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SEX ED FOR CHILDREN...Your opinion appreciated!
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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 10:07

I had a long talk with my ex about our children, 13, 11, and 8. They know nothing about sex except for what they have heard from their peers or from the media. We monitor TV/movies/music and have from little on.
When I went to school (Catholic) they sat us down and had a long talk about sex ed. My ex knows I am the more liberal one and he is extremely conservative about this matter. I told him somehow we need to bring it up but he thinks by not saying anything at all is best..maybe he is in denial they are growing up? When they are at their Dad's they have discovered websites for teenagers that have some sex involved etc..they come to my house and want to show me the funny stuff which sometimes contains a little nudity like big fat but*ts etc. They always say don't tell Dad. I am always right there while they are on the computer. At their Dad's house on the weeks they are there, they have a babysitter during the day while he is working so they have discovered the internet well. My ex has child protection on his computer but somehow they find stuff anyway. My ex seems to think he knows of every website they go on as he checks the sites they have been on. Apparently he is missing some because they come to me and tell me the sites that they found that are funny. I don't encourage it, only ask them to tell them what they are looking at. I have never directly sat down and had a talk about sex, but will bring it up based on what comes up. My question with people who have older children...How did you handle the sex talk? Did you have one? My Mom handed me a book and told me to read it and then we discussed it. Obviously that didn't work well for me nor did all those years of Catholic school..cuz look at me. I want to do what is best for my children but was just looking for other's opinions. Thanks.



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Posted on Sat, Jul 16, 2005 09:05


EdTarboosh write:

petiteone39 write:
Hmmmm, that is very interesting Andy! I can see it now with your kids screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww", hands over their eyes. They probably will be virgins forever now. How did you teach them about gays and lesbians. Did you demonstrate that too?



Yeah, we used our pets.

Jeez, didn't know you lived on a farm, did you "have" sheep? LOL



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Posted on Fri, Jul 15, 2005 17:30


EdTarboosh write:

petiteone39 write:
Hmmmm, that is very interesting Andy! I can see it now with your kids screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww", hands over their eyes. They probably will be virgins forever now. How did you teach them about gays and lesbians. Did you demonstrate that too?



Yeah, we used our pets.

Oh I see, you took on your male dog. Did that lead to the subject of beastiality?



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Posted on Fri, Jul 15, 2005 17:26


uglyrockling write:
It's probably the "mommy's love" thing that better makes women capable of this. I su*cked at doing my part, but I WAS willing.

I got trumped out by the female parent on the sex education talk with both my daughters, but luckily they seem to be okay (so far). The sex education of my son began a little sooner than I expected, but since he had three big sisters and two big eyes, it was gonna happen! He was maybe seven or eight, went something like this.

Him: Hey dad, girls don't have winky's, do they?
Me : No pal, they don't. *uh, oh*

Him: Well, how do they pee?
Me : They have this little opening thing that they pee from.

Him: Really? Where is it?
Me : Uh...on girls, it's on their bodies right down where the... uh ..winky would be.

Him: You mean if they had one.
Me : Right, if they had one.

Him: Well, why don't they have one.
Me : I suppose that would be a question for God. I'm sure there's a lot of women who'd like to have one.

Him: They would? Why?
Me : Never mind. Actually men and women are made different because women have babies and men don't.

Him: *ponders this* I still don't get where it is though, the opening. Can you draw it for me?
Me: Okay. *not feeling artistic, but I manage a rudimentary sketch. He studies it carefully*

Him: So this is where the opening is *indicates a spot I drew*
Me : Yep, that would be where it is.

Him: And what's this oval down here?
Me : *sweating* Well, that's where the women has the rest of ... well like what you have below your winky.

Him: Oh, you mean my tentacles.
Me : Right. Actually it's test*icles.

Him: *feels his own* Dad, what are your test-a-cles for?
Me : Well, they are part of your reproductive system ... how babies are made. Also ... if you are not nice, a woman will kick you there ... and it will hurt. A lot.

Him: But if women have babies and men don't ... how your test-a-cles help make babies?
Me : Well, they manufacture ... make ... this stuff that helps make babies.

Him: Oh, what's the stuff look like ... do I have any?
Me : Well, they look like little white tadpoles .... real small ... you can't see them. You don't have any yet, but you will when your body changes as you get a little older, maybe when your around 13.

Him: Oh. When I get to be around 13, I'll be able to help make a baby?
Me : *yeah, I shouldn'ta said that* Well, yes, but that's really still too young. You'll still be a kid and wanna have fun and not worry about making babies. *I hope*

Him: So ... I'll be able to give a girl some of my tadpoles when I want to have a baby. Right?
Me : Yeah, but the girl would have to want to have a baby too. And to have a baby, you should be married. And to be married, you'd have to be a grown up.

