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What do you do when a friend breaks your trust?
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Posted on Tue, Apr 19, 2005 19:16

This is a question for both men and women. If someone does something that you forbid at the beginning of the friendship. Do you just kill the friendship?



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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 19:12

Oh la la...I wonder if MM realizes how we have to read up and down, then up, and so on, then how much same activities with the hand it takes...do they do that on purpose?...:)

Lost in Virtuality

WWWW123,
In regards to number 10: If I am embarrassed to look at ...stuff...in front of him...then I should not look at the stuff alone...I call this the ethical intimicy...I should be and feel very confortable..alone and with him on this subject...If it happens (we are bombarded nowdays so much with all types of images, etc..) to be embarrassed in front of him...then I should analyze and reajust the line...I think the line is inside ourselves..before being negociated with the significant other...We are humans and things, incidents can happen, it depends what we do with them...



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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 14:44

Thank you Sharp, Sacredscientist and all that read me and are patient with my English, well, i just tried to stick to the initial post of Irish...and 2 questions come to my mind: 1. the lady friend wanted to understand why her bf could not focus on her? (where I think I situated my inuendo- because the Why thing is a long debate-) or 2. the lady friend is ready already to step out of that relationship ?.something like that...Because if it was no. 1, then that would mean for me that she wants to stay in the relationship and work on it (if in this situation I can say that).
Also, the thing with the rules, we do not know what the rules have been in that couple...I, personnaly think men are an endangered specie, and, if they do that (oh bad boys you out there :), I try more to understand what is going on in their little head...work on something that the focus can be reestablished...And of course I want to be the Prima Donna...exclusivelly, absolutelly, eternally....

  


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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 09:24


wwwww123 write:
Sharp "I thought that's fine, but how often does it occur, how far does the head turn around, and as you said -- how long does the look linger!
It's not cosure to make it obvious when admiring another man or woman. Not when someone you profess to care so much about is in your presence."

************

Well, I have a question or two.

1. If you are mated with someone, is it ok to admire another man or woman as long as your mate is not present?

2. Have there ever been occasions where you have done so, on screen, stage, television, or the beach?

3. Did you think it was ok as long as you mate did not know about you admiring someone else or maybe even lusting a little bit (a lot in the case of petite).

4. Were you taught that being devious or not telling all of the truth about such matters is best? "little white lies" are ok?

5. Is it more honest to admit that you look at others and dishonest if you sneak a peek, or maybe even sneak a meeting?

6. Which is the healthiest, total jealousy of your mate, or total lack of?

7. If you are not jealous, does that mean that you are a very secure person, or that you don't care about your mate.

8. Have you ever posted a picture of a hunk on MM. Why? Have you ever looked at one? LOLOL

9. I had a friend that said his wife would be mad if he went down the same path that a pretty woman went down two weeks ago. Was he being loved a lot, or just being abused?

10. If you admit that you look, what makes it extra bad if you look in the presence of your mate? Does that make it more insulting or hurtful or indicate that you do not love him/her?

11. If you pretend to not look, but actually do, what does that say about your character?



more later, chew on these for now.


Answers:
1) It depends what's on the person's mind ... it is not okay to admire another man or woman when one's mate is not present if their mind is running in the direction of permiscuity. But, sometime a group of women or men will be together and a gorgeous man or woman may walk by and in the fun of the moment someone will comment "Whew, look at that hunk? Love that bu*tt!" More remarks might come out, and everyone laughs, but the person is being admired, only in a fun way, not a lustful (wow, would I like to get into his/her pants...like right now!) kind of way. Make sense?

2)Yes there have been occasions, usually in fun, and if I have had a mate in my life at the time I usually tell him about what happened, because it usually has a funny story behind it. Like I said, it's not lustful...merely appreciation.

3) Well, I'm an open person, there would be no secret with me. I'd be conveying the event in a humorous manner.

4) No I wasn't taught that. And lying is not okay. Off the top of my head I can't think of an incident, but I believe in my lifetime I have probably told a little white lie to spare someone's feelings. I'm not perfect. But I NEVER LIE about something that would deceive & possibly impact others for personal gain. My friends & builder will tell you ... a verbal agreement or handshake is always good from me. I will never renege. My word is good. I pride myself in that.

5) I can only answer for myself. I don't generally look at others and admire, unless it's an exceptionally handsome hunk who would turn anyone's head. Then should I feel guilty because it happens once in a blue moon? I don't think so. We're talking about people who do this regularly...eg. twic in 5 to 10 minutes. There is a difference.

