This is gonna take some time for me to sort out how I am gonna relate to this person. As it goes right now, I have been more like acquaintances of this married couple for a year or two. Lately I have hung out with them a little more at some public places usually involving a laid back bar/lounge/restaurant locally.
I knew that my outgoing female acquaintance/friend had much more of a social life at night then her more quiet husband does but was beginning to wonder if there was something more to this nightlife of hers. I found out yesterday that they have an "open marriage". Of course I've heard of the concept and have come across some some swingers,etc. and kept them at a distance once I knew but this is different, I KNOW them!
We talked some about it last night without me giving my personal opinion which is I consider it wrong!! I'm no angel but come on now! Why did you get married, what were those vows about? Why complicate matters? I could never handle even kissing someone else let alone anything else, not in a kabillion years. I can only have passion for one person and if I was married to someone, even if the passion was gone, I have and will always remain loyal to that one person. I am not the type to even conceive anything different.
Usually this open marriage arrangement cannot last forever. Someone gets hurt, someone discovers they have feelings for someone other than their spouse. There are a million different scenarios that can happen.
Now what do i do? I know we can never become close friends but am I capable of putting all my feelings (some may call it judgement) and being able to socialize with them as friends? I really don't know. I am in a little bit of a quandary about this since I put in a Yes RSVP to a day BBQ type party at their house that is coming up fairly soon.
For the average Californian maybe I am overthinking this but do I want to be associated with them so much that I go to their house party? By the way, I am NOT Californian, I just happen to live here. Will others at the party somehow think I approve of their lifestyle? I am not the type to make waves and be disrespectful and certainly would NEVER bring up my new found information of them at their party. I am not a strict Christian at the same time but still, hmmm, just not sure how to be about all this though.
I have a crush on someone I actually have met in person,lol. This is a very uncommon event. Does it mean I am any better off that I've seen him in person? No, quite the contrary, it's a little like torture. Thinking my reality of my crush should only be used as a fantasy. Sad but true. I'm used to it.
Those who wish to sit, shut their eyes,
and meditate to know if the world's true or lies,
may do so. It's their choice. But I meanwhile
with hungry eyes that can't be satisfied
shall take a look at the world in broad daylight. (1896)
Written by India's great poet Rabindranath Tagore, exemplified in his poem "Against Meditative Knowledge".
The only thing I will ever meditate on is God's word and I pray. I detest New Ageism. I do not want to clear my mind or create space in my mind. I hate all thet Zen bull****. "Opening" your mind opens yourself to bad spirits,etc. and I want no part of it
One reason why it is hard to find a good man in California, so many of them are New Agers, athiests,etc. It's sad how many are following false doctrine or seem to hate Christians. When I post a Christian belief in a forum (not here), I get persecuted by many people yet I have posted nothing against them whether it's their beliefs or lack of beliefs. It is not freedom of religion or freedom of speech, it is a palpable hatred of Christians. I believe this hatred and persecution will only get worse from our government on down to misguided (or worse) individuals.
Another friend posted this today. I absolutely do not agree with it. What has happened to friends being real friends?! Is everything just suppose to be positive? This was posted by someone who had posted last week about her father going to the hospital , that she was worried, etc. and left us all waiting and worrying, and in my case, praying for her father and her whole family. The good news is that it was a minor health issue and he is fine. But why are you now choosing to post just an insensitive note? Think BEFORE you post..that also includes me. The following is what she posted that I DON'T agree with.
So the question is if I am negative? I would say no but I am a realist. To my friends; I have to say I'm sorry if you don't like what i type or post on Facebook but I am just being me. I feel that if I post something political or a current event on Facebook that I am going out of my way to take the time to make someone aware of something. If you don't like it, you can ignore it, hide it, hide my activity (except "important" stuff, whatever Facebook considers that to be or remove me as a friend.
Funny how I have put up with your crap but because I choose to sometimes post what you perceive as negative news, you can't handle it. Now your crap is what people call "baggage". I really don't like that term but if I hop on the bandwagon I would say YOU have a lot of it!! Note; I should probably not use the word "crap" either. I have not judged you on the fact that your 17 year old son has created a lot of drama in your life, I have only tried to support you regarding him. For anyone who wants to know, he was just arrested for two felonies and is now under House Arrest, he quit school and has no job, she can't wait till he's 18 and is no longer responsible for him. I am very thankful to God that my child grew up as a responsible adult. I honestly don't know what I would do or feel if he was my child and I don't have to know since this isn't my situation. There is no judging on my part whether you choose to be done with him when he turns 18 or not. There are several other events i am not judging you on.