Him: *pondering again* My friend Trey's mom had a baby, and she's not married. He told me.
Me : *thanks a lot, Trey's mom!* Well, I guess there's always exceptions. But babies are supposed to be born into families. With a mom and dad who are married and able to take care of all the kids.

Him: So, I have test-a-cles .... but a girl doesn't have them. So what DO they have?
Me : They have sort of the same thing on the inside ... so you can't see it. It makes the eggs that make babies.

Him: *Looks hurt* Eggs? I thought tadpoles made them.
Me : Well .... the tadpoles and the eggs togther make them.

Him: How's that happen?
Me : Well, when an egg and a tadpole meet, the tadpole goes into the egg and changes it into what becomes a baby.

Him: But how do the egg and tadpole meet?
Me : Hey, why don't we go see what's on Disney?


LMAO!!! That is so good Urock!



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Posted on Fri, Jul 15, 2005 11:18


petiteone39 write:
Hmmmm, that is very interesting Andy! I can see it now with your kids screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww", hands over their eyes. They probably will be virgins forever now. How did you teach them about gays and lesbians. Did you demonstrate that too?



Yeah, we used our pets.



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Posted on Fri, Jul 15, 2005 11:02


EdTarboosh write:
You guys are all wussies,

The best way to teach someone about something is to show them. When our kids first asked about sex we just showed them. Yep, invited them right into the bedroom while we did the deed. We would pause every now and then briefly to comment on the various stages, acts, etc. from fore*play to climax, make sure they were paying attention, and take questions.

We also gave them pictures and videos for review and to share with their friends who to quell all ther misinformation - especially with kids under 12.

This really is the best way to go. I'm surprised not more of you did this too.


P.S. (true story) when I was a kid and snooping for Christmas gifts with my sis in my parent's closet we found pics of them having sex, posing, e.g., mom spread eagle, etc. It still grosses us out to think of it!

Hmmmm, that is very interesting Andy! I can see it now with your kids screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww", hands over their eyes. They probably will be virgins forever now. How did you teach them about gays and lesbians. Did you demonstrate that too?



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Posted on Fri, Jul 15, 2005 10:50

You guys are all wussies,

The best way to teach someone about something is to show them. When our kids first asked about sex we just showed them. Yep, invited them right into the bedroom while we did the deed. We would pause every now and then briefly to comment on the various stages, acts, etc. from fore*play to climax, make sure they were paying attention, and take questions.

We also gave them pictures and videos for review and to share with their friends who to quell all ther misinformation - especially with kids under 12.

This really is the best way to go. I'm surprised not more of you did this too.


P.S. (true story) when I was a kid and snooping for Christmas gifts with my sis in my parent's closet we found pics of them having sex, posing, e.g., mom spread eagle, etc. It still grosses us out to think of it!



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Posted on Fri, Jul 15, 2005 09:36


fun4two write:
As far as premarital sex is concerned ... I always started my sex conversations with 'when two people are really in love' ... instead of 'once you are married' ...

~Smiles



I handled my conversations with my son & daughter same as Fun. I had more conversations with my daughter, but when I discussed things with both I always started it with, 'when two people are really in love'. I felt this would encourage them to make good decisions...not do favors (eg bj's), or sleep around with every guy they date, but put importance on having feelings for someone & having those feelings returned, before they do something like having sex with a guy, giving up their virginity, which can be a big deal to some girls. Everyone handles these things differently. Some are not ready to have sex at 13 or 16. My daughter, 16 has told me she has friends who have already had sex, but she doesn't feel she is ready. I'm glad she knows herself well enough to know that. I think she knows herself, because of our open discussions.
Even now, at 16 yrs, my daughter will say "Gross Mom, I don't want to hear anymore!"
When talking about bj's...she thinks they are gross. I don't say one way or the other. I tell her when you really love someone, something you may think is gross may no longer be gross, and all you think about is the pleasure you give to your partner.



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Posted on Thu, Jul 14, 2005 11:51

It's probably the "mommy's love" thing that better makes women capable of this. I su*cked at doing my part, but I WAS willing.

I got trumped out by the female parent on the sex education talk with both my daughters, but luckily they seem to be okay (so far). The sex education of my son began a little sooner than I expected, but since he had three big sisters and two big eyes, it was gonna happen! He was maybe seven or eight, went something like this.

Him: Hey dad, girls don't have winky's, do they?
Me : No pal, they don't. *uh, oh*

Him: Well, how do they pee?
Me : They have this little opening thing that they pee from.

Him: Really? Where is it?
Me : Uh...on girls, it's on their bodies right down where the... uh ..winky would be.

