MillionaireMatch & Luxury Forum > Topics KatieGirlK2B has created > Would you change to get more notice? Previous topic Next topic
Would you change to get more notice?
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Posted on Sat, Mar 12, 2005 04:17

Something common, I find, on some dating sites are profiles from men (and women)who seem to have been rejected more than once by people they've contacted, and eventually they end up modifying their profiles to read something like:
"If you're shallow and full of yourself, and not willing to accept someone the way they are, unless they've got the big bucks, big cars and big everything else, then don't bother sending me a wink. Keep going unless you believe it's what's inside that really counts. I'm not into head games."

If they're so sensitive about not being winked at by others, why don't they do something about it? What's the big deal with going to the gym and working out two or three times a week? Why not go and have a manicurist dig the crud out of their nails and/or go to a spa to have their backs waxed? It takes 15 minutes in a barber shop to get a decent haircut. I've seen men who have obviously just gotten up in the morning and gone to work; their hair still all mashed to the back of their head, the way it was when they woke up/

Are women the only ones who redefine themselves every so often to make themselves more attractive and eligible? I know it's easier for us to change our looks and style .... but why is that? What is it? A lack of style, self-esteem, self-improvement ideas? I think anyone who says: "This is me. Take it or leave it," is wasting their time on a dating site.

Do you change with the times and the styles, or do you get angry with society for not accepting you?

Other ideas?



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Posted on Fri, Apr 14, 2006 21:08

SweetAimee write:
No, would not change to get more notice.
I do notice however that my profile is watched much more often when I blab about the female orgasm in the forum here, than when I ask if anybody knows why there is no starbucks in Holland.
What does that say?


I started this topic after going on a date with an online guy whose photo was much more attractive than the real thing. In fact it had been taken 10 years previous!

When we met at the agreed upon restaurant, I have to say, I was disappointed because he was 10 years older, about 25 pounds heavier, and was dressed a bit slovenly for the kind of place we were eating in.

But, I didn't run off or go to the washroom and stay in there, hoping he'd go away after a few hours. I stayed and talked and over dinner I asked him if he felt it was okay to misrepresent himself with a photo of himself when he was young and fit.

He said he did it to test whether women were superficial or not. He was a shadow of his former self, but instead of getting back in shape and putting on a clean shirt and tie to meet a new woman, he felt that, no matter WHAT he looked like, he should be accepted for what's INSIDE rather than how sloppy he looked on the outside.

Well, my point was, "testing" people is a little childish. And showing up looking like a bum is disrespectful at the very least. And how could I possibly accept him for what was inside when I had never met him before and only had my first impression of his "outside" to go by?

He could have saved me the "exam," and himself the risk of rejection by changing his attitude and shaping up a bit to make himself more attractive. Instead, he chose to play "will she or won't she like me" game and then prepared to blame ME if I refused to have dinner with him because he lied about himself.

And he's still alone.



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Posted on Fri, Apr 14, 2006 10:38

No, would not change to get more notice.
I do notice however that my profile is watched much more often when I blab about the female orgasm in the forum here, than when I ask if anybody knows why there is no starbucks in Holland.
What does that say?

  


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Posted on Fri, Apr 07, 2006 21:30

katiegrl write:
Something common, I find, on some dating sites are profiles from men (and women)who seem to have been rejected more than once by people they've contacted, and eventually they end up modifying their profiles to read something like:
"If you're shallow and full of yourself, and not willing to accept someone the way they are, unless they've got the big bucks, big cars and big everything else, then don't bother sending me a wink. Keep going unless you believe it's what's inside that really counts. I'm not into head games."

If they're so sensitive about not being winked at by others, why don't they do something about it? What's the big deal with going to the gym and working out two or three times a week? Why not go and have a manicurist dig the crud out of their nails and/or go to a spa to have their backs waxed? It takes 15 minutes in a barber shop to get a decent haircut. I've seen men who have obviously just gotten up in the morning and gone to work; their hair still all mashed to the back of their head, the way it was when they woke up/

Are women the only ones who redefine themselves every so often to make themselves more attractive and eligible? I know it's easier for us to change our looks and style .... but why is that? What is it? A lack of style, self-esteem, self-improvement ideas? I think anyone who says: "This is me. Take it or leave it," is wasting their time on a dating site.

Do you change with the times and the styles, or do you get angry with society for not accepting you?

Other ideas?

well katie i change my hair some times and try to keep my self in shape iam gaining a lillt now but trying to work it off so to speak those pictures i have are last years ones.



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Posted on Wed, Mar 23, 2005 03:41

SharpBabe,
I dress for men too .... you make yourself as beautiful as you can be because you want your man to feel like he's the luckiest guy on the planet!