Will continue later. Got to go for now.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 09:02


sacredscientist write:

Aetios write:
Sacredscientist, compliments for the poem in prose (who is author by the way?)
But,
Do you think it is so simple?



I must claim responsibility for that work.
Thank you all for the appreciation.

I was dating a lady who lacked a certain .....emphasis in her relationship with me. That prose was part of a goodbye meeting that I had wrote out beforehand.

I developed a rule to live by when I was in my early twenties.

"Pick me first, or dont pick me at all"

It means if I am not your first thought, your first choice, the number one wish on your list, then I dont want to be bothered. I figure that is fair since I only expect that which I give.


I agree with you whole heartedly. A dear high school friend of mine said almost your exact words to me about 10 yrs ago. He had dated a gal a couple of times. One night he was in her neighborhood and thought he'd drop in to say hello. She answered the door, and invited him in to meet her male date! He met the guy, but declined to stay. A week later she called him to enquire why she hadn't heard from him! Duh! lol He wasn't going to be second to anyone! Me either!



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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 04:53


sacredscientist write:

I developed a rule to live by when I was in my early twenties.

"Pick me first, or dont pick me at all"

It means if I am not your first thought, your first choice, the number one wish on your list, then I dont want to be bothered. I figure that is fair since I only expect that which I give.



Good rule. If you are not Numero Uno in your partner's eyes and in his life then you will start resenting it more and more and will start feeling belittled and unappreciated - little by little - drop by drop - and he/she will start taking you for granted more and more because you are accepting the situation. Better to break out of this cycle early in the relationship and move on.
Sometimes that's easier said than done, I know.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 04:50


wwwww123 write:
Sharp "I thought that's fine, but how often does it occur, how far does the head turn around, and as you said -- how long does the look linger!
It's not cosure to make it obvious when admiring another man or woman. Not when someone you profess to care so much about is in your presence."

************

Well, I have a question or two.

1. If you are mated with someone, is it ok to admire another man or woman as long as your mate is not present?

2. Have there ever been occasions where you have done so, on screen, stage, television, or the beach?

3. Did you think it was ok as long as you mate did not know about you admiring someone else or maybe even lusting a little bit (a lot in the case of petite).

4. Were you taught that being devious or not telling all of the truth about such matters is best? "little white lies" are ok?

5. Is it more honest to admit that you look at others and dishonest if you sneak a peek, or maybe even sneak a meeting?

6. Which is the healthiest, total jealousy of your mate, or total lack of?

7. If you are not jealous, does that mean that you are a very secure person, or that you don't care about your mate.

8. Have you ever posted a picture of a hunk on MM. Why? Have you ever looked at one? LOLOL

9. I had a friend that said his wife would be mad if he went down the same path that a pretty woman went down two weeks ago. Was he being loved a lot, or just being abused?

10. If you admit that you look, what makes it extra bad if you look in the presence of your mate? Does that make it more insulting or hurtful or indicate that you do not love him/her?

11. If you pretend to not look, but actually do, what does that say about your character?



more later, chew on these for now.



wwww.. you did raise some excellent questions/dilemmas.
Chewing now.... back later... hmm.. yummy!

  


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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 01:13


Aetios write:
Sacredscientist, compliments for the poem in prose (who is author by the way?)
But,
Do you think it is so simple?



I must claim responsibility for that work.
Thank you all for the appreciation.

I was dating a lady who lacked a certain .....emphasis in her relationship with me. That prose was part of a goodbye meeting that I had wrote out beforehand.

I developed a rule to live by when I was in my early twenties.

"Pick me first, or dont pick me at all"

It means if I am not your first thought, your first choice, the number one wish on your list, then I dont want to be bothered. I figure that is fair since I only expect that which I give.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 02, 2005 01:07

Sharp "I thought that's fine, but how often does it occur, how far does the head turn around, and as you said -- how long does the look linger!
It's not cosure to make it obvious when admiring another man or woman. Not when someone you profess to care so much about is in your presence."

************

Well, I have a question or two.

1. If you are mated with someone, is it ok to admire another man or woman as long as your mate is not present?

2. Have there ever been occasions where you have done so, on screen, stage, television, or the beach?

3. Did you think it was ok as long as you mate did not know about you admiring someone else or maybe even lusting a little bit (a lot in the case of petite).

4. Were you taught that being devious or not telling all of the truth about such matters is best? "little white lies" are ok?

