Why do you tolerate an abusive relationship? Message Board

  • View author's info posted on Jul 10, 2005 09:12

    Well said Andy...as we have chatted before, Ive been thru the ringer w/all this as well! I was smart enuff to break away from my X and not allowing it to linger for years.
    My daughters aren't from my 2nd marriage, something my oldest daughter told me a few weeks ago about broke my heart...h e l l it did!!! She moved out at 21 to be out on her own for the first time w/her BF...it went south after two months...I asked her if she was ready to move back home...she said she will never do that, she has taken the step to being an adult...but she does feel she rushed into moving out because of all my drama w/my X, I remember at one time my middle daughter couldn't take it and moved in w/her father...and my youngest wanted to be sold. Our rotten marriage was really affecting my babies and it was time for him to leave.
    I grew up w/an abusive mother and step-father it was a living H E L L as well Please don't ever do this to your babies...it affects them for the rest of their lives :(
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  • View author's info posted on Jul 09, 2005 05:21

    Andy, thank you for sharing your childhood. As a result of your challenges, somehow, you strived to be the best you can be. You are one of the smartest, funniest men on here. You have achieved dreams and goals most haven't. You took this incredibly painful and difficult situation and turned it around to make "somebody" so unique and special. Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us your hardships, Andy.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 09, 2005 00:29

    There is one other reason, usually overlooked, for staying in an abusive relationship. It can be exciting. Yes, I said exciting. There are people that like to fight, it gives them a high. I don't understand it, but I have known at least a dozen people like that. I am not talking about one party, but both people love to fight.

    There are also some cultures that are explosive. Its just normal. Latins, Italy, etc. Even some families in any culture.

    This may explain some cases of what appears to be abuse, but isn't really. Its more like an exciting lifestyle to the people involved. I think they are nuts, but what do I know.

  • View author's info posted on Jul 08, 2005 22:19

    That was a excellent post Andy and took courage,-- thanks. And you are dead on, kids are more important than the adults involved, and must be protected from seeing abuse, and being abused.

    My dream, for 25 years at least, is to open a complex/center for such abused families. It is a need that our society does not deal with well at all. Maybe someday.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 08, 2005 10:31

    I don't think some women see themselves as abused women. They may realize they have problems but do not identify the abuse as being their main problem.
    Abused women, are extremely compassionate, and are convinced that they alone can help their man.
    Some women believe that if only they would "improve," the abuse will stop. They believe that they can control the abuse through their own behavior.

    My sister was in an abusive relationship and stayed due to her own guilt.
    She believed that things would change for the better eventually. It never did. I believe childhood has much to do with the mate we chose. Some women go through this longer than others as a result of engrained thoughts from the past.
  • View author's info posted on Jul 08, 2005 07:37

    Mel...I didn't know you had it in you...But I'm glad you do! I will always see you as a different man now! You are not only a good daddy...now you are a man w/a good heart!
    OK now back to your ???? Altho my X wasn't physically abusive...he was mentally, and used/uses scare tatics to scare the bejesus outta me all the time...it's been nearing a year since our final breakup and it has just been until very recent time that I can feel comfortable to go about alone. This is a very aggrivating thing for your friend to be going through...Just continue to be her friend and be there for her...she will come around eventually...she has alot of things going thru her mind...You can't be there 24/7 for her...you have your daughter/work etc. Im sure shes sick of being afraid of her shadow...I hope she got a restraining order or does, and documents EVERY incident. Call the police for everyyyyyyyy incident, and tell her to be sure to get an incident report number. She will need all this when she goes to court. There is a dept thru the County...Domestic Violence...she can even get it for free! They will counsel and help her thru this. In the mean time Mel...Im sure she fears for you and your daughter and simply doesn't want touble for you and Nikki, my male friends continue to be threatened all the time...I know Mel Ive been there! Good luck hon...Keep us posted! If she would like someone to talk to that has been thru similiar situation...Plz do give her my email addy ok?
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