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Posted on Tue, Mar 22, 2005 09:37

Bravo! Bravo! Tomi!!!


"the outside package is what "gets them".....the INSIDE package is what keeps 'em!!! "

Great, absolutely well said!

  


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Posted on Mon, Mar 21, 2005 22:30

Tomi, how's your eye? That was an excellent quote you made:

"the outside package is what "gets them".....the INSIDE package is what keeps 'em!!! "

Now that we, females and males, know our mutual agendas, lets get MINGLING!



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Posted on Mon, Mar 21, 2005 00:42

Yes, 1HM ... we do it for our own self-esteem. I think my friend was thinking of when women look at other women in a critical way.
But not all of us are being nasty-critical ... like when I see another woman with a fantastic hairstyle. I sometimes will think things like, "How did she get her hair to look like satin, like that? What conditioner does she use? That's a cute style but how would it look on me? If I wore a dress like that I'd look like a bowl of chili! How does she walk in those shoes without tipping over?"
Not exactly "bitchy" things, but mostly casual observations. But I NEVER look at an attractive woman and think, "Cow! I look better than she does. I think I'll go out and buy a new wardrobe! I'll show HER!"



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Posted on Sun, Mar 20, 2005 00:01

That sums it up perfectly S4U! And your horse pucky thing is too much! lol

I have a favourite man who has this whack belief. He says the reason women wear nice clothes and pushup bras, makeup and fragrance and make their hair look fabulous ......... is to compete with other women! He really believes that! I wasn't going to fight him over such a gross misconception, but .... I wasn't able to change his mind at all!

I, personally. make myself look good for MYSELF so that when I'm searching for a good-looking man I might be interested in meeting, I'll be confident that I'm offering him something of value. I'll feel attractive and be able to use that to flirt better, converse smarter and assess whether he is appealing to me. There is not one woman in my agenda at all! No one to compete with because my goal is a one on one interaction.

That's almost as crazy as saying men get all gussied up for other men!

Too totally fab!

  


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Posted on Thu, Mar 17, 2005 06:16

Well said, diamondrox.
And wellab... very well said too... glasses, haircut, etc., are only superficial stuff.

And I'm with Katie here, no way are you 64! You look great! And your input in this forum is very much appreciated by all of us, I'm sure!

  


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Posted on Thu, Mar 17, 2005 01:46

I would never suggest anyone change their personality for someone else. Just the outside; and NOT for someone else, but if I wasn't getting any lovin' I'd take affirmative action to win some lovin over to my team!

And wellab ... we have a thread in the forum about honesty. I think you made a typo when you were inputting your age. You meant 54, right? 'Cause there's no way you're 64! Come on. Confess. You just wanted to seem more mature, didn't you? Well, we will have none of that, young man!

  


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Posted on Wed, Mar 16, 2005 10:18

My thought exactly.

  


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Posted on Wed, Mar 16, 2005 10:05

Double edged sword that one. Would you change to get notice... implies (to me), would you make yourself more beautiful or handsome to THEN attract someone. As opposed to would you change during a relationship.
During a relationship I believe that its very difficult for a person to change how they are.

However to attract a person why wouldnt you change?

I understand and see people all the time that wear no makeup, get a haircut once a year, wear baggy unattractive clothes and shoes. I respect that they dont care what they look like or how people think of them. In effect they are probably going to attract like, and if they dont and it doesnt work, then they should change their appearance or lifestyle.
Its an attitude.
Its not the attitude that Im attracted to, and I believe that if THEY have a problem with that then its not my problem it is theirs.
I dont attack people for being sloppy and gross. That man had an issue with you not being attracted to his type and in effect attacked you for not liking him based on superficiality.
Thats wrong, just wrong.



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Posted on Tue, Mar 15, 2005 22:53