5. Is it more honest to admit that you look at others and dishonest if you sneak a peek, or maybe even sneak a meeting?

6. Which is the healthiest, total jealousy of your mate, or total lack of?

7. If you are not jealous, does that mean that you are a very secure person, or that you don't care about your mate.

8. Have you ever posted a picture of a hunk on MM. Why? Have you ever looked at one? LOLOL

9. I had a friend that said his wife would be mad if he went down the same path that a pretty woman went down two weeks ago. Was he being loved a lot, or just being abused?

10. If you admit that you look, what makes it extra bad if you look in the presence of your mate? Does that make it more insulting or hurtful or indicate that you do not love him/her?

11. If you pretend to not look, but actually do, what does that say about your character?



more later, chew on these for now.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 23:31


Minerva415 write:
OK, I think I have to delve a bit more deeply into my beliefs about wandering eyes and looking at porn... to set our darling voyeur at ease.... God forbid I should be labelled as narrow-minded.

Yes, we all look at an attractive person passing by, I mean we're not blind after all: men look at women, hell sometimes even other men, and women look at men and at other women. (geeez.. try saying that really fast...) But, various factors come into this:
- how long does the look linger,
- how far does the jaw drop
- is there is any drooling involved (our resident voyeur - wwww - has confirmed that in his case Halle would set off his salivary glands)
- does he bump into something while walking because he's still staring at the mammary glands of the person in question etc...

These are all serious signs to look out for.

If it's just a quick admiring glance but then he immediately reverts his attention to his woman, puts his arm around her, gives her a kiss thereby reinstating her as his main object of interest and lust, then it's OK.

On the other hand, both can look at a pretty, under-dressed woman....: I was walking in a crowded department store last winter with my then-boyfriend and I was walking in front of him and I see this attractive woman walking in our direction, coming towards me and she was wearing basically next-to-nothing from the waist up - a VERY low-cut skimpy top with lots of long heavy necklaces jangling around, no bra, big bo*obs bouncing around.... deadly combination - so you can imagine the commotion all this caused as she walked past - I think my mouth must have dropped open and I turned around cuz I actually wanted to point her out to my boyfriend but he had seen her already so he looked at me and shook his head a bit as if to pull himself together, his expression saying: "Whoa... Mama!! what was THAT??! !!!" and we both burst out laughing - LMAO!! It was too funny. Now that was not at all offensive to me - I know he was staring at her - anybody in his normal state of mind would have been staring. But so was I and we shared that moment of admiration and disbelief and had the same reaction.

Porn: OK, I know 99.9% of men have looked at porn at some point in their lives or look at it regularly. Women too - but probably not as big a percentage as men but I don't know, I'm not an expert, even though I've looked at it myself. (OK I can picture Petite's ears perking up now... I've got her undivided attention). I was once at a good friend's house and we were on her PC in the back room just looking at various websites etc... and we thought we'd type in the word "s*ex" and see what happens (believe it or not neither one of us had ever done that before until then.... this is several years ago.... we are reformed I'm glad to say... LOL - you may interpret that as you wish)... so of course immediately we get images of naked couples doing it and then more naked women and all kinds of private parts up close etc.... we started giggling... weren't expecting that I guess - and then we heard footsteps in the corridor - her husband was coming to see what we were doing...! We felt like children who were doing something really naughty and frantically tried to get the images off the screen by pressing escape and whatever else we could think of but every time one image disappeared another naughty one would appear!! (Don't you just hate that when it happens??) It was soooo funny, we were laughing our heads off.... and of course her husband comes in and sees what's on the screen and we're still trying to get rid of the images and we're so embarrassed by now... but he goes... wait a minute... hmmm... that looks interesting.... and he was glued to the screen..... and he goes... hmmm.... darling, let's save this to our favorites.....

But what I wouldn't like is that it take over his life and his free time and that he starts looking at weird, perverted stuff like children, animals that sort of thing. That's the kind of porn I find offensive and disgusting - the rest, well...if I don't have to be subjected to it regularly, if it's between two heterose*xual people, it's s*ex. Isn't that what everyone does... or would like to do...? Or that he gets really addicted and can't perform if he hasn't looked at a porn site first. Then it's gone too far.


Whew Min, what an excellent post! :-)
Agree 100% about the factors that come into play. When 5w's said he likes to look at a beautiful woman too, I'll exclude the rest since we're only concerned with the beautiful women part...I thought that's fine, but how often does it occur, how far does the head turn around, and as you said -- how long does the look linger!
It's not cosure to make it obvious when admiring another man or woman. Not when someone you profess to care so much about is in your presence.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 21:03

Wow! I'm new here tody! Where the hell did that BIG picture come from? LOL! There are things here I must learn..................



