Several months ago, I came to this site wide eyed and enthusiastic.
My life was going thru some terrific changes and I was dealing with the death of my Mother from cancer a year earlier. I had left NY to go home to care for her, and as much of a spiritual awakening as it became, it was also very hard emotionally. I came to MM full of zest and a desire to meet someone who would complement who I was, completing me, as I would her.
In a matter of days, I met such a wonderful, charming and kind person.
In a very short time, I became infatuated with her. I thought of her constantly, and dared to fantasize of quiet, intimate moments alone together with her.
When we met, it was the culmination of a dream. Scintillating, invigorating, rejuvenating...and a whole lot more.
However, like so many excruciatingly delightful things, it was not meant to be.
She remains a warm, caring person...a tender flower bud.
The man who can get her to blossom fully as she reveals her inner beauty will no doubt be showered in a myriad of blessings.
I will tear the veils from every mystery -- mysteries of religion or of nature, death, birth, the future, the past, cosmogony, and nothingness.
I am a master of phantasmagoria.
I dreamed of Crusades, voyages of discovery that nobody had heard of, republics without histories, religious wars stamped out, revolutions in morals, movements of races and continents; I used to believe in every kind of magic.
Sometimes in the sky I see endless sandy shores covered with white rejoicing nations.
A great golden ship, above me, flutters many-colored pennants in the morning breeze.
I was the creator of every feast, every triumph, every drama.
I tried to invent new flowers, new planets, new flesh, new languages.
I thought I had acquired supernatural powers.
Ha! I have to bury my imagination and my memories!
What an end to a splendid career as an artist and storyteller!
I called myself a magician, an angel, free from all moral constraint....
I am sent back to the soil to seek some obligation, to wrap gnarled reality in my arms.
My account with MM is paid until the 15th, but now is a good a time as any to bid you all farewell.
Mandalay and Fun, take care of yourselves. You're both bright. Sharp and WW, I wish you both the best. If you two shouldn't hook up, then I know nothing. Petite, Last, Real, Kisses, you are all wonderful women in your own ways, may you all be as goofy and imaginative and fun in real life as you are in here.
Hotmama, my respect for you has grown immensely. You not only managed to pull away from this nonsense, but you stayed away. Something I should have done long ago and didn't. You set the example.
I know I must have disappointed a lot of the regular folks here who wanted to see the 'real' me, not the guy who felt it his duty to 'square the realm', such as it was. I should have tried harder to accommodate your requests.
Ed, I can't leave this place without offering you a heartfelt apology. Whether anything you said was "truthful' or not, or whether I simply wanted to believe they were or weren't, I rode you too long, and too hard, to no real end.
The idea of a smoker was not a mental aberration btw, just a proven method to release pent-up angst and be friends afterwards. For all I knew, you were 6'6" and 300 lbs of mangling manhood. And besides, 10k was all I had.
Anyway, I doubt you'll take it as such, but this is both an apology and an olive branch. Not that you need accept it, but I'd be kind of disappointed in myself if I left here thinking I hadn't tried to do as much. I truly wish you well in your research and product development, in health, and in happiness.
To anyone else I was rude, snide, mean, or otherwise ugly to, I do apologize.
The fact is, I am feeling kind of melancholy at the moment, so if I neglected anyone, forgive me.
And I would sincerely appreciate it if no one commented in response to this thread. This isn't an attempt to make this 'about me'.