I have not judged you on your lack of belief in God, don't judge me of my faith in Him. It's sad when people feel they are not allowed to even show aspects of their life without fear of being shut down, that you may be "negative" or politically incorrect" or "religious". You don't like it? Oh well !! Yes, there is a time and place for some of it and I know not to carry on about certain topics or not mention them at all but don't try to silence the very essence of my being. Remember how I listened to your latest drama while we were enjoying a nice and rare night out together? Do you remember?
She just texted me. I cannot even look at it. I will later at some point. When I see her in person I will be gracious. I will not gossip about her. I will pray that her family problems get better. I don't believe though that she will ever be a true, close friend.
PS The Monsanto Act just passed. Yay for our government poisoning what we eat and since the FDA doesn't have to label it as a GMO, we don't even know what we're eating! Obviously the yay is just me being sarcastic ;/
I've been kicking a** in the gym lately. Okay,..maybe my version of kicking a** isn't exactly someone else's idea of kicking a** but it's good for me. I even went on a Saturday and took a class and exercised for one of my longest stints, two and a half hours. Today's scenery was especially nice, that usually doesn't happen at the location I was at. I wanted to stay longer but two hours was plenty. You do know what I mean by scenery? Maybe if i get lucky I will see the same scenery again,lol, soon...very soon ;)
So the idea is to step it up and go more often and more Saturdays and Sundays, scenery or no scenery. Spring is here!!
I always find it amazing how people describe themselves and then brag about how the opposite sex loves them. I should say they LUST after them, I am sure that very rarely would you be able to call it love.
There are both males and females who claim to be "hot" and I feel like asking if they are delusional. The answer is yes, they are delusional. I have just always been turned off by conceited people. I have a very self-deprecating personality and I don't believe i will ever not have it. I have always been humble but growing older makes you even more humble.
What happens to the person who has made his/her looks the main part of their character. What would happen if they lost their looks because of an accident or sickness? There are beautiful people in the world and it has little to do with what they look like. What will those conceited people be like as old but not pretty people? Will they still be bragging about how they were in their day? Will they be stuck-up old people? Lol
Have you seen the movie "Shallow Hal"? There are some great lessons in that movie. I like how that one girl on the double date who was seen as beautiful to the world was seen as ulgy by Shallow Hal, because he saw her inside and it was ulgy and of course, he saw a lot of beauty in those considered not attractive by most of the world.
I am waiting for that energy and endorphins and all that good stuff I am suppose to get from exercising. When is this ever gonna happen? Let me see..I am tired before I get to the gym, I am tired during my workout then I'm tired after my workout, really? Ugh!
You are a hoot Jen.........it would be nice if we all found "Mr. Wonderful". I am still staying positive and hopeful. hugs
Awww thanks Be Positive :) It sure would be nice if we did!! Spring is here and hopefully there will be some warm evenings to enjoy soon. We get some free,good live music here, I'm going to a new (for me) lounge Friday night to listen to a musician I just discovered that I REALLY like. Too bad you can't come join us!
Michael LeClerc "Change" Live Sessions @ Capricorn Studios, Original.
Guess what!! I meant someone from online, he actually looks like his photos and volunteered all kinds of info. on his profile that made me instantly like him. We met in person Saturday night, he acted like a gentleman, he was as enthusiastic about getting to know me as I was about him. He didn't care that I was out of his 20 mile radius and he agreed with me about my views. Then we kissed...it was perfection. This is it and we both know it, I'm done searching, thank-you God!! All those time-wasting disappointments..it's over!
If only it was true :( April Fools, actually I'm a fool for love ANY day of the year.
Scammers,.. this is not an open invitation.
Update: Maybe my April Fool's joke could come true after all!! I chatted tonight with someone that seems just right (so far) for me :)
I posted my April Fool's joke on my fb wall. I guess my friends don't read the comments section cuz a few of them fell for it. It's nice to know some friends are rooting for me at least.
So happy, i finally bought a Bicycle Basket to put my little dog in so we can both get some fresh air :)
*This isn't my bike but this is the model of the basket I bought.
