HER primary goal has been to find her forever man, at all times she is in that mode. If at any moment she feels it is not heading that direction, she will likely have a difficult time every really enjoying her time with him. Of course, there are exceptions!
This could work IF men would cast their nets once and be done with it. Instead, they continuously casting their nets until they think they have their best likely to be had, even if they threw their nets a bunch more times.
Meanwhile, any woman in waiting is holding back for sure. The men never did get to see her best side, because she withheld it for someone deserved. Men do sense this hold back. We think women are stupid for holding back the one thing that just might have made us commit to them and we resent that she could be so stupid to do that.
The chicken and the egg. Men would like to keep each woman in continuous possible replacement mode, for at any given time he may not be able to find one better, during the ongoing net cast and shift in his focus. Women do not appreciate that and the defense is, holdback.
The answer is, a man can evaluate a woman just fine without holding her against a continuous series of competitors.
Shut down that net, and she will blow your mind. If she doesn't, find out if there is a hold back, and if so, find out why. Else get out. It's not going to get better.
it really is a deep thought process...it's not about blaming people or yourself..its more about not hanging on to a failed or negative aspect from a previous relationship... so we move on...when people do that they have "let it go" or "forgiven"...
we often learn from a past mistake...that is a "forgiven"
How many times do you hear someone say...
what did I do wrong to mess up this relationship and they analyze it to death..they are holding on to the pain...when they can "let go" or "forgive" that situation...also the other side of that is you break up with someone because you find they aren't the type of person for whatever reason..the chemsitry wasnt't there or it fizzled..whatever...you can "let go" another "forgiven" and move on....many people will crawl in a shell for a while or not get too close again because they are STILL holding on to the pain or frustration it caused...they haven't "let go"...or "forgiven" that past...
I know that is kinda deep in thought but I just find it interesting!!!
I truly have no fears in relationships..this can get really deep but it does have to do with personal freedom...you have to open your heart and don't shut your eyes...magic of love is all around..
When people speak of fear in being hurt or scared of another relationship, etc...you actually haven't forgiven yourself for that pain...so here goes if anyone feels like reading this stuff,lol...
Forgive yourself for using people in your life to hurt yourself
Forgive yourself for blaming others
Forgive yourself for pain and for anger, jealousy and hate
Forgive yourself for participating in situations that went against your integrity
Forgive yourself for not havin the self respect
Forgive yourself for not trusting yourself
Forgive yourself for tryin to control the people you luv and not luvin yourself even more..
Anger, hate, pain, and jealousy are negatives and cause this fear... inside and out. Fear is the source of all of the negative agreements we've made with life. Fear can alienate us and keep us from having that healthy luvin relationship..
so we forgive because we love ourselves and want to let go of the past.....when ya detach yourself from ALL of this ..your heart wil be light and fresh again!! this is where you lose all fear and find your personal freedom :)
When we are able to look at our lives without fear or judgments, we realize that reality can be whatever we want it to be!!! NO fear! all smiles...
ok...enjoyed my lunch break with ya...have nice day!
"The more disappointments or let downs an individual (male/female) experiences in their relationships with others, the greater that fear becomes."
I am going to have to think about this. I don't have that fear, and but not sure why. I don't know if its confidence in my worth, or just being dumb, or what. Maybe I am just a gambler or maybe I don't expect too much in the beginning. Maybe I have been disappointed so much with people that I am numb. Anyway, I like being fear free about starting a relationship with someone. It gives you confidence or security or something.
You probably ruined my sleep all night, trying to figure out why I am not afraid of a relationship.
5w's, I choose my friends with similar criteria. On the note re: people are afraid to get hurt... I'd agree with that statement and take it further. The more disappointments or let downs an individual (male/female) experiences in their relationships with others, the greater that fear becomes. It's a catch 22...you want to put yourself out there to find that special person for you, but fear prevents you, because you've been let down one too many times.
You're a brilliant, perceptive man. How is it that you've figured all this out on your own? As I read the first part of your post, you just blew me away. You're so "on the mark" my eyes watered just at the thought there was a man out there that knew the true story ..... and remembered it!
If I were your type, I'd hit on you, DealMan. It isn't often a girl comes across a man who "gets it" so completely.
You're one in a million.
I select my freinds and relationships by the character of the person. I watch how they treat their co-workers, business associates, customers, their relatives, kids, honesty, their ex, etc. If bad, I know that is how I will eventually be treated. I also look for any untreated personality disorders that will harm me, or those around me.
The more problems I see, the bigger the wall around me will be, and the more likely I will be looking elsewhere for companionship. I do give people a chance, and time to change; however I will not wait forever.
I think walls can be moveable, or fixed. You are wasting your time on someone who has a fixed wall, they will never get close to you. However people with moveable walls can become good mates if you are worth it (in their eyes). Some people have really strange ideas about what is good and bad, so those are a waste of time also.
BFD it is good to see you once more present. I am sure most of the ladies will agree as we use to have quite a lot of great discussion. Agreeing to disagree.
On your post about men and their "focus"
Absolutely true. It is something we all would like to have from that special man. I don't think that it is there right away but will develope as that relationship does. It is a state where you ultimately give out the aura or feelings that you are "in tune" with each other. That her pleasure is paramount of all else. Now that is not being selfish. It is more like being selfless. It allows a woman to "Feel" that there is that special moment where words never have to be exchanged. Where emotions are heightened and it gives you the knowledge that you want to give your all to this person. It is a feeling of togetherness in mind not only body. It shows a woman that you are not only thing of yourself but also her and that her pleasure is paramount to yours. But then on that statement when her pleasure is great she will also make your pleasure and uplifting experience.
We do not have to have the love of our life to do this. All it really takes is a man who has that thought with all of his lovers or partners. It is simple having the mindset that every time is going to be a phenomenal experience for her. This is a man we will always remember. Those lovers and friends are forever ingrained in our minds.................S4U
Very well said BFD, however, I dont think its going to change. There will always be men casting nets, and always be women waiting , or holding on to their socalled one man. It seems that when this has happened to women, they have a really hard time trusting in another relationship, thus causing them to again hold back. Its like an endless cycle.
Maybe there is only one true soulmate for everyone, maybe when you find that, then there wont be any more nets casted.
Maybe she wont be holding back. I dont know..Just my thoughts.
I think that it also goes both ways to, only because of this internet dating, I think we are all guilty of casting nets, we lie if we say we dont, men, and woman as well, some say they dont chase, you dont have to chase to cast a net.You just throw it out there and reel it in.But i think it happens because of the internet dating, and really doesnt happen so much in the real world. We seem to meet so many personalitys online, and we actually build relationships, with men and women.I think though that sometimes we get confused and dont want to come off as too friendly or bold, or sexual, as it sometimes gets taken the wrong way,
and again looking like woman are holding back, people are afraid of getting hurt. Its a natural defense, especially if you have already been hurt in an online relationship, its even harder to trust, and again, this goes for a man or a woman.
what it boils down to is really letting down your guard, and wholeheartedly giving yourself to each other, that takes a lot of trust, and is a chance that both have to take, and both must give 100%.
very powerful, and exactly right.
I feel like someone saw my soul, and knows all of the secrets. I know that when I feel accepted and safe, loved mindblowing things happen for hours...
Now you all know why I hate being single.....now the world knows....
Oh well....at least I am honest.