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Would you change to get more notice?
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Posted on Sat, Mar 12, 2005 04:17

Something common, I find, on some dating sites are profiles from men (and women)who seem to have been rejected more than once by people they've contacted, and eventually they end up modifying their profiles to read something like:
"If you're shallow and full of yourself, and not willing to accept someone the way they are, unless they've got the big bucks, big cars and big everything else, then don't bother sending me a wink. Keep going unless you believe it's what's inside that really counts. I'm not into head games."

If they're so sensitive about not being winked at by others, why don't they do something about it? What's the big deal with going to the gym and working out two or three times a week? Why not go and have a manicurist dig the crud out of their nails and/or go to a spa to have their backs waxed? It takes 15 minutes in a barber shop to get a decent haircut. I've seen men who have obviously just gotten up in the morning and gone to work; their hair still all mashed to the back of their head, the way it was when they woke up/

Are women the only ones who redefine themselves every so often to make themselves more attractive and eligible? I know it's easier for us to change our looks and style .... but why is that? What is it? A lack of style, self-esteem, self-improvement ideas? I think anyone who says: "This is me. Take it or leave it," is wasting their time on a dating site.

Do you change with the times and the styles, or do you get angry with society for not accepting you?

Other ideas?



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Posted on Fri, Apr 14, 2006 21:08

SweetAimee write:
No, would not change to get more notice.
I do notice however that my profile is watched much more often when I blab about the female orgasm in the forum here, than when I ask if anybody knows why there is no starbucks in Holland.
What does that say?


I started this topic after going on a date with an online guy whose photo was much more attractive than the real thing. In fact it had been taken 10 years previous!

When we met at the agreed upon restaurant, I have to say, I was disappointed because he was 10 years older, about 25 pounds heavier, and was dressed a bit slovenly for the kind of place we were eating in.

But, I didn't run off or go to the washroom and stay in there, hoping he'd go away after a few hours. I stayed and talked and over dinner I asked him if he felt it was okay to misrepresent himself with a photo of himself when he was young and fit.

He said he did it to test whether women were superficial or not. He was a shadow of his former self, but instead of getting back in shape and putting on a clean shirt and tie to meet a new woman, he felt that, no matter WHAT he looked like, he should be accepted for what's INSIDE rather than how sloppy he looked on the outside.

Well, my point was, "testing" people is a little childish. And showing up looking like a bum is disrespectful at the very least. And how could I possibly accept him for what was inside when I had never met him before and only had my first impression of his "outside" to go by?

He could have saved me the "exam," and himself the risk of rejection by changing his attitude and shaping up a bit to make himself more attractive. Instead, he chose to play "will she or won't she like me" game and then prepared to blame ME if I refused to have dinner with him because he lied about himself.

And he's still alone.



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Posted on Fri, Apr 14, 2006 10:38

No, would not change to get more notice.
I do notice however that my profile is watched much more often when I blab about the female orgasm in the forum here, than when I ask if anybody knows why there is no starbucks in Holland.
What does that say?

  


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Posted on Fri, Apr 07, 2006 21:30

katiegrl write:
Something common, I find, on some dating sites are profiles from men (and women)who seem to have been rejected more than once by people they've contacted, and eventually they end up modifying their profiles to read something like:
"If you're shallow and full of yourself, and not willing to accept someone the way they are, unless they've got the big bucks, big cars and big everything else, then don't bother sending me a wink. Keep going unless you believe it's what's inside that really counts. I'm not into head games."

If they're so sensitive about not being winked at by others, why don't they do something about it? What's the big deal with going to the gym and working out two or three times a week? Why not go and have a manicurist dig the crud out of their nails and/or go to a spa to have their backs waxed? It takes 15 minutes in a barber shop to get a decent haircut. I've seen men who have obviously just gotten up in the morning and gone to work; their hair still all mashed to the back of their head, the way it was when they woke up/

Are women the only ones who redefine themselves every so often to make themselves more attractive and eligible? I know it's easier for us to change our looks and style .... but why is that? What is it? A lack of style, self-esteem, self-improvement ideas? I think anyone who says: "This is me. Take it or leave it," is wasting their time on a dating site.

Do you change with the times and the styles, or do you get angry with society for not accepting you?

Other ideas?

well katie i change my hair some times and try to keep my self in shape iam gaining a lillt now but trying to work it off so to speak those pictures i have are last years ones.



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Posted on Fri, Apr 07, 2006 20:09

I remember feeding bologna to my pet turtles as a child. being an adult now, this is called "sending your Representative" i only think about what is appropriate to wear depending on where we are going. Oh and here is a lil secret. if you are THAT concerned about impressing someone, it will be obvious and is already doomed. just be yourself not your rep. its a wonderful feeling to go anywhere and not worry about what others think of you!



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Posted on Wed, Mar 23, 2005 16:35

Thank you so much Girls. You made my day with your comments.... I'm not usually so "profound", but the "outside and inside" of things seems to be the norm these days!!

  


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Posted on Wed, Mar 23, 2005 16:33

sharp1...I also take extra care when dressing for a date. Hair and makeup more than perfect, smelling good, and depending on where we're going, something other than jeans!!
Then we look in the mirror before we leave and say...I am one sexy female!!! LOL

  


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Posted on Wed, Mar 23, 2005 03:41

SharpBabe,
I dress for men too .... you make yourself as beautiful as you can be because you want your man to feel like he's the luckiest guy on the planet!



