I had a long talk with my ex about our children, 13, 11, and 8. They know nothing about sex except for what they have heard from their peers or from the media. We monitor TV/movies/music and have from little on.
When I went to school (Catholic) they sat us down and had a long talk about sex ed. My ex knows I am the more liberal one and he is extremely conservative about this matter. I told him somehow we need to bring it up but he thinks by not saying anything at all is best..maybe he is in denial they are growing up? When they are at their Dad's they have discovered websites for teenagers that have some sex involved etc..they come to my house and want to show me the funny stuff which sometimes contains a little nudity like big fat but*ts etc. They always say don't tell Dad. I am always right there while they are on the computer. At their Dad's house on the weeks they are there, they have a babysitter during the day while he is working so they have discovered the internet well. My ex has child protection on his computer but somehow they find stuff anyway. My ex seems to think he knows of every website they go on as he checks the sites they have been on. Apparently he is missing some because they come to me and tell me the sites that they found that are funny. I don't encourage it, only ask them to tell them what they are looking at. I have never directly sat down and had a talk about sex, but will bring it up based on what comes up. My question with people who have older children...How did you handle the sex talk? Did you have one? My Mom handed me a book and told me to read it and then we discussed it. Obviously that didn't work well for me nor did all those years of Catholic school..cuz look at me. I want to do what is best for my children but was just looking for other's opinions. Thanks.
petiteone39 write: Hmmmm, that is very interesting Andy! I can see it now with your kids screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww", hands over their eyes. They probably will be virgins forever now. How did you teach them about gays and lesbians. Did you demonstrate that too?
Yeah, we used our pets.
Oh I see, you took on your male dog. Did that lead to the subject of beastiality?
The best way to teach someone about something is to show them. When our kids first asked about sex we just showed them. Yep, invited them right into the bedroom while we did the deed. We would pause every now and then briefly to comment on the various stages, acts, etc. from fore*play to climax, make sure they were paying attention, and take questions.
We also gave them pictures and videos for review and to share with their friends who to quell all ther misinformation - especially with kids under 12.
This really is the best way to go. I'm surprised not more of you did this too.
P.S. (true story) when I was a kid and snooping for Christmas gifts with my sis in my parent's closet we found pics of them having sex, posing, e.g., mom spread eagle, etc. It still grosses us out to think of it!
Hmmmm, that is very interesting Andy! I can see it now with your kids screaming "ewwwwwwwwwwwwww", hands over their eyes. They probably will be virgins forever now. How did you teach them about gays and lesbians. Did you demonstrate that too?
It's probably the "mommy's love" thing that better makes women capable of this. I su*cked at doing my part, but I WAS willing.
I got trumped out by the female parent on the sex education talk with both my daughters, but luckily they seem to be okay (so far). The sex education of my son began a little sooner than I expected, but since he had three big sisters and two big eyes, it was gonna happen! He was maybe seven or eight, went something like this.
Him: Hey dad, girls don't have winky's, do they?
Me : No pal, they don't. *uh, oh*
Him: Well, how do they pee?
Me : They have this little opening thing that they pee from.
Him: Really? Where is it?
Me : Uh...on girls, it's on their bodies right down where the... uh ..winky would be.
Him: You mean if they had one.
Me : Right, if they had one.
Him: Well, why don't they have one.
Me : I suppose that would be a question for God. I'm sure there's a lot of women who'd like to have one.
Him: They would? Why?
Me : Never mind. Actually men and women are made different because women have babies and men don't.
Him: *ponders this* I still don't get where it is though, the opening. Can you draw it for me?
Me: Okay. *not feeling artistic, but I manage a rudimentary sketch. He studies it carefully*
Him: So this is where the opening is *indicates a spot I drew*
Me : Yep, that would be where it is.
Him: And what's this oval down here?
Me : *sweating* Well, that's where the women has the rest of ... well like what you have below your winky.
Him: Oh, you mean my tentacles.
