I will undoubtedly step in all kinds of piles of stinky stuff here... so...
I have plenty of female friends that I would never consider sleeping with but not because of some altruistic belief in friendship. In several instances, I am simply not attracted to them. Several more are really kind hearted but complete ding-dongs. Two are psycho but entertaining to be around. One is the sweetest woman I've ever met and she's really cute and is one of my best friends but she believes her entire purpose for being is to find a man who can keep her in Victoria's Secret so I recognize her values are waaaaayyyyy different than mine and, in a relationship she would make me crazy!
Now, there are other categories of female friends that I would not sleep with... coworker, friends wife, friends wives sister etc. but only a dumbass would go there anyway.
So the next question is would I be friends with someone I was attracted to and thought I could have a relationship with? That answer is pretty simple and straight: No!
If I know enough about her to know I'd like to date her then I've already asked her out and if she's not interested in dating me then I move on. There are tons of single women out there and I'm not gonna build some fantasy fixation up in my mind and spend my days pining over someone I can't have. What a pathetic thing to do and any man who does, deserves what he gets!
So, this leaves the 3rd potential group of female friends... the ex. Depending on how we parted on how I view her. If it was a respectful parting with no animosity then I will remember her fondly and wish her a happy birthday on Facebook. If the parting was not respectful then I don't ever want anything to do with her (and there are 3 of those). In the end, I believe my past should be behind me so that I have room for my future.
In my earlier years I've had a couple of male friends that I was interested in. When enticed, yes, there was potential for being sexual. Boyfriend? Not. So are you saying that because you were intimate that they are considered boyfriend/girlfriend? A lot of men will be intimate, but as far as accepting you for a girlfriend, in their eyes, you are the best thing going until someone else comes along. I know a lot of men that are sexual with women, the women thinks she is his girlfriend because of sex. But the man has a different view of the relationship. He hides, avoids, is not seen out, nor helps out in any way. He only there for one reason. Anybody feel me?
Yes, male friends really do exist. How do I know? I have them. And yes, I do know how men think. They confide in me. Some men do have girls as friends, and they are more like brother and sister. The man will defend , help, advise, and yes, be a friend. If a man is not interested in you as a girlfriend,(or sexually), he will be a friend. If the girl intices the man, or forces herself on him(initiating contact) yes he will go for it, (sometimes). Is it his nature? But I have and have had male friends. If they have any other intention, they have never let me know this. But others who say they are or just want to be friends, have shown me otherwise.
DDK56, ask them to sleep with you. Tell them you have always found them attractive and have a strong sexual desire for them. If they want to sleep with you or are tempted to sleep with you then they are not your friend. They are a boyfriend in waiting.
Yes they do exist. I think part of this answer has to do with where I lived. Being a Michigan girl, I had tons of male friends, they were "FRIENDS", not a chance they were going to be anything but friends.
Then I moved to California and got married, I won't bother talking about those wasted decades.lol. Now I'm single and most Californian men don't have a clue what it is like to have a female friend :(
If they were smart,they would know it is a win-win situation but sadly we all lose out. There are a few exceptions to the rule of course.
OK Orlando, you are spot on, there is not much to contest you on there.
I prefer male friends over women and always have plus I have spent my life in a male dominated sport career so surrounded mainly by men and have always thought of myself as one of the boys..... but ooooh the problems. Your'e right
I have had many male friends over the course of a lifetime. Some I have known since grade school. Those are based on mutual friends, common cultural backgrounds, shared experiences, and mutual trust & dependability.
I have made friends with men who have similar interests, i.e. shared a love of art, or politics, or careers. Married or single did not play into the picture.
Men and women do work together, so having lunch or talking after work to discuss office politics and business strategy held us together while being coworkers.
Those male friends that were 'boyfriends in waiting' didn't last that long.
Then there are boyfriends/husbands who became friends because of mutual agreement we were no longer interested in the romantic or sexual side of the relationship but liked the familiarity and ability to give support and good counsel to one another.
Many men here have stated they are still friends with their Exes, and talk to them often. Would you call that friendship?
So, to answer your question, YES, I believe men and women can be friends. You just have to be mature, up front, and well intentioned.
There is research to show that men are sexually attracted to a female "friend" (see Kaplan & Keys, 1997; Swain, 1992). Bleske and Buss (2000) make the case that "friendship" is perceived differently for men than women in their research "Can Men and Women Just Be Friends). Though there is no conclusive evidence, the few studies I can find tend to point in that direction. I think my theory still holds water. Other than a gay friend, male friends (not all) I would argue have more of a sexual interest in their female friend than the woman realizes.
I agree with your theory mostly. I think one major component missing, however, is that your research takes a unilateral approach as you have asked dozens of women, but what about the men they are referring to or even just men in general? Their answers to you are merely speculative, whether accurate or not, and may be based on several factors (i.e. truth, perspective, an inflated opinion of ones self) because you are not asking them if they would sleep with their male friends, you are asking if they THINK their male friends will sleep with them.
Further, I wonder what kind of women you have surveyed. Smart? Beautiful? Sexy? Overweight? Homely? Average? Single? Mariied? With or without kids? I think you will find that the answers will vary with a balanced group.
I think male/female friendships can be successful but I think the older people become, the more difficult it is, for many reasons, number one being the stigma that is put on these relationships by partners (boy/girlfriends, fiances, and certainly spouses). Given the cultural changes we have seen over the last 30 years especially, I think it is probably more prevalent now given that there are far more women in the workplace vs. a workplace that was primarily dominated by men prior to then. Previously, women were at home while the men worked so men and women wouldn't typically meet unless the purpose was for romance. Even still today though, I would say that male/female friendships when spouses are involved are rather difficult to maintain even if the friendship existed first.
Studies show that sexual tension is present in 62% of these relationships which is a big reason why many don't work after one or both people become involved in a romantic relationship but even still these relationships can be successful and mutually beneficial. Men appreciate what they get from women that they don't get from guys (i.e. men typically group together and don't talk much about feelings) and women appreciate men for what they don't get from other women (a more relaxed atmosphere where you are not expected to take on the emotional burdens of others every time you are together). Not to mention, what generally attracts a man to a woman who becomes his friend begins physically, even though that may not hold true for the woman.
So, I think they, in most cases are a woman's friend in addition to being a boyfriend in waiting...I definitely see a co-existence there. :) I could go on and on about this I think!! LOL