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why are men afraid of smart women?
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Posted on Sun, Apr 14, 2013 17:18

I have 2 PhDs and an IQ of 150 and I have not met a single man in this site who is afraid of my intelligence. It does not matter so much to some men that I am smart (and those are the men that I would never date) but very few men are afraid of my intelligence. Most men in this site are accomplished enough to value a smart woman actually and if you are too smart for a man why would you even want to date him?



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Posted on Thu, Dec 13, 2012 20:49

IF SHE IS  REALLY SMART, HE CAN'T CONTROL HER, SHE CAN THINK FOR HERSELF.



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Posted on Tue, Oct 16, 2012 13:47

Funny my ex husband said the same thing, he wanted to feel needed, useful, I wanted the same thing, just once in our lives together been able to let him take care of me, relax and not to worry he would mist it up... But each time I let my guard down trusting him with a job, I had to work harder to fix what he did wrong to save his career... How could I do that not intervene when I had to get him out of tough spot each time? Lucky for him I'm the intelligent women he fall in love with, and after 17 years together he went with a bimbo, size 20, not so pretty, only this way he can shine, she need him! He feels he is better than her... I guess he feel important, but I think he is so sure no one will try to take her away from him, as in our lives many have tried, fool he never realise I was faithful at 100% regardless.  But he forgot one thing now, I don't have to help him anymore, he is not my husband! He calls me when in trouble at 3 am looking to chat and some help, begging for hours he would cry, I had to change my phone number! I wondered myself why? It is not just intelligent some shy from, but integrity, honour, some may not have a clear conscience... Some just want bimbos to have fun with and not care after... Rare are those of equal understanding and integrity. True intelligent people should know how to work together, respect each other, given some space, have trust in each other; challenge is just to exercise the brain, not the relationship. A secure love should never feel under stress. It takes two to make it work; both must equally work at it. And one should never feel intimidated, by another intelligence that is in my opinion.



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Posted on Sun, Sep 02, 2012 12:33

Quoting Orlando__:

Personally, I'm not afraid of smart women but I have a PhD.  However, to answer your question, men want a women that wants them.  A highly independent woman (smart or otherwise) doesn't send an "I need you" message very well.

agreed, but id love a smart independent woman.



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Posted on Sun, Sep 02, 2012 12:06

So what is a successful exec female to do?



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Posted on Wed, Aug 29, 2012 09:19

Quoting Orlando__:

Personally, I'm not afraid of smart women but I have a PhD.  However, to answer your question, men want a women that wants them.  A highly independent woman (smart or otherwise) doesn't send an "I need you" message very well.

As usual, Orlando is dead on the money...  I would also add that most men tend to like things simple and uncomplicated and smart women are rarely, if ever, simple and uncomplicated.

I have also experienced that the higher up the food chain a woman goes, the more judgmental she becomes about men who have not achieved their same level of success.  Rarely, if ever, do you see this same attitude in men towards women.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 19, 2012 10:51

Quoting Orlando__:

Personally, I'm not afraid of smart women but I have a PhD.  However, to answer your question, men want a women that wants them.  A highly independent woman (smart or otherwise) doesn't send an "I need you" message very well.

 Well... I think you just described the core of the problem... nobody wants to someone who doesn't need them at all...



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Posted on Thu, Aug 16, 2012 12:26

Quoting Livnlov:

Quoting Conyersguy:

Well, I'm to old to prove it to YOU.  lol 

But many of us DO prefer smart women.  I know I do.  

Please keep in mind these are overstated generalities about what SOME men don't like about SOME smart women.  In generalities "What is wrong with smart, successful women"  is the same thing that is wrong with many smart successful men.   They are pushy, controlling and overbearing.    Many successful women have found that to be taken seriously, they HAVE to be very assertive.   I have heard this same story from many of my bright women friends.  And heard it too many times for it not to be true.   But,  then they are unable to turn it off when it's NOT needed.   And not everyone enjoys being challenged on every, single thing when we get home from a tough day at the office.  We men fought and had to impose our will on everyone during the work day.   We don't want to have to do it at home. We just want to enjoy the company of our companion.   

So, just because you have the big gun, doesn't mean you always need to fire it.  

Don't you women recognize this same flaw in us?    I know you do. :)    And I've recently had a very bright woman recognize that we we not a good match because of this very thing.  ..........She naturally thought it was all MY fault. :)   

-CG-

I adore this man's precision, sense of humour, and intelligence! And he is being totally honest. Ladies, here is one man who isn't threatened by a smart woman - just don't fire the gun when it isn't necessary, lol.

Thanks CG, for your very smart contribution.

Liv.


