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Posted on Wed, May 11, 2005 18:03

On behalf of the delightful Katie!

  


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Posted on Fri, May 20, 2005 20:47


OrionsQuest write:
If he's that ugly or obnoxious Sharp, how'd you get involved in the first place??


Oooops, I'm sorry this is a new and improved Orion.

Allow me to rephrase.

Perhaps if one could avoid putting themselves into a situation where they might possibly hurt or offend someone who is ugly or obnoxious, they wouldn't have to concern themselves later?



But most women, Orion, don't usually think they're superior to any specific group of people (except telemarketers) so that they won't even TALK to them! I know I wouldn't turn my nose up at a man who didn't have "good looks." Who the heck would I think I am, snubbing people who aren't a 10? I talk to everybody!

In fact, I was hit on today by a 79 year old Sommali man at the bus station! He asked me if I was a Canadian woman and told me his wife was dead and he needed a beautiful woman and wife to take care of him because he gets "hot."

Now while I was thinking, "OMG!!!" I still talked to him (as I slowly backed away). And this time, I had the presence of mind to tell him I'm married w"ith a husband that I do good work for."

He left me after that. But he had no teeth and owned a face that would have made a Ferry take to dry land. I didn't flap my fingers at him and tell him to remove himself from my personal space! He may have had a hot son!
LOL

  


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Posted on Fri, May 20, 2005 07:16

If he's that ugly or obnoxious Sharp, how'd you get involved in the first place??


Oooops, I'm sorry this is a new and improved Orion.

Allow me to rephrase.

Perhaps if one could avoid putting themselves into a situation where they might possibly hurt or offend someone who is ugly or obnoxious, they wouldn't have to concern themselves later?



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Posted on Fri, May 20, 2005 07:12

I'd prefer she she said something to me like, "I don't think we're compatible".

Hopefully after all the "beating around the bush" had been completed.

.

  


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Posted on Thu, May 19, 2005 23:44


katiegrl write:
Orion, if a woman didn't think the two of you would be compatible, how would you prefer to be told by her? I'd beat around the bush until all it's leaves are gone. lol



Too funny katie. Don't you think if... You meet this guy for coffee, & he invites you out.
You know you don't want to date this guy.
1) If you agree to go on this date, knowing you don't want to date this person, that he'll assume you like him more than you do? He'll probably ask you out again, and then what will he think? You've been leading him on? What happens if he trys to kiss you goodnight? Ugh! Better to decline the date.

2) If you are upfront and tell him you don't want to go on a date...you haven't led anyone on...you've been honest and all he can do is accept your answer. No harm done.



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Posted on Thu, May 19, 2005 21:35

Orion, if a woman didn't think the two of you would be compatible, how would you prefer to be told by her? I'd beat around the bush until all it's leaves are gone. lol



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Posted on Thu, May 19, 2005 21:32

Ellen, members here HATE WITH A PASSION BORDERING ON MANIACAL when people post the same identical message on more than one forum. That might be one reason why you'll not find much sympathy.



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Posted on Thu, May 19, 2005 06:37

I agree Katie, unless your social calendar is already full, what harm is there in going out anyway?

As long as you "keep it on the table", who knows, you might even enjoy it?

I've found that more women are attracted to me when I am with female company, than when I am alone, (why is that anyway?). So while you're out and about having fun, who knows, maybe you'll bump into Mr. Right??

When I go dancing, if a woman asks me to dance, I will never say no. I still remember in High School the trauma of having to cross the gym floor and then worry about being rejected and walking back to the wall with all the other lame guys, snickering and pointing.

On more than one occasion, I've met some very nice friends of hers later!

As far as telling someone there isn't a chance for a second date, common courtesy and decency are never out of style.

.



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Posted on Thu, May 19, 2005 00:07

Weelassy,

Don't get mad at me but I have similar plea for money. I don't have a story but if anyone, and I mean anyone wants to send me money that would be ok with me.

Mel



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Posted on Wed, May 18, 2005 23:36


katiegrl write:

champagnepowder write:
Kudos to you Sharp if you just let the man know the truth.

At the same time if you know you aren't interested in them and you drag it out without telling them I think that is disrespectful and narcissistic. I think it would be much better to just be real and let that person know that you aren't interested romantically. Hey maybe you can still keep a good friend instead of creating a bitter enemy.





Champ I will tell him I'm not interested, because I REALLY don't want to date him, so the concept of going out with him even once is foreign...not going to happen! I will not be rude, merely tell him I don't feel up to dating at this time, which is actually the truth. Granted if he had made a major impression on me I may feel differently, but prior to my meeting him I felt that way too. That way I do not criticize him therefore bruising his male ego.
Katie...I disagree with you. If you know a person is a great guy, but you also know you do not want to date him, then you should not go for coffee with him. But coffee isn't such a big deal. The big deal is how you tell him later that you don't want to go out with him.
Your line, "if you don't date him, and put it off and say you're busy," brought to mind a discussion my daughter & I had today about one of her male friends at school. He asked a pretty girl out Fri night, she's not interested in him so she said she was "busy". So he asked for the following wkend. She said yes if she didn't have to work. My daughter feels bad for her friend, because she knows the girl doesn't want to date him, she's just putting him off, because she doesn't have the courage to be honest with him. Her friend will end up feeling hurt and rejected, because she is giving him hope for a week. Better to be upfront from the start.