A friend of mine made the comment on my post somewhere else, "Just watch out for tornados and flying houses, monkeys, and witches" I told her she wasn't too far off and it's COYOTES! I have this instinct sometimes that is so right that I wish I always had it. Well my gut instinct told me not to walk my little dog near my house and I was right!! Later on my neighbor told me of how she was walking her big and little dog and a coyote came right up to them and snatched the little dog up in broad daylight! Well her bigger dog took off after them and scared the coyote enough that it dropped the little dog from it's mouth. The dog had puncture wounds but survived.
Coyotes are prevalent here, (I live in southern Ca.) I have a huge empty field behind my house. Every once in a while, I hear the horrible sound of someone's poor pet in distress and coyotes yowling and I know they have gotten another victim. Another thing that is a**backwards here, they're allowing the coyotes to thrive, I'm not saying I have the answers but it's a problem.
I love those incredible, unexpected moments in life that you hope would never end. Visiting the Butterfly Exhibit was one of those moments. A few years ago, my grown daughter and I were at the Wild Animal Park (now called Safari Park), we stumbled upon a Butterfly Exhibit, before we walked into the Bird & Butterfly Aviary, what i expected to see was some dead butterflies on stickpins in a glass case with labels saying what they were and maybe a few butterlies enclosed in a small enclosure.
What I found instead was a large, beautiful aviary full of trees, plants and flowers, some interesting birds and an amazing site,..butterflies everywhere!! The air was thick with them, there were some large ones and vivid blue ones and others in an array of colors. There were only a handful of people there besides my daughter and I. One little girl had a large, vivid blue one land on her then she let the butterfly land on my hand. It just stayed there on my hand, that butterfly and I had a special moment, I didn't want to leave. We talked about spending the night there, just me and my daughter. It was closing time, I guess that was one of the reasons why there were so few people where we were. It was so hard to leave and say good-bye to the butterflies, we promised to come back.
We came back the following year ( or was it 2 years later?), they only have the exhibit once a year for a few weeks. While it was still a nice experience this second time we went, it was very different and not magical like that first time. The aviary was FULL of people. A few of the badly behaved kids trying to get the butterflies to land on them or chasing after them. It is very humid inside so a lot of people and humidity is not a good combo. The secret was out, it wasn't just the butterflies and us this time.
The butterflies are there again and it is time to take a visit, hopefully next week. I'm really hoping it will be more similar to our first time :)
I was thinking back of some of the reasons why I am not a fan of not being at least somewhat in control when I'm going out for a night with friends. The reason why I was not in control this night is because I drove in my friend's car and since it was kinda far away (too far to take a cab ride), I needed to ride home with her otherwise at the first sign of this bar I would have gotten in my van and driven myself home.
The following story was diluted quite a bit since I posted it on my FB wall, just keep in mind that it was worse than what I typed. It was definitely a Watch Yourself night. The fact that my friends didn't look inside and run away is amazing and I was stuck being there. This happened last summer.
Dive bar; You know I've seen plenty of men type in Dive Bars as their interests. No biggy, I have a dive bar that I go to. It's where most of the people need makeovers. Some of the bikers have skin as worn as the leather vests they wear but it's local and there is usually a live band playing. Since last night though, I am now re-thinking whether it can still be classified as a dive bar when I compare it to my latest experience of a Dive Bar :/
The night started off pleasant enough at a little wine bar hosting a comedy show. I will spare u the details of how my two girlfriends and myself ended up at this second place for the first (and last time) but it lived up to the title of Dive Bar for sure. From the very beginning it was questionable, the sign on the door warning "No colors (warning to biker gangs) and no weapons allowed." I also saw a guy out front in overalls looking like he came form the Backwoods and then I saw some more Backwoods types and knew it was not gonna be good.
Some shows of tackiness happened, my girlfriend said not to show the look of disgust (or something equally negative) on my face while I was there which I proceeded to tell her that I am not gonna hide any expressions I may have and they're lucky I'm not being vocal about it, although I did warn a couple people to basically stay away with a hand gesture,etc. (not the finger, the
Stop, don't come any closer" type gesture. If you're wondering how bad it was, it was pretty bad but no knife fight or worse occurred. I did see 4 guys (or so) take off their shirts which was unpleasent to say the least, I guess to compare how bad their tattoos were? Not quite sure. I did read one guy's T-shirt after he put it back on, it said "SLAVERY- the way to get sh*tdone". One half naked guy and some female made quite a scene on the dance floor since she was grabbing his package every chance she got. After that I decided to just sit on my barstool and only look directly ahead. I will just say that also happened to be pretty gross, something different and lucky for me, directly ahead. Lucky for you, you don't have to read the description of what i witnessed!
