HER primary goal has been to find her forever man, at all times she is in that mode. If at any moment she feels it is not heading that direction, she will likely have a difficult time every really enjoying her time with him. Of course, there are exceptions!
This could work IF men would cast their nets once and be done with it. Instead, they continuously casting their nets until they think they have their best likely to be had, even if they threw their nets a bunch more times.
Meanwhile, any woman in waiting is holding back for sure. The men never did get to see her best side, because she withheld it for someone deserved. Men do sense this hold back. We think women are stupid for holding back the one thing that just might have made us commit to them and we resent that she could be so stupid to do that.
The chicken and the egg. Men would like to keep each woman in continuous possible replacement mode, for at any given time he may not be able to find one better, during the ongoing net cast and shift in his focus. Women do not appreciate that and the defense is, holdback.
The answer is, a man can evaluate a woman just fine without holding her against a continuous series of competitors.
Shut down that net, and she will blow your mind. If she doesn't, find out if there is a hold back, and if so, find out why. Else get out. It's not going to get better.
"The more disappointments or let downs an individual (male/female) experiences in their relationships with others, the greater that fear becomes."
I am going to have to think about this. I don't have that fear, and but not sure why. I don't know if its confidence in my worth, or just being dumb, or what. Maybe I am just a gambler or maybe I don't expect too much in the beginning. Maybe I have been disappointed so much with people that I am numb. Anyway, I like being fear free about starting a relationship with someone. It gives you confidence or security or something.
You probably ruined my sleep all night, trying to figure out why I am not afraid of a relationship.
You're a brilliant, perceptive man. How is it that you've figured all this out on your own? As I read the first part of your post, you just blew me away. You're so "on the mark" my eyes watered just at the thought there was a man out there that knew the true story ..... and remembered it!
If I were your type, I'd hit on you, DealMan. It isn't often a girl comes across a man who "gets it" so completely.
You're one in a million.
I select my freinds and relationships by the character of the person. I watch how they treat their co-workers, business associates, customers, their relatives, kids, honesty, their ex, etc. If bad, I know that is how I will eventually be treated. I also look for any untreated personality disorders that will harm me, or those around me.
The more problems I see, the bigger the wall around me will be, and the more likely I will be looking elsewhere for companionship. I do give people a chance, and time to change; however I will not wait forever.
I think walls can be moveable, or fixed. You are wasting your time on someone who has a fixed wall, they will never get close to you. However people with moveable walls can become good mates if you are worth it (in their eyes). Some people have really strange ideas about what is good and bad, so those are a waste of time also.
very powerful, and exactly right.
I feel like someone saw my soul, and knows all of the secrets. I know that when I feel accepted and safe, loved mindblowing things happen for hours...
Now you all know why I hate being single.....now the world knows....
Oh well....at least I am honest.