Him: You mean if they had one.
Me : Right, if they had one.

Him: Well, why don't they have one.
Me : I suppose that would be a question for God. I'm sure there's a lot of women who'd like to have one.

Him: They would? Why?
Me : Never mind. Actually men and women are made different because women have babies and men don't.

Him: *ponders this* I still don't get where it is though, the opening. Can you draw it for me?
Me: Okay. *not feeling artistic, but I manage a rudimentary sketch. He studies it carefully*

Him: So this is where the opening is *indicates a spot I drew*
Me : Yep, that would be where it is.

Him: And what's this oval down here?
Me : *sweating* Well, that's where the women has the rest of ... well like what you have below your winky.

Him: Oh, you mean my tentacles.
Me : Right. Actually it's test*icles.

Him: *feels his own* Dad, what are your test-a-cles for?
Me : Well, they are part of your reproductive system ... how babies are made. Also ... if you are not nice, a woman will kick you there ... and it will hurt. A lot.

Him: But if women have babies and men don't ... how your test-a-cles help make babies?
Me : Well, they manufacture ... make ... this stuff that helps make babies.

Him: Oh, what's the stuff look like ... do I have any?
Me : Well, they look like little white tadpoles .... real small ... you can't see them. You don't have any yet, but you will when your body changes as you get a little older, maybe when your around 13.

Him: Oh. When I get to be around 13, I'll be able to help make a baby?
Me : *yeah, I shouldn'ta said that* Well, yes, but that's really still too young. You'll still be a kid and wanna have fun and not worry about making babies. *I hope*

Him: So ... I'll be able to give a girl some of my tadpoles when I want to have a baby. Right?
Me : Yeah, but the girl would have to want to have a baby too. And to have a baby, you should be married. And to be married, you'd have to be a grown up.

Him: *pondering again* My friend Trey's mom had a baby, and she's not married. He told me.
Me : *thanks a lot, Trey's mom!* Well, I guess there's always exceptions. But babies are supposed to be born into families. With a mom and dad who are married and able to take care of all the kids.

Him: So, I have test-a-cles .... but a girl doesn't have them. So what DO they have?
Me : They have sort of the same thing on the inside ... so you can't see it. It makes the eggs that make babies.

Him: *Looks hurt* Eggs? I thought tadpoles made them.
Me : Well .... the tadpoles and the eggs togther make them.

Him: How's that happen?
Me : Well, when an egg and a tadpole meet, the tadpole goes into the egg and changes it into what becomes a baby.

Him: But how do the egg and tadpole meet?
Me : Hey, why don't we go see what's on Disney?



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Posted on Thu, Jul 14, 2005 09:35

Thanks you guys again for your responses. I copied and pasted this thread, (without any pics or indications of this site) to my ex. I also found 10 Christian websites that said the same thing as you guys. My ex's answer was, "I found it odd that the only people to respond to my question were women. They are obviously into male bashing." hahahaha...I told him you guys were all successful people that are quite knowledgeable. All I want is for ex and myself to be on the same page in regards to our children. We are making progress on this matter, slowly. Thanks again.



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 21:04

Angie i started my children out very early on sex education. Like at 5/3 and all of those situations our babies could face. It was the inappropriate touching class. It escalated from there to babies and sex and FWB and all of the things my mother never would talk about. Toones as to your ex, us in our 40's/50's had parents who were too embarrassed to talk about sex. I know i learned from the street and to me it made it a very "dirty" thing. I imagined we learned a lot on our own and much was misinformation. My son was the curious one more than my girl. She would be a little embarrassed at times where he would just ask. He was able to talk to my ex where she never really came to me on her own. I would always discuss it with her but the greatest thing that always deterred her was everyone of her friends between 14/17 got pregnant. That was enough for her. When she was ready she got on birth control. And i advocated condoms at all times. My son always used them. Lance would tell me of his GF's and he usually gave me TMI. I believe as long as they are well informed they will at least have the information to do what they will do with it. You are not going to stop them from having sex only prepare them. When they have a question or make a statement answer it as honestly as you can without beating around the bush. Stressing to the girls that guys will say anything to get them in bed when they are teenagers can give them an edge up. Teaching the guys respect and precaution will stick in their minds as they get older. It only takes one mistake. In the end what you teach them will be there but ultimately it will be their decision......



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 15:18

let me tell you a funny story about men's knowledge. This is my X i'm talking about. when i was 29 i had a partial hysterectomy, leaving ovaries only. no big deal, not cancer or anthing like that. anyway, afterwards, my x (husband then) asked me where my eggs go now, do they build up in my body cavity and then will I lay eggs? he honestly did not know. he was 30 yr old. i was definitely ROTFLMAO!!! i still laugh when i think of it. hahaa!