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Posted on Tue, Mar 22, 2005 14:25

S4U and katie....thank you. I do have an insightful thought now and then!! hehe
kaite....the eye is getting better and I am seeing more clearly, but the muscles are still a bit sore and the sclera (white of the eye) is still pretty inflamed. I'm hanging in tho, and thankfully, the double vision is gone!! It was tough figuring out which door was the bathroom door and had to close one eye to drive!!! SCARY!!! LOL Thanks for asking....
MUUUUUUUAH



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Posted on Tue, Mar 22, 2005 10:41

On another post, one that the topic diversified...I wrote I dress to look good for a guy I might be dating at the time. After reading your post Tomi I noted a difference. I am like you...I never leave my house without looking 'good' which makes me feel good. What I meant about dressing for a man...in response to something Mandalay said about us women shoppers I believe...when dating someone I like, I will dress 'extra' nice. Make sense? Don't we all do that?



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Posted on Tue, Mar 22, 2005 09:37

Bravo! Bravo! Tomi!!!


"the outside package is what "gets them".....the INSIDE package is what keeps 'em!!! "

Great, absolutely well said!

  


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Posted on Mon, Mar 21, 2005 22:30

Tomi, how's your eye? That was an excellent quote you made:

"the outside package is what "gets them".....the INSIDE package is what keeps 'em!!! "

Now that we, females and males, know our mutual agendas, lets get MINGLING!



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Posted on Mon, Mar 21, 2005 16:52

Yes Katie unlike men who secretly look at other guys and how they look. ::) I am a,ong the many women who appreciate other women. I see one somewhere and she catches my eye for some reason then i have gone up to them and said whatever it is i am thinking. Your hairstyle. I don't know how many women over the yrs. I have stopped and ask where do they get their hair cut. I stopped my car one day in the road yrs ago and this great looking women had a dress on that i just thought looked awesome on her and i liked the cut. I asked her where she got it and then complimented her. I have done that walking down a street. I have had many people in turn do the same to me. My hair is always a big conversation piece. No one gets offended. Why would they,you are complimenting them and you might see something that will make you run home and call your beautician, run to the mall to find that dress. I have never though about being caddy in these episodes. Hell just think you find one just like it and do your hair just like that one. You could become a NEW WOMAN!....S4U

  


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Posted on Mon, Mar 21, 2005 04:59

Tomi without being long winded you said that in an excellent way.Wished i had thought it!!!!

  


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Posted on Mon, Mar 21, 2005 00:42

Yes, 1HM ... we do it for our own self-esteem. I think my friend was thinking of when women look at other women in a critical way.
But not all of us are being nasty-critical ... like when I see another woman with a fantastic hairstyle. I sometimes will think things like, "How did she get her hair to look like satin, like that? What conditioner does she use? That's a cute style but how would it look on me? If I wore a dress like that I'd look like a bowl of chili! How does she walk in those shoes without tipping over?"
Not exactly "bitchy" things, but mostly casual observations. But I NEVER look at an attractive woman and think, "Cow! I look better than she does. I think I'll go out and buy a new wardrobe! I'll show HER!"



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Posted on Sun, Mar 20, 2005 16:30

S4U---thanks for the compliment. You are one gorgeous lady---lucky guy who finally wins your hand!

I agrre with most of you on this topic. Gals don't get dressed up for other gals in my opinion--unless they like women as mates instead of men. Ditto for the men. Sometimes when I need a lift I put away the jeans and golf shirt and throw on good slacks, a colorful shirt with some pazzazz , a classy pair of Allen Edmonds shoes and go out to eat or just to run errands. I do it for myself---not for the ladies. If the ladies notice and I get some looks then that is a bonus. If not, I still achieve the main objective---a lift in how I feel about myself.



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Posted on Sun, Mar 20, 2005 10:49

Ditto to Katie and 1HM. I think it all starts with feeling good about yourself. I workout and stay healthy because it makes me feel good. That feeling reflects in your attitude and personality and all of that will be noticed by others. Then as they say....the world is your oyster...

On a side note, 1HM..are you sure you're 20, you don't look a shade over 18

  


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Posted on Sun, Mar 20, 2005 09:46

Did that make any sense at all??? LOL
I have a bounding headache, so can't tell!!! :)



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Posted on Sun, Mar 20, 2005 09:45

katie and 1HM.....Your comments are right on the money.. Here's why.....
I had eye surgery about 3 weeks ago and haven't been able to wear any eye makeup and also have to wear my glasses. Normally, I wear contacts, so the last 3 weeks, I have felt like a total FRUMP. Not only that, I hate going to work or anywhere else for that matter, because I have never walked out my front door not looking my best! This is definitely NOT looking my best, and I'm not liking it one bit, but there isn't a thing I can do about it, till my eye is completely healed. When all is back to normal and I can get back to my routine, I will feel more attractive, at least to myself, and that's all that counts right now.
My point is.....the outside package is what "gets them".....the INSIDE package is what keeps 'em!!!



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Posted on Sun, Mar 20, 2005 01:18

Katie....I agree completely with your logic, I feel the same way. I want to look good for myself. I feel more confident also when I know look good. It especially helps when I don't feel so good on the inside...perks up my mood to look sexy and wear my sexy high heels. Even to just go to the grocery store....;-)



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