The reason I asked the question "Would you change?" is .... about a year ago, I was emailed by a guy another dating site. His profile, had no photo and said he was a great guy who was proof that nice guys always finish last and never get the girls. He sent me a wink and then an email saying he wanted to take me out for dinner.
Now, I never accept a date by email and from an absolute stranger that I've never spoken to or seen. So I told him I?d like a photo first and maybe chat online. He asked, "Why do you have to see a photo? Are you so glib that you can't accept a man for what's inside?"
Okay.... that pissed me off, so I wrote back and said I don't KNOW what's inside him 'cause I never MET him before and I don't care if he's the nicest guy on the planet! He's still a stranger to ME!
He sent me his picture. He was absolutely NOT my type. He was shorter than me, had a comb-over and a plaid shirt on and wasn?t smiling in either pic. He asked me again to tell him when he could take me out for dinner. I said I'd like to chat with him first and get to know him. But he got mad and said writing back and forth was stupid and a waste of time when I would know more about him when I went out with him. Apart from other things, I found his attitude really pain in the ass!
Eventually, he wrote saying, "I haven't heard from you about when you?ll go out, so I will assume that there's something about me you don't like, not having ever met me to give me a chance to show you who I am. I hate people who judge others on their looks when that?s who they are and how they look and can?t help it if they aren?t Brad Pitt."
The way I saw him in his photo, there were lots of things he could have done to improve his looks. Like dress nicer, get contact lenses, work out a little, separate his eyebrows, smile a little. Would he take a woman out to dinner wearing a plaid shirt? If so, maybe that's why he's alone!
Hell, he's not the only...

  


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Posted on Mon, Mar 14, 2005 21:29

Tomi, your last post hit me like a truck when I read it. I've had some wonderful, fun and entertaining conversations with men from MM and then all of a sudden dead silence. It can't be the voice; I don't have a deep, sultry voice like you do.
Tomi ... it's time to consider ... maybe it's not YOU they think is gay ... maybe THEY are.



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Posted on Mon, Mar 14, 2005 05:36

I understand your point, katiegirl... thank you for explaining it more. I do agree with you, you should do something about your looks IF it makes YOU comfortable. It depends on the type of person you are, like in your case, you were a bit overweight, you realized it and you decided to do something about it, because THAT IS YOU. Some other people just won't care and are happy that way because that's how THEY ARE. I was discussint this topic with someone online just yesterday, and you will attract people who are like you: if you're overweight, you'll attract the like, you certainly won't attract someone in shape, because then that means that you can't be as active as they are and therefore are not compatible and so forth and so on... and the rest follows. I find the same thing goes with mental attitude and outlook on life. So, my dear, you're the type that would do something about your looks, as would I, because that's who we are... and that's who we want, somebody that takes care of themselves to be in a healthy lifestyle... and always within reason and always with balance.
ps -

  


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Posted on Mon, Mar 14, 2005 01:27

Brad, I'm really angry with MM because I posted a note to you this morning and they haven't put it on the forum. Maybe it was because the topic was not exclusively "Romance."

Brad, I basically said in my message for you:
You are a sweet, sweet guy. And you have many friends. The reason I know this is because, following the response I posted regarding you saying you weren't that great-looking a guy and never find love because of it, I got email telling me my post was harsh. I re-read it, and it was like a slap in the face. From a different perspective, my post made me sound like an absolute, down-right bitch.

I'm so sorry Brad, if I hurt your feelings. It was never my intention. I was simply teasing you but I realize now it may not have seemed like antthing less than a flame from me to you, from your Point O View.

My only excuse is, it was about 4 am and I was slightly brain-cramped from being .... blonde. I definitely exhibited the symptoms of Foot In Mouth disease in my "self-improvement advice" and I regret any hard feelings I may have caused.

I wanted this to go in the general forum so that everyone could see, I am embarassed and humbled and hope you'll forgive me if I offended you.

That said, I was NOT teasing when I said dreams are castles in the air, but all we have to do is build a ladder up to them. Don't settle for second best Brad. There's a gorgeous babe out there just WAITING until you come into her life. And when you do ... she'll know she got a great guy.

  


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Posted on Sun, Mar 13, 2005 20:27

if someone cant love me for who I am then I dont need them in my life.



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Posted on Sun, Mar 13, 2005 20:15

Well i must say....Im me...Some like me...Some don;t....Some are intimidated because im so bold an say what i think...I could careless....I shouldn't have to change who I am...FOR anyone...If they Love me...it will be because of ME...If i can't be myself...Im unhappy...and I wish to find someone who will allow ME to be ME....and i have no respect for people who choose to change who they are for anyone.....In My Personal Opinion.......

Huggs~
Laina-



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Posted on Sun, Mar 13, 2005 00:27

Oui. C'est la m?me chose en anglais. lol

What I mean is: when I got divorced, I weighed 229#'s and wasn't happy with my appearance. Afterwards, I wanted to get back in the mosh pit of life. I lost the weight, changed my wardrobe, had my hair professionally cut, went for a manicure, pedicure and toned up considerably. I didn't do it because I felt I HAD to; hell, what woman doesn't love a day at the spa?
But I didn't complain about people being so shallow that they only judge others on their looks and not on what's inside. That seems like such a waste of breath when it's a simple thing to change something!
So I wonder, if you weren't getting dates because of your looks, would you
do something about it?



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