuff...my dogs are no longer humping with their balls cut off. They have a better demeanor now. I am in awe as to how much their behavior changed in three days. The solution? Cut off all males balls...can you imagine how much nicer men would be?
    If all else fails give him a hand job LMAO
  • View author's info posted on Jul 22, 2005 07:52


    OK , Petty..Here's you're facts from Veternary Journal:

    Why do dogs hump? Dogs humping humans may amuse other humans, but rarely the human who's being humped.(?, Hmm) Some dogs will hump a toy or sofa cushion incessantly. We accept dogs humping other dogs in the act of mating, but in other situations it can create problems. What does all this humping mean, and what can we do about it?

    Early Days

    Puppyhood socialization to another dog of the opposite sex can help a dog orient sexual behavior for adulthood. Whether you're going to breed the dog or not, it helps for the dog to develop the concept that sexuality is toward other dogs, not humans or pillows.

    Much of the humping you'll see among puppies as well as among adult dogs is play. Some of it expresses dominance, but that's not always the case.

    If a dog persists in humping another dog in a social situation, distracting the dog who's doing the humping into another activity is a good idea. For one thing, it's best that a dog not get obsessed with humping. When you consistently interrupt the humping, you prevent it from becoming a strong habit in the dog.

    Secondly, being humped can become oppressive to the dog who is the target, so that's another reason to interrupt. This is a common complaint in situations where dogs get together to play, such as dog parks. Just distract the humping dog, without punishment of any kind.

    Physical Issues

    When a female dog is in heat, she, other females, and of course the males around her may turn into humping fools. Female dogs in heat need to be kept under top security!

    Effects of Neutering

    Behaviors can start for physical reasons and then continue because they have become habits. Humping is a prime example. Perhaps initially the dog derived pleasure from it, or simply was allowed to do it for prolonged periods with another dog, a human or an object. (or a bird)Butter?

    When a male dog is neutered, a female spayed, an established humping behavior may continue because it was allowed to become a habit. For this reason, neutering a male dog is not a sure cure for humping people's legs any more than it's a foolproof method of stopping urine marking in the house after that has become a habit.

    Neutering does reduce the physical pressure on the dog, and can make your task easier when changing habits through behavioral means. It's important to stress, though, that intact male dogs need not go around humping everything in sight, either. The same simple distraction into another activity that works for neutered males also works for those who are not neutered.

    Alternatives

    Correcting a dog in a harsh manner for humping is not necessary and can create problems worse than the humping. Work with the dog to develop several behaviors the dog will perform on cue, such as sit, down, come, fetch, go to a spot and settle calmly, go find a toy to chew, and any trick the dog enjoys doing for a reward.

    If all this fails, Give him a handjob.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 18:07



    NYCHICK write:
    i think my bichon has something wrong with him- because after i see that stupid red MAC lipstick i run from him only to come back and find him humping a pillow... now the issue is this.. i swear you his hmm u know actually hangs to the floor and he cant walk.. its hugeeeeeeeee hes tiny

    now what the hell does that mean?? does it mean he is hmm u know not really a white bichon but a african american bichon

    seriously i was goin to call the vet and tell him that my dogs pen%s is so big he is trippin on it

    actually he could star in porn movies
    bichon holmes

    LOL too funny..doesn't he hump everything? Does he pee on everything? Mine lifted their legs so I had to get them neutered...did you cut off his little balls? Or are they big balls to go with the big Holmes?
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 17:07


    i think my bichon has something wrong with him- because after i see that stupid red MAC lipstick i run from him only to come back and find him humping a pillow... now the issue is this.. i swear you his hmm u know actually hangs to the floor and he cant walk.. its hugeeeeeeeee hes tiny

    now what the hell does that mean?? does it mean he is hmm u know not really a white bichon but a african american bichon

    seriously i was goin to call the vet and tell him that my dogs pen%s is so big he is trippin on it

    actually he could star in porn movies
    bichon holmes
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 16:55



    WrightWoodPT write:
    Just wondering...Do those gay penguins run like a girl?


    omg i just peed
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 10:53



    WrightWoodPT write:
    I thought you did it. Didn't want everyone seeing you're new earrings before Columbus.