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 12:46

Butter, Fun and Toones...this is so helpful for me. I appreciate you guys so much. I haven't seen any men give advice. It seems they all want to participate in sex but maybe they don't like giving advice on the topic? Why are men so embarrassed to talk openly to their children about sex?



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 12:23

Angie... first of all...good question,,
When I felt my son was ready,, I spoke with him privately,, but we had a lot of one on one talks,, he always was a curious child and asked me everything.. But when the sex conversation time arises,, you know its time.
My daughter is 4 yrs younger,, so I spoke to Shaun alone.. I was very open,, but Like Suzan said, I really didnt have to go into a lot of graphic detail,, you can explain to kids pretty well without too much info. Im thinking he was about 10,, maybe , but as I saw his intrest arise in girls, I knew it was time.. My X was never around, so I had the talk with my son... the funny part...My son is very highly intelligent anyway,, so when we had our talk,, i didnt even need to say much as he had already looked it up in an encyclepedia, I was laughing with him, because everything Id say,, he would say,, mom I already know that,, and finish my sentences.. so with shaun it was very easy,

Sara was easy too, she asked me a lot of questions,, but with her being a girl,, she already knew, she said that her friends already told her,, so these kids are pretty smart now days..
as far as abstanance...yes!!!! i did preach that to them,,BUT,, at the same time,, and this was the hard part,, as i felt that i was talking from both sides of my mouth... I also preached SAFE SEX. I believe that they are going to do what they are going to do,, and id rather have my kids protected, and safe , than to ruin their lives and wind up pregnant, or with STDs..
So I told Sara,, when she felt she was ready id put her on birth control... the funny thing is,,, she never even wanted to use it,,, she said she would rather wait. I think that I did get her on birth control at 17,, when I took her to her first OB appt.
Im glad , she is now a senior in college,, and she says that she is so glad that we made the right choices..
Parents with Girls,,let me tell you... when they go to that senior prom,,, they are going to have sex more than likely... my daughter did,, she was honest enough to tell me.. she might have ruined her life, or career, if she hadnt had protection.. Ive never been sorry for that decision.
This is a different world,, parents need to wake up,, there kids are having sex..and If they cant talk to their parents,, those are the ones who get pregnant..
Angie..I feel for you,, that was a scarey time in my life,, not so much with my son,, but with my daughter,, I was always so worried that some punk was going to get her preg.. and stop her from having her career.
Good Luck!! Im glad Im through that part.



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 12:02

I totally argree with you guys and truly value your thoughts. Even though you guys know me on here as being open about everything, I am cautious but open when asked.
My ex takes them to church every Sunday and thinks he has got the whole parenting thing down pat. Even though he never had a talk about sex with any of them, he told me if the subject arises he believes in teaching them that abstainance is the best method of birth control. He reminds me of those damn nuns that taught me...I certainly don't advocate premarital sex for my children, but I know they will have sex prior to getting married and probably would be more realistic..saying something like, It is better to wait to have sex with someone you love, but if it happens blah blah blah...They don't ask him or his wife questions about anything sex related. As a father what do you think he should do? Nothing at all? Never bring it up? He keeps saying I am so liberal..I think the kids will go for the rest of their lives never asking him questions.My question this time is what is he to do?



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 11:40

I was the same with my kids as Suzan, always open and ready to talk about anything, never really had to initiate "the talk" and God forbid dad would talk to our son. but they've always been comfy talking about anything. when they want to know something I answered it with respect to what they could understand and/or absorb for their age, without the cutsie words. i learned early with my son to be more accurate. When i was pregnant with my daughter and he was 2 1/2, he asked about the baby in my tummy and how did the baby come out. my explanation (which was a mistake) was this - "there is a special door she will come out". Of course being the bright kid he is, this 2 1/2 yr old now asks "so where is the door knob?" I don't even remember how I responded, but i learned right then to use correct language. LOL!



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Posted on Wed, Jul 13, 2005 11:18

Thanks Suzan for your input. That makes perfect sense to me. Explain to me how you described to them what a blow job is? I am better at being open with my daughter(8) who seems to be curious about everything and I try to tell her the truth but also have to keep in mind the consequences of "the wrath of her Dad". He told me the kids never ask him questions but they ask me and he really doesn't believe me. The boys are now too embarrassed to bring things up, yet I hear them talking amongst themselves about "our gay dogs" (even though it is true, they are gay). If they don't bring it up, what is the answer, ignore it? I suppose I could research on the net and find millions of doctors opinions but you guys truly have the direct knowledge as many of you have outstanding children who are grown and successful.



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