:-) I'd like to make a little comment.
In my humble opinion, the woman of CG was not smart. She did not understand that our hero does not need a smart woman. He thinks that the mind can be turned off when he wants it. And this needs to be done at the only time of a day when he spends with a woman. So, it was not ALL his fault for sure :-)

Either she was not smart, or ... she loved him and closed her eyes on his ... preferences ... But if so... maybe, CG was not smart? Why to be attracted to intelligent women and lose their and his own time, if he needs completely different someone? :-))



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Posted on Wed, Aug 15, 2012 18:57

The modest lady is more comfortable to live with because she is not bossy and does not want much. Probably some men are looking for this one.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 15, 2012 18:49

Personally, I'm not afraid of smart women but I have a PhD.  However, to answer your question, men want a women that wants them.  A highly independent woman (smart or otherwise) doesn't send an "I need you" message very well.



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Posted on Fri, Jul 27, 2012 17:11

I choose independent, highly accomplished, smart women. The alternative is not attractive.



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Posted on Thu, Jul 26, 2012 19:39

Quoting Conyersguy:

Well, I'm to old to prove it to YOU.  lol 

But many of us DO prefer smart women.  I know I do.  

Please keep in mind these are overstated generalities about what SOME men don't like about SOME smart women.  In generalities "What is wrong with smart, successful women"  is the same thing that is wrong with many smart successful men.   They are pushy, controlling and overbearing.    Many successful women have found that to be taken seriously, they HAVE to be very assertive.   I have heard this same story from many of my bright women friends.  And heard it too many times for it not to be true.   But,  then they are unable to turn it off when it's NOT needed.   And not everyone enjoys being challenged on every, single thing when we get home from a tough day at the office.  We men fought and had to impose our will on everyone during the work day.   We don't want to have to do it at home. We just want to enjoy the company of our companion.   

So, just because you have the big gun, doesn't mean you always need to fire it.  

Don't you women recognize this same flaw in us?    I know you do. :)    And I've recently had a very bright woman recognize that we we not a good match because of this very thing.  ..........She naturally thought it was all MY fault. :)   

-CG-

I adore this man's precision, sense of humour, and intelligence! And he is being totally honest. Ladies, here is one man who isn't threatened by a smart woman - just don't fire the gun when it isn't necessary, lol.

Thanks CG, for your very smart contribution.

Liv.



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Posted on Tue, Jul 24, 2012 18:30

1 more thing....good question, by the way!!!

~QueenOfRndmCrap  a.k.a. Crysta



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Posted on Tue, Jul 24, 2012 18:27

Quoting QueenOfRndmCrap:

I personally think that some men have "ego" issues; not to be rude or anything here, as for some women do to. Men are more competitive creatures and they like to "fix" everything. On a unconscious level there are men who feel inferior to a smart woman which could translate in man terms, still unconsciously, then how could he come to her rescue---sort of like a night-in-shining-armor wanting to save "her". If a woman is completely self-sufficient, smart, and independent then these types of men steer clear of a totally capable woman because they can't "save" her. Basically, if anything, these types will have huge relational issues and not ready to be in a long-term relationship anyway because it is a pseudo-solution, if you will, because no one can save anyone else. It is up to ourself through choice, which is the most power a person has in a moment is "choice". If a man is standoffish from a smart woman then he is not the right choice anyway  and not very comfortable being himself. If he were in touch with himself and comfortable being him he would realize the night-in-shining-armour syndrome (what I call it) is just a representation of what really is a reflection of himself directed outward rather than inward, where it needs to go. Lack of self-confidence belongs here too, because it is a one-upmanship mentality and a smart woman may give him a run for his money and not be "needy" for him to save like that of a co-dependent woman who would rely solely on him and would be completely dependent on him which is what he seeks.
     At any rate, if anything, I would not want to be with a man of this sort anyway, because he obviously is not truly working on being self-aware and this could be potentially a relationship breaker anyway. The men who ARE NOT afraid of a smart woman, to an extent, will be self-aware, because it is acceptance of oneself, faults and all, that paves the pathway to being confident, capable men not looking to "save" anyone. (there is a difference being confident in the real sense and being overly confident in a fear-based sense) And these types of men back up their words with their actions and that is as real as you can get.  In coclusion, it is not the "smart" woman's fault or shall I say, it does not have anything to do with the smart woman and everything to do with the man who avoids her--it is his issue which is to seek out a dependent woman so he can "fix" her and her life etc and this man I would avoid at all costs anyway. Because he needs to realize he can only fix himself which he is avoiding by thinking he can fix her.

~Crysta



I'll leave with one of my favorite quotes:
  "Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without, and know we cannot live within."

        ~James Arthur Baldwin



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Posted on Tue, Jun 12, 2012 09:18

This is the very issue I presented in anther forum.  I think it is a double standard.  Men say they want one thing, but choose another.  It has to be fear of lack of control.  (Dont worry guys, I won't take all your control away)  To say one thing makes one look good but believe it or not; actions speak louder than words.



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