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Posted on Wed, May 18, 2005 22:31


champagnepowder write:
Kudos to you Sharp if you just let the man know the truth.

Katie, I have seen that happen to friends (both sexes) in the past and I definitely think that is playing head games with someone. Usually you can sense when someone is interested in you and wants to pursue more than a friendship. At the same time if you know you aren't interested in them and you drag it out without telling them I think that is disrespectful and narcissistic. Sometimes I think people do it just to make themselves feel wanted and liked. I think it would be much better to just be real and let that person know that you aren't interested romantically. Hey maybe you can still keep a good friend instead of creating a bitter enemy.



Hey Sharp & Champ....
But that's why they say men are from Mars and women are from Venus! We don't think the same!
If I am approached by a really nice person (guy), I mean the great kinda person who doesn't fit your description of a perfect match in any way, shape or form ... and they ask me if we could maybe someday go for a coffee or something .... I instantly forget that this means, "Is there a snowball's chance we could have sex," and I figure ... "men have fragile egos, don't they? Then I'd better not hurt this guy! What's a lousy coffee to make him feel accepted?"
I don't think of it disrespectfully. I don't think I'm all that and a bag of Doritos ... like I'll do this dork a favor and treat him to a date with fabulous ME.
I think, "He's not someone I would ever date, but what's an hour over a coffee gonna kill me?"
Then, if you don't date him, and put it off and say you're busy, he thinks, "snotty bi-otch! Who does she think she is?" That really hurts my feelings then, that I hurt him and now he hates me!

That was exactly what I wanted to avoid.



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Posted on Wed, May 18, 2005 18:08

Six,

I'd have to agree with you for the most part. I have seen plenty of profiles with women who are scantily clad and wondered what the motive was behind those photos. Those also seem to be the people that say....'I don't know what to say about myself so ask me'. Way to put in some effort and show us what you are all about! On the other hand I think you have to combine the photos and the profile and probably a few emails to get the whole picture. I mean, I do have a picture of myself without my shirt on in bed and it wasn't meant to be provocative. Someone actually surprised me when they took that picture and I thought it would just show another side (shy) of me, but I also have pictures of myself pursuing my passions like travel and backpacking. I guess it all depends on the perspective you take. It's interesting to know that some may think the way you do though, although I am definitely not in my tighty whities...I'll take boxers anyday!



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Posted on Wed, May 18, 2005 15:50

Six, 99% of the time I find it a bit off-putting that people feel the need to post pictures of their car or house or boat. Most of the time these pics are meant to impress, to show wealth and status. Other times it's probably innocent. For me though, in general this gives the wrong impression - posing next to a Mercedes or BMW or some other fancy car is NOT going to sway me to like that person more or find him more attractive. Same goes for a house or a boat. I am never impressed to the point of wanting to go out with that person just because of that house or boat etc... That does not mean however that I will not go for that person - doesn't necessarily mean he is only materialistic and shallow and has no other qualities. I just prefer profiles where there are no such photos. Now there are pics like Cub's which do not send the wrong message to me because I've already seen him on the forum and chatted with him a bit - I don't think he's trying to "impress" anyone with his car. He just doesn't seem like that kind of person.
Now I like these things just as much as the next person but had I a fancy boat or house etc... would prefer not to put them on display. I do have a nice car but in the bigger scheme of things is my set of wheels important in determining what kind of person I am? A car is a car is a car at the end of the day. If a thread was started where we were talking only about cars I might participate but would never post a photo of it in my profile.



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Posted on Wed, May 18, 2005 13:00


champagnepowder write:
Hey Minerva:

You're right. Let's let the past stay in the past and move on to better and brighter horizons.

I know you were genuinely interested so the book title is The Artists' Reality (Philosophies of Art) by Mark Rothko. Very interesting and if nothing else you should check out some of his paintings...if you like surreal or abstract that is ;-)



Thanks CP - I'll look it up and tell you what I think. I like some abstract and surreal art - not all.

Going back to baggage, well... I've learned a few things from past relationships for sure... still learning. What I initially meant by baggage was not being hung up still on the ex or secretly hoping you'll get back together again while at the same time looking for someone else and therefore not being entirely honest with the new person about your feelings. I guess having an ex-wife or ex-husband and kids is considered baggage in the negative sense but it doesn't have to be. At our age - well mine CP, not yours... ;-) - so.. at MY age, I am only going to meet men who have such baggage so it's inevitable. But if it's dealt with in a civilised, sensitive manner for all concerned it shouldn't be a problem. Personally I would not have a problem at all being with a man who has kids - others might. Baggage could also mean having debt problems, drugs or alcohol abuse, having other family problems that interfere with the new relationship etc...
I have no kids and none of the above-mentioned problems thank GOD so I guess one could say I "travel light".