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 20:52


13Bella13 write:
This is a question for both men and women. If someone does something that you forbid at the beginning of the friendship. Do you just kill the friendship?


Relationship rules are relationship rules - especially when trust is involved which is the basis for relationships. If, in the beginning, I was up-front and was adamant about *something* and the other person just blew it off, yes, it (not I) would kill the relationship. After all, if you don't have trust what, really, do you have? An untrustworthy relationship. No thanks.

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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 12:48

Sacredscientist, compliments for the poem in prose (who is author by the way?)
But,
Do you think it is so simple?

  


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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 11:03


wwwww123 write:
You gals are too narrow minded and wrapped too tight. I will look at a pretty woman until the day I die. I will look at pretty eyes,lips, or even a pretty dress. I may even fall on the floor drooling if Hally Berry walks by. I sure hope you will take pictures if she gives me mouth to mouth or even sits in my lap.

However, in my defense, I also look at pretty mountains, flowers, cute kids, cute cats, cute dogs, baby lambs, goats, horses, calves, birds, trees, or anything else that attracts my eye. I like to people watch, all types.

To look at something interesting or different or pretty or cute does not equate to lust. Neither does a interesting conversation. According to these standards, I could never be married, because I can usually always find someone interesting to talk too almost anywhere, if I am in the mood for conversation. I am not a extreme extrovert, you should see what they would do.

signed

The Voyeurer

Hey Voyeurer!

Isn't this the reason why your still single?

Just kidding.

Nothing wrong with taking in your surroundings. The world has as much beauty as the many people we come across throughout our lives. There is a fine line however when it comes to your partner in life. This is a line that should not be crossed. You don't make your partner feel very valued if he/she always seems to be on the prowl, correct? If I were dating a man and was madly in love I too would be offended if my mate behaved this way.

Man, I should have just stayed married, ok maybe not..(lol)

I value all opinions so thank you for your response.

  


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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 10:26


sharp1 write:

Minerva415 write:

sacredscientist write:
In reference to the "Wandering eyes" issue stated by LadyIrish, I thought this small bit of prose might help.
-------------------------------------

~~~~
If I never told you, "You are the best Musician". Yet I attended every performance and gave all my applause to you, would you know?

If I were not to say, "You are my favorite author". Yet I memorized your every work and displayed them proudly, would you know?

If I failed to say, "I love you". Yet I showed you that in my every waking moment, would you know?

If I lavished you with the words, "You are the most beautiful". Yet my eyes looked to all but you, would you believe?

If I showered you with praise, "You are so very intelligent". Yet I would not seek your opinion on anything, would you believe?

If I constantly said, "I love you". Yet my every action demeaned you in everyway, would you believe?

Words are merely the expression of the current thought. The heart is revealed by ones actions.

Should be a simple choice.

A word that is not oft used anymore comes stingingly to mind.

Character.



Liked your piece of prose Mr Scientist.


Likewise Mr Scientist...like your prose. I hope Irish reads it too.

Yep!

I think character is the root to ones soul.
My gal pal is stopping by today to visit this forum after rather extensive convincing so she can can a better prospective. We will then do the Irish thing and have many glasses of wine. (Just gotta love the holidays)

Thanks a bunch guy's. Great advice.

Maybe one of you single guy's out there can sweep her off her feet. She's much taller than me so you better have a built frame and a kind heart. (lol)

  


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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 10:11


Minerva415 write:

sacredscientist write:
In reference to the "Wandering eyes" issue stated by LadyIrish, I thought this small bit of prose might help.
-------------------------------------

~~~~
If I never told you, "You are the best Musician". Yet I attended every performance and gave all my applause to you, would you know?

If I were not to say, "You are my favorite author". Yet I memorized your every work and displayed them proudly, would you know?

If I failed to say, "I love you". Yet I showed you that in my every waking moment, would you know?

If I lavished you with the words, "You are the most beautiful". Yet my eyes looked to all but you, would you believe?

If I showered you with praise, "You are so very intelligent". Yet I would not seek your opinion on anything, would you believe?

If I constantly said, "I love you". Yet my every action demeaned you in everyway, would you believe?

Words are merely the expression of the current thought. The heart is revealed by ones actions.

Should be a simple choice.

A word that is not oft used anymore comes stingingly to mind.

Character.



Liked your piece of prose Mr Scientist.


Likewise Mr Scientist...like your prose. I hope Irish reads it too.

