I am a black female, I have gone out with black men, but never date a black male long term. My mate of 17 years was a white male. I just think it is about preference. The other thing was that we had things in common (education and social causes). It didn't hurt that I was 38/24/36 when we met; those are not my measurements today.
I do understand what you are referring in regards to black males and larger white females. But as I have said the media has played a role in the negative stereotype of African American women. The reality is that there are black females out there who just don't care and that is who America think we are, but the camera never find those of us who do care and are not loud and negative.
Cokeohnut, it's nice that you notice a disparity so maybe that means that there are personality issues that seem to be holding some black women back. If you're frustrated trying to seek an interracial relationship, consider really looking at yourself and picturing the kind of man you want who is non-black. You clearly have a taste for sophisticated men since you're on this site, so do you think your style reflects the kind of man you want to attract? I recommend double checking. I do it too, to ensure that I am on the right track and to learn how to reflect my taste and personality more effectively. Do some research on looking elegant and polished and see how your image falls in line with what's recommended by style and image experts. I can tell you that weight loss should be a priority. I have lost weight too. Nothing you want will come without hard work, flebility to change, and a smart strategy. I would get a book on good ettiquette to ensure I'm hitting the mark on what's appropriate, especially for higher society culture. Non-verbal behavior is half the battle the other half is based on the physical. Master both and the world will be your oyster.
I think it's a cultural thing really. The black culture embraces larger body frames than white culture. A black male will date a large white female because his culture is accepting of larger women. It is not necessarily a color thing for him but rather the body type. Unfortunately, these ideologies and cultural standards have health consequences. For black women, were see a wave of obesity, followed by a wave of high blood pressure, diabetes and so forth. For white women, there is a constant struggles to have the ideal body image (media portrayed) and hence various pyschological problems which often manifest themselves in the form of eating diorders. We live in a culture that sexually objectifies women and women with low self-esteem or who are easily pressured to look a certain way ultimately begin to self-objectify and exhibit self loathing behaviors. Consequently, these women are willing to settle for less, or behave in ways that they normally wouldn't.
Do you think an overweight/obese black woman would be willing to do things that they wouldn't normally do for a man just to feel loved and accepted? Just asking.
This is an interesting topic, and one with no set answers. In my experience, black women are often overtly pressured to keep it within the family, so to speak. A very good looking black friend insists that "the myth thing" has attracted a lot of white attention for him over the years. I have seen him aggressively approached by white women - both attractive and not so much - several times.
But these are just generalizations, I think individual circumstances are more important. I am very attracted to women of color so my feelings on the matter are not at all objective.
I have dated different races and I have also not had a problem with black women being interested in me. But, maybe that's because I am interested in them or maybe it's the part of the country that I live in. I will admit that weight does matter. I am only attracted to those that are in at least decent shape.
I have many friends both male and female who are black and I seriously asked them this same question. I live in Florida and here you see interracial dating/marriage all the time for both men and women. I was told by a black man that they enjoy white women because they don't get "as angry so to speak" and I have heard white men say that they like black women because they know how to love their man. I think it just boils down to finding the one person that makes you happy no matter what your race is. I believe that people should have an open mind period. If you are happy with someone it shouldn't matter what color they are, whether family, friends, or just society as a whole agree with it. Its your choice as a couple plain and simple. I think some are also still living with the old way mentality of whats acceptable and whats not. My mother is like that..my brother dated a black woman for months and it was acceptable however when a black guy I went to school became interested in me (we never dated..didnt even know he was interested that way) my mother "warned" him not to hang out with me anymore. I myself say if your interested take the first step and let it go from there. Only my thoughts and those of friends whom I have asked.
Hmmm, this may be an American problem. In Europe, it is quite different. I believe a woman is regarded and responded to, the way she treats and carries herself. I am British and black and I cannot say that I have dated a black guy - no prejudice, but I just have not. A lot of white British men date and marry non-whites and blacks all the time. We have a sizeable population of mixed-raced children and adults in the UK.
Honestly, I think that stereotypes about black women do us more harm than anything else. Once people have a certain idea about black women in their heads, its hard to get it out. Furthermore, the fact that some black women have internalized these stereotypes and act on them, do not help either.
Then there is also the fact that many black women "seemingly" aren't open to other races of men the way other groups of women sometimes are. From my travels, the top 2 questions men of other races always ask me are:
1.) Do black women ACTUALLY like (insert race here) men?
2.) Why do black women think that (insert race here) men don't like them?
I think we've all heard some of the toxic things that have been said about black women in our community, "you'll never get married", "non-black men will have sex with you, but won't marry you", "the world thinks you're unattractive"...
and so we've allowed these things to affect our self-esteem. From my own experiences and I'm generally pretty, I've found that tons of men of all races will appreciate a good woman regardless of our race. We've just got to stop listening to the bs, take care of ourselves, and get out there.
whatever ladies, this is an american problem. am from kenya and its the other way around. more bw with wm than bm with ww. i personally never had a problem getting a white guy, easy as pie. but have only dated one black guy. one once told me am too intimidating. whatever that means. anyhow am only 120 and barely 5'2.
@freemusic, that's what I hear too and I am black. I that a lot but then I am not want to "latch" on to someone because of their money. I believe that most of them are decent and they want to be with us, the problem is that when they do, the woman just drops everything and starts to "leech"...major turn-off unless you meet someone who needs that attention.
On the other hand I find, men shun me because I am tall. Does anyone have anything to say about that? People say, I wish I was tall, and I say, I wish I was not tall because I almost feel like I am scary. I am not a rough person and that has earned me the name gentle-giant but I am also very old-fashioned you know. Be nice, be considerate, stay faithful, blah, blah but nope. I barely get a nod. When I walk people turn to stare but then they keep their distance. .....no I am not flashy either. Any thoughts?
I agree with the first reply. Those are the things men say all the time.
They also say that we as black women are too aggressive. I think that by nature, a man wants a humble spirited partner that makes them feel like he is fully capable of being "a man." Any woman that has to school/control the actions of her man all the time has made a poor choice in a partner to begin with. He admires independence and humility. A freshly washed head of hair and length is also something men seem to mention as well. Though that is superficial to a degree, it is what they voice.
Everyone has the right person for them somewhere in the scheme of things. Obviously, there all still full black babies being born daily. This means somebody still loves a black woman. We as a black people are still evolving from our not so pleasant beginnings. I can see us, 2 -3 generations from now, having more of the balance we find in other races, that had not been denied the tools that prevent us from progressing in life and love. New generations can instill values that they are exposed to or taught.