After a series of unfortunite events,the night couldn't have ended sooner, one guy topped it off when he decided he was gonna lay this unwanted, slobbery takeover of my one girlfriend's face with what one could call a kiss? I saw what looked like slimey cow tongue, it was gross. I let out an audible "Ewww!" He was then delusional enough to give her his ph.no. Then he walked towards me like he was gonna do the same, so this is the literal meaning of Sloppy Seconds, no thank-you! I think I gave him the "Are you delusional?" look and said something like "Oh no, not gonna happen." Finally, we left! The night wasn't a total loss, we got to laugh about it AFTER it was over! I also got to experience a real Dive Bar. End of story.
I just relived some of it while reading this, it was bad. It reminded me of the movie "Deliverence", "squeal like a pig"- anyone remember that scene? It's a horrible story but well made movie. Haven't seen it in decades, don't want to either.
I love you Mom. I pray that on some glorious day we will meet again.
WE SHALL MEET AGAIN
If I should leave this world without a warning, And not even whisper a fond farewell, Grieve not for one more message from the lips that God has stilled .But just remember me with love and prayers for my soul's journey to that fair land beyond life's tears. It may be lonely, and I hope you miss me just a little, because I have loved so deeply. Forgive me if I have ever hurt you and remember me for what I longed to be. Have faith that I am nearer than your dreams and fondest longings. For the God of love shall keep all kindred spirits close together, Though the misty vale between this world and that to come keeps us from each other's sight Whisper softly that you love me and it shall linger on within my soul until you come. Say not good-bye, for on some bright tomorrow we shall meet again.
Mtn Sunny and bepositive-I love you two ladies!! Thanks for visiting my thread and leaving 2 thoughtful posts :)
Mtn Sunny- I'm happy to hear you had such a great mom, I had a good one too! My mom taught me everything important in life.
I agree with what you said about Dagney. I cannot imagine her as an old lady, she may be bitter and empty and won't be able to handle her wrinkles and everything else that may happen, she will no longer be appealing to the sheer masses of men she thinks want her now. I do feel sorry for her in a way but at a very far,safe distance. I'm sure she is acting the same way but on another site.
I wonder too if collectively we made her think just a little? Oh well, guess we'll never know.
Something I've been meaning to ask you since some time has passed. How is your father doing? How much has he improved? I heard that 6weeks is a good guide to know where a stroke victim will be.
Bepositive, I'm sure your husband is/was so thankful that you could take care of him. Caretakers are like angels. It really is the hardest, most emotional job in the world. It must have been devastating, sorry you lost him but you will meet again, I am sure of it! I only had 4 months to help take care of my mom. I wish i could do it again.
Thanks for your help and keeping me informed with you know who! Mtn Sunny got a dose of her too! "Cream and D...." ,just WOW!
Thanks both of you for your thoughts and prayers for my two friends. I really can't do much for them but pray. It is frustrating to not be able to do anything more but I do appreciate any prayers said for them.
Feel free to come back and type something/anything about yourselves or just say hello :) We can all learn from someone's stories whether they are good, bad, happy or sad.
PS- I love those beds so much, they really spark my imagination. One of my favorite scents is the warm ocean air and water mixed with sand and coconut oil.
Hi Jen, My prayers are with Johnny and Rose. Caring for my husband of 30 years and watching him die of cancer was terrible. With cancer comes so much pain, thank God for hospice and morphine. I was fortunate to be able to keep my husband home and give him all the medications he needed. It sounds like Johnny is not that lucky. I hope there will be someone there to care for him. On your second post "the wicked witch is dead" is too funny. She was an advocate for children and bullying yet she was bullying people on this site on a daily basis. She has been removed along with all her nasty comments. Thank heavens. John and Rose are lucky to have you as a friend....all you can do is be there and show your support. Hang in there my friend. Prayers and positive thoughts are on the way....:)