    WW..that is a cool thought. Producing testic*le earrings for women. You could dry them and freeze them so they shrink. OMG..what am I saying. See how you get me started. That is just sick.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 08:35



    WrightWoodPT write:
    I thought you did it. Didn't want everyone seeing you're new earrings before Columbus.

    DAMNNNNNNNNNNNN thats a bad visual lol
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 08:22


    I thought you did it. Didn't want everyone seeing you're new earrings before Columbus.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 07:50


    Damn..they removed all my educational pictures of my dog's balls. I guess MM doesn't want us to get an education.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 21, 2005 03:10


    This sort of reminds me of the first job I got working for the Circus, Circumsizing Elephants.

    The pay wasn't that great, But the tips were gigantic.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2005 16:56


    OMFG YOU ARE SO FLIPPIN INSANE AND CRAZY...LMAO I REALLY WISH YOU WOULD GO :(
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2005 16:54



    WrightWoodPT write:
    He's half poodle-half coyote.

    He's been seen with poodles dangling from his thingie..my friends say he invented the "poodle scoop" where he puts a paw under them and holds them up.
    I have no idea where he gets this from. Musta got into the movies when I was gone.

    OMG now that is funnnnnnnnnnnnnny!!!
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2005 16:54



    butterflynjax write:
    Toons...your doggy is the cutest little pooch... Woody so Is yours,,what is he?

    Petty leave it to you to start a topic about pruning off your pooches balls,,omg..lmao..
    My dog has a stuffed bear,, he had it since I got him,, he likes to hump it,,I swear,,Sammy thinks thats his little woman...err doggy.
    and get this ..i have a bird,,and he has a little lamb(stuffed) my daughter's bird,,she placed that tiny lamb in the cage when she first got the bird,,the bird actually gets on top of the Lamby pie (Sara named the stuffed animal too) and rides it like a bull..I get so embarassed when friends are here,, they have never seen a bird act like this,,if he see's me,,he gets on the thing and rides..sometimes he holds on to the side of the cage with his beak,,so he doesnt fall off,lmao.I wish i could find him a tiny cowboy hat while he is on the lamb..My bird and dog definately are not gay,,and they both know how to satisfy themselves..lol.they need a mate ,,both of them.

    Another dog hsssssssssssss
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2005 16:53



    WrightWoodPT write:
    Here's my dog, Roscoe. My neighbors have Bichon-Frise's and when they ask what he is,I Tell them a Bichon-Coyote.

    One day, I heard the dreaded, "Mister, You better get you're dog," while my buddies and me were drinking beer on the porch. We look up the street and Roscoe has a lovelock on a frantic, screaming kid from the front. My buddie yells back.." Don't worry lady, He's just trying to put some lipstick on him."

    Been Lipstick ever since.

    What a cute doggy :) PTH PTH HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2005 14:16



    butterflynjax write:
    no...you are not the only one....gosh..........how would I know about this stuff?
    And how will Suzan know whats on the end of Snoopy's teeney thingy?

    She is a nurse,,,not a Hatchet DR...mean woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cut those things off your tiny little pooch.

    Suzan knows all about that stuff. She is like a walking frickin encylopedia. My dogs are happy as can be without their balls.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 20, 2005 13:47



    butterflynjax write:
    so is that the knife they used? lmao

    They didn't cut the pen*is off..I already explained that I learned that. Those are just other ones from other dog's..they aren't red though? When I picked up the dog's Snoopy had some white stuff at the tip of his pen*is and I asked the vet tech is he had an infection...she said no, it was some other name...Suzan might know..it was technical..I think it started with an S. I guess I am the only one on these forums that doesn't know about this stuff.
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