Me : Right. Actually it's test*icles.
Him: *feels his own* Dad, what are your test-a-cles for?
Me : Well, they are part of your reproductive system ... how babies are made. Also ... if you are not nice, a woman will kick you there ... and it will hurt. A lot.
Him: But if women have babies and men don't ... how your test-a-cles help make babies?
Me : Well, they manufacture ... make ... this stuff that helps make babies.
Him: Oh, what's the stuff look like ... do I have any?
Me : Well, they look like little white tadpoles .... real small ... you can't see them. You don't have any yet, but you will when your body changes as you get a little older, maybe when your around 13.
Him: Oh. When I get to be around 13, I'll be able to help make a baby?
Me : *yeah, I shouldn'ta said that* Well, yes, but that's really still too young. You'll still be a kid and wanna have fun and not worry about making babies. *I hope*
Him: So ... I'll be able to give a girl some of my tadpoles when I want to have a baby. Right?
Me : Yeah, but the girl would have to want to have a baby too. And to have a baby, you should be married. And to be married, you'd have to be a grown up.
Him: *pondering again* My friend Trey's mom had a baby, and she's not married. He told me.
Me : *thanks a lot, Trey's mom!* Well, I guess there's always exceptions. But babies are supposed to be born into families. With a mom and dad who are married and able to take care of all the kids.
Him: So, I have test-a-cles .... but a girl doesn't have them. So what DO they have?
Me : They have sort of the same thing on the inside ... so you can't see it. It makes the eggs that make babies.
Him: *Looks hurt* Eggs? I thought tadpoles made them.
Me : Well .... the tadpoles and the eggs togther make them.
Him: How's that happen?
Me : Well, when an egg and a tadpole meet, the tadpole goes into the egg and changes it into what becomes a baby.
Him: But how do the egg and tadpole meet?
Me : Hey, why don't we go see what's on Disney?
Thanks you guys again for your responses. I copied and pasted this thread, (without any pics or indications of this site) to my ex. I also found 10 Christian websites that said the same thing as you guys. My ex's answer was, "I found it odd that the only people to respond to my question were women. They are obviously into male bashing." hahahaha...I told him you guys were all successful people that are quite knowledgeable. All I want is for ex and myself to be on the same page in regards to our children. We are making progress on this matter, slowly. Thanks again.
Butter, Fun and Toones...this is so helpful for me. I appreciate you guys so much. I haven't seen any men give advice. It seems they all want to participate in sex but maybe they don't like giving advice on the topic? Why are men so embarrassed to talk openly to their children about sex?
I totally argree with you guys and truly value your thoughts. Even though you guys know me on here as being open about everything, I am cautious but open when asked.
My ex takes them to church every Sunday and thinks he has got the whole parenting thing down pat. Even though he never had a talk about sex with any of them, he told me if the subject arises he believes in teaching them that abstainance is the best method of birth control. He reminds me of those damn nuns that taught me...I certainly don't advocate premarital sex for my children, but I know they will have sex prior to getting married and probably would be more realistic..saying something like, It is better to wait to have sex with someone you love, but if it happens blah blah blah...They don't ask him or his wife questions about anything sex related. As a father what do you think he should do? Nothing at all? Never bring it up? He keeps saying I am so liberal..I think the kids will go for the rest of their lives never asking him questions.My question this time is what is he to do?
Thanks Suzan for your input. That makes perfect sense to me. Explain to me how you described to them what a blow job is? I am better at being open with my daughter(8) who seems to be curious about everything and I try to tell her the truth but also have to keep in mind the consequences of "the wrath of her Dad". He told me the kids never ask him questions but they ask me and he really doesn't believe me. The boys are now too embarrassed to bring things up, yet I hear them talking amongst themselves about "our gay dogs" (even though it is true, they are gay). If they don't bring it up, what is the answer, ignore it? I suppose I could research on the net and find millions of doctors opinions but you guys truly have the direct knowledge as many of you have outstanding children who are grown and successful.