  


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Posted on Wed, May 18, 2005 06:54

Kudos to you Sharp if you just let the man know the truth.

Katie, I have seen that happen to friends (both sexes) in the past and I definitely think that is playing head games with someone. Usually you can sense when someone is interested in you and wants to pursue more than a friendship. At the same time if you know you aren't interested in them and you drag it out without telling them I think that is disrespectful and narcissistic. Sometimes I think people do it just to make themselves feel wanted and liked. I think it would be much better to just be real and let that person know that you aren't interested romantically. Hey maybe you can still keep a good friend instead of creating a bitter enemy.



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Posted on Tue, May 17, 2005 23:35

Katie what uncanny timing for you to post what you did about games. A friend set me up with one of her clients, who I thought she knew for a long long time (years). It turns out only knows this guy for a couple of times over a month! She tells me he is good looking, really super nice, and physically fit ... he skis, gourmet cooks. So last evening I squeezed in a 1 hr meeting over a latte. The guys waste line must be about 90"+. He is a wealth of information, travelled all over, been to NYC numerous times. He'd ask a question, I'd be answering back and I'd be interupted as he interjected his thoughts or experience. Several times I felt I never got to finish a thought! I knew the moment I first saw him that I was not attracted to him. After talking with him I also realized that our personalities were not a good match. He'd drive me nuts! lol
When I had to go, he walked me to my vehicle and asked me out. I made my excuses...was going out of town for 2 days tomorrow, soccer tournaments with kids on the wkend, and my business was super busy due to the long wkend. All were true. But because my friend set this up, I now feel awful telling him next week, after the long weekend that I don't want to go out with him, because I don't think we're a good match. But I will...because everything in my gut is dreads the thought of going out with him again, more than telling him that I don't want to go out with him! Lesson I learned? Never never let someone set you up on a blind date! Ahhhhhhhh!!! lol



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Posted on Tue, May 17, 2005 23:23


champagnepowder write:
Agreed Sharp. Some have more baggage than others and some just know how to throw that baggage into the fire and start anew. I think the most important part is not letting that baggage interfere with something new and wonderful that could come your way. It's always good to learn from the past and hopefully it is what you learn that makes your next relationship even better.


You're right Champ, and Minerva, yes it is how we deal with that baggage. We may not always learn while in that particular relationship, or even after it ends. I think sometimes it can take a relationship with another person to bring those lessons from a past relationship to our attention. As the saying goes, "everything happens for a reason."



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Posted on Tue, May 17, 2005 22:17

One thing that comes to my mind is the definition of "games." When men write in their profiles, "No games," or "Game-players need not apply," they're mistaking a common female trait for duplicity .... but it's not!

Some men, (, we'll call him Martin) asks a woman out, let's say, but he just isn't the right type for her. But rather than dump him like a bag of trash, she might go out with him, just because she's not shallow. Or maybe she IS shallow, but she doesn't want to retain that negative characteristic and so accepts his date.
They spend a nice evening talking over dinner and on the way home, she doesn't give him any indication that she is interested in a "relationship," she MIGHT give him a kiss on the cheek .... but beyond that, she just had one nice night out with a nice guy.

(This can happen reversed-genders too!)

Instead of just saying goodnight and walking away, as often men do, he may ask her what she's doing the next day, or the day after that or the day after that or the next weekend.... all weekend, and instead of taking the hint and backing off ..... they DO call the next day and the girl (or guy) has to tell them they're busy.
Is this a cruel game or is it simple compassion and kindness? Is it "vindictive toying" or is it just "not wanting to hurt his feelings."

I wonder if the men,s views would be different from the women's.

  


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Posted on Tue, May 17, 2005 18:14

Hey Minerva:

You're right. Let's let the past stay in the past and move on to better and brighter horizons.

I know you were genuinely interested so the book title is The Artists' Reality (Philosophies of Art) by Mark Rothko. Very interesting and if nothing else you should check out some of his paintings...if you like surreal or abstract that is ;-)



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Posted on Tue, May 17, 2005 04:04


champagnepowder write:
Agreed Sharp. Some have more baggage than others and some just know how to throw that baggage into the fire and start anew. I think the most important part is not letting that baggage interfere with something new and wonderful that could come your way. It's always good to learn from the past and hopefully it is what you learn that makes your next relationship even better.



I agree with you Champagne - we ALL have baggage - it's how you deal with it that's important and what you learn from it so as not to make the same mistakes AND not let it get in the way of a new relationship.
(nice pose on the bed BTW - so what ARE you reading there anyway?? Like it really matters .... lol)

  


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