  


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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 09:51


scorpio_ice write:
LadyIrish:
We search for our perfect mate but does he/she really exist anyway. So here's the question; Is this merely a representation of our time in
terms of what we have to look forward to. Is the grass always going to be greener on the otherside?
Or
Perhaps he is very commited but he can't help being a fairly typical man who just looks!

I welcome an outsiders opinion.

Any of you guy's out there have the answer?

Thanks.
************

Well I personally wouldn't mind my guy looking at porn, maybe he could learn something for us to try together!! lol I would however have a BIG problem with his wandering eye while in my company! I would not only feel ignored but INSULTED!!

My feelings exactly!

Thanks for the response.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 08:40

I really had to chuckle when I read the last line of Jean_guy's post as Minerva replied to it. I hadnt seen it before(shame on me).

I must say I am a bit taken aback by your innocence Jean_guy. The simplest answer is often the best answer.

Girls talk!

If you think the females in your life havent discussed you; the good and the bad, then you are lacking some basic knowledge of the fairer sex.

It is very possible that LadyIrish knows all about the sexual, emotion, economic, and husbandry skills of the man in question.

Girls talk!



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 07:42


jean_guylequebecois write:

LadyIrish write:
Perhaps I should add a new thread to an already saturated site calling it men with wandering eyes!

I need a voice of reason for this one. So here it goes. A very close friend of mine has been in a relationship for three years and they live together. He is passionate, kind, great in bed and very loving. He has two kids from a previous marriage. He has only been with one women besides her, and that's his ex wife. There is one problem however and that is every time they go out, for example, amusement parks, concerts, dinner, or just merely walking down the street together, he has a real wandering eye, and doesn't hide it either. In addition, his computer get's plenty of use when his buddy's send him pics from various porn sites, he too searches around but doesn't subscribe, but he looks just the same.

So what is she doing with this seemingly great guy (I ask her this often) She is very attractive, actually more so than him, has a beautiful body and face so why does he do it, particularly when he tells her he is very committed to her?

We search for our perfect mate but does he/she really exist anyway. So here's the question; Is this merely a representation of our time in
terms of what we have to look forward to. Is the grass always going to be greener on the otherside?
Or
Perhaps he is very commited but he can't help being a fairly typical man who just looks!

I welcome an outsiders opinion.

Any of you guy's out there have the answer?

Thanks.

sound to me that it is your boy friend that you re talking about and if so why are you not saying it clearly and if is not your boy friend why do you care about,but im pretty sure that he s your boy friend cause how would you know how good in bed he is care to share?????????



Why does it matter?? It's none of our business if it is her boyfriend or not.
Maybe she's just concerned about a good friend of hers. That's not such a foreign concept, is it?



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 07:12


jean_guylequebecois write:

LadyIrish write:
Perhaps I should add a new thread to an already saturated site calling it men with wandering eyes!

I need a voice of reason for this one. So here it goes. A very close friend of mine has been in a relationship for three years and they live together. He is passionate, kind, great in bed and very loving. He has two kids from a previous marriage. He has only been with one women besides her, and that's his ex wife. There is one problem however and that is every time they go out, for example, amusement parks, concerts, dinner, or just merely walking down the street together, he has a real wandering eye, and doesn't hide it either. In addition, his computer get's plenty of use when his buddy's send him pics from various porn sites, he too searches around but doesn't subscribe, but he looks just the same.

So what is she doing with this seemingly great guy (I ask her this often) She is very attractive, actually more so than him, has a beautiful body and face so why does he do it, particularly when he tells her he is very committed to her?

We search for our perfect mate but does he/she really exist anyway. So here's the question; Is this merely a representation of our time in
terms of what we have to look forward to. Is the grass always going to be greener on the otherside?
Or
Perhaps he is very commited but he can't help being a fairly typical man who just looks!

I welcome an outsiders opinion.

Any of you guy's out there have the answer?

Thanks.

sound to me that it is your boy friend that you re talking about and if so why are you not saying it clearly and if is not your boy friend why do you care about,but im pretty sure that he s your boy friend cause how would you know how good in bed he is care to share?????????

You obviously don't understand the female relationship or there is still much to learn at the age of 34. News flash, women talk. (Even about their intimate relationships)Just look at the indepth coversations from women to women on this site alone. We are very open in our communication particularly between close friends. The point is they seemingly have a relationship yet his behaviour reflects otherwise. The issue is not whether or not he is good in bed.

Perhaps when your older and wiser you will have something worthy to say.

Thanks just the same.



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